A/N: This story has no discernible timeline. Think of it as a bunch of mini-stories in one, concentrating on the more humorous, realistic aspects of marriage. Give it a try! I think you'll like it.
Summary: Edward and Bella have been married for seven years. This is what marriage is really like. It's not all hearts and roses all the time, nor is it constantly boring and vanilla. This will be realistic, hopefully funny, and pretty light. :)
Thanks so much to TKegl for the amazing banner! Link: (dotcom) /photos/65703735 N06/5979623703/
Ch. 1: The TP Debacle
"Edward?" My voice bounced off the tiles of our bathroom and echoed back to me.
"Edward!" I called again, a little louder this time. I knew he hadn't left our bedroom. If he had, I would've heard our dog Luna's nails clicking along the wood floor as she followed him, ever at his heels.
With a huff, I grabbed the empty toilet paper roll and waddled out of the bathroom with my pants around my knees. I peeked around the door to find him sitting up against the headboard, reading a magazine. The dog was curled up against his legs as he idly scratched her floppy ears. I opened the door fully and threw the stupid cardboard cylinder at his head.
Here's the thing about empty toilet paper rolls: they weigh...nothing. And apparently they aren't quite aerodynamic. The stupid thing barely grazed the cover of the magazine in Edward's hands. Not a single noise. Not a page rippled. He was entirely undisturbed.
"Edward Cullen!" I shouted.
He looked up in surprise and pulled an earbud out of one ear. "Did you say something?"
I huffed and pointed at the empty cardboard roll that sat on his lap. "Yes."
"Are you aware that you haven't pulled your knickers up?"
A short grunt of frustration escaped as I fought the urge to stomp my foot. "Yes! You used the last of the toilet paper and didn't replace the roll."
He slid his reading glasses down his nose. Stupid glasses, making my husband look so hot. It was almost enough to distract me from my anger. "Are you sure? I could've sworn I did."
I sighed and waddled back into the bathroom. "Can you just get a roll from the linen closet, please?" My tone of voice was less than pleasant, but pleasant was not something I felt at the moment.
Footsteps sounded across the wooden floor, and sure enough, Luna's nails clicked right along behind them.
"Here you go, hun bun." Edward tossed the new roll to me, but I didn't get my hands up quickly enough; it hit me square in the face. It was soft and didn't hurt even a little bit, but I was already annoyed.
"Ow!" I shouted.
"Oh, shit. Sorry, Bella. I didn't mean—"
"It's fine, Edward. Can I have some privacy, please?"
He shrugged and closed the door behind him as he retreated back into the bedroom. I finished my business, changed into pajamas, and climbed into bed beside my husband. The earbuds and iPod were gone, but he was still immersed in the magazine. Luna raised her head at the disturbance of the blankets. I could have sworn she narrowed her big brown eyes at me as she snuggled deeper into Edward's side. She was his girl, and she was a jealous one. Even though we'd had her for all seven years of our marriage, she wanted nothing to do with me if Edward was around.
Traitor, I thought as I narrowed my eyes right back at her and turned onto my right side. We girls were supposed to be allies. Obviously she wasn't aware.
I heard the quiet smack of Edward's magazine hitting the nightstand before he cuddled up behind me. "Bella?" he whispered as his lips met my neck. I stayed quiet, still in a snit about the toilet paper incident. Yes, it was stupid to be mad about such a trivial thing. It wasn't that I was actually angry about that; it had been one of those days where little things had built up to amount to one big monster of a day. The leaning tower of frustration could take no more. An empty T.P. roll had simply been the proverbial last straw.
"Love you," Edward said as he retreated back to his side of the bed and turned off the reading lamp. "Good night."
I pursed my lips, but I couldn't ignore him. Already, I was beginning to feel guilty over my miniature tantrum, so I mumbled a short, "Night."
He started to snore lightly after just a few minutes. The man could fall asleep anytime, anywhere. I envied the way he could close his eyes and drift off. As I lay there and tried to will my body into a drowsy state, attempting to forget the day's frustration, a memory flitted through my mind from that morning.
A clumsy hand wielding a clumpy mascara wand. A big smudge of makeup right over my eye. Using the last of the toilet paper to clean up the gloppy, black mess on my face.
Well, fuck, I thought. I sighed again, feeling horrible about accusing Edward when I was the culprit in the case of the missing T.P.
As I turned over and snuggled into his side, his arm immediately wrapped around me in his sleep. Lucky thing he was an even-tempered, forgiving husband. Lord knew I'd had my fair share of temper tantrums over the years. I pressed a kiss to his chest before laying my head in the nook his arm created just for me.
"I love you, too," I whispered.