"Hello everyone, and welcome to the first official chapter of Whose Story is it Anyway, and I am your author/host – Ava Dakedavra! This is the story where the crazy goes on and the points don't matter! Now, I'm eternally grateful that all of you reviewed in your suggestions – 'cause, if you didn't, the story would be a bummer. And now it's time for my personal favorite – Chapter from a Box!"
Hermione groaned as she stood up with Harry, Ron and Malfoy, going over to one edge of the stage with Malfoy, since Harry and Ron were more likely to kill him if he said anything.
"How this goes is I randomly select a predetermined topic and have the characters act it out," Ava said as she shuffled the suggestions in a cauldron – just trying to add a bit of wizarding humor into the story. "First one was sent in by Darke Whispers, whose idea was 'Draco being forced to spend time with the trio in the kitchens!'"
"Bugger me," Draco muttered as he stepped off the step with Hermione, the four meeting in the middle as Ava slapped her heels up on her desk and got ready to watch.
"So, Hermione, Ron," Harry started as he mimed mixing something in a bowl, grinning evilly over at Draco, "How was Charms this fair morning?"
"Well it was great Harry, especially when – " Draco tuned Ron out, rolling his eyes and sighing as he looked around his imaginary kitchen, eyes brightening when he found an imaginary knife. Glancing over at the babbling Gryffindors – who the audience was laughing with – he pretended to sharpen his knife before stabbing it in between his eyes and falling to the ground, clutching his heart as he went. The audience laughed harder and Hermione turned around to notice that the blonde was 'dead.' Smirking, she walked over and cocked her leg back as if she was going to kick him, although she stopped before she could actually make contact. Partially because she couldn't kick him in the ribs with almost everyone paying attention, partially because Ava 'bzzt!' them out at the last possible second.
"Great acting, 10 points to Draco," Ava grinned.
"If only the knife were real," Ron sighed as Harry grinned over at him.
"5 points to Ron for actually being funny. Now, our next one was sent in by nelli, which is 'Draco's home life.' Take it away!"
Harry bounced out and grinned at the audience, flinging back pretend hair and holding up a fist like he was holding a staff – pretending to be Lucius. "Draco, look – I got a pimp cane!" Draco snorted as Harry bounced back, only to be dragged back by Ron.
"Hi, I'm Draco Malfoy," Ron grinned over at Draco, who glared back at him, "I'm a racist…I despise Gryffindors, Mudbloods and gingers…and my parents work for the man who killed your parents." He stuck his hand out to Harry, "Do you want to be my friend?" Ava 'bzzt!' him out, frowning at them like she really didn't want to frown at them. Draco was surprised, however, when Hermione dragged him out into the center and batted her eyelashes at him as she leaned into him.
"Oh DRA-KEEEY!" she screeched, making him jump before frowning at her, Ava laughing as the bookworm walked back to the side.
"Alright, okay, yeah. 20 points to Harry for making me laugh…next one was sent in by Vylet1 who suggested 'Hermione flirting with Draco and Ron getting peeved off.' Oh Merlin – I love my job," Ava sighed happily as she watched the three step into the center, Draco fighting back a smirk at the two Gryffindors.
Hermione frowned down at the ground before looking up at the blonde, a light blush gracing her cheeks, "I refuse to do this."
"Minus negative thirteen points then!" Ava called.
"Then I get thirteen points?"
"No, you – shut up and do the scene!"
"Go on Granger – you know you want to," Draco grinned down at her, making Ron growl and millions of fangirls swoon. (What? I had to.)
"Fine." She took a deep breath and leaned into Draco's arm so far that she was nearly horizontal, "Oh Draco, wonderful marvelous Draco, will you please marry me and have about a million children with me, and tell me that I am beautiful all the freaking time from the get-go and have Ron become a crazed stalker-ish lunatic? Please, please say you will!"
Ava 'bzzt!' her out as Draco laughed, silently swearing never to let Hermione near her laptop ever again.
"I say 10 points to Granger for telling it like it is!" Draco said between a laugh.
"Err – no. I decide the points 'round here!" she paused before humming, "Actually, let's make it 15…. Anyway, the next few suggestions were sent in by James018. The first one is 'Odd Ways for You-Know-Who to die.'"
Harry jumped out, a grin plastered on his face as he reached up his hands and said, "Googoo, gaga?" Ava barked a laugh and 'bzzt' him out and Hermione and Ron in.
Hermione held up a notepad, acting like she was writing something down as Ron talked.
"And, you know, this snake guy just kinda rammed into my barn and – and it didn't turn out too well," Ron said in a fake accent.
Draco jumped forward, flinging back a 'cape' dramatically with a very serious expression on his face, "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, tonight, I shall saw this snake faced man in half!" He grinned as he was buzzed out, only to walk right back with Hermione in tow.
"Behold! A night troll!" Draco proclaimed as he waved his hands out to Hermione and her hair. She lightly slapped him in the stomach, making him wince and smirk over at her as Ava laughed and buzzed them out.
"30 points to Draco and Hermione for A Very Potter Sequel reference," Ava chuckled before Ron screeched out "WAIT, I GOT ONE!" and jumping out into the center.
"A delicious – RED VINE!" Ron grinned as the audience went into a roar of applause and Ava started laughing again. Harry jumped forward and together they said "Red Vines – what the hell can't they do?"
"Alright, 30 points to everybody then!" Ava cackled before regaining herself, "Our next one is 'Titles for Harry Potter's autobiography.'" Harry made a face while everybody else grinned.
Draco walked forward and pretended to pick up a book, "He Was Better as a Baby, what the…?" Ava 'bzzt!' him out with a frown, to which he shrugged to.
Hermione and Ron walked out and hooked arms, holding out their free arms as they sang, "He's Harry Freaking Potter!"
'Bzzt!' "Okay, that's it, nobody else is allowed near my laptop!" Ava announced with a huff.
"Well then what's stopping everybody backstage from going near your laptop?" Ron asked before a shoe came whirling at his head, "Hey! Just a question!"
"Our next one is 'Things that will scar our contestants for life.'"
Harry stepped out and looked around, "This story, right here…."
Draco and Hermione stepped out, to which they pointed at each other and walked right back to the side. Ron stepped out and waved Hermione over to him, where he placed his hands on his face and screamed out, "Ahh! Night troll!" Hermione glared and whacked him, making him laugh and scream again as Ava 'bzzt!' them out for fear of serious injury.
Harry stepped out again, holding out his arms and looking lovingly into space, "Ohh Lavender, I – !"
"BUZZ'T!" Ron screamed, glaring at his best friend as Ava cackled.
Draco practically dived into the center once it was unoccupied before rolling around a little on the floor and looking up, "Did somebody say Draco Malfoy?" Ava choked on her drink and started to laugh, dabbing at her face with her jacket sleeve.
"Oh goodness," Ava sighed, "You're all a mess."
"Thank you, Ava," the boys said cheekily as Hermione shook her head at them.
"Next one is 'Entries in Draco Malfoy's diary.'"
"Oh come on!" Draco shouted, "Do these people have nothing better to do?"
"Of course not – it's fanfiction," Ava snorted and rolled her eyes.
Hermione walked out and flopped on the ground, acting like she was writing in something as she kicked her legs lazily behind her, talking aloud as she pretended to write, "Justin Bieber is sooooo hot!" She grinned and leapt up to stand next to Draco and poke him as he glared at her.
Ron walked out with Harry, threw their arms around each other's shoulders and said, "Red Vines – what the hell can't they do?"
Draco walked out and crossed his arms as he frowned at the audience, "First off, it's not a diary, it's a journal and – "
"Why the hell did you buzz me?" Draco glared at the girl.
"I didn't get it," she said dully before pulling another card out, "The next one is 'What the audience is thinking about right now.'"
Harry and Ron walked out and wrapped arms around shoulders again, "Red Vines – what the hell can't they do?"
Hermione walked out and stood there with her mouth open, the only sound coming out being 'Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh' until she topped it off with a "What?"
Draco walked out and smirked, "Draco, Draco, Draco, Draco –"
A shoe came whirling at his head before Ava could buzz him, making him turn around at Hermione and grin back at the audience, "Gasp! Night troll!"
"Oh come on, let me have fun," Draco pouted.
"No, you're being hurtful," Ava pouted.
"I'm Slytherin!" he shouted as another shoe came at him, this time Ava's. "Oi! Watch it!"
"I'll never get my shoe back now," Hermione sighed a little sadly, "It went over there, into the audience. I'll find it on eBay a few days from now."
"You can take mine!" somebody from the audience called, making a few people laugh.
"Hey – I lost my shoe too, y'know," Ava frowned.
"Get your own shoe," the guy told her.
"ANYWAY," Ava slapped the buzzer again, "Our next scene is sent in by PigwidgeonHedwig7 – I repeat, PigwidgeonHedwig7, who says 'Ron and Harry going to the Great Hall at midnight to play truth or dare, only to find Hermione and Draco making out.'"
"WHAT? NO!" the four seemed to yell before Ava slapped her heels on the desk again, giving them all her best glare.
"DELETE!" Hermione ordered as she appeared right next to the desk, searching for her laptop, "DELETE, DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!"
"I can't!" Ava glared, "Now quit acting like Pinkie Pie and get out there!"
"Who's Pinkie Pie?" Harry asked as Draco tried to hide behind the chair he had been sitting on a while ago.
"Oh, Ginny watched it a while ago on the Muggle thing," Ron explained, "It's this pink horse who bounces around and sings and throws parties."
"Huh," Harry hummed, "Sounds a little like Ginny, doncha think?"
"Pinkie Pie," Ava began as she frowned at the two, "Is awesome, thank you!"
"But if she's awesome, then why - ?"
"BZZ'T!" she growled out before Hermione and Draco both cheered. Realizing her mistake, she mumbled out an "oh crap" before slumping down against her chair. "Alright, now, somebody from the audience give me a place you'd go to."
"Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!"
Ava laughed, "Alright, this one is for everybody, and it's the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes Hoedown!"
"As if it wasn't a mouthful before," Harry said as they stood up.
"I'm putting their different – err – their different, um…parts, their different parts in different fonts or…no, italicized or bolded or whatever," Ava growled, shaking her head at the four of them, "Man, I cannot think straight right now. Anyway, this is Ron's, Harry's, Hermione's, and Draco's. Got it? If not, just remember them in that order."
The music started up and Ron started bouncing, grinning and looking straight at the audience, "Oh I really like my brothers,
I think they're pretty swell
'Course I didn't always think that way
My childhood was hell
They did tons of cra-ap to me
And now I always have to sniff my stupid, freaking tea."
"Ron's brothers are okay
Now don't get me wrong
I'm just saying – it's hard to write a song
I only had a few seconds to think of something clever
So I'll just pray that Fred and George don't pull that lever."
"Fred and George are smart, please don't get me wrong
They just didn't want to work is all
But when Umbridge came around
And made us all frown
I think I saw a few fireworks make it into town."
"I'm not that close to the Weasleys, or Potter, or Granger
You could even say that I'm somewhat of a stranger
They don't know me, and I don't know them
But, let me just say, I really don't like Phlegm."
"Really don't like Phlegm!" they finished together, striking poses and grinning at Ava.
"That was halfway decent," Harry grinned.
"Watch it," she warned before turning to Draco, "Fifty-seven points to Draco for his marvelous verse – verse! That's the word I was looking for earlier! Merlin, what's wrong with me?"
"School's trying to suck the fun out of you!" Ron called.
"Yeah, think so," she shook her head and sighed, "Here, let's just end it now and see what everybody thinks, hmm? Next characters are Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter and – "
"Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry Potter," Harry whispered to himself, crossing his fingers and squeezing his eyes shut.
" – Lily Evans…Potter…Evans? No, Potter. No, wait, Evans…no, Potter, right? I forgot what I put."
"It was 'Lily Evans Potter,' you barmy ol' – " Draco started before the cauldron came whirling through the air at him. "OI! WATCH IT!"
"Send in stuff for the Marauders to do! Goodbye! I love you!" she waved.
"She lies! She lies so bad!" Ron laughed before the chapter ended.