A/N: Hi. This is my first ever published story so please be gentle! I originally started writing this for the TLS Lyrics and Lemons One-shot comp but chickened out of entering it.
Thank you to WMR1601 from Sparkly Red Pen for her amazing beta skills and Adonica from SRP for her pre-reading skills too. Also thanks to Dolly Reader and Ryden Dirtay for their help. I appreciate all of you! xx
I don't own anything Twilight nor is the song Stellar mine.
This is the link to the song that inspired me: http: /www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=Xyu29Q-K0LU
"Ow, fuck!" The shoe Bella threw at me hit me hard on the shoulder. She was furious.
I had just returned home from band practice to find a smashed answering machine on the kitchen floor. I asked Bella what was wrong and she proceeded to throw shit at me.
"That's it Edward, I've had enough!" she yelled at me. I ducked for my life as another shoe came my way. "This is the last straw! How could you? And with both of them?"
"It's not what it looks like," I pleaded with her. I really don't know how either Tanya or Jessica got our home phone number, but apparently they had both left me some dirty messages.
"Yeah, sure it isn't Edward..." She was seething. "Just go! I don't want to see you again. I'm leaving!" She stormed into the bathroom, and I knew that was my cue to leave. I grabbed my stuff and left.
I knew I had fucked up, but I really couldn't stop myself. Looking back, I know I was a fucking idiot. I mean, I really had no reason to cheat. Bella and I were compatible in every way. We liked similar things, we got along really well, and the sex was great. We occasionally fought, but what couple doesn't? We'd been together since high school so it was normal to go through stuff like that. Wasn't it?
I really can't tell you why I did it. Yes, it was true, I'd had a threesome. I tried to convince myself that because it only happened once it was okay, but there was no denying it. I think it made me feel like a rock star. I'd been trying to get my foot in the door in the music business for years. I played a lot of gigs with my band, but nothing ever led anywhere. At least when the chicks hit on me, it made me feel like I was on the right track.
Pity. I already had the perfect girl waiting for me at home.
Bella was right to leave. Stupid me thought maybe this time would be like all the other fights we'd had. She would yell. I would yell. She'd threaten to leave. I'd walk out. I'd come home and apologize and all would be okay.
This time didn't pan out that way. She threw things at me and then left. That was a first.
After leaving the apartment, I drove around for a bit and stopped for a drink. I decided to give her a couple of hours to cool off, but when I went home later that night, she was gone… along with all of her things.
I don't know how she got all her stuff out so fast, but nothing of hers was left behind.
I had no idea where Bella had gone. I texted her and left countless voicemails. But she never answered.
I called my sister, Alice (who happened to be Bella's best friend), but didn't have any luck there, either. She was either asleep or ignoring me. Probably the latter. I could have gone to her apartment, but if she wasn't answering my calls she probably wouldn't answer her door either.
That's when it actually started to sink in. I'd really done it this time. For the first time in my life, I felt regret. I sat in the dark feeling like a fuck up and proceeded to get drunk. Tomorrow I would look for her and grovel at her feet.
The next day I woke up on my couch with a hangover. I tried Bella's and Alice's cell phones again, but had no luck.
I knew Bella wouldn't go home to either of her parents' houses. Her mom lived in Florida and her dad had just recently moved in with his new wife, Sue, who didn't get along very well with Bella.
I considered Rose and Emmett, but I was pretty sure my brother would have called me if she'd gone there. I presumed Bella was with Alice, but then I wasn't sure if she would go there, either. Alice lived right next door to us.
I left two more voicemails on Bella's cell phone pleading with her to forgive me and that I didn't mean for it to happen, but I knew deep down that it was over.
Eventually I received a text message from Alice. All it said was Leave Bella alone, Edward. You've done enough damage.
I was fuck up. And a cheater.
x x x x
I spent the next couple of weeks wallowing alone in my misery. If Bella was never coming back, I really didn't know what I would do. I loved her, and I know I treated her like crap and definitely shouldn't have cheated on her.
My band mates were on my back about gigs that I had cancelled. And my family was telling me to get off my ass and get on with my life.
Alice wouldn't tell me much about Bella when I asked, but she did tell me on numerous occasions that I looked like shit and to clean myself up.
I started writing songs again, and some were actually pretty good. I'd been in a writing lull for months and needed some inspiration. Now I had it in the form of Bella. Songs came to me in the strangest moments and wouldn't let up until I wrote them down. I wrote about how I loved her. I wrote about how sorry I was. I even wrote about how I had fucked up and wanted to fix things. I didn't know if she would ever speak to me again or listen to the songs I'd written.
I got my act together enough to get my band mates off my back, but that was about it. I needed money to live, so I had no choice. Everyone was pissed off at me, but I didn't care.
I blocked everything out and just stumbled through life. I barely remember anything that happened within that time.
x x x x
Weeks turned into two months, then three. I was still a mess; all I did was write songs, play a few gigs, and sleep. Sometimes I'd get drunk. But mostly I'd just feel sorry for myself.
Surprisingly, even though I was so out of it, my song writing was going really well. I was churning out the tunes. Pity they were so fucking depressing.
Two months ago, Alice told me I was a mess. I couldn't imagine how awful I looked now. I had barely looked after myself. My mom started doing my laundry when she noticed I was wearing the same dirty clothes every time she saw me. My hair was too long, and I barely washed it so it was practically dreadlocked. I was sporting a beard that was itchy as fuck but I really didn't have it in me to shave.
I spoke to no one. What would I tell them? My life sucks? That I'd fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me? I didn't think anyone really cared. And it was all my fault anyway.
My parent's thirtieth wedding anniversary was next weekend and they were having a party at their house. I was obviously expected to go, and I guessed they would prefer if I cleaned myself up. It occurred to me that Bella might be attending. That gave me the incentive I needed to wash my hair and shave.
Alice had asked me to help set up. She and Emmett had done a lot of the preparations and I had done nothing, so I did what I was told out of guilt for being a shitty son and brother.
I spent most of that day at my parent's house and it occurred to me that I hadn't spent this much time with my family since before Bella left. It felt good to be around them, but it also made me feel like shit with all the pitying looks they gave me. Everyone knew I was not doing well.
"So, Edward," my sister said, glancing up at me warily; we were hanging fairy lights around the backyard. "I don't know if you know this, but Bella is coming tonight."
"Okay?" It came out more like a question.
"I don't want you to be too uncomfortable, Edward, but she's known Mom and Dad for years and they wanted her here," Alice said quietly.
"It's okay, Alice." I looked down at her from my perch on the ladder. "I promise I won't do anything. I'll stay away from her."
"But—" she started.
"No, Alice, really, I'll be on my best behavior," I promised. It looked like she was going to say something else but wisely shut her mouth. I really didn't want to think about seeing Bella yet.
When it finally came time to get ready, I went up into my old bedroom and took a shower. I hadn't had my hair cut yet but at least it was clean, and I did shave. It made me feel a little better.
Thankfully, Alice helped me dress for the occasion. I think she did it more for my parents' sake than for mine, but still it helped me out. I got dressed and went down to the living room to make my appearance. I didn't really want to be there socializing with my parents' friends but I knew it would make my parents happy.
I hung out near the bar, making small talk with anyone who came up. Emmett would occasionally come up and make fun of me for being a loner, but I really couldn't bring myself to mingle.
I was really nervous. Would Bella bring a date? I hadn't thought of that before. Shit. I would be devastated if she arrived on the arm of someone else. Would she be as nervous as I was? Or maybe she had really moved on and didn't want to see me. Would she avoid me all night? Would she want to talk to me and sort things out? I doubted that, but I kind of wished it were the case.
When she arrived, I felt her presence almost immediately. There was a fuss around the doorway of the living room. Alice squealed and ran to greet Bella. Emmett picked her up and gave her one of his bear hugs. Rose kissed her cheek. I had yet to see her properly and whether she was alone or not, but I could hear her laughter and the tone of her voice over the murmur of the party as she greeted my family.
I turned back to the bar and downed the rest of my drink. I thought I might pass out. Should I look? Should I run away? Oh fuck, what if she hates me now? So much was running through my head.
Taking a deep breath, I turned back around to see what she was up to. She had moved to greet my parents and I had to scan the room for her.
My breath caught in my throat. She looked incredible! Her smile was dazzling, and my father had obviously said something to make her laugh aloud. I could see the twinkle in her eye from where I was hiding. My mind was running a mile a minute. She looked incendiary; it was like she glowed from the inside.
Instantly, a tune was in my head. It was her tune. I had been hearing it on and off for a few weeks now, but seeing her in the flesh and looking so good, I realized it was definitely her song, getting louder the more I watched her. I would need to get to my guitar soon or it would drive me crazy.
Bella had changed; if you didn't know her well, you would just think she had gotten her hair cut and bought some new clothes, but it was more than that.
She had not only cut her hair, but it was darker. The color really suited her and made her eyes look almost caramel and her skin look paler and flawless. I supposed the cut made her look older and more sophisticated. Her hair hung over one eye, and she kept brushing it back so she could see.
The dress Bella was wearing was considerably shorter than anything I had ever seen her in before. She was always quite conservative; even when we went to prom together, she wore something less revealing. Tonight she looked fucking hot in her short black dress. She always preferred black so I was glad to see that there was still one detail from her old self there. It was strange being able to see her shoulders, arms, and even her legs. She would never have worn something so revealing out in public a few months ago.
I also noticed she was slimmer. No, not really slimmer, she was never fat or anything, in fact she had always been almost too skinny. It was more like she had toned up. Her arms and legs had definition. Her legs looked like they went on for miles. She had definitely been working out or something.
And the shoes! My god the shoes! Bella was known for not being very graceful, and she'd always refused to wear heels. I used to think it was kinda cute that she wore sneakers all the time, but seeing her in those fuckhot five-inch, studded black heels almost killed me! The way she moved in them, you'd have thought she'd been wearing heels that high her whole life.
Lastly, when ran her hand through her hair, I noticed she had a tattoo on the inside of her left wrist. She had talked for years about getting a tattoo but always chickened out. I wondered what it was of; all I could make out was a black mark.
I watched her from across the room and noticed that she had a lot more confidence. Bella had always been a shy girl who relied on me a lot. I was definitely the social one in the couple. I guessed being on her own had done her good. I wished I could have said the same about myself.
It occurred to me that she had done a lot of the things she had always talked about over the years. And maybe, just maybe, I had been the one holding her back.
I probably made her look even better by looking like such crap.
I contemplated not even talking to her. She looked happy; obviously things were going well for her. I didn't want to ruin her night. But I also wanted her back, and the selfish side of me won out. I knew she would eventually have to come up to the bar to get a drink, so I stayed where I was hoping she'd get thirsty soon.
The song in my head was starting to drive me insane. Thankfully, I had taken to bringing my guitar with me everywhere I went these days, so I had it up in my room; I was going to have to go get it soon. I had been inspired for months now, but this song was haunting me.
I decided if Bella didn't come over and speak to me soon I'd find a room to sneak off to. Maybe she was avoiding me. For all I knew, that was probably it.
"She looks great, doesn't she?" I turned to see my sister-in-law, Rose, standing next to me.
I sighed. "Phenomenal."
"You know, Edward, you can go and talk to her. Have you even tried?"
I shook my head. "Rose, I fucked up. She probably hates me."
"You did fuck up. Big time. But if you haven't even tried to speak to her, you'll never know if she even wants you back," Rose said. "Why don't you go say 'hi'? If you really want her to forgive you, Edward, you're going to have to work hard for it." She left me with a small smile and a quick glance back in Bella's direction.
Another fifteen minutes passed, and she was still stuck in conversation with someone. It seemed she was very popular. I was done waiting around; I would try and talk to her later when she wasn't surrounded by people. I took one last look and snuck off toward the stairs to get my guitar.
I settled in my dad's study, which was near the back of the house. It was private and had a decent sofa that I could spread out on. I pulled out some staff paper and started to compose. I strummed a little and worked out some picking and chords. It was flowing from my mind so fast I could barely keep up.
The sounds of the party filtered down the hall and from the backyard, which was also full of people. I could hear people talking as they walked past on their way outside. One voice unexpectedly grabbed my attention. It was Bella.
"No, thank you, Mike." I presumed it was Mike Newton she was talking to. His father worked at the hospital with mine. Mike was an okay guy but a bit annoying, and I always wondered if he had a thing for Bella. He would often approach her if we attended any events for hospital.
"But you're single now aren't you?" he whined. "I always knew you didn't belong with that loser." Oh really!
"Mike! How dare you!" Go Bella! I thought. "You know nothing of my life and what's going on between Edward and me. Now, please, just leave me alone. I'm not interested." Her voice was fading down the hall so she must have been retreating back to the living room.
I felt kinda bad for listening in on their conversation, but not bad enough. I wondered if she was looking for me, but I doubted it.
With a sigh, I went back to working on my song.
A couple of hours went by and no one had come to find me. I had pretty much gotten most of the music written and some of the words, too. I put my guitar back in its case and started packing up my sheet music. It wouldn't need much more work. I was sure Alice would eventually notice I was missing and come to look for me.
"What are you doing hiding in here?" Bella was suddenly peeking in the door.
"I'm not," I answered, looking at the floor. I was such a pussy; I couldn't even look at her.
We spoke at the same time. I gestured to her. "Ladies first."
"I just wa—"
"Edward! There you are!" Alice barged through the door almost knocking Bella down in the process. "It's time for speeches and we need you to at least be present." She frowned at me, then looked to Bella warily before turning and walking back out.
I huffed, and then gestured for Bella to exit first.
The rest of the evening crawled. I didn't get much opportunity to speak with Bella; she really was very popular. We made small talk a couple of times. She asked me how I was doing, and I lied and said everything was great. I asked her about her tattoo, which turned out to be a couple of music notes; she blushed and said it was a spur of the moment thing but didn't elaborate. We never brought up our issues; it wasn't the right time or place. She was never standoffish or cold with me, and she never seemed bothered being in the same vicinity as me, so that was a good sign. I wished we could've just been alone for a few minutes, but I didn't think it was right to ask her to leave the party.
When she left, she approached me fearlessly, smiling brightly, and wished me a warm goodbye. I thought of giving her a kiss on the cheek but chickened out at the last minute. Instead, I touched her arm and gave it a light squeeze.
At least she didn't slap me or tell me to go to hell.
Maybe there was hope for us yet.
x x x x
I spent the next week or so finishing Bella's song. It was about how she made me feel. She was so bright and beautiful, and I wanted her to give me another chance.
Seeing her at my parents' party, looking so grown up and confident, made it evident that she probably needed to get away from my sorry ass to discover herself. Not only did I miss her, I realized I was nothing without her. I just had to get my life in order and grow up. Then maybe I'd be the man she deserved.
It was time to clean up my act.
My song writing was so good I considered doing a solo show, something I had never been brave enough to do before. I'd always thought of myself as a band member, even if I was the front man, but my recent writing had me believing that I might be more successful as a solo artist.
I played some of my songs for the rest of my band mates and asked their advice about getting a solo gig, even if it was an open mic night. Between the four of us, we knew enough people to hook me up at a couple of venues we had played before.
And so, I tried out the new material.
It was scary. I was so nervous for people to hear the new songs. I didn't know how they would be received, especially with the audience who had seen me play with the band. The new songs suited an acoustic setting; it was just me and my guitar.
Both shows went really well. Better than I'd expected. I had a lot of friends in the local music scene and they all came to support me. Everyone told me they liked the songs and asked me why I had never written stuff like that before. The truth was, I never had the incentive or the inspiration.
I still hadn't played the main song I had written for Bella yet and was saving that for a gig that she might attend. Was I ready for her to hear it? That was a good question.
x x x x
It had been 5 months since Bella had left me when I finally started to join the human race again. I still pined for her and felt sorry for myself but it didn't take over my whole existence anymore.
I was determined to at least sort things out with her and maybe one day even get her back. So I set in motion a plan to play another acoustic show presenting all the songs I had written about her, including Stellar the song I'd written for her.
I asked Alice to help me and surprisingly, she was quite eager. She suggested I invite Bella to come along myself rather than make it look like she had been tricked into going, so I called her.
It was an awkward conversation, but at least she answered my call. After a bit of small talk, I mentioned that I'd been playing solo shows and that I had one coming up; if she wanted, she should come along. I gave her the date and the venue, and she sounded like she was actually considering coming. I didn't mention that all the songs were inspired by her and that one in particular was written about her; I didn't want to scare her off.
Now it was up to Alice to make sure Bella actually came.
I tidied myself up a lot during the weeks since my parent's anniversary party. I got my hair cut and shaved regularly. I even started cooking for myself rather than eating take-out every night.
But by the time the night of the 'Bella show,' as I called it, arrived, I was a mess. If I had ever been nervous before, it was nothing compared to this. Alice had told me she was definitely bringing Bella with her and that she sounded really excited about it, but I didn't want to get my hopes up.
The bar I was playing in was very basic but had tables which made it feel a little more intimate. I got there early and hung around in the back room until it was time to play. I was too nervous to see any of my family in case Bella was with them. They understood and told me they would catch me in between sets.
When it was time, I walked onstage to where my guitar and microphone were set up and got ready to play. It was now or never. The crowd was quiet as I sat down.
"Hi, everyone." I waved to the audience and squinted through the lights. "I'm Edward Cullen. Thanks for coming out tonight."
And then I launched into my first song.
I sang with all I had. I knew if Bella was here tonight, this was my opportunity to show her how much work I had done. I wanted to make her proud of me.
The crowd clapped and cheered when I finished my first set. I promised I'd return with a few more songs and left the stage.
I really wanted to see if Bella was here, it was hard to see the audience clearly with the stage lights on. I grabbed a bottle of water from the bar then scanned the room for my sister. Bella would be with her if she was here.
There were a lot more people I hadn't seen in a while, including Tanya and Jessica. They were sitting in a table near the back, looking as slutty as ever. It made me wonder what I ever saw in them. Both of them waved when they saw me looking. I just cringed and looked away.
Before I could spot them, I heard rather than saw my brother. His loud voice was reverberating across the room.
"Hey, Eddie! We're over here!" he yelled. They were at a table on the far side of the stage. I laughed at Emmett making a fool of himself, waving his hands around, and headed over to them.
Everyone was there. My mom and dad, Alice, Emmett and Rose. And Bella. It was almost like old times.
"Hey, guys," I greeted them all.
"Edward that was really lovely," my mom gushed.
Everyone was smiling up at me, except for Emmett, who was still standing. I grabbed the free chair across from Bella and sat.
"Those songs were amazing Edward! You sounded incredible up there!" Alice was practically vibrating with excitement.
"Thanks. I guess I had a lot of inspiration," I said, looking at Bella. She smiled and looked down at her hands. "My next set isn't as long, but I think it has some of my best work yet."
My mom and Alice continued to talk about how great the night had been, and my dad, Emmett and Rose were talking about some sporting event they followed. I turned my full attention to Bella.
"Thank you for coming tonight. I really appreciate it."
She grinned and leaned across the table toward me. "It was worth it just to hear you play; I really missed it."
I smiled in return.
A couple of people came up to say hi and praise me on my performance. It was surreal; I felt more like a rock star now than I ever had, which was what I had always been aiming for. I guess to get to where I was I had to go through all the fucked up stuff too.
When it was time for my next set, I jumped back on stage and got settled in again. I had saved Stellar for my finale. It was the best thing I had ever written, and I wanted to see her reaction straight after I played it.
"This is my last song for the night," I announced at the end of my set. "It's written about a special person. I hope you like it, Bella."
I took a deep breath and began to play.
Meet me in outer space.
We could spend the night;
Watch the earth come up.
I've grown tired of that place;
Won't you come with me?
We could start again.
I closed my eyes as I got to the chorus.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
I was concentrating so hard, and pouring so much into my playing, that I felt as if I was in the room by myself.
Meet me in outer space.
I will hold you close, if you're afraid of heights.
I need you to see this place, it might be the only way
That I can show you how it feels to be inside you.
I opened my eyes and looked in the general direction of where I knew Bella was sitting. I couldn't see much from the stage lights, but I could make out the outline of my family, so I just sang to them.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
You are stellar.
I closed my eyes as I ended the song.
The crowd was deafening with their clapping and cheering, so at least I knew someone liked it. I was so worried Bella would hate the song or hate me for playing it like this for her.
I got up and put my guitar on the stand behind me. I did a little wave and thanked the audience then turned to head off stage. Bella was standing at the side of the stage waiting for me. Her eyes were shining like she was crying. Was that a good thing?
"Thank you," she said, barely audibly, as I approached.
"I meant every word of it, Bella," I said. "I love you, I always have. And I fucked up big time, but I promise I'll spend the rest of forever making it up to you."
She had her eyes closed and there were tears running down her cheeks.
"I know, Edward," she finally said, opening her eyes. "We've both come a long way. What you did tonight was just amazing. No one has ever done anything like that for me before."
I took another step closer to her. She was looking up at me. There was no hate in her eyes, just... relief? And something else I couldn't quite put my finger on.
"I'm sorry," I breathed. "So sorry." I brushed her cheek with my fingers and she leaned into my touch.
She nodded. "Edward, I know you are. We've got a lot to talk about and sort out, but I've missed you a lot, and what you did tonight was just unbelievable."
I took a deep breath and brought both my hands up to cup her face. "I'm sorry," I repeated and leaned in. I brushed my lips against hers, and when she didn't protest, I did it again. She sighed and I pressed my lips harder on hers. She leaned into me, so I slid my hands down to her waist and pulled her even closer. She snaked her hands up around my neck and pulled me down to her. Her mouth opened, and I slid my tongue in. The kiss deepened. It was hot and wet and the most passionate thing I had ever experienced. Breathless, I finally pulled my mouth away from hers.
"Forgive me," I whispered again, my eyes closed, forehead resting against hers.
x x x x
Over the next couple of months, Bella and I saw each other a lot. I took her on dates to the movies and out to dinner and did all the things you do when you're first starting out with someone. It felt weird since we had already been there, but it also felt right.
We talked a great deal about what happened, and she explained that she was really hurt over what I had done and wasn't sure if she could trust me again. I understood, and told her that I was an ass and apologized over and over. I swore to never do that to her ever again.
Things were different between us; she was more independent and not afraid to tell me when I was being a dick, and I was less selfish. We had both grown a lot.
Much of our spare time was spent out together. One night, Bella had decided to cook dinner at her apartment. I hadn't spent a lot of time there, and she refused to come to my apartment, saying it was 'tainted.'
We were sitting on her couch after eating dinner and trying to decide what movie to watch. It really didn't matter to me as long as I was with her.
Bella had her legs across my lap, and I was rubbing her socked feet.
"You have magic hands, Edward," she moaned.
"I aim to please." I laughed.
"Really?" She smirked, moved closer, and sat in my lap. I put my arms around her waist. She was warm and fit perfectly under my chin. She turned her head, slid her hands up into the hair on the back of my neck and pulled my face down to hers.
Kissing me lightly on the lips she said, "How about we set those magic fingers to work?" I smiled and kissed her back eagerly. Her mouth opened, and her tongue met mine.
Moving her legs so she was straddling me, she tilted her head more so that she could deepen the kiss further. Her position was causing her to rub just the right way on my cock.
We continued to grind and make out, when suddenly, she breathlessly broke our kiss and climbed off my lap. She took my hand and tugged on it for me to stand up.
She placed her finger on my lips to quiet me. "Shhh Edward, stop thinking so much."
"Are you sure, Bella?" My heart was going to jump out of my chest. She smiled but didn't reply as she led me down the hall to her bedroom, occasionally looking back at me.
She pulled me over to her bed, pushed me down onto it, and straddled my waist again. I growled and pulled her head down to mine to kiss her. She ground herself into me and slid her hands up my shirt, all the while never breaking her kiss.
She sat up and pulled her top off in one swift motion, which left her in a black, lacy, see-through bra. I cupped her breasts and ran my thumbs over her hardening nipples. She threw her head back and moaned in pleasure. I pulled the cups down and sat up to bring my mouth level with her chest, sucking first the left nipple into my mouth and then the right.
Bella grabbed the bottom of my T-shirt and pulled it up, breaking my connection with her chest as she tore it over my head. I groaned when she ran her nails down my chest down to the waist of my jeans.
She unfastened my jeans in seconds and her warm hand snaked its way inside to touch me. She teased me with her hand for a short while then stopped and stood up, dragging my jeans and boxers off as she went.
While she was standing, she removed her own jeans and socks. I groaned as I stared at her amazing figure: her tight stomach, her perfect breasts, her lean legs.
Bella smiled slyly before removing her bra painfully slowly and sliding her panties down her legs.
Then she climbed back onto the bed and crawled up my body. She leaned down and kissed me passionately, making my dick throb.
I ran my hands down her back to her ass and squeezed. She moaned and bit down on my bottom lip, making me growl. Then she moved herself into position, sat up, and sunk slowly down onto my length.
I grabbed her hips and held her in place. If she moved too soon it'd be all over for me. I caught my breath, sat up, and kissed my way across her chest and up her collar bone to her neck. She moaned again and started moving, slowly at first; then finding her rhythm, she sped up. Her breasts bounced as she rode me. Her breath came in gasps between her moans. I sucked on the juncture between her neck and shoulder and she moaned louder.
I splayed my hands across her back, pulling her closer, and flipped us over so that now I was on top. Never breaking rhythm I pushed into her, swivelling my hips. Her cries were filling the room as she neared her climax.
I pumped into her faster and harder, all the while my gaze never leaving her face as it contorted with pleasure. I would remember this moment for the rest of my life.
Leaning down, I sucked on the same place that made her moan louder before and she came. Her body stiffened, and her mouth hung open in pleasure.
As she came down, I continued to pump into her faster, my own climax not far away.
"Bella. Bella. Bella," I chanted as it neared. Then, with a couple of erratic pumps, I spilled into her. My orgasm seemed to last for days.
Exhausted, I collapsed on top of her, holding my weight off of her with my forearms. I kissed her forehead, then her mouth, as we both caught our breath.
We lay in each other's arms until the room grew light, kissing and touching and slowly making love.
I lay on my side, my arm propping my head up and admired her.
I learned a lot during my time away from Bella. I learned that perhaps we should let the ones we love go so that they can find themselves. Hopefully they come back, but if not, we move on and learn to deal with it. The other lesson, and the main one that has stuck with me always, is that I should have appreciated what I already had. But in the long run if we hadn't gone through what we did, we both wouldn't have grown as people.
I leaned over and kissed her deeply. "I love you, Bella. I always will. You are Stellar."