Ftw? New story? Yesssss. Pairings - SasuNaru, GaaNaru, SakuHina. I have an outline for this that totally has me excited about this story, yet, outlines usually become obsolete... -cough Shudder cough- Anyway... This is AU. Yaoi. M for the future chapters. The title comes from my quacky friends who always regret forming a crush on someone because that someone is usually someone who doesn't know they exist. Haha.


Love is a Bad Joke
The Theater God, The Bully, and the socially inept Loser

I didn't want to fall in love with him. I hadn't planned on it. The fact that I did pisses me off everyday. I mean, my life wasn't lame enough already? Fate had to throw another fucking curveball at my face and knock me on my ass? I stared at the tip of my number two pencil and contemplated shoving it through my eye, straight into my brain. I set it down on the desk quickly as soon as that idea suddenly became very appealing and, with my shitty ass luck, I wouldn't die. No. I'd just lose an eye and suffer permanent brain damage, forcing me to constantly drool and unable to hold things properly.

I could see it all now. I'd have an eye patch with some random design that could magically make me look like a flamer while drool ran down my chin and I'd shout at the top of my lungs at the most inappropriate moments in front of the entire school, "Oh Gaara! I love you, you sexy beast! Please take me until my throat becomes raw from all my screaming and blood pours from my mouth in an endless tribute to your gorgeous hair!" But with more stuttering and mispronounced words… Because I imagine I'd be fortunate like that.

I gave a silent scream, slamming my fist down onto the hard surface before bringing them up to cover my face. Yes. Death please take me now. I don't care how, just take me and please hurry it up! I let out a frustrated groan and tried to keep my mind off of blue-green eyes. "I had no idea you hated social conformity so much, Mr. Uzumaki." I spread my fingers to peek through them for a second before snapping them back together to hide my glowing face. Hm. That's right. I was still in class… Whaddya know… Kinda forgot about that. I let my hands drop and gave a glowing smile to the class that had turned to look at me. I apologized and laid my head down on the cool wooden surface after they'd turned away. Of course Gaara was seated two rows ahead of me, still staring at me like I'd come from another planet and had turned into a giant mucus alien right before his eyes. Death… please… I beg of you. Be merciful for once in my life and strike me down this very moment before I make an even bigger ass out of myself.

Of course that robed bastard ignored my pleas and I had to sit there for the rest of the lecture with my face on fire and the inability to lift my head from the desk. The class was dismissed after another half an hour, but I sat there, eyes boring into the wood in front of my face, before attempting to look up after five minutes. Sakura looked down at me with an amused expression while Hinata tugged on the sleeves of her jacket on the other side of the desk. "Let me guess." The pink haired girl grinned and stood aside while I gathered my things together, face still heated. "You had another spontaneous Gaara induced freak out." I refused to answer her question and walked towards the door. "I'll take that as a yes." Her laughter made me cringe in embarrassment as we walked into the hallway.

"It really isn't funny." I growled, trying not to feel like I just wanted to shrink into the size of a flea and lay around to be squished by some random shoe. "Did you see that look on his face? I think I weirded him out with my display of idiocy. Fuck. If I bought a gun, would one of you shoot me in the head? Because I know I'd manage to fuck that up somehow." They both laughed at me and shook their heads. I groaned and pushed the door out of my way as we walked out of the building and onto the sprawling school grounds. "Fine. You both suck. See if I ever mercy kill either of you when you need it." I flopped gracelessly onto the grass and rolled onto my side, pulling off the stupid black jacket and bunching it up to use for a pillow.

Sakura and Hinata sat down on either side of me, the pale eyed girl careful to tuck the standard knee length beige skirt under her legs to keep from exposing herself to the entire campus, while the green eyed girl just threw herself down in a perfect imitation of me. I leaned my head on Sakura's thigh and tangled my fingers with both girls offered hands. "Why am I socially inept?"

"Probably because Auntie Tsunade dropped you on your head one to many times as a kid?"

I snorted. "The sad thing is it's probably true."

(You should call her tonight and yell at her.) Hinata signed quickly, her pale hands flittering about. That sent us all into a laughing fit.

"Oh! Be really vague about it though!" Sakura piped in. "Knowing her, she'll get angry, then apologize and send you some money. It took me a full minute to calm down and I felt a hundred times better when I did. I squeezed the two girls fingers gently and felt them both squeeze back. I found myself thanking whatever force in the universe had decided to give these two girls to me.

I'd met Sakura when I was ten. She was my guardians youngest sisters daughter, but the two had had a falling out before either of us had been born so we didn't know each other until they miraculously made up one summer when the family had decided to move back to the city. After that first meeting we became inseparable. The fact that we weren't actually related didn't stop us from claiming the other as our cousin. Most didn't understand our relationship since the pink haired girl spent most of the time yelling at me for doing dumb things. After a year in the city, her parents got their grant and had to travel over the world. They decided to send her to boarding school a couple of hundred miles away and we threw a fit until Tsunade agreed to send me as well.

Hinata came into our lives our first fall at Bijuu Academy, forced into hanging out with us because she was Sakura's roommate and just because she couldn't speak didn't mean we were going to let her continue with her reclusive lifestyle. The petite, fair skinned, lavender eyed girl had been born a mute and that made Sakura and I very grateful for her parents wasting our summer learning sign language… though my cousin had to give me twelve refresher courses and Hinata was constantly correcting me when I misunderstood something.

The Hyuuga was usually pretty meek, which made her an odd addition to our crazy duo, but if she got mad enough -or started pms-ing which I'm sure is the same thing though Sakura punched me in the face when I'd said it- she could bitch someone out amazingly well. Her hands would almost become a blur and I often stopped a rant to ask her to slow down, though that usually dissipated her anger quickly. Usually though, I would get pretty pissed that the people she was 'yelling' at couldn't understand her and end up yelling for her. We were a tight trio. All of us too off-beat for the rest of our peers but just right for each other.

I smiled at the sky above me and squeezed the hands again, laughing when it was returned once more. "So what are you going to do about… you know?"

I sighed. "Let's go off campus for lunch."

(Don't change the subject.) Hinata scolded me, eyes narrowing.

"I'm not." I grinned at the two women and sat up. "I'm hungry and everyone knows you can't think of amazing ideas to make a certain guy notice you if you've got no brain fuel."

Sakura smirked and I could see the sarcastic reply in her eyes before the look dropped into a scowl pointed over my shoulder. "Great." She muttered darkly, annoyance tearing into the word. I followed her gaze and cringed internally. I hate god. I dropped the girls hands instantly and slid the blazer back on as Ino, Tenten and Matsuri stopped in the grass in front of us, a sneer on Ino's face directed at the three of us.

"Well looky looky. It's the schools most freakish threesome made up of the schools biggest rejects." Ino's nasally voice making my skin crawl as much as her horrible pastel make up. As usual, Matsuri wasn't paying much attention to what was going on, her nose stuck in a book. Tenten seemed off though. She looked uncomfortable, glancing around at our peers scattered about in the courtyard.

"Fuck off, you stupid whore." Sakura snarled. My eyes widened before I grinned at my cousins brazen behavior, suddenly proud. I smirked up at the annoying blonde as her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Did his majesty Sasuke blow you off again, so you had to come harass us? You know sadism is considered a mental disorder right?

"The fuck did you just say to me you fucking dyke?"

"Back off androgynous bitch."

Her face turned bright red as her anger grew and I knew we were playing with fire as my pink haired cousin pushed it farther than she ever had before. I braced myself, prepared to throw myself between her and my cousin or Hinata if she so chose and also prepared for the full force of her nails and fangs as I knew I couldn't fight back, but then Matsuri lowered her book and held out a hand in front of her angered friend. Ino glared at her friend, sneered at us a final time and spun around, walking away from us like the argument had been officially dropped like last seasons Prada bag. The three of us just sat there, dumbstruck for a few minutes, wondering what the fuck had just happened. "Uh… We are now entering the Twilight Zone…"

The tension in the air dropped and Sakura laughed at my lame joke. We calmed and my cousin leaned her head against my shoulder. I smiled and patted her on the top of her head, chuckling when she punched me in the thigh. Hinata lowered her head onto my unoccupied shoulder seconds later, but held her hands out for a quick message. (Gaara's watching us.) I went stock still and tried to force my goose bumps to disappear.

"Chill, spaz." Sakura whispered. "You can't freak out every time is eyes are on you. He'll think you're a loser."

"Too late for that don't you think?" I snorted. Sakura laughed and they both gave me a simultaneous punch to the ribs. Like the blond I am, I forgot that I wasn't supposed to be acting like a total loser and grabbed my sides, falling backwards. "Oh no! Internal bleeding! Such manly punches from such little women!" I flopped around on the ground in fake agony.

"What do you mean manly?" Sakura shrieked, mock offense in her voice, before wailing on me some more. I laughed and tried to army crawl away. My cousin grabbed me and jumped onto my back.

"No! Don't crush me!" I managed to get out between laughs. "Torture me not! Kill me now and let me die in peace!" I could feel the green eyed girl shaking with laughter on top of me as I inched my way forward, not really caring if I got grass stains on the beige slacks. I continued on at a snails pace until a pair of very obviously expensive shoes stood directly in my way. I looked up as best as I could, but the face was blocked by a pair of crossed arms.

"Having fun, Uzumaki?" A deep voice asked. I shuddered at the sound of it. I didn't have to see the face to know who it was. I only knew one person with that voice.

"Heya Sasuke." I mumbled as I felt Sakura stand and two sets of hands helped me to my feet. I gave him a sarcastic smile as I brushed dirt and grass from my body, waiting for the snaky insult that I was sure was about to be flung at me. Sasuke Uchiha had had it out for me the moment I stepped on campus. Seriously. I stepped out of the car, talking to Sakura over my shoulder and ran right into him. Well, he dropped his coffee, which crashed open on his luggage, turning the dark red fabric even darker and -taa daa- instant enemy for life. Super. He made my past two years here even more sucky than they should've been. "What do you want?"

He smirked at me and tilted his head to the side. "I was wondering if you would like to join me for lunch." The shock must've been written clearly on my face because his smirk only grew. My brain was stunned into unresponsiveness. The Sasuke I knew would never invite me to eat with him and the rest of the schools bullying geniuses. The Sasuke I knew wouldn't smile at me unless there was some sort of prank being pulled on me. The Sasuke I knew wouldn't talk to me without a sneer on his face and distaste in his voice.

"Uh… Yeah… As much fun as being lured away and beaten in an alley sounds like a fun time, we've already got plans." I tried to make myself sound confident, but it didn't completely work. I stole a quick glance at Sakura and Hinata on either side of me. Both girls looked as suspicious of the dark eyed boy as I felt, glaring at the boy whom everyone on campus recognized as my 'official' bully. I grabbed their hands and took a step back, forcing them to follow. "So, we'll just be going now." I grinned brightly, but it died when the Uchiha stepped towards us again.

"They're invited as well, of course." My eyes narrowed. What was he playing at? Did he really expect me to bring my friends along to what was sure to be a public humiliation? This couldn't end well. "We were thinking Pigalle would be a good place."

"We?" Sakura asked, distrust so clear on her face it made her look like she'd spit with the word."

"Neji, Shikamaru, Shino and I." His eyes barely darted over to her before resting back on me. "There's nothing up my sleeve. No need to murder me with your eyes." He growled, losing his patience already.

I glared at him. "This is coming from the guy who-"

Two hands clamped down over my mouth before I muttered something really stupid and got my ass kicked again. "Sorry, but we already made plans with Lee." Sakura lied easily. "Maybe some other time." We backed away quickly before turning around and speed walking back towards the school building. As we passed other students I realized everyone had been watching our exchange with the Uchiha, waiting for me to either get beaten up or verbally cut down. And all looked as confused as I felt. Except Gaara Sabaku of course. He was exchanging words with Matsuri and continuing to disregard my existence as usual.

Once we turned the corner, the hands dropped mine but we continued with our quick pace. "Where are we going?" I asked.

(To find Lee) Hinata tossed my way.

"What? Why! That guys so exhausting!"

"Oh and you're just peach?" The girls laughed and I glared at them. "We've got to get to him before Sasuke does and checks our story. Can you imagine what he would do to you if he knew we lied and just turned down the un-turn-down-able? You'd probably die of something weird nobody could trace back to him."

My eye twitched. She was right of course. Sasuke had ego issues. Major ego issues… and messing with them wasn't something one did lightly… Unless you're me and are too stupid to know when enough is enough. We broke into a sprint, sliding slightly as we hit the corners with speed. "Shit. Shit. Shit. I'm so dead. Tell the old lady to bury me with my vinyl's and some juice boxes."

The green eyed girl snorted. "Oh ye of little faith. Lee's always at the track field at this time. I'll just convince him to go to lunch with us and all will be well."

"You're planning on using your demonic feminine charms aren't you?"

"What else?"

"This is why I love you."

.:.:.:.:.

Lee of course agreed to go with us without a second thought as soon as Sakura asked him. His enthusiasm made me laugh. He wasn't too bad of a guy, he was just kind of hard to get used too. He had a volume control issue -Like I could talk- and was obsessed with martial arts and those two combined were a headache… Trust me. I laughed as we showed our passes at the front gate and made our way to the town five minutes down the road. The guy obviously had a crush on my pink haired cousin. It was so obvious that it was almost embarrassing to watch. We made our way to The Hidden Book without incident and took the couches by the front window after ordering strange sandwiches and organic drinks that were the specialty of the café/bookstore.

"No no, I'm gonna go with Tony Jaa." I laughed around my mouthful of my delicious food.

The shock on Lee's face was comical and made the rest of us laugh. "No way! That's absurd! Obscene!" The boy shouted. I rolled my eyes and promptly began to choke as something caught my attention. Sakura slapped me on the back as I began coughing, grabbing my drink to try and help the half chewed food go down. After I regained control of myself, three pairs of eyes questioned me suddenly. My eyes darted across the room as a signal. Lavender eyes widened with light green when they caught it.

Gaara was perched on a stool, his nose in an old looking book, a simple cup of coffee in front of him and his ever faithful tail, Matsuri, across from him, also glued to a book, though hers was much slimmer but just as old looking. My eyes stayed glued to the object of my crush as a slender, pale hand reached up and brushed a strand of gorgeous crimson hair from his eyes before turning the page. I gulped. How had I not noticed him sitting there before? It was hard to miss him.

He was gorgeous. Ever messy red hair framing a strong but delicate heart shaped face with violent red. Dark black circles around his eyes made the strange color pop out… Pale skin that never seemed to darken glowed in contrast to his ever black clothing. Today he had on a turtle neck, obviously worn under his white button up that lay discarded on the bag beside his feet, along with the red tie and black jacket. He was a god. I had never been interested in theater until I seen him in a play put on at the beginning of my freshman year at Bijuu. He commanded attention on the stage though he didn't like attention off of it. He was a mysterious guy. A mysterious guy who had stolen my heart in that hour long play. The guy who had made me come to terms with my sexuality. I watched, enamored, as he lifted the cup and took a drink, licking his lips after he did, making a shudder run through me.

Sakura elbowed me. "Quit staring. You look like a love sick teenager."

I took another drink of my juice and stole another glance at the guy. "I am."

"Don't be a girl."

"Tell him how you feel!" Lee suddenly exclaimed, much to my horror. He knew about my preferences being my roommate as well as Sakura's annoyance. Hinata choked on her drink while Sakura sprayed my face with her tea.

"Gross!" I wiped my face with my sleeve, terrified to look in Gaara's direction. When I gathered the courage to turn around I wished I'd been a coward. Teal eyes were lock on our group, making me freeze. A nice course of 'Oh shit, oh shit.' running through me. Someone kill Lee.

Sakura jumped up, shocking me out of my frozen state. "I agree, Hinata! Just tell him! It can't be worse than suffering with your feelings like this! Write him a love letter or do something sweet for him." The dark haired girl glowed crimson.

"Huh? I thought we were talking about- Oof!" Lee doubled over as a book was kicked into his stomach. "Oh. Uh. Yeah, Hinata. Nothing good will come of doing nothing. Let your love for him be known! Nothing will happen if you keep it to yourself!" All eyes were on us and I nearly fainted when I realized that Gaara and Matsuri were among them, Gaara's book lying forgotten on the table while he eyed us, sipping his coffee with a slight smirk on his face. I grabbed my book back and uniform jacket, giving a sheepish grin to the other patrons of my favorite place and hurried my group out the door.

We walked in silence, which surprised me since Lee was there, and were halfway back to school before Sakura spoke up. "What was he doing there?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "He's kind of an artsy guy and that would be the place I would expect to find him." I mumbled, seriously still embarrassed. How many times could I make a fool out of myself in front of him in one day.

"I know that, but that's our place. I've never seen him there before and we've been going there for two years." She seemed kind of angry for some reason.

(It's got several rooms and levels. Maybe he's just never in the front?) Hinata signed.

"That's true. And I have seen Matsuri around there and where ever she is Gaara isn't far behind."

"Today has been weird." I responded shaking off my embarrassment induced depression and smiling brightly at her. "But the days with us are never anything but." I laughed. My three companions smiled at me and the conversation rolled on easily. When we got back the four of us hung around for the extra twenty minutes of our lunch hour before parting for our separate classes. As they left I felt uneasy about my last two classes. Photography would be a breeze as always, but math… Gaara would be there, as well as Sasuke. I shook off my doubts and dashed down the hall as the bell rang for class.

My mood brightened significantly in photography when the professor complimented my understanding of my subjects and my compositions. Hinata with a wistful expression on her face, a longing that I'd captured before she turned to me, Sakura in a rage in the other and a shot of the woods behind the school, mist twisting through the trees, both inviting and forbidding. The last one was my favorite. It was peaceful while holding a lurking terror. I was terrified of the forest. It wasn't the same one, but to me they all looked the same and that was terrifying. It had been a last minute shot as I jogged out to the track field with Lee and that just made it more perfect for me. I smiled and gathered my things as the bell rang and hurried to my next class.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw Gaara sitting in his usual spot in the front but I passed him naturally and made my way to the back, ignoring the look I could feel Sasuke giving me, where Lee would join me when he got here. There was no praise in this class. Ha. It was my worst subject, I was just barely hanging onto my C. I jotted down notes and doodled absent mindedly, my eyes straying to the red head of my affections frequently. He was slouched over his ever present heavy looking book, only occasionally jotting something down. I wondered briefly how he held the second highest grade in the class -second to Sasuke- while he did nothing but stare at those huge books of his.

The bell rang and I jumped out of my thoughts and shoved my things away quickly before standing. Gaara had disappeared in the seconds I'd taken my eyes off of him. "How does he do that?" I muttered under my breath. Lee quirked an eyebrow at me but I waved it off and the two of us made our way to our dorm at a casual pace. I was going to change before meeting my girls in the rec room. Or library I've sometimes heard it referred to. I kicked off my loafers as I entered my room and waited for Lee to change into his work out gear and head to the track field before slipping out of my clothes. I wasn't embarrassed to change in front of him, I had just learned that I couldn't match his speed for getting dressed again before he flung open the door and ran from the room. I'm pretty sure half of our floor had seen my boxers more than once.

I pulled my favorite pair of orange skinnies from the drawer and pulled them on, grabbing a dark blue t-shirt and slipped into the black DC's. I stretched and pulled the shirt on, grabbing a violent construction worker orange hoodie and bag before I headed out.

.:.:.:.:.

Naruto,

I wrote a poem for you. This isn't like me, poetry is not my strong suit, for words do not come easily to me, but, dear Naruto, you make me unlike myself. And that makes me fear you, yet think so highly of you. This infatuation with your smile keeps me awake deep into the night and, when sleep does come, plagues my dreams. You are like a drug that I am so addicted to but I welcome this addiction. I wonder if my feelings would be a burden to you? But I cannot contain them.

It almost hurts to see you smile
Knowing that I am not the cause
But I cannot talk to you
I fear you rejecting me more
Than the summer
Fears the decent of fall
It almost hurts when you walk by
And do not greet me
Though there is no reason
For you to call me anything
But foe and that
Is a fault all my own
It cripples me when you pass by
And do not notice
What you have done to me

-A failed poet.

My face flared as my heart thudded. I'd just gotten back to the room after spending my evening with my friends and found an envelope addressed to me taped to the front door. I'd ripped it off and wandered into the quiet room. A quick scan of the room told me Lee wasn't done with his 'training' or that he was in the showers. I observed the envelope. It was pretty plain, save for the elegant script that spelt out my name. I ripped it open, expecting some stupid junk and was greeted with this.

I gulped and opened my door, looking each way and seeing no one. I frowned and stared at the paper in my hand. My face heated again and my heart raced as I reread the words. Wow… I lay down on my bed and read the words over and over. The poem was okay, but it was made better by the fact that it was written for me. I laughed lowly. A secret admirer. My first one ever…

I jumped as the door slammed open and a freshly showered Lee walked in. I shoved the letter under my pillow and sat up quickly. "Uh… What's up? Nothing. Why? What's what? Quit staring at me!" I practically shouted.

Lee raised an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"Nothing." I responded, kicking off my shoes and pulling of my pants and crawling into bed, hand wrapped around the letter under my pillow.


I so suck at romantic poetry. Haha. So what do you think? I'm actually happy about this chapter. Tell me if you spot any mistakes, it's late and my eyes suck when they're tired. Reviews are appreciated.