A/N: So, how this FanFic started is a bit of a long story. I was watching some Twilight videos on You Tube, and I happened across one that combined clips of Rosalie with the song "Stand in the Rain" by Superchick. Then I watched another You Tube video with both Rosalie and Leah, called "Do I end up happy?" that was also really good. All of a sudden, I wanted to write about Rosalie.
I am finally reading Breaking Dawn, and I thought, "Why was Rosalie so protective of Renesmee and Bella during the pregnancy?" And then I realized that when Bella called Rosalie on her cell phone, all that was written was, "Rosalie? It's Bella. You have to help me." You never heard the rest of that conversation.
So, I'm setting out to write that dialogue scene, as well as some emotional stuff with Rosalie prior to that scene. This is heavily inspired by the song "Stand in the Rain" and the "Eclipse" movie (and the books of course). Small parts of it are direct quotes from Rosalie in the movie.
If you like this, please review. Reviews make my day like you wouldn't believe.
Sorry if this author's note is too long… Time for the story!
Chapter 1: Lifeless
I drove home from the wedding alone, with the radio turned up so loud, it shook the frame of the convertible like a thunderstorm.
I didn't want to think like this.
I'd suppressed my unwanted agony all day, smiling like it was all wonderful and beautiful and magical, distracting myself with how happy Edward was. This was what he wanted – what Bella wanted. They were happy. Their lives were perfect.
A perfect wedding with the perfect man. Bella had a husband, and with him, a future. Possibilities.
I missed possibilities.
Bella could come home every day to a family and a nice house and a husband who would kiss her and hold her close. She'd had a fairy tale wedding, and an exquisite dress with satin cascading down in elegant little waves, and pretty hair, and makeup, (courtesy of Alice, for the most part.) Her special day had gone exactly as planned. All was flawless. Faultless.
She had a perfect life. A perfect future.
And she was going to throw it all away.
I struggled against the desire to crush the steering wheel with my hands. I wasn't ever supposed to feel like this. I avoided this – I had conquered these emotions, so long ago. I had outrun them, waded through them, and I'd thought they were gone for good. Suddenly it was all coming back.
I'd never have a life.
And she didn't even want it.
I was breaking down. Stop it, Rose, I pleaded with myself. Don't give in. I stopped the car at the red light and closed my eyes for a moment. Breathe, Rose. Breathe! I inhaled. Exhaled. I took my hands off of the steering wheel, fearing that I was still likely to destroy it.
I swallowed. I was fighting the all-too-familiar need to cry. Really, I couldn't shed tears anymore, even if I wanted to. But right now, if I could, I don't think the tears would ever stop raining down.
I jumped so fast, my elbow made a dent in the car door. I snarled under my breath. In my recollections on the past, I had forgotten to pay attention to the present. The traffic light had turned green. I slammed the gas pedal and whipped around my turn, secretly grateful for the interruption to my rapidly deteriorating thought process.
I absently wondered what Edward was doing right now. He must be in the air, on his plane by now, on his way to Isle Esme. Figures – only vampires could provide private islands on a whim. It was a perfect little honeymoon for Bella. Perfect life, perfect husband. Did she even appreciate it? Did she ever pull herself out of her trivial problems long enough to be grateful? I sighed. She had no concept of real trials, of real pain. She would never comprehend what I'd been through.
A perfect life – that's what I'd had. But a tragically imperfect husband, as I'd learned all too late.
I flinched at the thought of his name. I'd managed to avoid thinking of him for a while, and it stung that I was caving in. Oh, the memories were coming back. It had been perfect. Completely perfect.
Today, I was broken.
I'd never mourned my inability to sleep. Having the whole night for less mundane activities was hardly annoying. But tonight, I wanted nothing more than a brief peace, fleeting as it would be. Seeing the wedding, the joy, the perfection, was triggering haunting, long-forgotten flashbacks that abruptly swam to the surface.
I closed my eyes again, laying back, leaning my head on the over-fluffed, rarely used pillows on my bed. I willed it all to fade to into the distance, as nothing but far away memories. They were so close, tonight. I wanted them to go away.
I would never get anywhere. I would never live my dreams.
Could I at least forget them?
It will always be this. Frozen. Never moving forward.
I drew in a sharp breath. In the darkness, with my eyes closed, my hideous visions crawled out of hiding.
Royce, hanging over me like a specter, beer on his breath. Buttons from my coat, rolling away. Royce's friends, laughing. I try to be strong. I'm afraid. Someone? Anyone!
Me, alone, laying on the cold street, my clothes torn, surrounded by a pool of warm blood that grows larger by the second. The landscape is blurring like a sick nightmare. I let out a desperate, anguished shriek.
Carlisle, his icy hands against my skin, lifting me. Everything seems to shatter. I know I'm dying. I want to die.
Cold. Confusion, disorientation, and then something else. New pain, amidst the emotional and physical torment. My neck. Burning. I'm on fire. I'm burning.
And then, I find I am alive. Yet, all I ever wanted died with me.
My face, beautiful, pale, and perfect. Perfect! The rest is gone, and I don't care that I'm beautiful. It's gone. They took it from me. They took everything.
It's quiet. I have no heartbeat.
I stare at the girl in the mirror, and words fail me. I wait for breathing to become strained and hard, but it's not. It's easy.
But the rest… the rest is gone… all gone… forever…
I opened my eyes and sat up with a start, grasping at the empty air for my lost fantasies. But though I searched, I searched in vain. I ran my fingers through the air, and there was nothing to be found. There was nothing in my hands.
Darn daydreams. Maybe I didn't want to sleep, after all. I gasped, breathing hard. It had been so… real…
I leapt to my feet in a panic when I heard my door open. It was a ridiculous overreaction. Emmett was standing there, looking concerned.
"Rose, you okay?"
I walked towards him, leaned my head on his shoulder. "Emmett…" I felt safe in his arms. He was one thing I would have forever.
Emmett put his arm around me. "Rose, you look pale," he teased.
"We're vampires, Emmett."
He laughed. "Come on, Rose. What is it?"
I sighed. "You know what it is."
"I don't think I do."
"You do," I spat with venom in my voice.
He grinned, and then paused, thinking hard. "No, I definitely don't."
I moaned. "She's giving it all up, Emmett."
His eyebrows lifted. "Bella?"
"It's her choice, Rose. And besides," he chuckled, "she'll make a good newborn."
I pulled myself out of his arms. "You know I don't want that for her!"
"If it makes her happy…" Emmett shrugged. "Rose, Bella's in love. People do crazy things when they're in love," he murmured, running his hand through my hair.
I ignored his attempt to distract me. "She'll never get anywhere. She'll just keep running from place to place, repeating high school over and over." I growled under my breath. "She has choices, and she's giving them up!"
Emmett moved his hand to my shoulder. "It's not our place, Rosalie."
"Who else is going to talk some sense into her?"
"This is what she wants."
"But it's not what she needs!" I shrieked. "I can't stand by and let this happen. I have to help her."
"It's not your job," Emmett insisted. "You are relieved of your duties, officially."
I sat down on the bed, defeated. "I… I can't just let her… waste her life like this."
"Then how about this." Emmett jumped up beside me, and the bed shook under the sudden weight. "You do what you can," he said. "You help when you can."
"And I let him change her?" I raged.
He nodded. "Edward can deal with that crap."
I looked away, lost in thought, considering. I hated having to stand by and watch. And I couldn't… I couldn't just let her…
"I don't know," I finally breathed. "I don't know."