It's that time of year again. Time to pull out the ole cliché trope and write another Halloween fic. I tried to get this out in time for the holiday, but it just wasn't going anywhere, so I'm classifying it as another False Start. So here it is, the crossover you probably haven't been waiting for:
She watched as her sister went gaga over some crappy pink dress and conned Willow into wearing something no one who knew about the Real Sunnydale would ever wear at night. It was just slightly better than a bright glowing neon sign saying "bite me please, my blood is very tasty and satisfying."
Xander picked up a plastic gun. Big deal. Even though Xander was really dreamy and cute and funny and cute and loyal and cute, did she mention he was cute? Well, even though Xander was all that, he didn't really have much creativity for Halloween. Dawn Summers, on the other hand, wasn't about to let some troll get in the way of her fun and adventure. And besides, this was supposed to be a safe night, or at least a safer night, when vampires were concerned.
It took some time, but Dawn finally found the perfect costume. She opened up her purse and counted it out. She was thirty-six cents short.
"Buffy," Dawn said, tugging on her sister's sleeve. "I need some money."
"Mom gave you money, squirt," Buffy said, holding the pink monstrosity to her chest.
"But I'm short!" she protested.
"Tough," Buffy growled back.
"If you don't give me what I need I'll tell Xander about what you've been doing with Angel," Dawn said flatly. It was an offer Buffy couldn't refuse.
"Shush you! Now how much do you need?" Buffy said, holding a hand over her sister's mouth. Dawn licked her sisters hand, which Buffy snatched away as if stung.
"Thirty-six cents," Dawn replied. The blonde reached into her pouch and counted out the change.
She slammed it into Dawn's palm and waved a finger in her little sister's face. "Not a word, squirt!"
Xander arrived at the Summers House dressed in his soldier uniform. Ringing the doorbell, he waited until it swung open, revealing Buffy's thirteen year old sister wearing a tuxedo fit to her size and holding a violin case in one hand.
"A tuxedo?" he asked.
"Ah, Xander, what can I do for you on that day of my daughter's wedding?" Dawn replied in a horrible Italian accent. Scratch that, it was a horribly atrocious, Italian accent.
"Aren't you a little young to have seen the Godfather?" Xander asked.
"We have cable," Dawn replied.
"Fair enough," Xander said. "How's Buff and Willow?"
"Having trouble convincing Willow not to wear the ghost costume again," Dawn explained still in the same accent.
"How are you keeping the accent up?" Xander asked. Dawn opened her mouth and pulled out a couple of cotton balls.
"If it worked in Men in Tights..."
"Ready guys?" Buffy asked as she walked down the stairs, followed by Willow, who was trying to hide behind her shorter friend. She was not, in fact, wearing a ghost costume, but a very skimpy middrift baring top and a miniskirt that was more like a belt. Xander whistled.
"Looking good Wills!" he said, prompting a blush on a level rarely seen before.
Dawn woke up in her room. The events of the night before were muddled, but she stood up. She went to her closet and felt dissatisfied by what she found there. Dawn fiddled through her clothes and found a blazer, some neatly pressed slacks and a dress shirt. She straightened herself out and looked in the mirror. It seemed right.
She ate breakfast and stepped out the door where six huge walls of muscle with horns and business suits were waiting for her. As one, they bowed to her. "Good luck at school today, Signorina Summers."
"What? Who? How?" Dawn asked a little alarmed at the demons giving her such diffidence.
"I am James of the Hataka Clan, most people call me Jimmy Two Guns," the first demon said. He gestured to his three male and two female companions. "May I introduce Vincent, AKA my Cousin Vinnie; Anthony, AKA Cousin Fat Tony; Simone, AKA, Cousin Knives; Cousin K'lah; and Cousin Grakktch."
"Why do K'lah and Grakktch have such different names?" Dawn asked.
"They are freshly arrived from the Old World," Jimmy replied, stressing the last phrase to give it more meaning. "The rest of us grew up in New York."
"So, uh, why are you here?" Dawn asked.
"After last night we felt it was best to reaffirm our allegiances to your Family," Jimmy said. Vinnie broke in at the moment and bowed brokenly.
"May your first child be a masculine child," Vinnie said in heavily accented English as he attempted to give his speech. Jimmy slapped his cousin on the chest.
"Now is not the time Vinnie," Jimmy hissed. "The Dawn is needed at school."
Vinnie looked ashamed and bowed once again to Dawn. "I apologize," Vinnie said in his heavy accent. Jimmie gave his cousin Vinnie one last dark look before turning back to Dawn.
"My Cousin Vinnie isn't that good at much that doesn't involve excessive force, but he's getting better at just the right amount of force," Jimmie explained as an apology for his cousin's behavior. "Is there anything we can do for you while you are at school?"
"I don't really need anything," Dawn said, still a bit discombobulated at the rather sudden changes in her life. "But I guess, keep Mom safe and anything that would make life easier for her and Buffy."
"It will be as you command, Signorina," Jimmy said with a little bow.
Snyder was sitting at his desk contemplating how better to ruin his students' day, as he was wont to do, when four "men" in suits walked into his office bearing cases for various string instruments. Snyder, semi-aware of the woogity side of the street, knew they weren't just gangs on PCP. Of course the horns were a dead giveaway.
"We need to have a little talk," said Jimmy, clasping his hands in front of him.
"What are you doing here? This is a school!" Snyder growled.
"We understand you've been harassing the Slay-" Tony cut himself off as another one elbowed him in the ribs. "Harassing Miss Summers."
"Buffy Summers is a delinquent menace to the school! That's not harassment, that's a preemptive strike!" Snyder growled.
"It is in your best interest to cease and desist," Jimmy Two Guns said standing so he towered over the trollish man. "But it seems like you might need something to keep the memory of this conversation fresh in your mind. Vinnie, Tony?"
Vincent grabbed the principal from under his arms and hefted him onto the desk. Tony tucked the man's tie into his mouth to cut off his screaming. Then the first one pulled a baseball bat out of a viola case.
"Mr. Snyder, this is just a reminder, to keep things fresh, mind you," he said before swinging the bat down three times with all his strength onto the principal's knee. "I'm glad we had this talk."
And with that, the quartet turned and walked out the door, shutting it behind them. They glanced at the secretary and nodded. "You may need to call an ambulance."
Buffy walked out her front door in preparation for school and saw a guy in a suit standing next to her mother's car. Scratch that, a demon in a suit judging by the horns.
"Good Morning, Signorina Buffy. Have a good day at school," it said, opening the door to the vehicle for her. Her mother was in the front seat and seemed fine, so Buffy slipped into the seat, still giving the demon a hairy eyeball.
"What was that all about?" Buffy asked her mom.
"I'm not sure," Joyce replied. "He seemed nice enough, but I don't really understand wearing a mask like that after Halloween."
"Uh, right, mask," Buffy said, shaking her head in confusion. "So he just showed up like that?"
"Yes, at the gallery yesterday," she replied. "He said it was in his own best interest to make sure Dawn and I were safe, whatever that means. Although it does seem odd that he didn't mention you, Buffy."
Buffy almost jumped out of the car before booking it to the library waving to her friends on the way in. "Giles, why was there a demon helping me into Mom's car this morning?"
Giles looked up in surprise. "Excuse me, what?"
"Demon, Giles," Buffy said bluntly. "You know, horns, scaly skin, gray mobster suit."
"Buffy, are you telling me that you saw a demon dressed up like a gangster?" Giles asked.
"I've seen them too," Willow said. "I was walking to school and one tipped his hat to me."
"Hat?" Giles asked blankly.
"It was a fedora," Willow said seriously, as if it were a sign of the next apocalypse. "Demon with horns wearing a fedora."
Giles went back to his stacks. "Now, what did these demons look like?"
"The one I saw was pinkish, with rams horns growing out the side of its face, but it only had three fingers on each hand, plus thumb," Willow said. "I think the others were cut off," she whispered worriedly as she leaned in with wide eyes.
"And it was just walking down the street?" Xander asked stuffing his face with a newly opened twinkie. "Next you're going to tell me you saw cats and dogs living together in perfect harmony."
"It was really weird," Willow said, nodding quickly. "And it was kinda scaly, too."
"That's what I saw, sans hat," Buffy said.
"I do believe you are speaking of a fyarl demon," Giles said as he looked distractedly out the window.
"You know that just by our description, getting good Giles," Buffy complimented.
"Well, that and the fact that I just saw four of them get into a black sedan and drive away," Giles said. "I think I shall have to consult my books. And you three should get to class before the bell rings."
As the three made their way to class, they had to stop as EMTs hauled their trollish principal out on a gurney as he writhed in pain, clutching his kneecap. He spotted Buffy and instantly cringed and looked away.
"What the hellmouth was that about?" Xander asked. The other two looked at him. "Not that I'm complaining that Snyder got kneecapped, mind you. It's just odd."
The Fyarl demons were more common in Sunnydale after that. Buffy, Xander and Willow saw them on patrols, and they nodded politely. They had an almost continual presence at Revello Drive. When asked all they would say is "It is in our best interest to keep your family safe."
Willy, on the other hand, was discovering that being a neutral party in Sunnydale wasn't what it used to be. Four fyarl demons walked up to the most frequented demon bar in Sunnydale escorting the person who struck more fear in the hearts of demons that any big bad. Two of the Fyarls took up shop, blocking the entrance and exit into the back, while the girl and her "companions" made their way up to the counter.
"Willy, Willy," the thirteen year old girl said. Dressed in a gray pantsuit, she was, as usual, flanked by her two walls of muscle bodyguards. "You're late on your payments."
"Look, I'm sorry, money just isn't as good now that the Scourge got together," Willy said. "They don't come here for blood no more, not when Drusilla and Spike are pushing their weight around. Darla I could deal with, but Spike? Bad for business."
"That's what you said the last time you were late," the girl said. "You wouldn't want us to pull out our protection, would you? Something...unfortunate might happen."
"I'm sorry, what if I give you half now, half next week?" Willy said, sweating as the Fyarl cracked her knuckles menacingly. He slid about half of what he had in the register over the counter to her. She nodded to Wall-of-Muscle No. 2, who took the money, carefully folding it and tucking it into his pocket.
"I think that can work," she said. Willy audibly let out a breath of relief. She glance him over. "Tell me Willy, are you right handed or left handed?"
"I'm a southpaw, why?" Willy said.
"Tony, break his right hand," the girl said.
"What? But I just-"
"You only need one hand to serve drinks, Willy," the youngest Ms. Summers replied. Vinnie grabbed Willy's right arm and held it out as Fat Tony smashed the bartender's hand. Willy howled in pain, but the Fyarl kept the iron grip on his arm as the other went in for another blow. "That's enough Tony. Willy, let this be a lesson to you."
Willy nodded, tears running down his face.
"And you'll have the rest of the money next week," Dawn stated.
Willy nodded again, whimpering in pain.
"You might want to have that looked at," Dawn said. "Falling down the stairs is...painful."
Knives and K'lah stepped to the side and allowed Willy to run out. Dawn and her two companions turned to a certain flappy skinned demon. "Now Clem, what's this I hear about you and Max the Shark running an unsanctioned gambling ring?"
The demon in question, already quite pale, turned the color of printer paper.
Time passed. The Summers SUV was traded in one night and replaced by a black Bentley with bullet proof windows, reinforced doors and magically enhanced tires. Joyce was pleased to see the deed and notice of her "winning" a "contest" that gave her a new car.
Snyder learned his lesson quite quickly and didn't even look in the Scoobie's direction.
"That was...strange," Xander said as they watched Snyder turn sharply when he saw them coming.
"Yup!" Willow said. "Really strange."
"Ooooh yeaaah," Buffy said, drawing out the words for emphasis. "Hey, I wonder if Giles figured out what those fyarl demons were up to?"
In fact, Giles had not figured out what those fyarl demons were up to.
"In truth, I am quite perplexed by the whole arrangement," he elaborated. "For Fyarl demons to be so...restrained, it is quite out of character."
Angel lost his soul, but he quickly learned that it wasn't the vampires who really ran the town. Minions, fledglings vamps and minor demons, normally flocked to a master vampire like himself, but now they were very hesitant to do anything.
He turned to Dalton with a confused look.
"Why won't they work for me? A little mayhem, a lot of blood, death and torture, all in the family fun that we're made for," Angelus asked. Dalton's golden eyes went wide and he nervously glanced from side to side. The bookish vamp leaned in close.
"Angelus, I know you're...situation is a bit different, but you just don't go against the Family like that," Dalton said. "I think I'm going to Willy's where it's mostly safe."
A year passed and Dawn's Family grew. She bought up Angel's mansion as a Family Compound where most of her Consigliere lived when not out on business. She'd also expanded operations to Burbank and San Francisco, though she wasn't finding much success in LA, too many evil lawyers working for other families. But her biggest issue was right there in Sunnydale.
"Mayor Wilkins," Jimmy said from across the man's desk. "The Dawn sent me to talk some sense into you."
"Gosh, whatever for?" Richard asked.
"Turning into an Old One and eating those under the Dawn's protection would not be in the best interests of your health," Jimmy said, holding his hands in front of him. He watched as the Mayor's eyes flashed to the bulges under the Fyarl's arms.
"Gosh darn it," the Mayor said. "I've made a lot of promises to those who brought me into this office and I can't just abandon them."
"Mister Mayor, the Dawn has instructed me to make this an offer you can't refuse," Jimmy reminded him. "It really is in your best interest."
"Son, you just don't switch horses midstream," the Mayor replied with his best "friendly politician" face on.
"I'm sorry it came to this, Mister Mayor," Jimmy replied before turning to leave.
Richard Wilkins the First, Second and Third awoke to a dampness in his bed the next morning. Whipping off the comforter he saw the bloodied severed maw of Lurconis staining the sheets. The Mayor screamed, whether it was because of the loss of his supporter or the unsanitary nature of the message was anybody's guess.
A silly thing, but had potential to be serious in places. It was going to be rife with Godfather quotes and cliches, but alas it is not to be. I don't own the Godfather, but I think Mario Puzo does. I don't own Buffy, I think Joss does.