Okay, this is going to be the last nightmare for the night and possibly for a while, seeing as how I'm all out drunk jokes entirely. What happens here will most likely be the last ounce of hilarity you'll see out of the Nightmare King (since that's the main reason people read these now, except the few times there's a pairing), so yeah. Here we go.


Bartie Stork slept peacefully in his bed one night, despite the small pebbles being thrown at his window. Bartie was immediately awakened when a mad bull was thrown through his window and began destroying his room before jumping back out. That's when the Nightmare King climbed his way up, still drunk. "Oh…Oh God."

"Who are you?" Bartie shouted.

"Oh ho, YOU! If it isn't Mr. I'm-going-to-bone-the-Nightmare-King's-granddaughter!"

"Granddaughter? Wait, you're the Nightmare King! Virginia's grandfather!"

"Yeah, that's right! So, you're the big palooka who's gonna give me great grandchildren, are-are you?"

Bartie blushed at this. "Uh…I don't know."

"Well, ya better treat her well! She-She's important to me, ya know? I-I took-I took her to her pian-to her piano recital!"

"Uh…she doesn't play piano."

"Oh, r-really? Huh. It must have been that-that really UGLY Nightmare kid."

"Uh, can I help you with something? 'Cause I'm a little creeped out."

"Well, you BETTER be creeped out! I'm-I'm the-I'm the NIGHTMARE KING! So, SUCK IT!" With that, he drank more booze.

"Yeah…so are you gonna give me a nightmare or what?"

"Alright, FINE, Mr. Impatient! Be pre-PARED!" With that, he gave Bartie a nightmare.

The Candy Man! (The Candy Man!)

The Candy Man! (The Candy Man!)

He has a little cock that's

All mixed up with up with doo

And makes the world taste good!

Bartie was immediately awakened from his so-called 'nightmare'. "Uh…what was that?"

"Oooog. Oh, you-you know what? I'm-I'm so drunk that-that the b-the booze is-is interfering with my powers. So-S-So, go back to sleep and I'll give you a nightmare later." With that, he fell asleep on Bartie's floor.

An hour later.

"Hoo-WEE! I'm up and I'm a lot more sober! Okay, time for some NIGHTMARES!"

In his nightmare, Bartie yawned as he awoke and got out of bed. "Huh? AAHH!" he screamed when he noticed something horribly wrong. "WHERE'S MY YIPPER COLLECTION?" He quickly dashed to the kitchen, where he found his mom. "Mom, have you seen any of my Yipper stuff?"

"Oh? I gave that stuff away."

"You WHAT?"

"Your friend said you were tired and you didn't want it anymore, so I gave it away."

"What the-Virginia!" With that, he dashed out his house ran his way to Virginia's.

He finally made it to her house and entered her room, but there was something terribly wrong there as well. "Why is everything pink?"

"Oh! Hi, Bartie!" Virginia exclaimed, coming up to him, wearing a pink dress.

"Virginia, where's all your goth stuff?"

"Oh, yeah. Turns out, the goth was a little creepy for me, so I ditched it and switched to pink! It's a lot better!"

"BETTER?"

Just then, they heard a knock at the front door. "OOH! That must be my boyfriend!"

"BOYFRIEND?" Bartie yelled, following Virginia as she ran down the stairs. She answered the door and Bartie was surprised at who it was. "PATTON?"

"Hey, Ginny! Ready for our date?"

"You bet!"

"WAIT!" Bartie shouted. "Virginia, I thought we were…you know."

"Oh, sorry, Bartie. Turns, I'm more into guys who are, you know...cooler. You're too nerdy for me."

"Sorry, Dude." Patton apologized, and with that, he and Virginia held hands as they walked away, Bartie about to go on mental breakdown.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"NOO!" Bartie screamed, waking up in his room, gasping for air.

"Bartie, what's wrong?" asked Virginia, who was sleeping over, stepping into his room.

"Uh…nothing. Hey, Virginia, do you think I'm…nerdy?"

At this, she laughed. "Bartie, you're probably the nerdiest guy I know! But that's why I like you so much!"

"But you don't think I'm cool, do you?"

"Bartie, you saved me from that Teen Ninja AND from the Senior Citizombies! If that ain't cool, then I ain't goth!"

"Oh, thank goodness!"

Virginia then noticed the snoozing Nightmare King. "Grandpa?"

"Oh…Okay, take care, you kids. I gotta go, uh…call a saucer." With that, he stood up and limped his way to the hole in the wall, falling out.

He crawled some distance away from the house, dialed numbers on a cell phone, then spoke into it. "Hello? Customer Service? Yeah, I'm gonna need you to send a flying saucer to Bartie's house in Virginia to pick me up….Yep. Got drunk again….Yep. Drunkman and Beer Boy….Yeah. I hit on several girls…and a boy….Got bitched at big time. Okay. See you when you get here." But once he hung up, a cop car pulled up next to him.

"Stand up, Sir." The cop instructed. The King did as told and stood to face him. "Sir, have you been drinking tonight? We got several reports about some ghostly being causing destruction throughout Virginia and West Virginia."

"…Yep. Big time."

"Well, that comes to a fine of 50,000 dollars, Sir."

"Aw….crap."

"Of course…I could always be persuaded otherwise." He said in a rather gay voice, giving a grin.

The Nightmare King pulled out another beer and said to it, "Well, Old Boy? We've been through a lot before. We can make it through this." With that, he got in with the cop, who drove them away to a private location.


Well, there's the last nightmare for a while. I'm not sure how I can make the villains' nightmares humorous at all. Also, anyone who's read either GALACSIA or ANCESTOR would know that the Nightmare King is Virginia's grandfather, as her father is Count Spankulot. Well, time to go finish DUTCHMAN. Later.