Professor Layton and the Mashed Potato Box

One stupidly boring day much like this one, Professor Layton and Luke were in Layton's apartment doing nothing in particular. The professor had just came back from the shitty mailbox that for some reason was located all the way down the lane, holding a crispy white letter in his sticky hand that smelled somewhat of lemonade. "Luke, my boy! It seems that we have gotten mail from my mentor, Doctor Schrader."

"That's nice, professor." Said Luke, staring boredly out of the grimy dirt window, "But to be honest, I don't really care."

"Meh." Said Layton, "Me either. Fuck it." He tossed the letter over his shoulder and proceeded to make himself some tea.

And you can already guess what kind of ooc story this is.

5 days later, Layton was cleaning up the disasterous apartment, tidying things and putting things in order, when he found the letter again. It was a little stained now, and the edges were crumpled. But it stood there on the carpet, tempting Layton to open it. He bent down smoothly, and picked up the letter. He was just about to open it when he heard a crash in the kitchen, and Luke's bloodcurling screams. Quickly, his head turned around, "LUKE?"


"Luke!" Layton scrowled, and absentmindedly threw the letter somewhere, and ran into the kitchen, stepping in a puddle of an icky white-coloured unknown substance that made squishy noises under his feet. You could hear his wise words he said to Luke at that moment, even in the livingroom, where that dear letter rotted away on the plush red carpet, "MY WORD! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?"

The week went by nicely. It was Thursday afternoon, and Layton for some reason had a day off from the University. He was sitting in the livingroom, drinking his tea from his favourite tea cup, when he noticed something white underneath the brown coffee table. Setting his tea cup on a coaster on top of the coffee table, he went underneath it and pulled out an envelope. "..What's this?" He asked himself.

He called his apprentice into the room.

Luke and the professor stared at the letter curiously.

"Who's it from, professor?" Asked Luke.

"It appears to be from my mentor, Andrew Schrader. This letter was sent here a few weeks ago."

The professor opened up the letter, staring at the long agonizing paragraphs. "...Bleh. How about we go outside, Luke, for some fresh air?"

"Sure, professor!"

And FINALLY that night, the duo had worked up the effort to finally read the fucking thing.

"It says here that Doctor Schrader had got his hands on The Mashed Potato box. A box rumoured to kill anyone who opens it. It says here that his curiousity had peaked him to his limit, and that when he opens it and dies, he wants me to carry on attempting to solve it's mystery."

"..If that crap was sent more than a week ago," Said Luke, "He's probably already dead."

"..Come on then, we have to go over there." He sounded reluctant.

"Do you know where he lives, professor?"



"Oh wait, nevermind, Luke. There's a convieniently attached map."

"What the fuck kind of shit is this?"

The two got into the Laytonmobile and drove off, to Schrader's house. They got into the building, and stood outside his apartment. Of course, the door was locked.

"How are we supposed to get in!" Asked Luke. "We could be trapped here forever and never get to the other side! Why didn't we read the letter sooner professor? Why oh why?"


"He enclosed a map! Why didn't he just enclose a key too? What's the point of telling us where he lived if we have no way of getting in there?"




"We're going to have to wait here ALL YEAR LONG IN THIS TACKY HALLWAY! Just waiting and waiting until SOME ONE WHO HAS THE KEY CAN KINDLY LET US IN! It was all for naught profes-"


Luke looked down at his feet. He was standing on a burgundy 'WELCOME' mat. Layton was at Luke's side, holding up a shiny golden key. He put the key into the hole and opened the door.

On the middle of the floor lay the dead, decomposing corpse of Andrew Schrader.


"..Excuse me, Luke." Said Layton as he turned around and emptied the contents of his stomach all over the floor and the welcome mat from earlier.

Luke inched his way into the office and over to Schrader's body. In the background, you could still hear Layton's gags and the sound of sick splashing the floor. He looked around the room. Was he scanning for the box? A puzzle? Some clues?

"A-HAH!" Luke cried out when he found was he was looking for.

He ran over to the corner of the room. Right by a window that was missing a curtain, stood a lean stick. It was a tree branch, and it was probably a foot long. Luke walked over to the dead body, and began poking it.

Luke was fully enjoying himself, seeing as the poking lasted a good fifteen minutes.

"LUKE!" Layton said suddentally, shaking the boy out of poking paradise. "Stop poking my mentor! We must call the authorities!"

Sure enough, the authorities were called and arrived another 15 minutes later. Inspector Chelmey and his assistant ran into the room. Chelmey slipped on Layton's throw up expels on the floor, and found himself with his head burried into the dead body's stomach- If you would call it that.

"LOOK!" Cried Luke. "It's that guy! Remember? From Mystere!"

Layton seemed shocked, "Don P... Pa.." Then confused. "..Don.. Pao.. How the hell do you pronounce his name?"

"I'LL SAVE YOU PROFESSOR!" Luke picked up the poking stick and began beating Chelmey.

Chelmey's assistant attempted to pull Luke away from Chelmey, but he ended up being whacked upside the head with the stick.

"HEY!" Said the assistant, blood dripping down from the wound on his head, "Aren't you going to stop your boy?"

"No. It's not my problem." Layton pulled some tea out of his top hat, sat down on a stool, and watched.


"..I'm sorry, Inspector Chelmey." Said Luke once he was calmed down and informed that this person was actually the REAL inspector Chelmey.

"..That's okay." said the inspector. He now had both of his arms twisted into a position that no normal person can do, and his left leg seemed to be bent into a spiral. He had a black, swollen eye and blood coming out of his mouth. His mustache seemed to be ripped off, and he had teethmarks on his cheek. "Anyway, it seems here we have a.. A suicide."

"Suicide?" Said the professor, "What makes you come to that conclusion?"


"No, I-"


"I was just saying that, ma-"


Layton cleared his throat, "I'm Professor Hershel Layton, and-"

Luke cut him off. He and Chelmey's assistant began giggling.

"What is so funny?" Demanded Layton.

"YOUR NAME!" Replied Luke. "What kind of fucking name is 'Hershel' anyway? That's a fucking old person's name!"

Layton frowned. "...I'm not old."

Chelmey somehow crawled away from the body, "..It's too decomposed to tell what happened to him, but I think he hung himself."

"..Where did he hang himself, then?" Asked Layton, "It doesn't make sense. If he hung himself, where's the rope or the object he used to hang himself with? He wrote us a letter saying that he found the Mashed Potato Box. Rumour has it, that anyone who opens this box dies-"

"..If that's so. Where's the box? YOU'RE NOT THINKING THINGS THROUGH EITHER! HAH!"

"Isn't it obvious? Some one stole it."

All eyes were on Layton. Layton smirked and adjusted his tophat. He walked over to the window with one curtain and pointed to something. They all walked over to the window, 'cept Chelmey who crawled.

There was a curtain rope sticking out of the window that lead downstairs.


A fast as you could say 'LOL GAYTON', Chelmey's assistant, Barton, shoved every single thing that could count as evidence into a sack. Including some ripped up pieces of paper that Layton had his eye on. Then, Chelmey and Barton escaped through the fire escape that's there because I fucking said so.

Layton and Luke stood there in a now completely empty room that's even missing it's wallpaper and furniture.

"Professor! What's that?" Luke said, pointing to the only thing Barton left behind. It was on the floor where the dead body used to be. A train ticket.

Layton picked it up. "It's a ticket for the Gruesome Express.. That leads... Nowhere."


Luke and Layton entered their car-room thingy of the Gruesome Express.

"WOW!" Gasped Luke. "THIS ROOM IS SO-... oh."

The room was anything but fabluous. A vast army of big fat rats with huge, glowing red eyes, and fat pink tails scurried around at their feet. The room had poor, shitty lighting, and the only thing giving this room light was the window. And that was very little. The window was extremely dirty, nearly black, and it was cracked. The bed that they had to sleep on was nothing but a mattress that smelled alot like curdled milk. There were an assortment of stains decorating it. Stains of all different shapes, sizes, and colours. On the bleak, equally stained walls were roaches. Little brown things scurrying up and down the walls in rows, and there was a nasty cobweb in the corner of each wall. One of the walls sat a fat spider.

Luke and Layton stood silent in the door way, listening to the sounds of the rodents and the creeking sound of the train's engine. Luke didn't DARE bounce on that fucked up couch with the springs sticking out of it like spikes over there in the far corner of the room.

"It can't be that bad, my boy." Said Layton.

"..Oh yes it can. We haven't even SEEN the bathroom yet."

To prove Luke wrong, Layton took his hand, stepped over the rats, and lead them to the bathroom. Shut up there's a bathroom in there. I DON'T KNOW HOW THESE TRAINS ARE LAID OUT. SHUT UP STOP LAUGHING AT ME.

He opened the door. The bathroom had brown mushy stuff with yellow solid chunks crammed into it on the ceiling. It dripped down onto the floor, which was full to the ankles of this disgusting... Thing. The bathroom smelled terrible, mainly because the stained brown toilet was full of.. Waste. And there seemed to be no flusher-thingy.

"Professor!" Cried Luke. "Let's get out of here! Please!"

The Professor didn't budge, even though his stupidly tall tophat was getting brown ick all over it. "My boy! This reminds me of a puzzle!"


But Luke was ignored, "Well Luke, you see, if these brown things grow on the ceiling at a rate of 5 centimeters per second, what would happen if.."


"And the measurement of a person in the corner sitting with correct posture compared to the.."

Luke felt the brown stuff ooze down his blue messenger cap and onto his forhead. It was cold, like a slushy. "PLEASE, PROFESSOR!"

"So if the 200th kilometer was multiplyed by the number of pens I have on my desk at home.."


5 hours later, Luke's entire body was drenched in brown.


"..Oh, Luke! Sorry, I got caught up in a puzzle. Come on, let's change our clothes, shall we?"



After getting cleaned up somehow, the two abandoned their suitcases in the seemingly most cleanest corner of the room, and went to explore the rest of the dismal train. "No wonder why they call this place gruesome." Frowned Luke, staring at the bright, bright, bright, bright, red walls of the train, and the bright, bright, bright, bright, green floors. They were walking down a long hallway connecting to the rest of the cabins. "I'm getting a little hungry, Luke." Said Layton. "Let's stop by the dining car and get something to eat."

The dining car was extremely crowded and full of chatter. Luke paid close attention to the food. Have they all ordered the same thing? On everyone's plate was something that looked like jell-o. 'Cept that the jell-o sometimes varied in colour.

"Ah, hello!" Said the waitor, "What luck! A table for two just opened up!"

Scratch that. Some fat chick ran in and sat down at their table.

The waitor shrugged and walked away from Luke and Layton, getting the fat person's order.

"He's just going to leave us deserted like that?" Said Luke, "That's not fair!"

"Now Luke, a gentlemen always lets a lady go first. Even if she is a fat bitch."

The two left the dining car, wandered around, and found the observing deck. Kinda like a boat or somethin'. The chairs on deck were rusty metal, and the sky above was gray and onmious. Layton looked up and noticed that the sky was only gray above the train. Everywhere else was a clear blue. He dare not to point this out to Luke.

"So anyway, what do you think this ticket had to do with the Mashed Potato Box?" Asked Luke.

Layton shrugged, "To hell if I fucking know. This damn ticket probably means nothing and we came aboard this train for no real reason."

All the sudden, it started to rain. It began to pour, and thunder began booming. Only on the train, though. Layton didn't bother to point that either. Instead he followed Luke to the end of the rail.

"I'm so hungry," Luke complained, not noticing he was getting soaked, "Why did that fat person have to steal our table."

Layton looked down, the rain making a flood up to his ankles, "Luke, let me tell you a puzzle, to get your mind off of your hunger."

"Can I eat this puzzle?"


"Then shut the fuck up!"