Title: I Spy a Sexy Slytherin

Rating: M, +16. This is just to be safe, rated for suggestion of adult themes and because of my paranoia.

Word count: 2070 words

Warnings/Spoilers: Warnings for crack, slash and ooc-ness. You have been warned.

Pairings: Harry/Draco, Colin Creevey/Blaise Zabini, Ron/Hermione, likely others but I'm sure you can figure them out.

Summary: The 6th year Gryffindor's are bored, to cure their boredom they decide to play 'I Spy'. A passing Draco decides to join in. With Draco participating Harry takes his chance to announce his desire to 'tap' Draco. Crack ensues.

A/N: So this is total and complete crack, I wrote it while waiting for my family to organise themselves for a drive to my grandparents and during the drive itself. The crack seems to have got serious at the end there; sorry that's writing one part on month and the other six months later.


It was a boring Saturday sometime in the middle of the school year that found the Gryffindor 6th years, plus Ginny, playing 'I spy' in their boredom. It was currently Seamus' turn, and the letter was G. Engrossed and get bored, the Gryffindor's were rattling off whatever words beginning with G that came to mind. They'd already tried: glasses, galleon, Great Hall, gravity, ghosts, ginger, and grape.

"Ginny" Neville tried.

"No" came Seamus' bored reply.

"Gryffindor" Ron piped in.

"No" Seamus' seemed to be getting agitated at their lack of spying skills.

"Granger" said Ginny.

"No" her only reply.

"Gandalf the Purple" Dean called loudly having just spotted a purple clothed man "No wait that's Dumbledore, sorry" Dean mumbled, laughing at himself.

"No Dean. It's not Gandalf that I spy" Seamus' cried exasperated though he was laughing himself. The wizard raised Gryffindor's gave their housemates looks, recognising it to be an unknown Muggle reference they'd likely never get.

"Git" the guess came from Ron. Again.

"No" Seamus muttered, loosing hope that anyone would get it.

"Gravy" said Hermione looking up from her book.

"Yes! Hermione wins with gravy" cried Seamus, overjoyed that someone finally got it. There were a few grumbles before Hermione pointed down the table to the pot of gravy sitting before the third years.

Before anyone could say anymore on the matter the sneering voice of Draco Malfoy interrupted them. "How sweet the Gryffindorks are playing Muggle games"

"Bugger off Malfoy" cried Ron, standing up in indignation.

"I don't think I will Weasel. I think I'll be as painful as possible and play this little Muggle game with you all"

And so the game continued; Hermione spied banner and Ginny guessed it before spying pumpkin juice, which Malfoy guessed, who then spied crest.

Harry was the one to guess Malfoy's object and so then it was Harry's turn. "I spy with my little eye something beginning with S.S."

"S.S! That's not fair Harry. No double words" Ron cried.

"Get over it Weasel" Draco drawled before Harry could reply, in return Ron got all huffy and crossed his arms like a pouting three year old.

"Silly students"

"No"

"Slimy Slytherin's" Ginny laughed, her eyes directed at Malfoy who glared back at her.

"Yes to Slytherin's, no to slimy" Harry replied, staring up at the enchanted ceiling.

"Sleazy Slytherin's" said Neville who was watching Blaise Zabini making suggestive faces and gestures at Colin Creevey.

"No" replied Harry not looking down from the ceiling and yet somehow he knew what Neville had seen and what Zabini was doing. "Zabini stop propositioning Colin at the dinner table. If you want to shag, go somewhere else"

Everyone looked from Harry to Zabini and then to Colin who was turning tomato red. Dean and Seamus shrugged, Ginny was looking at Colin strangely while the others had turned back to Harry and were trying to think of what a Slytherin was that began with S, totally ignoring the fact that innocent Colin had just been propositioned.

"Stupid Slytherin's"

"No"

"Sexy Slytherin's" Malfoy drawled.

"Yes" cried Harry, finally looking down from the ceiling and straight into Draco's eyes, ensnaring Draco in his emerald gaze. The two boys found themselves trapped in the others eyes, unable to look away from the swimming depth of emotion the eyes held.

The sound of Ron choking broke the spell and Draco looked away. Only to find that everyone was staring at Harry and him completely shocked. Draco just stared back, looking for all the world like a deer caught in the headlights.

"What!" they all screamed.

"Well it's true; all the good looking people are Slytherin, expecting a few. And no one can deny that Malfoy has the hottest piece of ass in Hogwarts. I'd tap that"

If it was possible, mouths dropped even further, hitting the floor.

"Sexy?... Tap that? What does that even mean Potter?"

"It's a Muggle term, Malfoy" Seamus and Dean were laughing their heads off, Dean calmed himself enough to elaborate "It means that Harry here wants to or would shag you senseless given the chance"

Harry smiled lavishly, "Hmmm, Malfoy's ass" the sound was almost like a moan, you could almost see the drool Harry's dirty thoughts of Malfoy caused.

Ron was looking as if he'd throw up at any moment. Hermione looked as though she had gotten a B in an assignment and Ginny looked as if she was about to explode. Neville was looking nervous, wether from Draco's presence or from Harry's revelation was unknown.

Surprisingly Dean and Seamus were grinning widely. "Pay up mate" Seamus crowed.

Dean, muttering fished in his pockets before suddenly stopping his search. "Their not together nor have they shagged, mate."

Seamus was grinning like the mad Irishman he was, "Not yet, mate. Not yet" he claimed, hand outstretched still beckoning for Dean's money. Dean merely shock he's head and turned away.

Seamus cursed at Dean's antics while almost everyone around them laughed at the pair. Malfoy on the other hand looked as if he'd entered an alternate universe or reality – which of course he had when he sat down with Gryffindor's and agreed to play their game.

Hermione lent over towards Draco and said, "you shouldn't look so shocked. They're not the only ones betting on you and Harry, Fred and George have a book running. Almost the whole school has a bet on the both of you." She glanced at the teachers sitting at their table, "Fred tells me that apart from a few all the teachers have betting going as well."

Draco turned sharply to look at the teachers, glaring at them he tried to work out which ones had made bets on him and Harry.

Snape certainly wouldn't. Draco tilts his head, then again Severus would bet on it never happening. Considering the head table Draco is finding it hard to determine which teachers haven't placed a bet. Draco is certain that Trewley would have bet on Harry dieing before the event of the two coupling.

A hand placed on his arm has him glancing back at the Gryffindor's surrounding him. Harry has his hand on his bicep and is gazing at him questioningly.

"How can you stand it? Everyone thinks we're just going to up and shag one day after almost six years of fighting"

Harry shrugs, "We have always had an insane amount of tension between us"

Draco feels almost panicky now. "Tension" he screeches, "tension my ass." And then he sees the glint in the boy wonders eyes, a tinge of lust and desire and something else that is soft and warm, it is conflictingly comforting and horrifying. Draco glances away mumbling an 'oh' of discovery.

He hears Harry sigh before and hand is placed on his, "You'll get use to it. I certainly have"

"How long have you known" Draco asks, determinedly not looking at Harry or at any of his friends, instead focusing on the Slytherin banner across the hall.

"I found out end of summer, I was in the twins shot when I overheard someone placing a bet. I yelled and fumed but in the end I realised that I can't stop them from thinking what they want. But then I started looking at you. Really looking at =you, and looking at our fights from an outside perspective and I realised that they are justified in their belief that we're going to end up shagging one day."

Draco scoffed, "unlikely. Dumbledore would as soon give up his lemon drops then we will shag"

"I don't know. I think you're handsome enough for a shag, maybe something more."

Draco made a choking sound, "YOU!"

Harry smiled and nodded, "yes me. And if you'll excuse me I think I should leave you along to digest what you've learnt" and with that Harry stood and left the Great Hall, leaving Draco Malfoy sitting among Gryffindors.

It wasn't until after dinner the next day that Draco was able to speak again. He had been sulky and sullen since he discovered the news. Immediately after leaving the Gryffindors he had searched out his friends and grilled them on the betting pool. Draco had not been happy to learn that both Blaise and Pansy had made bets on Draco and Harry ending up together by the end of their schooling.

Pansy it turns out was a fangirl, she had screamed when Draco had introduced the topic of the bet. Draco and Blaise had covered their ears, fearing for their hearing. Afterwards she had flounced around the common room and latter the sixth years boys dormitory going on and on about how happy Draco would be with Potter and how safe he and his family would be.

Ever the Slytherin Draco couldn't deny that his family could regain some of their influence and prestige if he aligned himself with the Boy Who Lived.

Draco sighed dramatically, he didn't know what to do. So he settled on watching Harry Potter, watching him in the hall, in class, during meals, in the library. Anywhere that he could watch Harry Draco would take advantage of that chance.

A week after the 'I Spy' incident Draco found himself sitting in a hallway alcove after curfew thinking. He still didn't know what he wanted or what he should do. Watching Harry Draco had found himself admiring the boy's body, the curve of his ass was one part of his body Draco particularly admired. Draco liked the way Harry would bite his bottom lip when thinking, or push his fringe out of his eyes when he was frustrated or aggravated.

During his watching Draco found that he was attracted to Harry. This scared him. He didn't know what to do about it, on the one hand he could ignore it and continue the way he had been for six years or he could embrace it tell Harry and shag the hell out of him. Also in the process ending the betting.

And so a week and a bit since Draco Malfoy sat down with Gryffindors to play a muggle game the Ice Prince of Slytherin was back, this time during the lunch break. Nervously Draco approached the Gryffindor table, a few students noticed the Slytherin's movement and alerted their friends. By the time Draco was near Harry the entire hall was silent and all eyes were on the pair.

Harry had noticed the silence and stares before he noticed Draco. Draco came to a stop beside the bench Harry was sitting on, Harry had turn to face him. The silence stretched, the student body as well as the teachers could tell that something was different about this confrontation. Draco glanced around before settling his gaze back on Potter and not looking away.

Draco stepped forward, "Potter" Draco greeted. He looked at his feet before saying "Harry" his voice laden with desire, "I've been thinking about what you said" he paused again. Taking a deep breath before blurting out "Are you doing anything Hogsmead weekend?"

Harry shook his head, "No"

Draco nodded, "good. I was wondering if you'd like to meet up and... talk"

Harry smiled then, "Talking would be good. What are we discussing?"

Draco glanced around seeing all the staring eyes he grabbed his last shred of courage and said "Tapping each other, shagging each other senseless and of course that amazing sexual tension when we fight"

Harry's smile widened, "Ah yes, hot topics of conversation there"

Draco raised an eyebrow expectantly. "Sure, I'm free. I'll owl you with a place we can meet"

Draco smiled, "Looking forward to it Harry. Thank you"

The silence in the Great Hall finally broke, students were discussing this occurrence. Some were mumbling about losing money on the bets and some were screaming in joy that they were right and how much they would be getting.

Of course Draco was still standing by Harry but no one was pay attention but for a few of Harry's Gryffindor friends. Draco leant forward and pecked Harry on the check, "Thanks. See you in class" he said before making his way back to the Slytherin table.

And that children is how Draco Malfoy asked Harry Potter out. The two ended up being the most notorious couple in Hogwarts, they were caught snogging by everyone in school, and caught out after curfew numerous times, not to say they weren't out more than they were caught.