I was cranky and angry, a rare state of mind for me, I admit. It was not because being called by the principal of school, no, neither it was the fact that the kids made a mess again with some age changing pills Chisame-chan brought home, noo, it wasn't the early night my dear Aoko called after 'confiscating' the said pills to the master bedroom either. It was the fact that I had got to sleep at 5' in the morning, and they called me at 8'. Yes, some days it sucks to be me.
"Sorry, once again, mister Emiya. We know that you're a busy person, and we try to let your butler, Girugamusu, take care of minor things, but this is no minor squabble. Half of the gym was destroyed, and your girl have exposed her other classmates to an act of indecenc-" The principal started to state.
"She touched herself in 'private' places didn't she?" I asked rhetorically. I couldn't bring myself to care about decency anymore. I would've descended into madness, after my dear Kazehana resolved to entertain herself in a beneficent dinner by 'sitting' on my lap, or that day that Matsu ditched her already indecent swimsuit at a public beach in our honeymoon. I'm still forcing myself to forget that episode with 'Dark' Sakura and that Touko from Mahora, no matter how hot the blonde teacher was. Not to mention my harem is public knowledge and everyone looks at me when I walk in the streets. No decency and morals are an illusion, my cynical side pointed. Besides, it's not like kids these days are innocent, internet and all…
"How did you know?" She asked in shock. "Is this a recurrent behavi-"
"Her mom has the same habit, and no, she has never done it before to my knowledge." I deadpan. "Please continue." I try to smile.
"Well, she did that after skipping class to watch the underclassman P.E., then she forcefully kissed one of the girls, and the thing degenerated in a indiscretion bordering public sex, then into a fight with her younger brother Aoshi. Both of them, plus Yukiko, the girl who was kissed were detained." She twitched.
"Were the girl's parents called too?"
"She is living on her own, her parents are from another city. How this is relevant to the question?" She asked in shock with my calm.
"I wanted to apologize to them." I offered (or lied) with a straight face. It seemed to pacify her.
"Can I talk to them?" The principal flinched. After the last time, when Keiko blew the detention room, I understand. "Or should I take them home to cool off?" She brightened up at that.
"Take them home. I don't know what you do, nor do I want too, even if it involves breaking the human rights, if it works in pacifying these demons, I take what I can get!" She said. Funny thing is that is Miya, Saber and eventually Homura who scares the kids into good behavior.
I enter the room, Aoshi glaring at Fuuko, who was staring into the blushing girl hiding at his back, hungrily.
"Stop this, and let's go home. You two have a lot to explain." I project the Shadows or the Ashura for a second, when they seem to try and talk back. They follow me without a word.
'Can this day get even more screwed?' Damn root, I did it again. I pinch the bridge of my nose.
"Run that by me again?" Miya asked annoyed.
"One-chan reacted to my girlfriend, and tried to rape her in the middle of P.E. class! I had to do something!"
"And exploding the Gym was your first logical answer." Saber, ever practical, stated coolly.
"She used her weapons on me first!" Aoshi defended himself.
"I didn't, I brought the whip was to play with Yuki-chan." Fuuko answered immediately.
"It doesn't justify what she has done, even if it explaine-" Homura started. Kazehana was faster. "And now you're reacting like kids! Just share the girl already! Don't Chiyo-chan and Uzume or Saber and Rin look happy enough?" she jumped in defense of her daughter.
"You're not saying to me to bed my sister I hope?" Aoshi stated in disbelief. Fuuko just batted her eyelashes at him mockingly. Miya's face darkened, and I swear by the root, a frying pan APPEARED in her hands as if traced on the spot… No that's impossible.
"I'm saying to allow her to see her Ashikabi!" Kazehana demanded.
"Just Rulebreak her already!" Aoshi tried. Fuuko shot him a glare.
"Are you really saying to stab your sister with the cursed dagger of divorce, are you!" Tsukiumi demanded.
"Do you really think that a relationship involving my sister would work?"
"I share your father with Sakura, and your mother with her Sis, even if Touko rarely stays here because of work, your point being?" Rin raised an eyebrow at him.
"You're both girls!"
"Even in the case that you're both boys, witch your sis isn't, a girl can play with more than one at once." Kazehana offered. Even Fuuko blushed at that proposition.
"Spare us, miss public indecency!" Miya cut her out.
"Funny, you only complain out of bedroom..."
"Enough." I cut the discussion. "You two will explain to her what the consequences of these events are. And both of you will be grounded until you sort this thing out." I sigh. "How come you never told me you had a girlfriend, Aoshi?" I pinched my nose once more. Damn hangover, couldn't Avalon effects be instant?
"Erm, you know what mothers' say, ahn… Never let a girl meet you if we could-"
"That excuse isn't valid. Try again, harder this time." I couldn't suppress the Archer-ry sarcastic smile.
"I didn't want her to meet you until I felt she was ready…" It was barely above a whisper.
"So you never told her your last name?" Homura asked.
"I told her, she made the connection too. But I didn't knowing and seeing are…"
"I got it. If you want me to try and break the bonds, I will, but only if it's consensual. Now go." He left, I turn to my wives.
"What do you think?"
"Screwed like an Emiya. Truly amusing to watch." Karasuba crinkled a smile scratching her chin. She really needs to watch less detective series…
"I meant about Rulebreaker. Do you think it would work?"
"Maybe. Marriage is a contract, and Sekirei bonds are magical in a way…" Medea shrugged "But it could have some unforeseen effects… best leave it as a last option."
"It's up to them, but I do hope they sort things out." Then I look at Kazehana. "And dear, what kind of suggestion was that?"
"Well, darling, I like when you and Rin double team me with her strap toys, and Aoko-chan can do true magic with her fingers..." I roll my eyes. "Figures. I'll go back to sleep."
"Can't we play first?" Rin teased, I shake my head.
I go see my Yukiko, with Fuuko at my side.
"You don't want to go along with this, do you?" I ask uncertainly.
"Look, as much as I DO like girls, I like boys too, so being into a relationship that have YOU as the only boy, makes it half the fun." My sister pouts. "Unless you want to take the incest taboos, and throw them out of the window. Well we're half-brother so it's just half the sin." She teases me rubbing herself on my arm.
"You take too much from your mother..." I shiver, "And don't say that things." We take the stairs to my room.
"You know is all fun and tease. 'Sides couldn't you be more like yours? Ao-kaa doesn't mind Kaa-san much."
"Why did you have to react to my girlfriend? Were none of your previous dates enough?"
"We don't choose who, you know? And she is hot. Rosy pink lips, silky soft skin, breasts slightly smaller than mine, but soft and firm at the same time, slim body, but with hips of-" Her hand goes shamelessly South...
"STOP OKAY. I don't need more fetish fuel than you gave me already!"
"So~o, this hot body of mine against your precious girlfriend makes you hot under the collar otouto? I can show you how to make your girl call my name if you want."
"Make who call who?" Yukiko asked.
"You call me dear. I'm not against bedding girls." My sister winked.
"Stay away from me, pervert." She shielded herself with a pillow. My sister recoiled as if punched. Say what you will about Sekirei, but their Ashikabi rejection is worst that torture for them. I feel sorry for her.
"Look Yuki-chan, nee-chan is not always like that, she just loves to tease people, and-"
"She attacked me in public! And you're taking her side! Don't call me Yuki-chan!" Ouch, she is mad.
"That, well… She have a… special circumstance, she doesn't have self-control along some special people..."
"She tried to rape me!"
"I don't think she would go that far…" Damn, I don't want to choose between my girl and my sister. Well, I could always try a gamble it seems…
"Well she is more unashamed then me alright. But offending my sister is offending me!" I cross my arms defiantly. "And is not like you're the shyest of the people, and you've not against me dating other people, and even said you're okay with threesomes..."
"You have like a dozen mothers! And you were on a time-off from another girlfriend when we started dating," She practically screamed at my face, while the "what you expected me to say?" Came as whisper, then she shouted again, red as a ripe tomato "And I was not serious about the threesome stuff… Are you seriously suggesting you would like to erm… boink your sister?" Her face twisted in horror.
Leave to girls to understand things the worst way possible. ARRGH. "HEY! I didn't say that! I've said-"
"What brother is trying to say dear is that we both want you, and he is already willing to share, and let you have others too." Fuuko tried to explain.
"As long as the 'others' are girls." I amend.
"Pervert." Fuuko take a shot to me.
"I don't swing that way!" Yukiko screamed in frustration.
"Have you ever tried?" Fuuko asks. Yuki glared at her. Nee-chan raised her hands in an 'I surrender' gesture. "Look, I never thought I did at first. But when I ignored two different love letters from Sumire of otouto's class she took me alone one day, and gave me one of the best snoggings to date. I barely managed not to get winged that day."
I didn't knew that. "So, you're really bi?" I asked Sis.
"Yes. Took me a while to admit though. I thought it would ruin my rep, but in the end it made me even more enticing..." I grabbed her hands before she did something not meant for minors to see…
"Have you ever..." Curiosity got the best of her, but she looked away when we looked at her. Of course sister didn-
"Just 'til the second base in threesomes. Or does a brief kiss down there when I still wearing panties counts as third base, right?"
"How on earth did you managed to hold on your first kiss 'till today!" I ask in disbelief. "Nevermind. Well I'm leaving you two to do the girl's talk in private." Sister never knew the meaning of 'too much information', and I'm so not hearing about her love escapades.
Both of them hold my arm. "You stay. This affects you too." Fuuko, said seriously. Yuki also threw me her complaint "And you are not going to leave me to sort this mess off, are you? She is your family! So it's your fault." I shrug and throw my own question too: "That Sumire, is the hootie with the same bra size than you? Who was rumored to date two girls and one boy at once?"
"Yes, and yes I was one of the 'two girls', you know?" She winked. "Also I'm still trying to go out with her and Misaki from 1-B too, want me to invite them over to 'play'" She deflates a bit "thought does that mean I will have to break up with Yuuji-kun too... pity. He was so nice. And just now that I can kiss too!" She practically whined.
"You're dating four people!" I state in disbelief.
"And you say she was not a Pervert?" Yukiko.
"If so you're a prude." Fuuko counter at her. "Also I was taking a time from Bessho, but he expected me to back down, with I was thinking too, and flirted Yuuji ONCE, but he called me back and we set a date for Friday night. Never technically officialized anything with Sumi-chan, but she never asked me too, but we've been seeing each other for seven months straight... Misaki is more of a crush than anything: she is so fun to be around! Pity my flirting seems to go over her head." She finishes describing her complex love life, to leave us dumbfolded.
Yukiko shakes her disbelief first: "Do I have any other option?" She asks.
"Being stabbed by a dagger." Fuuko stated.
"Onee-san!" I scowl at her.
"Forget it. It's a family joke about a 'cursed dagger' that ruins marriages…" more like magical contracts, but Tsukiumi-kaa-san didn't seem to understand that part.
"I will give it a try."
We both look at her. "What!" Fuuko looked at her.
"You want to be stabbed!" I couldn't suppress my horror.
"NO!" Yukiko was understandably horrified. "Wait! Does that mean Aoshi-kun will date Sumire-san too?"
"I'm not against it, and Sumi-chan did say that Otouto was hot once." Nee-san answer was immediate.
Better not think about that. "I will tell father what we decided. Explain Sekirei to her, and try not to jump her while at it..." I shake my heads at them, Yuki blushed hard at my joke.
And thus started our complicated relationship…
"...So from today on, I will make my relationship with Yukiko official." We reunited all the family, plus a few of the 'addictions o the dining room. It was not that cramped, just Haru's Harem and Kyon's Brigade, at least Negi's class is on an onsen trip (lucky boy), well is not a surprise Dad is planning a new expansion.
"And me too." Fuuko added.
"Wait, that means you will be sharing the girl?" Predictably Karin was the one to ask. "Does that count as incest?"
"No, that is when you attacked Keiko." Kaien jumped on my defense, Keiko just shot him in the head with an airsoft gun.
"Ouch, Imouto!" He complained.
"Can I join in? It seems fun, uhuhu..." Sakuya asked.
"And I was surprised with Fuuko." Yukiko whispered.
"Doesn't Fuuko have a few boyfriends already?" Riko asked.
"I had one, and one girlfriend, and don't know which of them I might keep. You know how boys are kind of possessive…" She rolled her eyes. "If it was up to me…"
"Fuuko." Takeshi-nii-san cut her mid phrase, and pushed his glasses up. She didn't finish that line thankfully.
"Soo, Nii-san got a harem too?" Kumako asked.
"That is the power of love." Stated Musubi-kaa-san. "See Kumako-chan. You will find your Ashikabi someday, and we will be making a party for you, too!" She squeezed her daughter in a surely suffocating embrace.
"There is something with our family genes, harems and yuri relationships..." Grumbled Kyon. Suzumiya just cheered loudly, and stole a kiss from one of the other girls. Kyon blushed a crimson red and pried one girl from the other. Yukiko was looking so lost at that point I pitied her. She kept looking from face to face and to dad every time one of mothers kissed him, and blushing like mad.
"You have yours too, dear son. That is the pot calling the kettle black, while you should be happy for you brother and sister." Uzume-kaa pinched his cheek teasingly.
"You lucked out otouto, Yukiko and Sumire are hot, and while I'm not into it, Fuuko-chan too." Kaien pated me in the back.
"It's not like I'm into it." I answer him. "I just understand that is cruel to keep a Sekirei from her Ashikabi."
"Uh-um." He grunted in acknowledgement. "Sure."
"Though your concern is admirable, make sure to keep you ane-san controlled, her mother is wild enough." Miya-kaa kind of complained at that. I could hear Eiko-nee taking bets of how long it would take for Fuuko to corrupt me.
I nod to Miya-kaa and turn to bro, doing my damned best to ignore the disturbing ideas Karin, Yin and Riko could come up with: "Have you found yours yet?" I ask him.
"Nope. That is that girl from class C that got me hot down under, but she is aiming for that boy called Makuna, Makana, Makama or something like that. Maybe I get lucky on my new school…"
"The red head?" He nods. "Well she is hot." Yukiko pinched me annoyed. "What, I'm just stating a fact! And she is my future sister in law too, I'm not trying anything."
"Considering you just got one other girl, besides Nee-chan without trying, she has enough reasons to be careful." Riko joked. "And you're already into incest so a potential sister in law isn't so much of a stretch…" Her smile stretched.
"You're not…" Yuki-chan whispered in my ear. "Damn no." I squeezed her hand for emphasis. She blushed at Karasuba-kaa sitting on dad's lap (and mouthraping him) to provoke Miya-kaa.
"...Something in the water, MBI medicine and father's genes, it must be... or some sort of gland. No, a curse at birth." Kyon mumbled distraught. Suzumiya dropped on his lap and pointed Karasuba-kaa and Dad to him. "I want to try that!" He ran, the coward.
Takeshi advanced on the girl, but Haru tackled him before he showed her the masks. Root knows what that could cause.
"Wait and see Nii-san! I will have my hareem* in no time too!" Riko poked me from Kaien's other side.
"Way to go, I help you so we could share too..." Sakuya proposed.
"Is she on those days?" Kyon inquired now on a different seat.
"Apparently so. Don't involve me." Arika just shrugged and took a bit more of distance from the said girl.
Kiri looked like he was going to interrupt the ongoing discussion, but uncle Gil took the main dish out of the kitchen with a flourish: "Behold, the magnificent wild boar à la Babylon!" And thus our dinner officially started, like every night, silencing the main discussion. I swear I heard Shinta snicker, but he was reading something so it was probably my imagination.
"Are your family always that eccentric?" Yukiko asked.
"Pray you never see what they can come up with." I shiver.
She clapped her hands silently "May the gods never let me see this family at its weirdest." She intoned barely above as whisper. Kyon mimicked her immediately and Arika followed suit, whispering a soft "Amen.". I didn't thought they would take it seriously. Well… whatever. I clapped my prayer too.
*hareem is a male harem.