I do no own Supernatural.
Sam jumped as Castiel appeared in the gas station bathroom.
"Sam, I need your help." He looked nervous, even more disheveled than usual.
"You're God now, Cass. Why would you need my help?"
"It is Dean. He is not behaving as he should."
Sam tried and failed to contain a bitchy huff.
"Might have something to do with his best friend eating a bunch of purgatory souls and turning into an evil god."
Cass looked impatient. It was a little scary, and Sam couldn't help but take a tiny half-step backwards.
"Yes, but that's exactly the problem. He is not reacting in the way I perceived he would. I have done something wrong. Dean is supposed to punish me."
"Oh believe me, Cass, he's working on a way." Turns out killing a god was harder than they thought. Especially since they all knew that Dean didn't really want to kill Castiel. Finding a way to save him had proved even harder.
"But it's not the right way! He should know what he has to do! The man in the movie knew what to do! Why doesn't Dean know?"
Sam was confused.
"The pizza man. He had to punish the babysitter because she did something bad."
"... Cass... You... Did you do all this so Dean would spank you?"
"Yes. I tried little offenses at first, but nothing was working, so I-"
"You took in a bunch of evil creature souls so my brother would spank you. Fuck my life. I can't believe I have to even think this, but why didn't you just ask Dean to spank you, Cass?"
"One has to earn punishment." Castiel said, as if talking to a very small child. Sam sighed, wiping a hand down his face. "Alright. Well I definitely think you've earned it."
He grabbed God by the wrist and drug him out to the Impala. When Dean saw them he stared, his jaw slack.
"Sam, what the hell?"
"Tell him, Cass."
Dean stared in shock at God-Cass toeing the gravel of the parking lot sheepishly.
"What the hell?" Dean repeated.
"I want you to punish me, Dean."
"Like the pizza man." Sam filled in, helpfully.
"Oh. Sam," he said, striding over to rest a hand on Castiel's arm, "take the Impala back to the motel. Cass, zap us there. Different room, though."
Sam blinked in surprise as they vanished. He took the car back to the hotel and was only mildly shocked at the obscene noises coming from the room next door.
Loud slaps were followed by moans that would put a porn star to shame.
He was about fifty percent sure that Dean had Cass zap them into the room next door just to gross Sam out.
Putting on his headphones and turning his iPod up a little louder than normal, he fell asleep.
The next morning Sam woke up to Dean pounding on the door. When he answered it, his brother presented him with coffee and stated:
"Cass is an angel again. The souls are back in purgatory."
"Just like that?" He looked at Cass, who had followed Dean into the room. He had hickeys. He looked at Sam with a very serious face.
"I needed to be punished."