There's some important things to know before you begin reading, young grasshopper. 1) This fic is not entirely in a typical story format. Sometimes it's written like a story, and other times it's more like a script, and other times it's Kunsel narrating. Pay attention to the times for some lulz. Hopefully. 2) Kunsel is the main character pretty much. The two main characters are 'Sephiroth' and 'Cloud S' because I figured that anyone searching with Kunsel set in the filters doesn't want to read ASGZC, lol. So I put it where fans of the pairing (might) lurk. 3) This is ASGZC, or a fivesome. Uhh, I think that's it. This idea hit me yesterday evening, so I wrote it and posted really fast. Oh, and 4) There's a lot more coming very soon, including Invisible Molestation. :3

July 13, XXXX

It is no secret that I am the best of the best. If you want to know something around these parts you come to me—that's just how these things are. I've had a good number of clients over the years, people who pay me to dig up dirt on this person or that person (usually these things would be dangerous or incriminating if the Turks were the ones to uncover it, so they come to me instead. I'm cool like that).

This morning I was contacted by the chairwoman of the Silver Elite herself. I won't say her name, because if this ever got into the wrong hands and her identity was revealed... well, let's say I'd be out of the picture. That's intimidating, but I'm happy to take on my newest challenge. It's going to pay well. The chairwoman (and all of the Silver Elite, Keepers of Honor and Red Leather) is suspicious. She thinks General Sephiroth is in a relationship, and she wants me to confirm it.

I can do that. I'm not the best information-gatherer in Shin-Ra for nothing.

Some think Sephiroth might be dating Genesis. Some think Angeal. Some think Zack. I, Kunsel, am here to shut all these people up and find out for good—who is dating who. I'm actually kind of curious myself; usually I wouldn't be, but Zack's a buddy of mine. This should be interesting.

I'm keeping a digital journal in case the chairwoman wants more details, or in case I need to boost my ego sometime in the far future.

It's all gravy, baby. Kunsel out.

July 15, XXXX

Here's the plan. I'm going to follow each one of them for a day, see what's up. It's too much trouble trying to follow all four in one day. For most of yesterday and today I've pulled up their schedules, planted a few surveillance devices in the places they usually haunt and generally familiarize myself with the four of them.

I listened to the rumors—the general consensus between SOLDIERs seems to be that Sephiroth and Genesis are fucking, Angeal's got some mystery girlfriend, and that Zack flirts with anything with boobs but is, for the moment, single. I'm not convinced, not at all. I'll find out for myself. Kunsel out.

July 16, XXXX

8:04 AM: I've started following my man Angeal first. He has the most predictable day by far; he doesn't randomly attack his friends in hopes of a spar (Genesis), and he doesn't disappear into the slums for a mysteriously long amount of time (Zack). Commander Hewley works in his office a lot, works out a lot, pops into classrooms and training rooms and encourages a lot, and receives visitors a lot. Shouldn't be too hard.

8:36 AM: Angeal's in his office. I can see him on my video feed.

8:51 AM: How does he complete paperwork so fast? He's like a machine.

9:12 AM: Getting bored already.

9:27 AM: Score! Someone's entering the room...Zack, perhaps? Here for an early-morning tryst?

9:28 AM: It's Genesis, actually. He and Angeal are talking; I need to install a sound recorder, damn. Currently Angeal's leaning back in his chair, and Genesis is sitting on the desk, legs crossed out in front of him. They look awfully cozy, those two.

10:03 AM: Angeal and Genesis talked for a while. They shared an apple, laughed at something on Angeal's computer screen and then split up. Genesis is now back in his office, and I am following Angeal down the hallway. I have my helmet on and am typing this on my PHS as I walk; I shouldn't be too suspicious. The hallways are always very busy. Hm.

Angeal's just strollin' along here...saying hi to some people as he passes them by. No Zack, Sephiroth or Genesis in sight. I'll give a blow-by-blow. (Heh.)

I follow him down to the C wing. Angeal sticks his head into a classroom full of Cadets taking an exam; the poor guy causes a disturbance, there being a few Keepers of Honor in the crowd and he quickly ducks out of the room. He heads down a bit farther, spotting some Second Class he's buds with; they chat for a moment and Angeal keeps walking. I hide behind a corner so he won't see me when he turns around to pick up some poor person's dropped PHS—he returns it with a smile and is on his merry way.

10:45 AM: I'm typing this as I ride on an exercise bike. Angeal strolled into one of the gyms, you see, so I'm trying not to look like I'm stalking him. He came in became he saw some kid lifting weight wrong or something and was on the verge of death supposedly. He seemed alright to me. I can hear them from here.

Angeal: "You're doing it wrong. You have to be careful—lifting a lot of weight wrong could really injure you."

Cadet: "Y—Yessir. Um, if you don't mind me asking, Sir... what was I doing wrong?"

Angeal: (He moves behind the kid, all smiles and positions the heavy bar on the blond's shoulders after he says he's ready.) "Widen your feet more. They should be your shoulder's width apart. There, like that. Now, when you squat, don't arch your back; you'll injure yourself. Stick your butt out."

I try not to snicker at the kid's face at that one. He does what Angeal tells him to do and evidently it works—he smiles, Angeal praises him, adjusts a few more things and watches him do a few reps.

Angeal: "What's your name, Cadet?"

Cadet: "Cloud—Strife—Sir." Breathing heavily, he puts the weight down on the rack with Angeal's hands hovering close by in case something went wrong and salutes.

Angeal: "At ease. Always remember to have a spotter, Cloud Strife." He ruffles the kid's—Cloud, I guess—hair and walks out. Cloud watches him go with big, starry eyes. Angeal's a nice dude. I've seen him do things like this all the time to people who needed help. I slide off the bike once I'm sure Angeal is far enough away and follow.

12:28 AM: Angeal's eating lunch with the General. I'm sitting a few tables away and can only hear bits and pieces of their conversation.

12:31AM: Genesis...dinner...hahaha...laundry...Junon...

12:33 AM: Whatever they're talking about, it seems surprisingly domestic. These guys are either very good friends who somehow are interested in every little thing the other does...or they live together. Or something close enough.

5:40 PM: Angeal and Zack have been training for a few hours. First they were outside, then they were in the gym, and now they're both in the VR room and have been for a while. I've been catching up on my paperwork on a table outside the room.

6:01 PM: You know, they could totally be having sex in there and I wouldn't be the wiser.

6:02 PM: I'm installing cameras in there as well.

6:44 PM: Finally the two jocks exit. We're heading towards the residential wing.

6:50 PM: Zack gave Angeal a hug—Angeal allowed it for a second or two and then shoved him away. He didn't seem genuinely angry. Hmmmmmmm.

7:03 PM: Alright. Angeal and Zack are now both in Angeal's apartment. I could stay out here all night, but... I run too great a risk of being caught. I'll monitor the hallway in case Genesis or Sephiroth stop by.

10:55 PM: No one came, and no one left. Zack's spending the night at Angeal's, it seems. HMMM.

11:00 PM: Kunsel out. I'm off to a good start.

July 17, XXXX

Morning. It's about 7:30 AM right now. I'm kinda tired, because I got up early to install some cameras and stuff. It's okay though. With the money I get from this operation I'll buy one of those memory-foam beds and sleep for a week.

I'm eating breakfast right now. Genesis, while otherwise unpredictable, always stops in for at least an apple every morning. The cafeteria staff adore him. So, I'll just wait for a while.

This mission is surprisingly fun. Yesterday trailing Angeal wasn't all bad. Today will be interesting, I can tell.

7:52 AM: Genesis spotted. He walked into the cafeteria, pushing both double doors open. He's just that kind of person, I guess. A few people wave tiredly to him as he walks to the breakfast line. He's already dressed in his coat, showered—his hair looks the littlest bit damp and is a shade darker than it usually is—and looks awfully chipper. I hate morning people. He gets his food, an apple and a bagel today, and sits down six tables ahead of me. This is perfect, I have a clear view of him.

7:59 AM: Zack came in. He has a knack for telling which Second-Class-that-all-look-the-same-when-in-uniform is me. I ducked my head and talked to the guy next to me—Zack didn't notice me, phew.

8:00 AM: "Gen-Gen!" Pfft.

8:02 AM: They're eating together. Zack got pancakes, eggs, bacon, toast and orange juice. I suppose he needs all that energy since he's trained by Angeal and all.

8:05 AM: Did I just see Genesis squeeze Zack's thigh under the table?

8:06 AM: I think I did.

8:20 AM: Genesis left the cafeteria (giving Zack's hipbone a suspicious pet on the way out too, I might add). He's walking towards his office right now. I'll watch him with the cameras in the lounge down the hall a bit. Okeydoke—I'm lying on a couch in there with my laptop on my stomach. There's a few SOLDIERs getting coffee close by. I'll plug in my headphones.

8:40 AM: Nothing's happening. I thought I'd give a twenty minute update. Well, nothing's happening with Genesis. I think he's playing games on his computer. My camera's over the door, so I can't see. Some SOLDIER spilled coffee down the front of his pants, that was funny. I think he went to the infirmary.

9:16 AM: Someone's going in!

9:17 AM: Oh, it's that Cadet from yesterday. Cloud?

9:18 AM: Time to see if that audio works.

Cloud has papers for the Commander, it seems.

Cloud: "Excuse me, Commander Rhapsodos?"

Genesis: "Hm?" He looks away from his computer (I need to find out what game he's playing). He looks at Cloud and tilts his head a little, frowning.

Cloud: "U-Uhm, I have some things to drop off..." He walks forward a little and puts the things down on top of the desk. Doesn't look very classified—a few brightly-colored folders, a few notebooks. There's a note on top for Genesis.

Genesis is creeping me out a little. He's smiling at the kid and just fixed his hair a bit.

Genesis: "Thank you. What's your name?"

Cloud: "Cloud Strife, Sir!" He salutes. He's very good at that.

Genesis: (He leans back in his chair and runs his hands up and down the armrests of his chair. Is that intentional? That's really weird. Looks sort of lewd.) "Thank you, Cloud. I hope coming here wasn't too much of a trouble."

Oh Gaia. Genesis is such a creep.

Cloud: "N-No! Not at all, Sir. It was my pleasure." Even through the fizzy recording I can hear the shy smile in his voice.

Genesis: "Trust me, the pleasure's all mine."

Cloud: "Huh?"


Genesis gets up, puts an arm around the kid's shoulders and steers him towards the door. The camera has a clean shot at Cloud's face—the guy is bright red. Haha, aww.

Genesis: "I look forward to our next meeting, Cloud Strife."

Cloud stumbles into the hallway, Genesis gives him a creeper smile and the redhead shuts the door. Cloud heads towards the elevator; he looks a bit unsteady on his feet. I don't blame him. Genesis folds his arms and stares at the door for a minute, then goes back to his desk. Back to that stupid clicking and beeping noises. What game is that? I need to know.

9:43 AM: Sephiroth is coming!

9:44 AM: Genesis must've known he was, because he left the office in time to casually fall in place with the General. Those two are eerily similar sometimes. Good guys, though—I'd die for either of them, any SOLDIER would.

9:45 AM: They just strode past the lounge. I'm going to follow them. Darn, that couch was comfy.

9:52 AM: Haha, poor Angeal. He was just ambushed by both of them. They're all heading to the VR room on the 49th floor.

10:52 AM: They're still in there.

11:52 AM: Yup.

12:00 PM: You know, I'm serious. They could be fucking and I wouldn't know. I need to try to get a camera in there. Might be difficult.

12:05 PM: I'm gonna take a bathroom break. Be right back.

12:09 PM: Shit!

12:11 PM: In the time I was gone, they left. Now I don't know where they are.

12:49 PM: After eighty thousand years of running around, I spotted them. They just left the showers. They look happy, except for Genesis, who is scowling at Sephiroth. I'd install a camera in the showers, but... that's a bit creepy, even for me. Plus, some of my CO's, naked? I'd rather swallow a summon materia, to be honest.

1:23 PM: Zack's eating lunch with them. They're in the lounge I was in earlier, they got Mideelese takeout. Good stuff. I'm going to use this opportunity to break into Genesis's office.

1:35 PM: It was pinball. Who thinks pinball is fun? That game comes standard on almost all Shin-Ra computers, no one ever plays it. Commander Rhapsodos is a weird guy.

1:38 PM: Everyone's gone. Genesis is alone in the lounge now, reading LOVELESS. He's sitting right where I was lying down earlier. That's kind of funny.

2:21 PM: He's read that damn book a thousand times! How does he sit so still and just... read it? Ugh.

3:00 PM: Fuck this. I'm going to go grab a bite to eat.

3:30 PM: I'm back, and just in time. Genesis closes the book and sits very still, closing his eyes. He's probably pondering the meaning of the words and the verse and the syntax and whatever the hell. Literary types. I dislike them almost as much as I dislike morning people.

6:00 PM: Okay, Genesis had a meeting with Lazard. He's done now.

7:00 PM: Dinner's over.

8:00 PM: Genesis is in his apartment. He probably won't exit again.

8:04 PM: Ho ho ho! Sephiroth and Zack just entered.

8:09 PM: Angeal's here too.

8:10 PM: I don't know what they're all doing in there, but there's no way of me finding out. I think this is a wrap, for today. Kunsel out.

July 18, XXXX

General Sephiroth's my target today. I used to be really intimidated by the guy, but he's not so bad once you get to know him a little better. If I ever make First Class I'll know him even better. Sephiroth's day is very busy. Lots of meetings, unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on who's looking at it, I guess. Whatever. This should be more exciting than watching Genesis read, anyway.

8:00 AM: Bright and early, a meeting with Tseng of the Turks. With my camera I saw Sephiroth disappear into the room. I wonder what they're talking about.

8:01 AM: Tseng makes me nervous. He and a few of his Turks are even better than me. I do what I can. It's their job to follow people like this all day. I think that would get boring. Sure, it's interesting uncovering secrets...but watching Genesis read for a few hours? Not so much.

8:02 AM: I wonder why I can't let that go.

8:30 AM: Sephiroth left the room, nodding at Tseng, only to disappear into a briefing room down the hall. Another meeting, huh?

10:05 AM: Sephiroth's been in meeting after meeting, and is now on his way to his office.

11:00 AM: Did I say Angeal was a paperwork machine? This guy must be using magic, because I've never seen anyone as efficient. I wouldn't expect any less from my General.

11:47 AM: He's on his way to lunch, I think.

11:58 AM: Yup. He's sitting in the cafeteria with Angeal and Zack. I wonder where Genesis is.

12:03 PM: Zack is attempting to play footsie under the table with Sephiroth. Sephiroth just kicked him in the shin, face expressionless above the table. Zack's whining and hanging off Angeal now, pointing at Sephiroth.

12:11 PM: They're all so fucking weird.

12:36 PM: Shit!

12:37 PM: Okay. In the time I was gone for lunch, Sephiroth somehow managed to disable the camera I set up in his office. How did he do that? When did he do that? I shouldn't have tried to put something past the General, but...

12:38 PM: He's gotten rid of the cameras in Angeal's, Genesis's and Zack's offices too. Siiiigh.

12:40 PM: You... don't think he knows it was me, do you? Whoever you are?

12:41 PM: Nah... nah. No way. I've been covering my tracks.

12:43 PM: Phew. I scared myself for a second there.

1:00 PM: I'll have to rely on my hallway cameras for now.

2:00 PM: This is stupid. And boring. He's probably doing paperwork again, but I can't know for sure.

2:45 PM: Finally, some action. Sephiroth left his office. He's surveying the SOLDIER Thirds' drills right now. Everyone's nervous, performing while he's watching. I used to be that way too. They'll get used to his presence a bit more with time.

4:04 PM: He's watching the Seconds train now. I would be with them, but somehow the chairwoman of the SE gave me a week's paid vacation. I can't reveal her name, again... but she's got some leverage in the company.

4:30 PM: Sephiroth is really something. Everyone gives him their respect and attention. He never has to raise his voice or shout like everyone else.

4:53 PM: He's doing some last rounds of the training grounds, telling the instructors what they can do to improve the performance of their men and stuff.

4:57 PM: I can see why so many are taken with the guy.

5:20 PM: He met up with Genesis. They're sitting underneath a tree in one of the courtyards. It's kind of cute. They're too far away for me to see clearly but it's definitely them. (I'm peeking out a bathroom window on the fifth floor, and some guy is shitting his insides out in a stall right beside me.)

5:22 PM: Okay, moving away. It reeks.

6:01 PM: Sephiroth, Genesis and Zack disappeared into Angeal's apartment. For dinner, maybe? I wonder who cooks.

6:02 PM: I'm gonna eat something too. Kunsel, back in a few.

6:44 PM: Ow, owowowow—

6:45 PM: —ow, ouch, ow—

6:47 PM: Okay. I'm hiding behind a mat in the storage room in one of the training gyms. It's a long story. I was on my way back to my place after dinner, my laptop and surveillance stuff was there, when I saw Sephiroth, with Masamune, walking this way. He trains in this gym an awful lot, so I anticipated where he was going. There's someone in the gym already so I had to crawl in the back window to get in here. So, right now I'm hiding. Sephiroth should be here any minute. If I get on my knees I should be able to peek around the corner by the floor, they wouldn't notice me there...

6:48 PM: Oh hey, it's Cloud. He's practicing some form routines, it looks like. He could use a lot of work, but at least he's dedicated. Everyone else is at dinner or done working or training for the day. Except for Sephiroth, I suppose.

6:50 PM: Oooh. Here we go. This is too good. Sephiroth just walked in. He stopped in the doorway after seeing Cloud, and Cloud, hearing the sound of his boots, looked over. He dropped his sword. They're just staring at each other.

Story time. This is gold.

Cloud was the first to speak. He sort of bowed, like he was in Wutai or something. "S-Sorry, General, Sir," he stuttered. "I'll leave." (I can't say I blame him—if I was at the bottom rung of the ladder like him and the General came in to use the gym I was training in I'd bail out too.)

Sephiroth looked awkward. Really awkward. From my observations he's not like this when around my other three targets, but when speaking to pretty much anyone else he's a lot stiffer. The great General could stand to work on his people skills, it seems.

"...It's fine. At ease." He walked in, drawing Masamune. Cloud skittered away, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He looked like he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

"The gym doesn't belong to me," Sephiroth said. He moved to the center of the mats. "You don't have to leave."

He's a tough nut to crack, that General. I can't tell if he's annoyed or the littlest bit upset that people would leave rooms when he enters. Cloud nods, though, and gives a soft "Yessir." He grabs his water bottle in the corner of the room and watches Sephiroth as he begins to swing that ridiculous sword around, stretching.

Sephiroth goes through some movements for a while. He's really something. Cloud seems captivated, and he looks like he can't believe his luc—

—agh! Leg cramp! LEG. CRAMP.

Okay. I almost made a sound, but neither of them heard me.

Anyway. Cloud shrugged after a while and picked up his sword. He quietly worked in the corner, allowing Sephiroth the vast majority of the room's space. ...Sephiroth stopped and is watching Cloud move now—Cloud hasn't noticed.

"Cadet," Sephiroth said. His voice echoed in the big room; Cloud dropped his sword again.


Sephiroth frowned. "Come here."

Cloud hurried forward, but Sephiroth sent him back for his sword. Blushing, Cloud stood in front of Sephiroth, saluting again.

"What you're doing is one of the most basic things you learn in SOLDIER. If you can't master it, you won't go any farther."


"Try it again."

Cloud stared. I held back a laugh. Sephiroth leisurely folded his arms and Cloud held his sword out. He looked like he was going to be sick.

He awkwardly swung the sword a few times. It's obvious he's nervous, and coupled with the fact that he's not actually that good...

Sephiroth watched him for a minute, then held up a hand. Cloud stopped, looking down at the floor. Sephiroth began to say something, then stopped himself. He walked around Cloud and slid in behind him, reaching out and placing his hands over Cloud's.

Now Cloud really looked like he was going to be sick. "S-Sir?" he asked, voice coming out rather high-pitched.

"Sorry," Sephiroth apologized—but for what, I'm not sure. "I'll assist you this time, then you can try it again on your own."

He ran Cloud through all the swings, thrusts and turns. It's a routine, similar to what people do in karate or something similar. He kept his hands on Cloud's and would occasionally stop to nudge the blond's feet farther apart or grip his hips, turning him this way and that.

I wonder why Sephiroth was so helpful. I think... a lot of people don't realize what a nice guy he is. He's awkward and hesitant and intimidating, sure, but he has a good heart. He saw a struggling Cadet and helped him out because he could. I definitely have more respect for him now.

They finished, Sephiroth said something too quietly for me to hear in my hiding spot and stepped back. Cloud swallowed and did it over again—and this time it was damn near perfect.

"Excellent. Keep practicing."

"Th-Thank you so much, General," Cloud said. "It makes a lot of sense now, thanks to you."

Sephiroth inclined his head, grabbing Masamune from where he had set it earlier. "It was no trouble."

"Uh... oh, Cloud Strife, Sir," Cloud said at Sephiroth's questioning look.

Sephiroth nodded and went back to work. Cloud went back to doing what Sephiroth had shown him. My leg is cramping again.

8:12 PM: Sephiroth finally left the gym. He's in the showers—Cloud left maybe twenty minutes ago.

8:51 PM: Sephiroth is in his apartment for the night. Genesis and Zack are in Genesis'. Angeal's out on a patrol. So curious. I think this night's a wrap. Kunsel out.

July 19, XXXX

This is my last day on the job. I managed to sneak another camera into Angeal's office as well as Genesis's. I didn't dare try Sephiroth's, and Zack's is the closest to Sephiroth's so I didn't want to try that either. I'm going to follow my buddy Zack today.

I've done some thinking about this whole thing. I've seen all four of them with any combination of the other three. Who... is dating who? I know something's up, but I'm not sure what. I'd say Angeal and Genesis were dating, maybe, but what about all the time Sephiroth and Genesis spend together? And Angeal and Zack? They're inseparable. And Genesis and Zack spent the night together last night...

It's confusing. I intend to find out today.

9:25 AM: Zack has a late morning. He just left Genesis's apartment. He's still got a bit of bedhead.

9:36 AM: Zack strolled into Sephiroth's office. I wonder what they're doing. Damn cameras.

10:02 AM: Zack left. He seems awfully happy about something.

11:15 AM: So far he's done pretty much nothing. He walked around for a while, saw Angeal in the hallway and gave him a hug (and was pushed away again). He charmed some breakfast from someone with a cart full of items, probably headed to some meeting.

11:33 AM: Why am I friends with this guy?

12:06 PM: He's headed out! I ran to my floor to leave the laptop and equipment in my apartment. Now I'm following him at a distance. He's on his way to the train station, I think. Probably going to the slums again.

12:19 PM: I'm sitting in the next car down. I can't see Zack, but that's probably a good thing. He can't see me. He'd probably guess it was me. I don't know how he does that.

12:43 PM: Alright, we're off. He's walking into sector seven right now.

12:55 PM: Is that Cloud?

12:56 PM: Wow, it is. He's walking this way in uniform, sans helmet. He's got a flower in his hand.

12:59 PM: I'm hiding behind a dumpster. It stinks, but I can hear their conversation.

Zack: "Hey. Excuse me, but where'd you get that flower?"

Cloud: "Oh, um, from the church. A woman sells flowers out of them..."

Zack: "Haha, I thought so. Nice to meetcha, I'm Zack. Hey, no need to salute—I'm off duty."

Cloud: "Okay. I'm Cloud. It's nice to meet you too, Sir."

Zack: "Zack, man. You headed this way?"

Cloud: "Uhhh, sure."

They start walking. I creep out from behind the dumpster and walk on the other side of the street. There's enough people walking about that I shouldn't be too noticeable.

Zack: "So you got the flower from Aerith? How do you know her?"

Cloud's voice is soft, so I almost didn't catch it.

Cloud: "I got lost down here right after I came to Shin-Ra. She gave me directions on how to get back to HQ. I say hi sometimes and buy a flower or two."

Zack: "They're pretty, aren't they?"

Cloud: "...I press them and send them home to my mom. She has a big garden at home, she likes flowers."

Zack: "Oh? Where you from?"

Cloud: "Nibelheim."

They continued to talk and laugh about their hometowns. I followed slowly, trying not too stand out. Cloud had to go and left—Zack waved goodbye and said they'd hang out if he ever saw him again. Hmm.

1:37 PM: Zack has made contact with the flower girl—Aerith. They're sitting on a pew and chatting. I can sort of see but not really hear. Stained glass isn't the best for spying.

3:12 PM: Zack left. He bought her an ice cream, they walked around for a while, Zack almost had his wallet stolen, and they sat on some old rusted swings. They're kinda cute. Zack dropped her off at the church and is now back on the train. What I wanna know is, is she his girlfriend? Are they just friends? This whole thing is confusing. I can't help but feel that I'm missing something very obvious.


5:55 PM: Okay. I'm going to recount the whole thing:

I trailed Zack back to HQ. He went to a lounge on one of the executive floors—the thing is, the people on this floor are all on vacation this week, they rotate. Clever. I had to hack into a system already set up in the room (it seems the President isn't too trusting of his workers, huh?) but it works. And I have sound.

Zack happily entered the room. The other three were already there, crowded around three huge boxes of pizza. SOLDIER stomachs, man. Zack greeted them, then bent across the coffeetable in the center of the room and kissed each one on the lips before sitting down.

It all made so much sense. That's why no one could pin down who was dating who—they were all dating each other. That was... unconventional, but whatever. The Silver Elite will be happy to hear it.

So all four are sitting there, eating pizza, burping (in Angeal's case, and then politely excusing himself, and in Zack's case, laughing and refusing to excuse himself) and talking. Zack relaxes into Sephiroth's side and says, "How was everyone's day? I met a super cute Cadet earlier."

Genesis smirked. "It was fine. That's funny, so did I."

"I did too," Angeal murmured, smiling at the memory.

Sephiroth wrapped his arm around Zack and pulled him a bit closer. "As did I. There must be a lot of good-looking Cadets this year."

"Who'd you meet?" Zack asked Angeal.

Angeal finished chewing his pizza and set it down. "A boy named Cloud. He was having some trouble in the gym."

"Cloud?" Genesis echoed. "Strife? He came into my office the other day. I thought he was lovely."

"That's who I talked to earlier!" Zack roared, sitting up in his excitement. He nearly knocked Sephiroth's soda over.

Everyone looked at Sephiroth, who was frowning. "I helped a Cloud Strife out with his swordwork yesterday evening. I thought he was..." he paused. "Cute."

Zack thought that was hilarious. "Wow, what're the odds we all met the same guy?"

It seemed like they would all smile and move onto another topic of conversation, but then Zack had to stop and think about it.

"Wow," he repeated. "What're the odds we all met the same guy? And thought he was cute?"

Genesis tilted his head. "...Interesting thought."

"What does this mean?" Zack breathed. Angeal rolled his eyes. No one said anything, so Zack continued. "It must be destiny!"

I was embarrassed, and this is my best friend talking. Oh, Zack.

6:06 PM: They've decided to try to meet Cloud again sometime. I think Zack's half-convinced them that there really was something odd about how they met. I think... this could use some further investigation. I've gotten all I need for today, so... Kunsel out.

July 20, XXXX

Following Cloud has been fun. He's not nearly as observant as the others, so I don't need to hide myself as much. He's quiet, shy, very self-conscious. He's by himself a lot.

Except today, not really. The other four have been following him. Isn't that funny? My targets have made my other target their target. The mind boggles.

July 21, XXXX

Nothing noteworthy to report today. They're still stalking the poor kid.

July 22, XXXX

They keep "bumping into" him, seeing him in the hallway, cafeteria line or elevator. Cloud doesn't suspect a thing.

July 25, XXXX

1:18 PM: It's just after lunchtime. I think they're making their move.

1:25 PM: Here we go! They cornered him outside. He was sitting under that tree Sephiroth and Genesis were sitting under that one day. I managed to stick a mic onto Cloud's helmet; I may have "bumped into him" the other day, heheh. Let's listen.

Zack: "Hey Cloud! Nice to see you again."

Cloud: "O-Oh, Sirs! Um, Yessir, nice to see you. Sir."

Poor thing seemed so overwhelmed, all that military power in one place in front of him.

Angeal: "Do you mind if we sit here?"

Cloud: "Uh, no, not at all. I can go eat somewhere else, if you'd like—"

Genesis: "That's quite alright. Sit with us, Cloud."

Soft rustling sounds. I can see them all sitting in a close circle.

Zack: "Cloud... we have something to ask you."

Cloud: "Really? I mean, Yes, Sirs?"

Sephiroth: "Relax. We're not on duty at the moment."

Genesis: "You don't know us very well, but..."

Angeal: "...We like you. We'd—Cloud, look at me. Like that. We'd like to know if you'd be interested in going out to dinner with us this weekend?"

Cloud: "Wh...What? D-Dinner?"

Zack: "Yup. Like a date. Whattaya say?"

Cloud: "U-Um, With all four of you?"

Genesis: "Indeed. We will absolutely understand if you don't want to. There are four of us, after all, we don't expect you to get involved in any kind of relationship you're not comfortable with."

That sounded rehearsed.

Cloud: "I—no! I mean, yes! I'm okay, really, I just never thought—"

1:37 PM: I think I might tear up. That would be bad. I'm in a bathroom, and I think it's the same guy taking a shit in that stall over there.

1:41 PM: Cloud's giving each of them a hug at the moment, and Angeal is explaining the relationship. Turns out Angeal's apartment is the place they all most ofte— Oh shit!

Zack: "Hey, can I see your helmet over there, Spiky?"

Cloud: "Spiky? Umm, sure?" His tiny speck of a figure a hundred feet away picks it up from the ground and hands it to the SOLDIER.

Zack: "KUNSEL. We know you're listening. You better be happy. Now knock it off. Sephiroth says he knows where every single one of your cameras are, and that if he finds another one he'll shove it up your ass."

1:44 PM: Hauling ass out of the bathroom.

1:46 PM: Removing all the cameras. I plan to Firaga the evidence.

1:47 PM: Where did I go wrong?

1:48 PM: Doesn't matter. I've got what I came for.

1:51 PM: I don't want to ruin what they've got. I'll tell the chairwoman about my findings in a few weeks. Cough, someone's going to notice all this smoke...

1:54 PM: Okay. The cameras have been disposed of, the laptop has been wiped, and this journal has been protected with a password. I'll probably delete it eventually, just to be safe. This has been another successful mission by Kunsel, the best of the best. Remember—if you want to know something, you come to me.

1:55 PM: Kunsel, over and out.