AN: For a contest on deviantart run by the lovely albedosreqium/sonya
Warnings:Reno being Reno, and suffering the consequences. Language.
Reno whined, sulking and squirming where he was stuck. He supposed that technically, people could say he had brought this upon himself. But that would have been unfair. Whilst yes, he had trapped Tseng in the elevator with that secretary he was crushing on, and yes, he had put a bug in there already to record anything interesting that was happening, he didn't deserve to find himself chained to a flagpole.
It had gone well, and that was the most annoying thing of all. The bugs might have all been found and smashed, and the camera covered over, but when the screen had come back on line after half an hour, the two of them were looking distinctly ruffled. The woman had been busy doing her shirt back up, and Tseng's tie was a little undone. So it had been a success.
That made what had happened next even more unfair. Tseng had walked into his office, glaring. Reno had smiled back, his normal self, cheeky and confident.
"What were you doing?"
"Helping. Boss, yer been pissed off for weeks, yer need to get laid."
Tseng arched an eyebrow, unimpressed. Reno pouted, carrying on trying to explain.
"You needed ta get laid. I got yer laid. Yer like the girl, an' I though' that some down time t'gether could help. It did help."
"Reno. You locked us in a lift for five and a half hours. The poor woman had dinner in the oven. She's a civilian, things like this are scary for civilians, and that's without being trapped with a senior Turk."
"I'd have thought that would give you a chance to play the hero."
"Reno, if you do anything like this again, you're in serious trouble." At that Tseng had turned and stormed away.
Thinking back on it, Reno had to admit that it wasn't the best idea to kidnap the secretary and put her in the Director's car boot. That had been what had lead to this.
Tseng had stormed in to his flat, at 3 o'clock at night. He had his gun drawn, and was shaking. Reno had felt genuinely concerned for a few moments.
"Sir?" He had muttered, sticking to protocol to stay focussed on his life.
"Reno. What were you doing with that? She was stuck there for another three hours. She was crying. She doesn't want to see me for a few weeks. She ran home."
"I though' you'd have fun."
"Reno, you know nothing about women. Or men. Or romance. You are removing yourself from my love life, and you are getting to work at 6 tomorrow. Report straight to me." With that, he had fired his gun, cutting the last six inches off of the other's ponytail with the bullet and making him scream in horror. He had collapsed to the floor, tearful at the loss of his precious hair, as Tseng had left.
Looking back on it, Reno wondered if turning up on time would have been enough to mitigate the most severe punishments, condemning him instead to weeks of paperwork. However, that day he had wanted an extra hour of sleep. So he'd got in at half eight, and been met with a cup of coffee on Tseng's desk, and no Tseng. Like the idiot he was, he'd swiped it, drinking it, and woken up here, chained to a flagpole on the roof of Shinra. To add insult to injury, his suit had been done up properly, and he was wearing a tie. All in all, Tseng was a bastard. It wasn't like it was really Reno's fault.