Amy stood to one side, watching the Doctor fiddle with some of the TARDIS controls - she never thought she would ever understand how they worked, but as long as they did, she never really cared. She was in a big, blue Time Machine, yep, the last thing she wanted was a lesson in mechanics. However, the Doctor seemed perfectly at ease, humming a jaunty tune under his breath, and sometimes whispering to the TARDIS. When she thought she heard the word 'sexy' she decided she never really wanted to know what this conversation was about.
He was acting normal, and that only made her more suspicious. Ever since the dreamscape, she had noticed little glances he would shoot her. His eyes misting over slightly, before he gave himself a mental push, jolting his thoughts away from whatever had been consuming him.
It wasn't unordinary for him to go away into his own mind for a bit, but what was, was his determination not to. It seemed that he was always busy, from fixing the lighting, to polishing the consol. If she wasn't so worried she would have asked him to clean her room, but Rory had shot that one down, saying it was 'immoral'. Sometimes she hated the fact she was married to someone so... ethical, but in the end she conceded that he was right.
That said, Rory would not condone her spying, but what he never knew wouldn't hurt him.
Moving closer, she saw the Doctor's gait falter, for a fraction of a second, a melancholy look passed across his incredibly expressive features. Worrying though it may be, Amy was delighted. It gave her an excuse to do some investigating after all...
"Doctor, you alright?" she asked, moving towards him. He started a little at her voice, his expression changing so fast, that if she hadn't really been watching, she would have doubted he had ever been depressed.
"Just dandy, Pond. Why are you still up? I thought the whole married thing meant sleeping together, and Rory went to bed hours ago," he replied. Amy recognised deflection when she saw it, and there was no way she was allowing it to work this time! Fool me once and all that.
"I wasn't tired, what are you doing?"
"Just trying to get the right frequency so my radio works," said the Doctor, pointing his sonic screwdriver towards what appeared to be a long aerial, in fact the only thing that made it look the least bit alien were the colours radiating off it.
"Could you stop for a moment, I need to talk," said Amy, leaning against the consul, ignoring the glare the Doctor sent her for 'treating his girl like a seat.'
"Is something not right? It isn't the bunk beds is it? I've had enough of you and Rory complaining about them. They're cool, and so they stay."
"No, Doctor, you've seemed... sad lately..." Amy really wasn't sure how to broach this subject, her plan had only consisted of observation and then confrontation, not what she was actually going to say.
"I'm fine," replied the Doctor, a look of perfect innocence appearing on his face.
"Don't lie to me, Doctor, I've seen the looks, how you get all sad when you see Rory and I goofing about. Is the dream still bothering you?" Amy gave herself a mental pat on the back for being able to get it out, damn, the Doctor was good at deflecting, and part of her wished she had just let him distract her.
"No, I'm fine," repeated the Doctor firmly, Amy knew that neither of them wanted to have this conversation, and that only made her more determined to keep it up.
"You see, when the Dream Lord had just me on the TARDIS, he, well... he made some advances, insinuating things. When you said that he was you, I was wondering if you felt that way." It felt strange talking about one person as if he was two, but Amy ignored it, instead she focused on the Doctor, and the look he was giving her gave him the appearance of him being in pain.
"If... If he did anything to you I'm sorry, Amy," he whispered, ducking his head to stare at his fingernails.
"Do you feel something for me, Doctor?" she asked, piercing through to the heart of the matter.
"You remind me of someone I used to know," his lips curled into a bitter smile as once again his eyes misted over.
"Who was she?" asked Amy, startled by how much older the Doctor appeared, now she could believe he was everyone one of the 907 years he claimed he was.
"Her name was Rose," he said quietly, "I travelled with her."
Amy scanned his face, and saw a deep longing in the Doctor's eyes, his smile turned wistful when he mentioned her name, and in a heartbeat Amy knew what this woman was to him.
"What was she like?" she asked, her voice having taken on a serious tone. She hadn't expected this to be the problem. She had just thought the Doctor fancied her, but hearing him sigh, she knew he hadn't spoken of her in a long, long time. Amy wondered when this Rose had been a companion, what had happened to her, and how she had taken the Doctor's heart in the process, but she knew better than to ask. Rory would never believe this of her, but she did have some iota of sense in the 'What to ask, and what not to ask' department.
"She was brilliant, compassionate, just like you. Her love of adventure was contagious, and she helped me. I was... am... damaged, but she reminded me of who I was, showing me a brighter future instead of dwelling on the past. In... in the dreamscape, you almost killed yourself for Rory... she did the same for me. If it wasn't for her then I would most likely be dead. You are so much like her..."
Amy was silent for a moment, absorbing this new information. She knew the Doctor's past had been turbulent, but she never really knew the specifics, just that some tragedy had befell him, and because of it he was the only Time Lord left. Rose had loved the Doctor, just as much as she loved Rory, and her risk had brought some of it back to him, showing him the spirit of the girl he could never have. But why? He spoke of her in past tense. Was she dead?
"Did you love her?" asked Amy, feeling the atmosphere change at the question. This was getting personal, both of them hated personal, but this had to be done, he couldn't keep trying to repress her.
"Yes," replied the Doctor after a short time, "I still do."
"I'm not her," said Amy firmly.
"I know, you're Amy Pond."
"You need to move on from her."
"I know, I'm getting there, some things just remind me." Amy knew the feeling, when her parents had died, everything she saw reminded her of them, it was hard, her Aunt had never been a very understanding person, but she eventually managed to tune it out, however, even now she felt the odd twinge when she saw red wellie boots...
"It takes time," she said finally.
"I'm a Time Lord, I don't think it applies quite the same," replied the Doctor ruefully, running his fingers through his hair.
"Well there goes all my good self-help phrases!" said Amy, smiling slightly.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable," murmured the Doctor, his lips tugging into a smile
"It's alright, I'm used to men vying for my attention," laughed Amy.
"With that skirt I can see why!" joked the Doctor.
"Oi! Don't slag the skirt, I've laid off your bowties!" she retorted, relieved to see the Doctor smiling.
"You have not! They're cool, you're just too caught up in that fashion," he flapped his hands in her general direction, "To appreciate it!"
"You will be okay, won't you?" The playful banter dissipated for a moment, weighing the atmosphere down with the heaviness of their previous conversation.
"I'll be fine, Pond, I'm always fine," said the Doctor, beginning to tinker with the consul once more. Taking this as her dismissal, Amy retreated back into the bowels of the TARDIS. She wasn't quite sure how it worked, but it was as if the ship knew where she was wanting to go, subconsciously nudging her in the right direction.
Entering her and Rory's bedroom, she sighed, seeing the bunk beds were still there. Everytime she opened the door, she hoped that they were gone, preferably replaced with a king sized bed with built in vibrator. Still, the rest of the room was pretty cool. The ceiling was a map of stars, giving the room light when they needed it. The walls were TARDIS blue, and Amy felt this was more akin to a kid's room... albeit a really awesome kid's room. Climbing the ladder, she tried not to wake Rory, but it appeared all her efforts were in vain, as when she lay back she heard him ask:
"Is he alright?"
Not wanting to betray his secret, Amy took a moment organising her thoughts before answering.
"Yeah, he will be."
A/N: I watched Amy's Choice again a few days back, and when the Dream Lord had Amy on her own, and was being a little - for want of a better word - pervy, I wondered what Amy's reaction would be when she realised that was a part of the Doctor. I've never written her before, and this is only my second attempt at this fandom, so if there is anything glaringly OOC/wrong please tell me :)
About Amy and Rose - in my opinion anyway - they both have similar traits, and she is the most similar companion to her so far. They're feisty, have a sense of humour in grave situations, compassionate, able to maintain their cool, and come up with plans and theories that impress the Doctor. Rose gave up Mickey for the Doctor (Bad Wolf), and Amy gave up the Doctor - putting both her and his lives - to get back to Rory, both choosing love over a crush and risking their lives in the process - I know Mickey was more than a crush to Rose, but in comparison for her love for the Doctor. I hope that makes sense, I'm rather tired.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Doctor Who.
I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes contained within this story.