Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers!
(A fic request from Optimus Prime 007, to have a humorous take on Prowl trying to ask Jazz to Bond with him. Hope you enjoy!)
==Deep Space, aboard the ARK 2==
Recharging while on duty would probably get his aft hauled to the brig, but Sunstreaker couldn't bring himself to care as he thumped his pedes onto the consol, resting his helm on his arms against the chairs high back, thinking of his missing twin as the screen remained its dull glowing blue.
Nobody commented on his relaxing position, absorbed in their own boredom avoidance activities, Blaster was cruising the airwaves for any transmissions, while Smokescreen was sneakily playing with his cards as he was supposed to be filing some archival footage of the Golden Age.
With a soft chirr he lazily unshuttered an optic to stare at the dull screen, random packets of data floating around in a ball of numbers and letters as ARK 2's onboard computer cleared out its data banks and filed loose snippets of code it wanted to keep under a file named 'Random stuff!', the golden warrior sighed as he watched the ditzy computer fiddle with its own programming.
"Argh!" Blaster groaned flopping back in his chair putting an arm over his optics "Primus! Give me a Decepticon to shoot, I'm going to die of boredom!"
"Tell that to Red Alert" Sunstreaker snorted tossing a pointed finger over his helm to the usually twitchy Security Director that was sitting watching his camera screens at a sedate sweep of his optics, a radical change from the twitchy, jerky movements he used to perform like a frightened squirrel. "He's actually unwound for once and looks happy"
"Sunstreaker!" a sharp clipped tone had him jumping in his chair "pedes off the consol!"
"Aww, come on Prowl!" the golden warrior grumbled swivelling in his chair to face the entering Praxian, trailed by the cheerful looking Bluestreak. "Nothing has happened in nearly three vorns! Loosen up a little!"
"I do seem to recall it was four vorns last count" Smokescreen chimed in from where he was playing a game of Solitaire with himself, a game picked up from a group of hostile aliens they had literally run the ship into when they passed a travelling space port several deca-cycles ago.
"See? I'm all discombobulated!" Sunstreaker groaned dramatically gathering some snickers from the skeleton crew of the ARK 2 as Prowl shook his helm in exasperation.
"Who's watching Wheeljack?" Bluestreak asked looking about them in mild concern noticing that nearly all of their rag-tag crew was in the Command Deck.
"Inferno's watching him" Red Alert said optics still on the screens "I still don't see why he needs a sitter"
"Red, he blew off the starboard engine last time we left him to his own devices, we even saw it floating by when we ran into a Decepticon scout ship. However it did give them a scare when it collided with their windshield" Smokescreen snorted gathering up his specialised cards and shuffling them again "Though I got to say Prowl, we have been low on the action since we left Cybertron."
Prowl shrugged and sat in the Commander's chair, staring over the consoles and mechs into the inky blackness of space, silently contemplating a promise his lover made to him vorns ago back on Cybertron as they split ways "I still say we should wait for Prime's signal."
"Speaking of which" Blaster suddenly called sitting up as his screen blinked with an incoming transmission "We have a second live transmission broadcast from Prime on all Autobot frequencies along with another packet of co-ordinates… to a place called Earth, specifically to a place called Diego Garcia. Even at full speed we'll get there in about forty vorns, better prepare for a long trip guys. Still, it's better than the forty one vorn estimate I got from our loveable, if not ditzy computer the first time the message came in."
"I call pilot chair!" Sunstreaker cried lunging for the dusty looking set of controls startling the gathered bots. As the golden bot gripped the control, Prowl called over to him from his seat,
"Do you even know how to pilot this thing?" the SIC of the Autobot faction asked wearily as Inferno came onto the deck dragging an enthusiastic Wheeljack who had some suspicious smudges of soot all over his frame.
"Sure I do" the golden swordsmech assured grinning when the computer gave turned off the Autopilot; the ship gaving a suspicious lurch to the right sending Smokescreen's tower of cards scattering to the floor.
"I'm going to need to see that Piloting Certificate" Prowl said sternly crossing his arms over his chest plates and glaring down at the mech as the others managed to regain their balance.
"I..uh… left it back on Cybertron" Sunstreaker bluffed with an innocent smile as he heard Smokescreen utter a few choice curses as he wandered across the Command Deck picking up his large deck of cards.
"Sure, you did" Blaster muttered sarcastically, making himself comfortable in his chair as Wheeljack enthusiastically bounced forward.
"We can use my new wormhole device!" Wheeljack said his colour indicators flashing an array of wild colours as he pointed at the ominous red flashing button beside the controls that Prowl was trying to talk Sunstreaker away from. "It should get us there almost instantaneously!"
"Let me think about it…" Prowl said before turning his annoyed gold gaze on the inventor "No!"
"Too late" Sunstreaker chirped as he pulled his finger from the pressed button.
The engines charged as the ARK 2's computer, Teletraan Jr., cheerfully informed them that the gift shop on Deck 4 for Imminent Death merchandise was now open.
"I should have just stayed on Cybertron…" Prowl groaned rubbing his optics as the engines burst with energy, propelling them forward leaving rippling energy waves in their wake.
==Earth, Diego Garcia=
"I'm telling you Jazz, even if they did pick up Prime's signal it'd take vorns to get here!" Sideswipe said over a cube of energon.
"Yeah, I guess so… but I really don't want to wait that long to see Prowler again" the recently repaired saboteur whined into his specialised medical grade energon that Ratchet was forcing down his throat cabling every morning. "It doesn't really help that we have to be up at five in the fragging morning every new sunrise."
"Aww you just want some Praxian loving" the swordsmech snickered knocking back his own energon and tossing the cube into the recycling contraption by the table of humans groggily worshipping the miracle of Coffee, before they had to go train.
"Says you" Jazz snorted good-naturedly "You just want hugs from Sunstreaker"
"I'll have you know, despite being a total and utter aft, Sunny gives good hugs" Sideswipe snickered defending his twin before sobering "But in truth I just miss him. It's not the same you know?"
"I hear ya" Jazz nodded draining his own vile tasting medical grade energon and tossing the cube over Sideswipe's head with a sour look marring his faceplates "Though I still entertain the idea of the kind of freak out level the humans would have had if we brought the entire Iacon base population of Autobots to earth."
"The city where you fought old Megsy would have been vaporised if we had that many mechs planetside, humans would have been trod on daily, Galloway, upon meeting him, would have pitched a major wobbler and the US in general would probably have been using the tank piercing missiles on us as well as the Decepticons." Sideswipe listed with a snicker "the only good point is that Prowl would have been there to haul your sorry aft out of Megatron's grip before he tore you in half."
"Good points outweigh the bad then" Jazz grinned as the coffee machine transformer in the human kitchenette tucked into the corner of the Rec-Room, suddenly started loudly demanding another jar of coffee beans to chug. "We really need a day care for those things"
"I'll say" Sideswipe snorted "I found Nano, you know, the little iPod that is the 'king' of all the other phones and Ipod transformers around here? Well I found him scuttling around in my quarters the other day, thought the fragger was a turbo-rat to start with."
"Ah yes, I wondered who was screaming like a femme" Jazz pondered aloud a teasing lilt in his tone as one of the more grumpier soldiers got up and unlocked a special safe beside the fridge and withdrew a jar of coffee beans.
"Fetch!" the soldier snapped throwing the plastic jar high and far, the Coffee machine, aptly named Bean, scuttling off with a squeal of delight "It's too early for this crap!"
"Mech, you remember their names?" Jazz asked as they watched the crazed transformer chug down the coffee beans as if it were life saving water.
"Hit and miss" the swordsmech shrugged "and I do not scream like a femme"
"Could have fooled me" Ironhide grumbled wandering into the Rec-Room "Come on you two, some humans are wailing about something entering the atmosphere"
"One of ours?" Sideswipe asked hopefully as the black armoured weapons master shrugged
"Could be, but apparently it's fragging huge, so the only bot it could be is Omega Supreme or one of our shuttles that was searching for the Allspark is preparing to crash land."
"I'm hoping for Omega Supreme then" Jazz chimed cheerfully bouncing out of the Rec-Room, the welds that held him together at the torso glinting in the faux light.
==Aboard the ARK 2, Earth's Atmosphere==
"What's the damage?" Prowl asked groggily picking himself up from the floor where almost everybody was sprawled across the deck , bar Sunstreaker, who was attempting to work out how to work the landing gear and a frightened Red Alert that was gripping his security consol like a scared cat.
"We've lost engine four" Blaster reported looking up from where he plastered to the orange floor at the rapidly blinking consol as Teletraan Jr. worked itself up into a panic as Engine Four literally dropped off, floating by the window and drifting into the blue and green planet in a fiery cylinder of flame. "And we have fires on nearly all decks, plus the last box of energon goodies has exploded all over the Rec-Room."
Bluestreak who had been calm until that precise moment from where he was spread eagled under the Commander's chair, let out a mournful wail "That's it we're doomed!"
Wheeljack looked up from where Smokescreen, Inferno and himself were piled up in the corner "Well, considering that we didn't disintegrate, I'd say that was a success"
"Wheeljack…" Prowl snapped flexing his clawed servos "We are about to crash land on a planet we don't have a fragging clue about. How can that be a success?"
Suddenly the ship gave another lurch as another thruster spluttered and died, exhaling black smoke into the cosmos of space "And there goes beloved Engine number Two" Smokescreen grumbled untangling himself from under Inferno's weight.
Prowl groaned and stumbled his way over to the main consol, spreading his doorwings for balance "Teletraan Jr. upload yourself into a spare disc, this is going to be messy"
The Computer chirred in relief, a slot opening up on the blinking consol as the personality and knowledge the shuttle had was ejected in the form of an odd looking USB Data stick, which Prowl quickly subspaced as a final message from the computer AI came up on screen "Good luck! You'll need it!"
"Glad to see he has so much faith in us" Inferno commented as the ship gave a titanic groan and dipped forwards towards the planet's surface as the last thrusters and their engines died, the crew scrambling to their seats.
"Out of curiosity Prowl" Sunstreaker asked straining against the controls as they tried to jerk out of his hands when the ship shuddered, armour and vital parts of the ship breaking off and crumbling into flaming ashes as they descended. "What's the crash landing procedure for a shuttle of this size?"
Prowl gave him a dry look "There isn't one, any time a Shuttle has crashed there hasn't been any survivors"
"Way to kick a mech while he's down Prowl" Smokescreen sighed slouching in his seat.
==Random Aeroplane passing by==
"Mommy, Mommy! Look! A big Space Ship is crashing!" a small boy cried tapping on his window as his mother and the surrounding passengers slept.
"That's nice honey" the mother sighed shifting in the cramped seat and without actually looking out of the window where a titanic Autobot ship was in the process of crashing, she shut the blind blocking the sight from view. "Now go back to sleep, we have another few hours before we land"
==Autobot Base, Diego Garcia==
"Bad luck mechs it's a Shuttle crash landing" Jazz said peering up at the flaming ball of fire that was streaking its way towards the ocean "Gonna create a hell of a tidal wave though"
"I hope the mechs bailed before this happened" Ratchet grumbled as they all watched the sky.
"What I want to know is why they didn't get picked up on our radar until that were literally underneath our satellites" Galloway grumbled already on his phone complaining to his superiors that there were probably going to be more of the 'giant robots' running around.
As if by magic the shuttle suddenly changed course, its trail jerking to fly straight at them, trailing black fumes and bright fire.
"Let's move" Optimus said
"Why what's wrong with Diego Garcia?" Ironhide asked looking up from where he was fiddling with his cannons.
"I meant from this spot" The Prime said pointing at the giant shuttle bearing down on them.
"Ah" Ironhide said finally spotting the flying wreckage "Alright then… RUN!"
==Inside ARK 2, After Crash Landing==
"Ding, Ding! Sunstreaker's Shuttle Service has officially landed! Please alight the shuttle using the gaping hole where the door used to be!" Sunstreaker said gleefully turning to a groaning pile of mechs at the centre of the Command Deck.
"Sunstreaker" Prowl growled from the bottom of the pile "Consider yourself as having failed your pilot test, and if you do actually have a piloting certificate, it's getting burned"
Bluestreak was the first to stumble out of the shuttle onto the charred ground and wept in joy hugging the ground "Land! Beautiful Land! I'm never leaving you again!" as he made to get up his servo dropped free of his wrist "Medic!" he shrieked in comedic horror.