Ranma/ Samba de Amigo
AL COMPASS DEL RANMA!
Final



"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma..." Nabiki drolled. She went silent for a while, still trying to figure out something to say about the latest incident between Ranma and his current nemesis, and replied, "...uh... Ranma." For once, she was at a loss of words. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, this had to be the most awe-inspiring moment she had ever witnessed.

"I ain't licked yet!" Ranma proclaimed, as he crouched in the tearoom with the Tendou sisters, "He ain't invincible, that little monkey's gotta have a weakness!"

"Ranma, just... just give it up," Akane pleaded in her most sincere voice, "People are starting to talk!"

"NO WAY! THAT MONKEY IS GOING DOWN!!!" Ranma bellowed, shooting to standing, and knocking the tea-table onto Akane, who had been sitting across from him. "I bet the old ghoul knows something! She probably knows some secret technique that'll give me the edge! Yeah, that's the ticket!"

With that, Ranma turned towards the door, and ra-... and was swatted into the wooden floor like a fly, by an irate fiancee weilding a large oak, four legged fly swatter.
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"Hey! Old ghoul! I have to ask ya something!" Ranma shouted out as he entered the Cat Cafe.

"Let me guess," an old voice called out for the kitchen, "You wanted to know if I have some secret technique for beating Martial arts Samba practicing monkeys, am I correct?"

"Whoa..." Ranma whispered, "That's pretty good!"

"Not really," Cologne commented with a sigh, "It's all over the five O'clock news. News has been slow lately, apparently."

Ranma wilted at the bit of information, but decided not to let it get to him, "So, what can you show me?"

"Ranma... let us sit down," Cologne motioned the pigtailed fighter to a booth in the corner, and sat down across from him, "Listen, Son-in-law. It's not often that I give this profound of advice, and such advice as I'm about to give you should not be taken lightly. Someone once said, it's best to quit while you're ahead."

"Uh, but I ain't ahead at the moment," Ranma commented with a confused frown.

"Sun Tzu had observed that when you engage in actual fighting, and victory is long in coming, then men's weapons dull and the ardor will be dumped."

"I'm not sure I follow," Ranma replied, scratching his head.

"Mestre Bimba one stated 'quem aguenta tepestade e` rochedo'." Cologne continued, while pointing to the large sign over her head that read "Only the cliffs stand against the tempest."

"Uh, can you translate that to English for me?" Ranma enquired. Cologne blinked, and slammed the sign down on Ranma.

"FOOL! YOU SPEAK JAPANESE!!!"

"Alright! Alright!" Ranma groaned from under the sign, "I'm a bit out of it today!" Ranma pulled himself back into the booth seat, "What's got you so irritated, anyway?"

Cologne continued to rub her forehead to relieve the stress, "Nothing, nothing. It's just not every day you find out your Great-Granddaughter is marrying some fool that consistantly seeks abuse from a monkey."

"But you abuse me all the time!"

Cologne stared at Ranma for the longest time, before speaking, "Which way is it to Ukyo's restaurant, Ranma?"

"Uh, that way," Ranma pointed to the side of himself.

"Thank you, would you mind standing here for a sec...?" Cologne motioned Ranma to the middle of the floor.

"Um, sure..." Ranma wasn't sure what was going on; maybe she was about to show him what he wanted to learn finally?

"Thank you," Cologne wound her staff back for a vicious golf swing. Let the boy's best friend put up with him for a while...
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"Welcome to Uchan's..." Konatsu caught one look at Ranma, and turned away, snickering.

Ranma ignored the cross-dresser, and headed for the booth, hoping Ukyo and a free meal would inspire him to an idea for victory.

"So whadd'll it... Ranma."

"Hey Ucchan," the pigtailed boy greeted tiredly.

"Ah... would you mind coming back later, Rancha.... Ranma? I'm kinda busy right now."

Ranma looked around, but only found a beet red Konatsu trying his best not to break down in hysterics. "Busy with what?"

"Come on, you're scaring the customers away!" Ukyo whispered harshly, looking around with nervous eyes.

"Oh, not you too!" Ranma snapped, putting two and two together. At that moment, Konatsu cae over, and tapped Ranma on the shoulder, "What do you want?"

"You have a monkey on your back," Konatsu replied in a calm tone.

"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETIT.... THAT'S NOT FUNNY!!!" Ranma glared down at the hysterical Konatsu, before giving a disgusted snort, and walking out Ucchans.

Ukyo glared at her waiter, after Ranma had left, "That wasn't very nice, Konatsu."

"He's... [hee hee] long gone now, Ukyo-sa[snicker]sama..."

"Oh thank the deities, I didn't think I could hold it in much longer!"

Robust laughter filled the inside of Ucchans
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"Ranma, really, this has gotten out of hand..."

"Don't worry about it, I finally figured it out, Akane," Ranma replied from the top of the stairs.

"Ranma, I'm asking you, as a friend, please stop! You'll only make things worse!"

"That's advice I would take, Saotome," Nabiki commented, watching TV.

"This is it, no hold barred. Me and the monkey one last go!" Ranma's voice reigned confidense, so much that Akane staggered, and felt that possibly, just possibly, Ranma would win in the end, after all.

"Wow, sounds like you finally got this figured out!" Even Nabiki was impressed by the attitude of the young Saotome.

"It was so simple, too! I don't even know how I coulda missed it!" With that, Ranma leapt from the top of the stairs, "Now it's time to go kick some monkey tai-... what the Hell's so funny?"

"GOOD LORD! MAKE IT STOP!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA, OH MY BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! IT HURTS!!! OH GOD IT HURTS!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Ranma turned from the hysterically laughing Nabiki, to Akane, and found her with her back turned to him, though here neck was crimson flushed, "Why are you turned around?"

"Because," Akane started, as calmly as possible, "If I turn around, I won't be able to contain myself. I will begin to laugh until I vomit. I do not like vomiting, Ranma, it's very uncomfortable..."

"Whatever," the pigtailed boy replied, tersely, before heading off for destiny...
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Amigo watched the boat that would carry him back to his homeland arrive, saddened by his reception in the land of the Rising Sun. He had concluded that this nation was not ready for the awesome might of Samba, and that he should return at another time when it has grown.

The Samba master started towards the plank, when...

"HEY, MONKEY! WE AIN'T FINISHED YET!"

Amigo's eyes grew wide. The aura he felt from his annoying nemesis was great; overwhelming. At that moment, Samba feared, truly feared, that his awesome rhythm would not be able to triumph.

With wide, fear filled eyes, Amigo turned to find his opponent, with his face hidden within the hood of the cloak he wore. "Your technique is good," Ranma started to say in a haughty tone, "And I have yet to come up with a way to fully counter it. But One thing will always reign true; Ranma Saotome is the best, in anything relating to martial arts! Now..." Ranma tossed off the cloak dramatically, and struck the same dynamic pose he had for Akane and Nabiki.

The setting sun's rays glistend off of the red sequins that spelled out Ranma's name in English across his chest, while the black ones seemed to swallow the light that came upon them. They complimented the rippling muscles of his legs through the thin fabric of his tight... tight pants. In each hand he wielded menacing maraccas that seemed eager themselves to do battle.

From under his black and red sombrero, Ranma smiled evilly, stretching the mustache he drew upon his face with a marker. "Now, get ready for a taste of your own medicine... pal!"

Amigo... was *NOT*... amused...
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"Cheer up, Ranma!" Akane commanded with a perky tone, "In a few weeks, this will all blow over, like the incident when you were caught in girl's bloomers as a guy..."

Ranma-chan grumbled under the cloak she wore, but said nothing.

"Well, I hope you learned an important lesson from all this. sometimes, it's just best to quit while you're ahead."

Ranma-chan sighed, "But Akane, how do you expect me to be the best if I just quit like that?"

"Ranma?" Akane replied in her sweetest voice, "What have I told you about speaking in public?"

"It draws attention to myself, I know," Ranma replied in a much more quiet tone.

"Very good, and what did I tell you about walking beside me?"

"Five paces behind you, so no one thinks we're together."

Akane nodded her head in appreciation. She was correct, though. As long as Ranma didn't do anything stupid, everyone would forget... in time...
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Looking upon Nerima, a blonde young man with overwhelming twinkles in his eyes, and the largest happy-go-lucky grin that could be created on anything remotely human, barely managed to contain his glee.

He had been told that this was indeed an area to test his greatness, and Shaka of the Tamborine had a lot of greatness to test...
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Anyone else happy to see this mindlessness ended? ^_^