Author's Note 6/21/2013: I'm adding a note to all my fics to tell my readers that yes, all fics will be finished and I am writing. As some of you know, I had a huge health scare, and between October and February was sidetracked with that, having to have gyn surgery in January as well as some extensive medical treatment with side effects. I am now two weeks post op from sinus and nasal surgery and have had complications. It is no party. I'm not even looking forward to vacation next week, but very glad we opted not to fly, as I could not comfortably, but now face a 14 hour drive each way. Oh well, I'm sure I'll feel better soon.
So this being said, my head and heart just isn't always in my writing, and I refuse to just post something for the sake of it, but there are bits and pieces completed, including much of the rest of Double Take and Domestic, so just hang in there for me. Thanks.
In addition, Spouse of Airdrie has been working like crazy for months... but we will get back to this!
Authors' Notes: We have been quite remiss about introducing the Justice League Members featured in this parody... so, for the underinformed, here's a thumbnail sketch on some of the Justice Leaguers making cameos...
BATMAN (Bruce Wayne) – Robin's mentor... really, are explanations necessary here?
SUPERMAN (Clark Kent) – kinda iconic...
WONDER WOMAN (Diana Prince) – okay... isn't this iconic as well? (as per usual, with questions, PM Star of Airdrie... I miss precepting...)
GREEN ARROW (Oliver 'Ollie' Queen) – Speedy's mentor and expert archer – and Renaissance Faire wannabe
MARTIAN MANHUNTER (J'onn Jonz) – a Green Martian with the usual shape shifting and telepathic abilities; and the love of Oreos is canon
GREEN LANTERN (I've envisioned John Stewart) Iconic, yes?
BOOSTER GOLD (Michael Jon Carter) – A hero from the future who came to the 21st century from the 25th to use the knowledge of history to attain wealth, popularity and acclaim. He does like being a hero too.
BLACK CANARY (Dinah Lance) – Metahuman with expert martial arts and her 'Canary Cry', a sonic scream that shatters stuff, hurts people...
MR MIRACLE (Scott Free) – Technically immortal, strong, smart, married to Big Barda... so he has it all, really... …
Spouse of Airdrie: why do you explain so much?
Star of Airdrie: because it's not in the cartoon!TeenTitans universe...
Airdrie: um, yeah...
Airdrie: not sure... I guess people could check Wikipedia (shutter) but after years of holding medical students' and interns hands, I feel the need... just ignore me... . .
ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE
"All right!" Robin gathered his team around him. "We're going up against the Man of Steel-"
"Really Robin? Do we really have to go there?" Raven groaned.
"Fine." Robin gritted. "We're going against Superman... suggestions?"
"Perhaps we should find this woman 'Mandy' so he can explain why he should not have sent her away," Starfire suggested.
The Titans looked at her. "Any other suggestions?" Robin asked after a moment.
"Hit him hard," said Cyborg, cracking a mechanical knuckle.
"Totally," agreed Beast Boy.
"We shall bring the booyah!" clapped Starfire, getting into the spirit of things.
"Sure, why not?" sighed Raven.
"OK. Let's do it!" Robin struck a pose and pointed. "Titans, go!"
Batman watched as the battle commenced on the mall's rooftop. The staccato sound of exploding bird-a-rangs, the vreep! of Cyborg's sonic blaster, Raven's shouts and Starfire's starbolts did little to drown out Superman's abysmal singing.
Behind him came the signature hum of the League's teleporter. Green Arrow stepped out, munching on an apple.
He nodded to Batman. "Bats."
Green Arrow drew up next to Batman and watched the battle with him. Munch, munch. "Kids these days, huh?"
"What are they trying? The full frontal assault? Yeah, that'll work…" Arrow snorted. Munch, munch…
Batman gave him an irritated look. "You got something to report, Ollie?"
"Oh, yeah. All taken care of. Media's been alerted about the whole robot-prank thing, and J'onn's shape-shifted into Superman and is being seen a thousand miles away doing something appropriately Superman-ish. No worries." Munch.
More shouts and explosions drifted down. Beast Boy had turned into something large, green and thunderous. Superman ignored them and wailed, 'And I neeeeed youuuuuuuuu…' Windshields shattered and several car alarms went off.
Green Arrow blinked. "Man, Clark sure seems to get mind-controlled a lot. Can't we enroll him in some sort of mental Pilates or something?"
"I'll look into it," Batman said dryly.
Munch, munch. "Who's the cute redhead again?"
"Looks like she trying to jerk that thing off with both hands." A chorus of wolf-whistles rose from the crowd of onlookers along with cell phones and cameras trying to capture the moment. "Hmm. Unfortunate choice of words there."
"Don't you have somewhere else to be, Ollie?"
"Are you kidding?" The JLA transporter hummed again. The Martian Manhunter stepped out, carrying some folded-up items and a picnic basket.
"J'onn!" Green Arrow exclaimed. "Good! You brought them!"
"What are..?" Batman looked at what the Manhunter was holding. "Are those… lawn chairs?"
"Yeah." Green Arrow plucked one from the Martian's grasp and snapped it open. "This is probably going to take a while." He shrugged at Batman as he took a seat. "What? You didn't expect us to stand, did you?"
The Manhunter held out a bag to Batman. "Want an Oreo?"
The Titans regrouped.
"Well, that was productive…" muttered Raven, brushing some concrete dust off her robe.
Cyborg banged a dent out of his shoulder. He glared at Robin. "Tell me again why we can't use Kryptonite?"
"Can't. Besides the fact that it will clue everyone in that that's really Superman, Batman's worried it would it would only weaken Superman and not…" he hestitated.
"Skippy," Starfire said helpfully.
"Yeah, uh, 'Skippy.'" He sighed. "Then we'd never get that thing off him."
"So what now?" Beast Boy asked.
"New plan." Robin hefted a grenade. "Liquid nitrogen. Skippy's made of metal, right? I'm going to freeze it solid, then Cyborg, Star and Raven, full energy blasts. Beast Boy – hit him in the… Skippy. Something big and with horns."
"Ouch," Cyborg shook himself.
"Let's shatter that thing! Titans, go!"
Robin's shout echoed over the parking lot. Green Arrow turned in his lawn chair to J'onn J'onnz. "Why don't we have a battle cry?"
The Manhunter shrugged, chewing on an Oreo. "I don't know. What would it be?"
Shouts and explosions drifted down from the mall's roof. Green Arrow mused for a moment. "Something like, 'Justice Is Served'? Or 'Justice For All'? 'Justice Together'?"
Boom. Crash. "How about 'Justice Assembled'?"
"Nah. It's been done." A loud thwock! came from the roof like a baseball bat hitting a line drive. Green Arrow and the Manhunter watched as a bright green moose sailed over their heads in a perfect parabolic arc and landed on a minivan. After a moment, the moose staggered up and turned into a stunned Beast Boy. Beast Boy shook himself briefly, flashed the heroes a grin and a jaunty salute, then shifted into a pterodactyl that flapped its way back towards the battle.
The heroes watched him go without comment. More shouts floated down. After a bit: "You ever change into a moose?"
"No. Never felt the need."
"Hmmm." More explosions filled the rooftop. "Seems kind of a strange choice," Green Arrow mused.
Boom. Crash. Shout. "I mean, you're fighting Superman. What good is a moose?"
"Good point," said J'onn. There was a rumble as part of the mall collapsed. "Mind you, moose bites can be very nasty… Are you in pain, Batman? Why are you covering your face with your palm?"
The Titans regrouped.
"Hey, don't look at me! You said something big and with horns!"
"I meant a rhino!"
"Robin, please calm down," Starfire put her hand on the seething Boy Wonder's chest. "We are making progress. I am certain that I heard the Superman sing the lyrics incorrectly this time."
"How can you tell?" Cyborg asked incredulously.
"That's not what I'm worried about." The others looked at Raven. Behind them, Superman had segued into a tuneless version of the theme to American Bandstand. "Look, it's like he's going through the whole Barry Manilow catalog one by one."
Robin gave a "so what" shrug. Raven sighed. "Barry Manilow covered Unchained Melody. If Superman tries to hit those notes, he's going to kill somebody."
"Great." Robin looked around. "Raven, Superman's susceptible to magic. See if you can wrap he head in dark energy or something – at least that may muffle the noise." Robin winced as Superman butchered another passage.
More heroes had gathered, intent on the ongoing battle. "Five bucks says the green kid turns into a dinosaur next," said Hawkman, waving a bill.
"Eh, he always turns into a dinosaur. I'm thinking large mammal," said Flash.
"I already got 'gorilla'," Green Lantern pointed out.
"How about a moose?" called Green Arrow.
"A moose? Nobody turns into a moose."
"Wait, wait, there he goes…" called Green Lantern. "Come on, come on…" They watched the battle commence again on the rooftop, then a bunch of disappointed groans went up from the circle of lawn chairs. "What is that? A giant squid?" "And it's the grabbing the… oh, that's just wrong!"
The pile of bills was impressive. "Anybody have 'squid'?"
"I had 'some type of seafood'," said the Martian Manhunter, collecting his winnings.
"You're not reading his mind, are you, J'onn?" The Manhunter looked around archly and said nothing.
"Comrades!" A voice boomed behind them.
"Speaking of seafood…" Green Lantern muttered under his breath.
Aquaman sauntered up to the group, puffing out his chest majestically. "I received the alert. What is the situation?" He looked around at the assembled heroes expectantly.
"Superman's being mind-controlled by a giant cybernetic penis and is being forced to sing Barry Manilow," said Green Arrow.
"Want an Oreo?" asked J'onn.
For several moments, the King of Atlantis didn't say anything. His jaw worked. He blinked several times. Finally, he announced, "Well. I shall be leaving now." He turned briskly and stalked back towards the harbor, muttering, "Sometimes it's just not worth it to come to the surface…"
The remaining heroes turned back to the battle. More shouts and explosions. "Okay, who's got 'elephant' this time?"
The Titans regrouped.
Robin tried to catch his breath. "OK. New plan." The other Titans gave a collective groan. "Um… uh…"
Raven sighed. "How about you throw bird-a-rangs, Starfire shoots starbolts and grunts, Cyborg fires his sonic blaster, says 'Booyah', Beast Boy turns into a Tyrannosaurus, and I shout 'Azarath Metrion Zinthos'?"
The Titans looked at her. She shrugged. "We always do that. I think we're in kind of a rut…"
Robin exhaled. "Works for me. Titans, go."
"So let me get this straight. Witchiepoo only knows one spell?"
"It's not a spell, Booster. From what I understand, it's more of a meditation mantra to focus her energy," said Black Canary. They were standing around a cooler, fixing their drinks.
Booster Gold thought for a bit as the battle raged in the distance. "So… with practice she could basically say anything and get the same results. Like an advertising slogan?" He sipped his mojito and nodded his head. "Big money in that."
Shouts. Zap. Boom. "So you're saying the instead of shouting 'Azarath Metrion Zinthos', Raven could yell 'I can't believe it's not butter!' or 'Call Roto-Rooter, that's the name…'?"
"Yeah." He shrugged. "Why not?"
"You're an idiot, Booster."
The Titans regrouped.
"Okay, this is getting stupid…" Robin panted.
"Oh, Robin, you are so right. This got stupid a long time ago," Starfire noted sweetly.
Robin sighed. "New plan!" He motioned everyone around.
"Oh, joy, a new plan," Cyborg said sarcastically. "Is this the one where he beats on us a little, or he beats on us a lot?"
"We've got to get that thing off him…"
"Really? Thank you, Captain Obvious," Raven muttered darkly. The Titans were all a little worse for wear and it wasn't improving their temperament any.
"We all distract him from the front, while Beast Boy…"
"Yeah?" asked Beast Boy warily.
"You sneak up behind him. Something small, like a gnat or a flea. While we're hitting him, try to squeeze into the seam between Skippy and Superman…"
"Ewww!" said Beast Boy.
"Then go whale or something large. Maybe that will pop it off."
The team looked dubious. Robin continued. "Everyone know their part?" The Titans shrugged half-heartedly. "Titans, go!"
A new series of explosions echoed across the mall rooftop. "Jeez, Bats, more grenades? How many high explosives do you let that kid run around with?"
Batman didn't say anything. He had moved off to stand away as more heroes arrived. He was surreptitiously sipping from the bat-flask. Unknown to most, in addition to crime-fighting tools, Batman's utility belt also always contained the ingredients to make an excellent martini.
Next time, Bruce, he thought sourly, if someone's about to shoot your parents, just step in front of the bullet…
More explosions rippled forth. Green Arrow leaned back in his lawn chair and sighed. "Ah, that takes me back. I remember when I gave Roy his first exploding arrow. He couldn't wait to try it out." He shook his head ruefully. "That poor sheep…"
Suddenly a large fireball mushroomed over the mall rooftop, followed by a 'sound of thunder'. More car alarms went off.
The heroes looked at each other. "That doesn't sound like Barry Manilow."
The Titans regrouped.
"That's not funny!" Beast Boy yelled, patting at the smoldering remains of his uniform. His hair was smoking. "You said to sneak in from behind!"
Raven was cracking up. "Look on the bright side, BB. Not many people can say they discovered a new superpower of Superman's."
"I suppose I should have expected it," Robin contemplated. "When he expels wind from his mouth, it's super breath, so it stands to reason that when he breaks wind…
"Forget this!" Cyborg snarled. The other Titans jumped at his vehemence. "I have had enough of this from that low-rent copy! Hey, you! Skippy!" He yelled across the roof. Oblivious, Superman continued to sing. "You want a piece of me! Time to fight fire with fire!"
He slammed the titanium crate on the roof. The Titans stepped back as he threw open the locks. The door flew open.
"Grayson! Sic 'em!"
"Now there's something you don't see everyday," Green Arrow mused thoughtfully as the battle on the roof changed tone. "It's like a light-saber duel from Star Wars, only it's incredibly stupid."
"Oh, I don't know," said a low, lovely contralto from behind him. "Before I came to Man's World my sisters on Themyscira were pretty much convinced this was how you folks said 'hello' to each other."
"Diana," nodded Batman.
"Bruce," Wonder Woman greeted him back.
"Is the camera really necessary, Diana?"
"Yes, Bruce." She raised the large digital camera and snapped off a few more photos. "Yes, it is."
Batman sighed and shook his head. Green Arrow whispered, "For the archives?"
"Oh Great Hera no," Diana murmured. "The Christmas party."
The Titans regrouped.
"He dented Grayson!" Starfire cried.
Cyborg's unit staggered around drunkenly on the rooftop. "Mee… mee.. pppphhht." It collapsed.
"Awww…" Starfire picked it up and cradled it gently.
"Starfire! What the hell!" Robin looked on in horror as Starfire started to croon to it in baby talk.
"Uh, Star, I think there's been enough singing for one day…" With a nervous glance at Robin, Cyborg quickly plucked it from Starfire's arms and locked it back in its crate.
Raven cleared her throat, distracting Robin. "So what now, fearless leader?"
"I, uh, what?" Robin shook his head and recovered his composure. "All right. Time for Plan B." He pulled out his Titan's communicator.
"Uh, Robin, at this point wouldn't this be more like 'Plan Q'?" Beast Boy mumbled, his mouth full of food.
Robin started. "What are you eating?"
"Tofu dog." He pointed. "That little guy who hangs out with Mr. Miracle's got a grill set up."
Robin stared at him. "The League… is tailgating?"
Beast Boy shrugged. "Booster Gold's making mojitos."
Cyborg perked up. "Really?"
Robin muttered something unprintable and turned on the communicator. Speedy's visage appeared. "Roy! Got the package?"
"All ready for delivery, boss."
"Get here fast." Beast Boy burped and grinned. Robin ground his teeth. "Really fast. Robin out." He snapped off the communicator.
The other Titans looked at him curiously. "What was that about?" asked Cyborg.
"Reinforcements." Robin grimaced. "And a little surprise…"
To be continued...
Thank you for reading and please review.
If there is any cameos you would like to see as the story degenerates, just let us know!