Nunnally and Sayoko-san were both out when Suzaku got to the house, something that immediately raised Suzaku's mental defences. He took a deep breath and forced himself to relax – whatever Lelouch had planned, Suzaku would go with it for his sake.
The house seemed more empty then usual. Suzaku knew that Lelouch was in his room, but the walk through the house seemed… longer.
But not quite long enough. The light under the door looked almost ominous. On the other side of the door, Lelouch was waiting. And he'd had nearly a full day to plot.
Well. A promise was a promise. Suzaku set his jaw and opened the door.
Despite the well-lit room, it took Suzaku a moment to locate Lelouch. He wasn't on the bed as Suzaku had expected him to be (from weeks of experience) but rather was seated in the corner, watching the door with an expectant expression.
Suzaku had never seen Lelouch genuinely pondering something. His eyes were sharper than usual, even though they weren't really focused on anything. Rather than fiddling with a chess piece, Lelouch's hand rested near his mouth, his fingers spread in an elegant gesture of thoughtfulness. His legs were crossed, chaste yet suggestive with his graceful stockinged feet. He looked, truly, like a prince; completely in charge of the situation and more than clever enough to take advantage of it.
It was just as well that Suzaku had resigned himself to humiliation and hurt feelings before he'd walked in.
He closed the door behind himself, patiently waiting for Lelouch to make the first move.
He didn't have to wait long.
"I've been thinking." …that couldn't be good. "Mostly about today, but also about these past few weeks." He uncrossed his legs and fixed Suzaku with a firm stare. "And I think I know the problem and how to resolve it."
Suzaku wondered if this was part of some psychological game. If so, it was working – every word Lelouch said made him more nervous.
"Take off your clothes."
…much more nervous. "Wh-what?"
"Remove. Your clothing."
Suzaku was a little ashamed at how his fingers trembled lightly as he unbuttoned his shirt, but by the time he kicked off his pants and underwear, he was back under control. Physically at least. "What now?"
Lelouch didn't answer, but his gaze wandered over Suzaku's body, taking everything in. Suzaku resisted the urge to cover himself up, to hide from those piercing eyes. There was nothing arousing about Lelouch's gaze – no heat or desire that Suzaku could see, just clinical interest, the kind that made Suzaku feel like a specimen on display.
Then Lelouch stood up in a single fluid movement and Suzaku snapped to attention, as if overcompensating for his state of undress. Lelouch didn't comment on that as he lazily and slowly circled around Suzaku. The only sounds in the room that Suzaku could hear were the soft pads of Lelouch's feet against the floor and his own heartbeat thudding in his chest. "Lelouch…"
"Hush." Lelouch sounded distracted and impatient. He'd stopped moving and was standing behind Suzaku, just out of view. Suzaku could feel his eyes on him, mentally tracing out the details of the curve of his spine, the nape of his neck, his hamstrings and calves, the way the small of his back transitioned into his ass…
He nearly yelped as gentle fingers ghosted over his buttocks, coming to rest in the curve of his back before trailing up his spine and over his shoulder. "L-Lelouch…"
"I said hush," Lelouch reminded him, pressing against the skin more firmly now, both hands sliding over Suzaku's arms, up his sides, pressing against his shoulderblades. Lelouch was close enough that Suzaku could feel the air moving from Lelouch's clothes against his skin, he could even feel Lelouch's breath against his neck. It didn't matter that this was just some sort of game, that Lelouch was taunting him, Suzaku's body reacted helplessly, even eagerly, and Suzaku let it, hoping that this would bring the teasing to an earlier end.
Lelouch didn't even seem to notice as he circled around to Suzaku's front, one hand resting against the back of Suzaku's neck, holding him in place as Lelouch looked him in the eye.
Suzaku had only a moment to absorb the unmistakable look of lust and hunger in Lelouch's eyes before Lelouch leaned into him and kissed him.
It was a good kiss. It wasn't demanding or forceful, nothing like what Suzaku would have expected from Lelouch's expression, but was rather gently firm, warm and soft with the occasional press of tongue, just enough to make Suzaku want to open to Lelouch, to deepen the kiss himself.
And when he did, he was rewarded with a sigh and the feeling of Lelouch's body lining up with his, the delicious pressure and friction against his erection increasing his arousal…
Suzaku wrenched himself away from Lelouch with a low cry, desperate to get away before Lelouch realized what was happening and pulled away in revulsion from the evidence of Suzaku's maleness.
A flash of pure irritation crossed Lelouch's face before being replaced with resigned amusement. "I like girls."
"I like girls," Lelouch repeated. "Breasts, hips, curves, soft lips… I am attracted to the female sex."
Suzaku was feeling a little lost, but still… "Yeah. I kind of noticed."
Lelouch's amusement sharpened. "Yes… I noticed you noticing. The point is, before you came along, there were several girls I was physically attracted to. Milly, Shirley, Sarah…"
"Tall brunette who does her hair in pigtails. She's in our chemistry class." Suzaku had no idea who she was. "Not the point," Lelouch continued, refusing to be distracted. "The point is that I enjoyed looking at them, and all my fantasies have been with nameless faceless females, but I've never done anything with any of them. Until you."
Lelouch's smile turned into an outright smirk. "It was weird at first, but after I got used to it… god, I wanted you so badly." He reached out and lightly trailed his fingers over Suzaku's clavicle. "I dreamed of you that first night and woke up so hard…" Suzaku shivered and Lelouch licked his lips. "I tried to talk myself out of it – I reminded myself that you were still Suzaku, still my best friend and the closest thing I had to family apart from Nunnally. And you know what?"
Lelouch moved closer. "I very nearly came without touching myself at that thought."
It was taking all Suzaku's self-control not to grab Lelouch and throw him on the bed. "Lelouch…"
"Don't get me wrong," Lelouch clarified. "The fact that you were gorgeous helped. Perfect curves, gentle eyes, soft hair… I think I would have lusted after you to an extent no matter who you were." He slid his hand up Suzaku's neck. "But it was Suzaku who I fell in love with, and it was only ever Suzaku who'd I'd ever want to hold as I held you." He leaned in for another kiss, but Suzaku pressed his finger to Lelouch's lips before he could.
"You held me when I was a girl. It's different now."
Lelouch nodded. "Yes. To be honest, I was a little disappointed when you changed back. I wasn't sure I would feel the same way for you like this, want you the same way. After all… I've only ever wanted girls."
Suzaku bowed his head in resignation. "Exactly."
"But I do."
Suzaku's head shot up. "What?"
"I do," Lelouch repeated. "I want you." Lelouch guided Suzaku's hand to the front of his pants, pressing Suzaku's palm onto the bulge there and hissing a little. "I've been hard since you took your shirt off, you unobservant dolt."
Suzaku's hand flexed and Lelouch's lips parted beautifully. "Lelouch…"
"I wasn't sure about you either," Lelouch admitted, his breath coming slightly faster. "You pulled away so far and so fast that I thought you were using it as an excuse… but you said you loved me." Lelouch whined slightly and bucked against Suzaku's hand as Suzaku started massaging his clothed erection. "And… fuck, Suzaku…" Lelouch's eyes fluttered shut with pleasure as he wrapped his arms around Suzaku's neck, leaning up to press his lips close to Suzaku's ear. "I believed in you."
Suzaku turned his head and captured Lelouch's lips in a bruising, desperate kiss. "Lelouch…"
"Suzaku." Lelouch squirmed in Suzaku's hold, wriggling out of his pants and shirt. "Fuck me."
"Oh god yes…" Suzaku answered, so turned on until his brain caught up with his ears. "What?" He pulled back to stare at Lelouch. "Fuck you? Me?" Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?
Lelouch looked less than patient with Suzaku's hesitation. "You've got a cock, don't you?" He leaned closer, chasing the passion that had been present a moment before. "Don't pretend you don't want to…"
Suzaku did. He most definitely did. But. "Lelouch, I can't just…"
"Why not?" Lelouch asked, impatient again.
"Look," Suzaku said, trying to be reasonable. "If you're sure you want to continue this relationship, we can. I… I'd actually really like that. But I'm not just going to fuck you."
Lelouch's expression and tone didn't change. "Why not?"
"Because!" Suzaku said, frustrated and turned on and a little ticked off that he was arguing against this. "You've been the one… I mean, I've never… you always…"
Lelouch shut him up with a kiss. "Suzaku. I've been inside you. It was wonderful. It was fantastic. And, yes, I want to do it again. But that doesn't mean that I don't want you to fuck me right now." Lelouch reached down and ran nothing more than a teasing finger over Suzaku's erection and Suzaku groaned. "Because you think I have an issue that I don't. And I need to prove that to you."
Suzaku looked at him, arousal and desperation making him honest and blunt. "You don't have to prove anything."
Lelouch's eyes widened. "Suzaku…"
And for the first time since he'd changed back, Suzaku finally felt in control of the situation with Lelouch. "You don't have to prove anything," he repeated. "You don't owe me anything, there's no score to even… All I want… all I ever wanted was to be with you."
"Oh." Lelouch looked stunned for a moment, before his lips spread in a smile. "Okay, then. In that case…" He grabbed Suzaku's head and kissed him hard, with teeth and tongue and not letting up even an inch until Suzaku was kissing back just as hard, his hands holding Lelouch's hips in place as he thrust against him. "Fuck me."
…Suzaku was so done arguing. Lelouch felt so good against him, and he'd probably feel even better around him. "Do you have anything?"
Lelouch stumbled back to the bed, overbalancing as Suzaku followed him, refusing to let him go, and falling back on the bed. He groped inside the bedside table and passed Suzaku an unopened tube of lubrication that was so new it still had the price on (Lelouch had gotten a pretty good deal).
Suzaku opened the tube and poured a generous amount over his fingers as Lelouch scooted backwards and spread his legs.
For a moment, Suzaku hesitated. As much as he'd done before being with Lelouch – with both men and women – he'd never had anal sex before in any way. He had the basic idea down, as well as the general concept that it would hurt at the beginning and be quite sore after everything was done, but the specifics…
"Hurry up, Suzaku!"
Well… he'd do his best. He settled half on top, half beside Lelouch, one hand propping him up, the other trailing cool slick circles around Lelouch's anus. "Lelouch… are you sure?" His body looked sure, his legs falling further open rather than instinctively shutting, his cock, already erect, leaking as Suzaku teased his ass. But Suzaku wanted to hear Lelouch say it again.
"I'm sure, please…" Lelouch gasped as Suzaku pressed a single finger into him, pausing with it half in to allow Lelouch to get used to it and also to calm himself down as the realization that Lelouch's ass was just so hottightperfect nearly made him come. "Suzaku, more…" Lelouch recovered before Suzaku did, and Suzaku had to close his eyes against the unbearably arousing feel and look and sound of Lelouch taking in his finger.
He wasn't sure he'd be able to survive watching Lelouch's body take in his cock.
And it wasn't as if Lelouch was passive or anything. His hips moved, wriggling around Suzaku's finger, occasionally pressing himself deeper on the digit. "Dammit, Suzaku, stop teasing me!"
Suzaku kissed him to shut him up, sliding a second finger in as Lelouch arched and cried out against his mouth. "Lelouch, are you…"
"It's so…" Lelouch squirmed restlessly, his breath coming in short sharp pants. "Don't stop, Suzaku."
It still wasn't clear if Lelouch was enjoying himself or just stubborn. But Suzaku was at the point where he wanted to keep going, so he took Lelouch at his word, thrusting the pair of his fingers into him and flexing and twisting and scissoring until Lelouch's arms flew up to grasp his shoulders, holding him close. He was still hard.
Suzaku quickly debated with himself whether to go to three fingers or just move on to his cock. On one hand, this was Lelouch's first time. On the other, Lelouch was now definitely fucking himself on Suzaku's fingers, eager and ready for more, and Suzaku really wanted to feel that tight heat around his cock. "Lelouch…"
Okay then. Lelouch lifted his hips and whined a little as Suzaku pulled his fingers out, pouring more lubrication over his hands and slicking up his cock. He idly noticed the mess he was making, the brand of the lubrication, anything to distract him from the way Lelouch looked; spread out under him, flushed and eager, one hand reaching out to grasp Suzaku's shoulder as Suzaku lined himself up and started gingerly pressing inside him.
He'd been completely correct. This was so much hotter than watching Lelouch take in his fingers. Especially when Suzaku's control slipped and he thrust in a little too fast, making Lelouch arch and cry out. Suzaku wanted more of that, he wanted Lelouch screaming out his name, begging for more… "S-sorry…"
"Don't stop," Lelouch gasped out, clearly more concerned that Suzaku might have taken that as an excuse to pull away than any pain he might have been in. Suzaku swallowed his guilt and continued to press in, careful to avoid anymore (surprisingly hot) surprises.
It seemed to take forever but, finally, he was sheathed completely inside Lelouch. "You okay?"
For a long moment, Lelouch didn't react. He stared unblinkingly at the ceiling, tears collecting at the corner of his eyes as his body fluttered involuntarily around Suzaku's cock. It wasn't anything he was doing on purpose, but it was driving Suzaku insane with the desire to move and thrust and fuck Lelouch. "Lelouch?"
Lelouch visibly swallowed before his tongue darted out over his lips as they parted. "I can feel… god, Suzaku." His hand trailed down Suzaku's chest, past his tensed abdomen until his fingers brushed over the point where their bodies were joined. "Can you feel this?"
"…yeah. Yeah, Lelouch. I feel it."
"Good." Lelouch shifted and Suzaku bit back a groan as that slid him even deeper. "Move?"
It took Suzaku a moment to process that that had been a request and another to properly brace himself before sliding out, not quite halfway, and pushing back in, watching Lelouch's reaction.
It was amazing. Just one thrust, gentle and careful and slow, and Lelouch arched and gasped, his hands flying to Suzaku's hips as if to hold him there, inside him. "More." Suzaku thrust again, a little harder and Lelouch's eyes closed with pleasure.
"Don't do that," Suzaku ordered as he started a steady rhythm. "Don't close your eyes. Don't hide from me, Lelouch…"
Lelouch forced his eyes open, fixing them on Suzaku's as his body moved steadily against under him. "Not hiding. It's just… it's so good…" He clenched around Suzaku and they both groaned. "I just…" His breath hitched as Suzaku sped up, driving into him faster and harder. "Oh, Suzaku, I wanted…" Suzaku didn't let him finish, spreading his legs wider as he bent between them, still thrusting as he captured Lelouch's lips in a hard kiss.
There was nothing tentative about Suzaku's actions now as he pounded Lelouch into the mattress, swallowing his cries and reaching between their bodies to grasp and pump his cock. "Lelouch… you're so…"
"-zaku…" Lelouch gasped, his breath coming faster and shallower and almost sharp against Suzaku's cheek when they weren't kissing. His hand had wound through Suzaku's hair and was grasping tightly as Suzaku slammed into him over and over and over again…
When Lelouch came, his whole body was involved with the orgasm, his toes clenching against the sheets, his mouth and eyes wide opened as he screamed Suzaku's name, his back arching against the bed and his hands clenching in Suzaku's hair. But it was the way his ass tightened, making every thrust impossibly better, that pushed Suzaku over the edge into his own orgasm.
It wasn't until Suzaku collapsed, breathing hard and still on a high from the amazing orgasm, that he managed to refocus on Lelouch. "Lelouch, you… are you okay?"
"Hngn," Lelouch responded eloquently, groping around for Suzaku, then cuddling up beside him. "I mean… I'm fine."
There was a smug, well satisfied aspect to his tone that didn't quite distract Suzaku from a slightly pained wince as he settled comfortably in bed. "…really?"
"Really." Lelouch looked up, an amused glint in his eyes as he leaned in to press a soft but lingering kiss on Suzaku's lips. "I can still feel it, where you were inside me. It's like a really warm ache." He looked at Suzaku curiously. "Was it like that for you too?"
Suzaku had to admit that it was. "Yeah, it was… it felt so good when you were inside and even after you were gone, it was still… tingly."
"Tingly… that's a good word," Lelouch agreed. He traced small patterns idly over Suzaku's chest. "I miss your breasts."
Lelouch nodded. "I'm not surprised. As much as you laughed and protested, you never really liked your body did you?"
Suzaku hesitated. "There were things I liked. I liked the way you looked at me."
"I though you were beautiful," Lelouch said simply. "I still do." He settled on top of Suzaku without the slightest sign of discomfort. "It's funny…" he planted kisses over Suzaku's clavicle, up his throat, "I've never been attracted to the male body, but you're just so… beautiful."
With a quick smooth movement, Suzaku flipped them over, pinning Lelouch to the mattress as he kissed him thoroughly. All the things he wanted to say (You're beautiful; you were the only good thing that happened to me; I love you) he tried to communicate through his kiss. Lelouch's hands threaded through his hair, holding him close as their sweat-slicked bodies moved idly against each other, seeking closeness rather than completion.
"I love you."
Suzaku froze. The words sounded as if they'd been ripped out of Lelouch's throat with a kind of desperation. Lelouch, still breathing hard, looked immediately remorseful under him. "I'm sorry. It just slipped out. I know you hate it when I say things like that…"
"What? I… I don't hate it."
Lelouch cocked his head curiously. "But you told me not to say it. And when I did, albeit in an indirect way, you changed the subject as soon as possible."
Suzaku shook his head. "I just… I didn't want you to feel like you had to say anything. I mean… it was just my feelings, I didn't want you to–" Lelouch cut him off with a kiss. "Lelouch, I'm trying to–" and another one.
"Suzaku," Lelouch said, with a sweet smile, as soon as he let Suzaku pull away, "I want you to promise me something."
"…what?" Suzaku asked cautiously.
"That you'll allow yourself to be more selfish with me." Lelouch ran his hands over Suzaku's back, making him shiver. "Don't hold back. Make demands. Refuse me things." He arched up against Suzaku, bringing their bodies closer together. "I love you. I want to please you. But I can't if you don't let me know what you want."
Suzaku looked at Lelouch, his mind caught between the reawakening of his bodily lust and the words Lelouch was saying. "You… fuck," he was getting hard again. So was Lelouch. "You please me. You… how could you not?"
Lelouch hummed and arched up to kiss Suzaku. "Then let me know it." Suzaku swore under his breath the moment before their lips met and fumbled for the lube as Lelouch spread his legs.
Somehow, the second time was even better than their first.
When Suzaku woke up the next morning, stiff from a night full of sex and entwined in the limbs of his lover, he thought for a brief moment that he'd dreamed the whole thing up and that he was still dreaming. The thought of Lelouch being with him… as a him was so incredible to Suzaku that it was very nearly unbelievable.
And the way Lelouch had given him his body…
And he was still here. Still warm and breathing softly and… kind of gross since they hadn't bothered to clean up after sex. Suzaku kissed his forehead and untangled himself, tucking Lelouch securely back in before grabbing his clothes and moving for the shower.
He hadn't known Lelouch was still awake. "Yes?"
Lelouch looked over at him from the bed, still nestled in the sheets. "We're still… together, right? You do understand that, don't you?"
Suzaku smiled. "Yeah, Lelouch. I get it." He moved back over to the bed and kissed Lelouch's lips. "You're mine."
"Hmm… and you're mine."
"Yeah." Suzaku kissed him again. "And you're filthy and we have class in an hour, so get your lazy ass out of bed and join me in the shower."
Lelouch blinked, somewhat stunned by Suzaku's demanding, commanding tone. Then he grinned. "As you wish."