In The Event of My Death

An NCIS: Los Angeles fanfiction


Maxie Kay

A series of one-shots, looking at the letters the NCIS team hope will never be read.

Nobody ever talks about it, but it's something we all do – just in case. Because we run these stupid risks and we never quite know how long our luck is going to last, so we write things down, just in case. And then we seal the envelope, and write "to be opened in the event of my death" across the front and then we pray that day isn't going to come any time soon. Of course, for some of us, death came too damned soon, and the contents of their letters have already been read out to the chosen few. The rest of us, well I guess we hope our words will never be read, that we can retire and go and sit in the sun and remember the good old days, sweetened by the passing time. But, just in case, just to be sure, we write our letters. It's our way of saying goodbye.

To my team:
to be opened only in the event of my death

I hope that when this is read aloud at least one of you is sitting saying "God, she was a tough old bird," and if it isn't you, Mr Deeks, I will be sadly disappointed. As you know, I have always prided myself on being an astute judge of character, so if I am wrong at this juncture, please have the common decency to say those words now, and the rest of the team can then castigate you for your poor timing.

So, now that you are all sitting comfortably, I have a few last words for you. First of all, do not be sad. I'm going to repeat that, to make sure you don't forget it: do not be sad. I had a bloody great life and it was very sweet. It was also very long, and I've begun to get more than a little weary of all the lies and the duplicity, hence my decision to leave in order to address some outstanding issues. If I do not return, then know that I died as I have lived – doing what I wanted. Believe me, I have only resigned from NCIS because I felt there was no other option. I was under no pressure and the decision was mine, and mine alone to take. So please, have no thoughts of avenging my death. Be quite sure that is the last thing I want. But you may tell Director Vance that, like the donkey in GK Chesterton's poem, "I keep my secrets still." And they are my secrets, so bury them with me and let them be forgotten.

So, this is good bye. And I find it difficult to write these words, knowing that I may not see you again. I've known many agents over the years, but you were my team, and therefore you will always be special to me. You were my agents, and I respected you, but more than that, I cherished you all. I only hope that you already knew that. In a world where superlatives are sadly overused, please know that for me, you were quite simply the best. For your skills and your dedication to duty, for your hard work, but most of all, for your friendship and your loyalty, you have my utmost admiration.

Thank you for everything, and if you should remember me, I hope you do so with laughter and smiles, because believe me, life is too short for regrets. So go out and raise a glass to me, raise it high and remember – I regret nothing.

With my deepest affection and admiration

Henrietta Lang.

Okay,, the idea for this one came out of the blue and hit me like the proverbial thunderbolt. It just seemed to make perfect sense that the team would be able to put down all the things they never said out loud in a letter. Kind of angsty, I know - but hey,angst can be good. Slushy plot bunny os working his way through a box of paper tissues as we speak.

Anyway - like it? Hate it? Please let me know.