Set after season 4, episode 22, Lucifer Rising
'Credo in Deum' by The-London-Bridge
Start date, 7/14/2011
Summary: Lucifer has been freed and seeks his true vessel, Michael seeks Dean's permission to use his body to walk the earth, the brothers, torn apart by destiny and broken trust. Can they salvage the bond between them, can they stop what so many tell them is their fate? Or is the world just coming to an end? WARNINGS: Slash, Wincest, Sam/Dean, Dean/Castiel/Sam. Rated: R
Credo in Deum
Sam woke early, before his brother as he always did. The memories of last night still fresh in his head, but any hope that it had only been a dream was gone. He was still laying in the lumpy, uncomfortable motel bed, his arms wrapped firmly around Dean, his head resting on his older brother's shoulder, their legs tangled together under the sheets. For a few minutes it was easy to forget the world was ending outside this motel room in God knows where Ohio. But the guilt came crashing back over him soon. He'd freed Lucifer, he'd set the Apocalypse in motion, it was all his fault. He'd ignored Dean's warnings, and Bobby's and everyone else, even Castiel. He'd ignored everyone that he could trust and chose to side with a demon who was simply using him to free Satan from his hell cage. Sam closed his eyes tight, trying to block out the images in his head.
He got up from the bed carefully, so as not to wake Dean, and went to the bathroom, turning on the shower quickly, almost franticly and stepping under the water. Not caring it felt like sheeting ice hitting his warm skin, he deserved it. He scrubbed desperately at his skin for a moment, then gave up, and leaned his head against the cold tile of the shower wall. His mind drifting back to last night, how beautiful Dean looked laying under him, the want and need, the sheer vulnerability in his eyes. Sam shook his head some, wiping a hand over his face, the cold water pouring down from the shower head across his back. It was horrible, what he'd done to Dean. Dean was good, he had a pure heart. Hell he was the vessel for an archangel. And Sam, Sam was evil, he always was and always would be. Sam had taken advantage of Dean's pure heart, tarnished him with each kiss they'd shared last night. It was all Sam's fault.
Dean opened his eyes slowly, rolling over onto his side, his hand reaching for where Sam had been all night, only to find empty space. He sat up, at first figuring last night had been a dream, but a sharp soreness hit him, and he groaned. Getting up slowly he heard the shower running, and quickly figured Sam was in there. Dean grabbed some clean clothes from his bag, pulling on a pair of boxers as well as some jeans and an old, faded gray shirt. Standing there, in the center of the motel room, his eyes wandering around slowly, he realized he was starving. And they had nothing to eat, of course. He banged roughly on the bathroom door, raising his voice so Sam would hear him. "Sammy! I'm going to get breakfast." Sure, he was hungry, but he felt a pressing need to get out of the motel room, to alone with himself for a moment.
Sam jumped some, startled by Dean's sudden voice, but realizing Dean couldn't see the nod of his head, he called back, "Okay, I'll be here." Sam face was worried, wondering when they were going to have that discussion. What happened between them, though Sam saw it as beautiful, and it had felt so right, he knew it was wrong. Surely Dean wouldn't just pretend last night hadn't happened. But that was exactly what Dean was doing at least for now. Dean decided to walk down the road to the tiny little shabby diner; hopefully the food was halfway edible. As he walked, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans, his mind running over the moments between him and Sam. He'd been so angry, so hurt, by what his brother had done, but, when Sam kissed him, touched him. God he'd never felt passion like that in his entire life. It almost made some sort of sick sense. Dean had sex, yes, a lot, but, Sam and him, they'd been together their whole lives. They kept each other human, kept each other sane. And though Sam had made some mistakes, Dean still trusted his brother more than he trusted anyone else in the world. And last night, everything, it had all been poured into those physical touches.
But Dean was nobody's fool, and it was wrong, for brothers to be that way. And he silently made a pact with himself as he stepped into the small, empty diner, that he would never let it go back there again. He couldn't. Standing at the counter, he placed his order for the double stack pancakes with two scrambled eggs and a side of bacon, sausage and hash browns for himself. And a short stack of blueberry pancakes for Sam. He'd known his little brother's order for ages now. And he was sure Sam knew his. They knew everything about each other. No secrets, or at least that's what Dean had thought for a long time. The food took a while to be brought back, all packed into styrofoam boxes and plastic bags. Tossing a few bills on the counter to pay for it, he left the greasy little place and headed back for the equally shabby motel. Coming in he set the food down on the small table in the corner, his back to Sam who was seated on the end of his bed, watching the TV.
Sam could feel tension form his brother, and knew that if he pressed for discussion, Dean would only shut down more. That was one thing he couldn't stand about his older brother, he refused to talk about anything. He just shut down and got angry anytime a personal subject was broached. Sam watches as Dean opened all the containers, setting Sam's pancakes over to the side. "I got you pancakes." He stated, his back still to Sam, sitting down in a chair and starting on his food.
"Thanks," Sam answered, getting up and moving over to the table, taking a seat and pouring the little tub of syrup over his food. He wanted to say something, so badly, but figured it best to wait until after breakfast.
They ate in an awkward silence, Dean inhaling his food as usual, and Sam modestly picking at his own. Dean finished first, getting up and throwing his empty containers into the trash, turning the coffeepot on and setting it up. One good thing the motel room had, to say the least. While the coffee was making he went into the bathroom, about to close the door when Sam spoke. "Dean, come on don't you think we need to talk about this?" Sam asked from his chair, his face worried.
"There is nothing to talk about Sam." Dean answered sharply.
"Yeah, Dean, there is. You can't just bottle everything in, you're going to snap one day."
"Sammy," Dean took a step out of the bathroom, looking at his brother across the room. "What happened last night was wrong, and disgusting. And it will never happen again do you understand me?" His tone said the discussion was finished. But Sam had a few things to say for himself. Though he was hurt by Dean's words, he hadn't thought it was disgusting at all.
"No Dean, it wasn't disgusting, that was one of the best moments of my life. I've never felt that much passion from anyone, ever."
"Don't talk about it like that Sam. Don't talk about it at all." With that Dean slammed the door closed, and the sound of water running filled the silence.
Sam sighed heavily, pushing the rest of his food away. He'd lost his appetite, too frustrated and hurt by his brother's harsh judgment. It wasn't fair. There was a soft sound, almost like wings flapping, and Sam looked up, more surprised than usual to see Castiel standing in front of him. Sam got to his feet quickly, looking at the angel, but, Chuck had said an archangel blew him to pieces. Chuck lied? Sam smiled some, not sure what to say as they simply stared at each other. "Cass, I thought you were dead, what, what happened?" Sam asked, the mild shock obvious in his voice. Though of course he was happy to see his friend was alright and alive.
"I wish I could tell you Sam. But I don't fully understand myself. Where is Dean?" Cass' voice was serious, as per usual.
"He's in the shower, I guess." Sam answered, obviously not to willing to talk about his brother.
Castiel gave him a knowing look. Sam cursed mentally, damn angels knew everything about everyone didn't they? All he needed was for Cass to reprimand him as well. But surprisingly, there wasn't even a hint of judgment in the angel's voice. "I am not well versed on the social standards of humans, but take comfort in the fact that my brothers all love each other, very, much." Sam looked from Castiel to the bathroom door.
"Well, Dean seemed pretty upset." He said, looking back to Cass. "Did you need to talk to him?" Sam added, trying to change subjects. Castiel nodded his head in response, figures, the angel would come here just for relationship advice for Sam. Nodding his head, he moved to sit down on the bed, looking back at the TV, the morning news was on and none of it looked good. Earthquakes, hail storms, lightning, snow, swine flu. From what the news anchor's were describing, the apocalypse was in full swing. Though Lucifer didn't have Sam yet, he knew it wouldn't be long before the devil asked the magic question.
Feeling the bed sink under someone else's weight, Sam glanced over at Castiel. Watching him as he watched the news. A grim silence fell over the both of them. Sam, guilty over freeing Satan from his prison, and Castiel worried for the sake of the world. But more so, for Sam and Dean. He'd grown very fond of the brothers, enough so he'd rebelled from heaven over it. Though since he'd been brought back by whom he could only assume was God himself, he was in full swing, all his powers restored. The sound of the water cutting off made both men look up towards the bathroom door. And then Castiel was gone, Dean's surprised cursing let Sam know exactly where the angel had gone. Castiel stood in the bathroom, full of hot steam as Dean stepped out, not noticing him right away as he wrapped a towel around his waist. Looking up to see the other man Dean nearly had a heart attack. "Cass! What the hell I'm in the shower!" He said, one hand leaning against the wall, the other clutching the towel around his waist.
"I know that, I waited." He said, not moving, his voice not showing any sign he knew how awkward he was being.
"Personal space?" Dean question, looking at the angel, "And I thought you were dead, how'd you escape the archangels?"
"I didn't, something had brought me back from death." He stated simply, watching as Dean stepped out of the shower, and moved back a few feet once he realized Dean needed to reach the door.
Both men came back out into the main room, Sam keeping his eyes averted from Dean, shirtless and water beaded on his skin, running down in mall trails over the contours of his muscles. He was trying his best to focus on the TV. Dean only stayed in the room long enough to pick up a set of mostly clean clothes before heading back to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Upset at the intrusion and the mess he was in with his brother as well. Sam looked back to Castiel then, a somewhat questioning look on his face. Cass sighed, looking at the stained carpet under his feet. "He is in a very tense mood." Sam gave a half laugh and nodded his head in agreement. When Dean came back out of the bathroom, to find both of them watching him intently, he only got more frustrated. Pouring himself a cup of coffee before leaving the motel room without a word.
Sam looked up to the angel, "Maybe you should come back later. I'll call you." But he barley finished his sentence before Castiel vanished. Knowing Dean was not up for formulating a plan right now, the angel had more important things than sitting around dealing with it. He would try again later. Sam, now alone in the room, knew something had to be done. Getting up from the bed, he stepped outside into the bright sunlight, squinting his eyes as they adjusted from the dim light of the motel to the bright late morning sun. He saw his brother leaning against the driver's door of the Impala, sipping at his coffee. He walked over, not saying anything just leaning against the passenger door, surveying the empty parking lot. There was a long moment of silence, and it almost felt like peace, though Sam figured it was just his misinterpretation.
Both boys went to speak at the same time, and then both stopped to listen to the other, irritated, Dean spoke again. "Sam, it would be best to put whatever that was behind us. Because I don't know what I was thinking to let it go that far but, it can't be that way." The stress was obvious in Dean's voice. The more he thought about it, how much he loved Sam's rough hands and the intense, undeniable pleasure, the weaker it made his resolve to prevent it from happening again.
"Dean, I know you felt how good and right that was. Don't pretend you didn't, since when do you care about what other people think?" Sam returned, unbelieving that he was honestly talking to his brother about this.
"I think you're my brother and I'm supposed to take care of you. Nothing else."
"Dean we never had the brother thing like anyone else. We didn't have the chance to be normal, you've always been the one that made my whole world. You made Christmas and Easter and Birthdays, you were everything to me Dean and you still are." Sam's emotions were running high. The sting of rejection in his chest only made worse by the fact that it was the one person he cared most about shoving him away.
Dean took a chance, looking over at his little brother, seeing the tension and the hurt in Sam's expression. Sam was always so easy to read, he wore his heart on his sleeve. He knew how badly he was hurting his brother, and it made a hallow ache form in his own chest. Setting the cup of coffee down on the Impala's hood, he turned to face his brother more. Sam mimicked his posture, though with eyes on the ground in shame. Knowing his point had done nothing to sway Dean. But Dean's words and the tears on his face showed otherwise. Dean shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. "Sammy I was so afraid I was going to lose you, seeing you and Ruby in there… I didn't care about what Lucifer or the damn world ending, I was just so scared you wouldn't make it out of there."
Sam looked up to his brother's face, having heard the tears in Dean's voice. He took a step closer, pulling Dean in for a tight hug. Which his older brother did not refuse. "Dean I'm alright, you don't have to be afraid anymore. We'll be fine." He said, idle words meant simply to cheer his brother up. Sam pulled back slowly, though still kept one arm around Dean's waist. Dean couldn't argue with himself anymore, not with Sammy either. He couldn't take it, he was already carrying the world on his shoulders. Dean leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to Sam's lips. Sam returned it gently, though the aggressions and raw need was missing this morning, there was just as much passion and care being shared between them.
Softer, and gentler than before, Dean's hands ran up Sam's back, one dipping low to the ling of Sam's belt, the other tangled in the long, soft hair at the base of Sam's neck. Sam's hands, one on the side of Dean's face, feeling the rough stubble along his jaw, the other sliding under his shirt to feel the warm, smooth skin of his back. Sam's touch only encouraged Dean more, and it would only be a few seconds before he found himself pressed back against the car, his older brother pinning him there as he trailed soft kisses down his neck. Their small moment of passion didn't last long though, another car pulling into the parking lot reminded them of exactly how out in public they were. Dean stepped back, slightly out of breath, taking his coffee cup quickl, and it would only be a few seconds before he found himself pressed back against the car, his older brother pinning him there as he trailed soft kisses down his neck. Their small moment of passion didn't last long though, another car pulling into the parking lot reminded them of exactly how out in public they were. Dean stepped back, slightly out of breath, taking his coffee cup quickly, trying to hide his embarrassment and shame.
Sam stepped up beside him, a hand on Dean's shoulder trying to let him know he didn't need to be ashamed. Dean smiled a bit, half heartedly, and turned back to the motel room. "Come on Sam we, we really need to figure out a game plan. Where did Cass go?" He asked, not looking back at his brother as he started walking across the parking lot. Sam stood at the car for a second, a smile on his lips. So maybe Dean had changed his mind about things between them. God knows he was glad for it, if he had. When Dean stopped walking, turning to look over his shoulder at his brother, since he hadn't answered his question, Sam took that as his cue to follow. "I don't know, I told him I'd call later." Sam answered, catching up to his brother and following him back inside the motel room. A prideful smile still on his lips as he closed the door behind them.
(( So there's chapter two. Hope you're still enjoying it. No sex, sorry if the first chapter got your hopes up. But don't worry, more to come soon. Please, please review! It makes me write faster. Or lets me know my work is crap and should be deleted. Tell me what you think? Thanks. Bye bye now. ))