Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor do I own the song Hero's Comeback. I DO, however, own my Jiraiya plushie. 8D
Characters: Jiraiya, Tsunade
Summary Notes: Pure, utter crack that manifests itself in the form of a younger Jiraiya and Tsunade. If there's any OOCness, I apologise. This was just an exercise to get my muse back into the game.
"Come on everybody - put your hands up. Raise your hands up and countdown. Let's go - three, two one, make some noise..."
Tsunade's foot tapped a steady beat against the ground where she lay, her fingers twisting her hair idly around her finger as she hummed. The blonde locks had grown longer and more luscious than ever over the past few years. A tangible testament, Jiraiya often said to himself, of the maturity that had slowly filtered it's way through his once flat-chested teammate's form. Boys tended to fall over themselves to please the Slug Princess these days, not unlike that silver-haired git...whatever his name was.
It amused the love of irony Jiraiya kept well hidden to no end, regardless. Anyone who really knew Tsunade - like himself, or Orochimaru - knew the graceful, goddess-enviable form was about as far as said changes extended. Tsunade was still, and probably always would be, their spoilt little princess. Imperious, stubborn, temperamental, demanding, pissy and easily pissed off Tsunade-hime.
Oh well, she was still their Tsunade-hime, at least.
Which meant she was still endearingly predictable to him. Like now, at this point in time; they'd been sitting here in their old training grounds for well over an hour and a half, waiting with as much patience as they could muster between them (which was very little) for their snake-loving team mate and Sarutobi-sensei to show their faces. By all accounts, they were supposed to have turned up ages ago, but had apparently been called on 'urgent' business, according to the messenger snake that had deigned to slither it's way over the snake skittish Tsunade's ankles before departing...something Jiraiya had wholeheartedly appreciated the hilarity of, even when Tsunade herself had threatened grievous bodily harm on his body.
Unfortunately, being left on their own and forced to wait with very little to do did a bored Tsunade make. Oh, she'd been alright so far. But that was the key...so far. Jiraiya knew it could only go on for so long, and he wasn't game enough so far away from any medical assistance to make any suggestions that would ultimately lead to his probable demise at the hands of his horribly temperamental Hime.
"Damn it to hell."
Sigh. Here we go.
Right on cue, Tsunade moaned, slumping back on the grass. "How much longer do we have to wait?"
"Tsk, tsk, Hime. Didn't you ever listen to Sensei's lectures on the virtues of patience? You're worse than a child, you know."
A withering glare was tossed his way, though it was mercifully free of any potential physical damage. Score one for the Toad Sage. "Please, baka, as if you ever listened to Sarutobi-sensei's lectures."
He grinned goofily at her, and despite herself, Tsunade's gaze softened just slightly, though she masked it behind a dirty look and a rolling of the eyes. Still, after several moments, her hand reached out to tug at his spiky bangs.
"It's okay to be childish on occasion, though, don't you think?" she mused wistfully.
It was a rhetorical question, and one that elicited not so pleasant thoughts on the subject concerning the lives they led, so Jiraiya spared her any of the sheer number of playful taunts that came to mind. Instead, he hummed companiably, leaning into the tug slightly, enjoying the gentle pressure against his skull and the very, very rare occasion in which his best friend treated him with something other than rough companiability, or playful disdain. Very few were given the honour of playing with the spazzy white bangs that made up his hair, too, but he figured that if it distracted her for even a little while, he could deal with it.
Note, though, the emphasis on a little while.
"Do you think we should just go back to the village and hope they forget?" Tsunade remarked, teasing at a knot in the messy bangs. Jiraiya's chuckle was cut off by a wince when she did that, and he batted her hand away gently, sitting up so she couldn't get to his hair again. A petulant pout was his response, but he'd trained himself long ago to resist the temptations that look brought up, somewhere along the way when he'd resigned himself to the fact that she was likely never going to take his asking her out seriously.
"Do you really think Orochimaru would forget when he's got an opportunity to goad us and stroke his ego all in one?" That was said with a faintly lopsided grin, and Tsunade rolled her eyes.
"Honestly, you men. You're the ones acting like children when it comes to your ego's."
"Ha! Irony, meet Tsunade. Tsunade, meet Irony." Jiraiya laughed before it was cut off by a yelp of pain, courtesy of a sound thumping across his rib cage. He scowled reproachfully at her, but she merely stuck her nose in the air haughtily, though she glanced out of the corner of her eye to gauge his response. Satisfied by said scowl, she smirked. Jiraiya, score one. Tsunade, score one and a half.
He sighed grumpily, rubbing at his abused torso. "How much longer do we have to wait?"
"How would I know?" Tsunade retorted. "I asked you first."
"You asked because you were bored and you're a sadistic piece of work with nothing else to do except find ways to torture your poor, gallant, abused team mate."
"Gallant? Puh-lease." Tsunade glared at him. "And I wasn't bored, either. Merely...in between thought processes."
"Right," Jiraiya muttered drolly. "Besides, you're a medic...aren't you supposed to be the one who's good at calling times? When did we get here?"
"At a time."
"Tsunade," he growled, but she simply smirked and put her arms behind her head, enjoying a rare moment where she had the upper hand on him.
"I'm not telling," she said gleefully.
"Hmph." Jiraiya mimicked her position. "Fine, be that way."
Tsunade stuck her tongue out in response. "Fine then, I will."
Seconds ticked by. Then minutes. Actually, it was only one minute, at the most.
"How much longer?" they complained in unison.
"Jinxed!" Jiraiya yelped quickly.
Tsunade's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to yell at him, but Jiraiya placed a finger over her lips.
"Uh, uh, uh. You can't say anything until someone says your name." The perverted shinobi grinned, dark eyes gleaming maliciously at her outraged expression. "Let's see now...Sundae...TsuTsu...Su-may...'nade..."
And that was how they continued until approaching chakra signals warned them of people approaching, and Jiraiya was finally forced to shut up.
"Well, that wasn't such a bad wait," Jiraiya said airily, pushing himself to his feet before pulling his silently fuming team mate up and proceeding to walk towards his other team mate and old sensei.
Only because you tortured me the whole time, you perverted bastard. Oh God, you are...I'm going to use your... Tsunade's thoughts were vicious as she conjured up all manner of punishments in her head, wishing with a vengeance for the days when she could leap upon him and beat his face in until he was left with no teeth intact and a one way trip to the hospital.
"Sorry 'bout the wait," Orochimaru drawled softly, though it was clear he wasn't as apologetic as he sounded. In fact, he looked downright entertained, and Tsunade added him to her list of savage punishments in her mind when he turned a smirk on her, clearly not about to help put her out of her misery.
Sarutobi-sensei was oblivious, though, and he idly waved a hand at the apology, tinged with playful malice as it was.
"Play nice, Orochimaru. Though by the looks on your faces, I assume you used the time somewhat productively...Jiraiya? Tsunade?"
Jiraiya suddenly paled whiter than Orochimaru, and with an evil grin Tsunade whirled around, throwing an arm around the white haired male's neck and dragging him down to her level.
"TWO FUCKING HOURS, BAKA-KUN!" she screeched into his ear.
Jiraiya's ear drums rang for weeks after that, and he was fairly certain that that day was the cause of his dodgy hearing many years later.
A/N: Dedicated to Shan, also known as White_Eye_Lover, because I feel she needs something to giggle at lately. And Loves...it's not quite...scratch that, it's nowhere near the plot bunnies we discussed, but I thought it worked in dusting off the cob webs. Hope y'all enjoyed!