Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler and sadly never will. *cries in corner*
Rating: T / Pg-13
Summary: Ciel was either to die by his own hands or by the hands of another, but Sebastian wasn't about to let that happen. Not when he had him so closely in his grasp.
Timeline: Anime/manga timeline.
Warnings: SebaCiel warning. Nothing horrible. =D I'm quite light on that stuff. Oh, but there is a lot of angst. Take note that if you don't watch Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler, this might be a bit confusing.
A/N: So, this is MUCH different then what I usually write, so take it easy on me. XD Also, sorry if this idea is boring. I tried. x.x
Ciel frowned at himself in the mirror of his bedroom. His hair was brushed back out of his face revealing his features more-so than before. He noticed that his eyes were rounder than he would have liked and the tone of his skin was musky.
He hated his reflection.
Because all he truly saw in it was nothing.
He released a huff of air as he brushed down his black overcoat, trying not to take too much time on getting ready.
He no longer needed 'his' help anymore.
There was a knock on the door and Ciel didn't flash a look as he answered, "You may enter."
The door was quickly pulled open as Sebastian strode inside, "My lord, the carriage is ready for us to depart."
Ciel studied the way his butler bowed before he replied to him solemnly, "Very well. I'll only be a moment."
Sebastian raised his head and shot a look towards his master. If he noticed Ciel was distressed, he didn't act on it and left with a quick, "Of course, my lord."
Everything in Ciel's life felt like a game to him and he knew that all too well. From the beginning of birth to the decaying of flesh that death brought, it was all a game of chess. Only Ciel wasn't a silly pawn, no, he was the king and Sebastian served as his queen ready to protect him even if it meant risking his own life.
Or so he once thought.
Ciel let his eyes roam to his night stand where he picked up a gentle white rose. He brushed his fingers over the lush pedals before he brought the rose to his breast pocket, forever sealing it there until he would no longer need its services.
Eventually its beauty would fade after its usage and it would no longer act as a purpose in his life anymore.
Yes, that was how he served in Sebastian's life. Something that was once whole that would slowly fade into dust.
With once last glance at the mirror, Ciel headed towards the exit of his room.
It was time. Yes. The time had come to when he would last see his lady again. His cousin; his fiancé. Or..use to be.
Ciel remained silent from the moment he stepped in the carriage to the moment he stepped out. Sebastian would occasionally flash him a look of concern, but Ciel ignored it, stating it was Sebastian trying to get through to him as always. Besides, he thought, it was his job to care and if he didn't do his job correctly, what was the point of having him around?
The Earl hunched his shoulders as he clung to his worthless jacket. He knew something heavier should have been sporting him, but he refused to have Sebastian dress him today, stating he was old enough to do it himself. No longer was he a kid and he didn't want to be called out as one either. If he was going to be the king in his chess game of life, then he was going to do a hell of a job before it became the end in an unsettling checkmate.
"My lord, your lips are blue. Your attire is providing little warmth to you," Sebastian spoke as he approached the stoic man. Ciel turned himself away from his butler, making sure to hint that he didn't want his fake affection. After all the king never let anyone close enough to him because he feared that they would only strike him down. Sebastian however caught Ciel's uneasiness and stopped his actions beforehand.
"I inquire you're troubled, my lord." Ciel didn't respond once again and walked towards the church. He didn't need Sebastian there any longer. He knew now what he served in his life and Sebastian didn't have to say or do anything for Ciel to understand. He got it now. No thanks to the demon left standing out in the gales that would brush by them both. Only, the biting cold didn't affect his butler as much as it affected Ciel.
Ciel didn't appear fazed as he watched his once fiancé walk down the aisle with another man. Nor did he find it strange when she kissed her newly found husband on the lips so passionately. He was happy for his cousin. She had finally found love, but it wasn't him. Thank goodness it wasn't him. In the time of five years Elizabeth had learned that not only did she not love Ciel, but she didn't want to marry someone her parents chose for her either. Ciel accepted it when Elizabeth came storming up to him crying and stating that she wasn't going to marry him. Actually, Ciel felt relieved because now he didn't have to worry about disappointing her in the near future. Now some other man would have to deal with her when she went shopping. Some other man that she would marry would have to dread the days she complained over her dramatic, yet pointless days that god forbid did not matter.
Ciel flashed an entirely fake smile once Elizabeth caught his eye giving him a grin. Yes, this was the last time he would see his cousin. Not because he did not care for her or because he was glad to finally have her out of his life. No, it was because he was sure that his deck of cards in his hand were about to run out, and once he slapped down his last card he would realize that winning wasn't as important to him as it was five years ago when he was barely the age of a teenager.
Ciel sharpened his baritone voice at Sebastian as he headed towards the exit of the chapel, "I will wish her the best of happiness, but for now we must depart."
Sebastian found it wise not to argue with his master's request, thinking that he wasn't in a pleasant mood today. Although if he assumed Ciel was angered by his cousin's betrothal, he was very wrong. Sebastian only found it strange that Ciel was being especially bitter towards him today. Usually Ciel was the quiet type who didn't request for much attention. In fact Ciel almost didn't act human some days. He was a mere shell of a human who waited to die. Sebastian instantly frowned at the accusation. It was silly of his master to get so frazzled over nothing. After all, he had so much to live for.
The Earl sniffled back the wetness from his nose as he gazed up into the graying sky. The cold was providing to become worse by nightfall, but he didn't care. He would be home by then, in his warm bed, alone. Yes, alone like he always was ever since his parents past away. Ciel didn't react when Sebastian closed in on him. He remained calm as always, ignoring his butler's presence altogether.
"My lord, if I may," Sebastian began as he reached out and touched Ciel's shoulder. The touch jolted the Earl and he immediately backed away slapping Sebastian's hand elsewhere.
Sebastian almost seemed amused by Ciel's actions, only he was getting anxious as to why Ciel was acting rather odd today, "You seem upset, my lord. Care to explain what is bothering you? If is lady Middleford- oh correct me, I meant to say Aldwin-"
"Don't muddle with what does not concern you, Sebastian. Learn your place at once, for you are my servant and that is all you'll ever be."
Sebastian watched as Ciel pulled on his coat to suffocate the coldness that wrapped around his entire being. He saw through Ciel's façade better than anyone else. He knew Ciel and why he acted the way he did. It wasn't an easy feat and the butler knew it. Part of the reason was because Ciel didn't accept himself and the naked truth was, Ciel didn't realize how little he truly cared about his own existence.
Sebastian often wondered what made Ciel loath himself so much. Ever since he first bound the contract between them both, he had been dark and let the void inside his heart snatch the life out of him only leaving the core of his soul left wide open for everyone to see; and see it Sebastian did. At first Sebastian could have easily bragged about how Ciel had the most luring soul he had ever come upon, but the more months went by (which eventually turned into years), he realized that Ciel wasn't like most mortals. Of course that would explain his luscious soul and why he wanted it, but that wasn't all he wanted anymore and deep down inside the fragment of a soul that the demon had left, it frightened him.
Ciel bore his eyes into Sebastian's crimson ones as he waited for his obedient reply. It didn't take long for Sebastian to calmly get down on one knee and place a pale hand over his heart, "Yes, my lord," His voice rang out in a deep baritone.
There was a moment of pure silence in which Ciel found annoying. He studied how his butler's lips upturned into a shrilled smirk and it irritated him to bits to think that perhaps Sebastian thought Ciel was being childish again. He was done with the hidden respect he was receiving, but what the silver haired boy didn't realize was Sebastian's smirk was not a way to ward off the younger boy, but just a way to acceptance.
"You may head home alone. I won't be following you."
Sebastian watched as Ciel side stepped the carriage and slipped his fragile hands into his pockets as he guided his way down the streets of London.
"Master, you shouldn't walk alone in this weather, let alone be out in it as the sun goes do-"
"That was an order." Ciel snapped out angrily. It was defiantly a new found emotion for Ciel since usually anger never claimed the best of him, but there was so much of something collided up inside his very soul to the point Ciel didn't care what emotions he showed anymore.
Sebastian inwardly scowled as he watched Ciel escape down the streets of London. He didn't understand why Ciel would just leave like that. Where would he possibly be going and why wasn't he allowed to come along? There was never a time where he was left behind because if there was Ciel then he was always there beside him.
This only frazzled the demon more, which lead to more mixed feelings since he knew that demons didn't become frazzled. In fact, demons are simple creatures that humans make out to be something worse. A mortal is in more ways than one more malicious than a demon could ever be. Sebastian knew his young master understood that, for they are what took his happiness from him. They stole it out of his life and left him naked on the floor and scarred for eternity.
Demons had feelings and they certainly had emotions just like everything else with a beating heart. Yes, his heart did hum within his chest and he knew because his nature had heartless intent which made him seem like a shell of a creature that only craved one thing, and one thing only.
Of course that was a true understanding, it didn't mean that the demon didn't understand love, didn't understand hatred, happiness, or fear. He had all emotions, but the secret was, he could hide them better than anyone else.
Ciel reminded him of that creature.
He never left anything in and he certainly didn't approve of it either. The only question he could ask himself was why?
Why couldn't he breathe for once in his life and give his lungs what they craved for so long. He was slowly becoming a withering rose, which was a disgrace since when he started off he was a delicate rose with the most pedals of them all.
any rose comes thorns and to get through those thorns was the blocking point.
The ebony haired butler let his eyes flare up the becoming darkness. No, he wouldn't accept losing Ciel, because after all there was something else that he wanted and maybe- just maybe he could reach it before it tumbled over the edge, no longer there for anyone to save it.
Ciel kept his eyes ahead of him as he continued to walk down the cobblestone. He stared up at one of the buildings in London and frowned. Without thinking he made his way over to the unstable stairs and climbed up towards the top, flinching as his chilled hands became even colder when mental touched them.
Once at the top Ciel peered his eyes over the building and froze instantly. If he fell he knew he would no longer sustain life because the distance between him and the ground was far too great. His bones would shatter on impact and it would all be over for him in an instant.
He relaxed himself as he sat on the ledge. The cold only became worse and the darkness in the sky had finally overcome leaving him with only his frigid breath to call his own. His jacket was meaningless to him now, for his body was chilled to the bone.
The Earl began to wonder where he went wrong. It all started when Elizabeth disappeared out of his life. Maybe to most people in this world it was nice to be alone and always alone, but he could remember what it felt like to be happy and he secretly missed it. The nights his mother would peck him on the forehead and whisper goodnight was cemented inside his brain and he longed to have that back if only for a day.
He was already dead to the world now that his soul belonged to a demon and the problem was that Ciel didn't care. He never would regret selling his soul to a demon because in the years that have passed by he could say he was some-what happy. There were positive days when he and Sebastian would debate the queen and her annoying orders. He even enjoyed the days where he would sit alone in his manor and listen to Sebastian read of the days chores.
It only bothered Ciel when things became personal, but he began to wonder when that started to happen. He wanted to have Sebastian by his side more and more and when Sebastian wouldn't obey his every command it would infuriate him to a huge extend.
Although it shouldn't have mattered to him; he was the master and Sebastian his servant. There was no bond because it wasn't created to begin with. To top that off, Sebastian was a demon and he a human. Why create a bond that didn't ever exist? Sebastian only stayed by his side because he wanted his soul and that made sense, but something inside of Ciel hated it and the more he glared down off the building the more he wondered if he fell would he actually die? Would that free him from the contract he had with Sebastian?
Somewhere deep inside himself he knew he wanted to be free of his butler. He could no longer stand the looks he spared when Ciel would ask him for something. Each and every day his human heart would become more and more attached, but there was no emotion or feelings of love that Sebastian could give back. He was a demon and Ciel should have known better. Or if not the demon and human relationship then he was still his butler and as his butler he would only abide by his orders because it was his job.
Ciel braved his heart as he inched himself off the edge. He gasped once he slipped and caught the edge of the building with his hands. There was no pulling himself back up because the cold had stunned his muscles and he felt too weak to hardly hold him where he hung.
Finally after one final breath of foggy air, he released his desperate hold on the ledge and closed his eyes as he fell. The only thing that came to his mind was Sebastian bowing as he abided to his order.
He waited for the impact to take place, but it never came. He felt free and the biting cold nip at his face in pain.
He snapped his eyes opened and gawked once he saw Sebastian cradling him in his arms. He struggled in the demons hold, but Sebastian didn't let him down until he found a safe place for his master.
"You idiot, release me. I'm too old for you to be doing that anymore."
Sebastian obeyed and let him down against the ground, "Master, I do not encourage you jumping off of buildings, it is very dangerous."
Ciel knew this would come. Sebastian would brush his attempt off like it was nothing. He was ready to finally let it happen. He was ready to finally meet his end. It was checkmate for him this time. He only had one last card to play.
"Take my soul, Sebastian. That is an order."
Sebastian's face became a deathly pale color as he took in the order. The demon knew why Ciel had ordered it. He could no longer stay happy in this world anymore. He had to escape it and that only angered his butler. His soul was beginning to fade into the darkness, but no, the butler wouldn't allow it. He wouldn't allow it.
Ciel sat on a bench in the darkness with not a sound around. It began to snow and Ciel was sure his lips were now a nice shade of blue, "Don't disobey me, Sebastian."
Sebastian bowed with a faint smile, "Yes, my lord."
Then Ciel waited. He waited for the moment he knew Sebastian had been wanting for so long. To finally devour his soul and be filled with everlasting fulfillment.
But when Sebastian got on one knee and took his hand gently giving it a sweet kiss, he was left stunned.
What his butler said next shattered everything inside his body.
"Ciel Phantomhive, marry me," It wasn't a question, but more of a order. Ciel looked astonished by what his butler just said. He couldn't have been serious. This must have been some cruel joke that he was to play before he took his soul from his body. But the look splayed on his butler's face told him otherwise.
"H-huh..?" Ciel choked out as he sat frozen-*
"I no longer want you to be alone, Ciel. I want to be bound to you in another way. In exchange for our contract become my soul mate and become my bride."
Ciel felt his stomach churn and something inside his body fell apart. Maybe it was the hardened shell around his heart, but no more words would escape his mouth and just the way Sebastian said his name was enough to make him lose himself. This was a dream. He knew it was not something Sebastian would ever say. It wasn't like him. He was a demon.
"You're lying." Ciel seethed. He didn't like Sebastian teasing him and he found it especially rude of him to do so before he snatched his soul.
Although Ciel leaned back as Sebastian moved towards him. The butler placed his hand back against the bench Ciel sat on and took hold of the younger boy's chin, "A demon cannot lie, my lord."
He then pressed his lips against Ciel's in the softest kiss he had ever received.
It was different than the kisses Elizabeth once gave him. They were messy and tasted of some type of lip stick, but when Sebastian pressed his lips against his it felt like his heart had floated away and nothing felt more right than things did right now.
He timidly shut his eyes as he leaned into the kiss. It felt wrong not to. Sebastian licked his lips to let him in and Ciel obeyed unknowingly. Sebastian mapped the inside of Ciel's mouth as he gently snaked his arms around Ciel's middle. The younger boy mewled into the kiss once Sebastian bit his lower lip.
Finally after what felt like an eternity and the need for air, they broke. Ciel felt the feeling in his hands return once Sebastian grabbed them and Ciel was sure his face appeared completely disarray. He was a mess.
Sebastian then yanked Ciel towards him and pressed him into an embrace. He hugged the younger boy tightly in desperation. Ciel needed it and he knew that to be true because even his stoned heart needed it, too.
"Listen to me young master- no, Ciel" Sebastian spoke as he hugged Ciel into his chest as tightly as he could, "I'm a demon and yes, I corrupt evil. I'm known for taking souls and I am known for my sins, but-" Sebastian shut he eyes and puzzled Ciel's head under the crook of his neck, "-but you have startled the fragment of my soul I had left and also my heart."
Ciel remained still as he swallowed. Hard. He had no idea how to answer him, but it didn't matter because Sebastian did that for him.
"Ciel, I love you. I love you because out of every living thing in this existence you were what changed me for the better. Everything we have been through and every moment we've shared. So that is why.." Sebastian tipped Ciel's chin up so he could see his face, "That is why I want you to bind your soul to me through marriage so that we can never be separated."
Ciel's lips eased apart as he touched Sebastian's cheek, "Ask me again, Sebastian."
"Marry me, Ciel."
Ciel immediately kissed his butler- no, soul mate's lips and Sebastian smirked as he pulled apart, "I'm going to take that as a yes."
"Hn, I'm forced into checkmate. I can't say no." Ciel blushed as he crossed his arms, "We were already soul mates from the minute we met."
Sebastian leaned his forehead against Ciel's, "Then say it to me, Ciel." He purred out.
Ciel let a butter pink blush fall over his face and the cold no longer affected him as the words slipped out of his mouth, "I love you, too."