Operation: Get Naked for Justice
Disclaimer: I totally own Harry Potter.
The trouble, Luna realized, was not in identifying Death Eaters, they were fairly obvious about it really. It was finding a way to reveal that thrice damned mark. Surely wearing a full suit on the hottest day of summer would warrant some questioning, but alas it appeared that the Ministry was just as eager to hide the forearms of the homicidally inclined as they were themselves.
"If only there was something I could do" She murmured out loud.
"Something you could do what Poppet?" Her father had just walked into their kitchen and opened the chest of drawers next to the sink. He pulled out a block of cheese shaped like a helmet from the top drawer and a loaf of triangular bread from underneath the large wardrobe across the room. Sitting next to her he proceeded to slice large chunks of cheese and sprinkle bread crumbs on them.
"Well its just that I was thinking it would be so much easier to focus on the REAL news in the Quibbler if we didn't keep having to report all of this Death Eater Nonsense"
"Well my delightful strudel, Nonsense generally takes precedent to everything else, even the Spaniel's Indigestion"
"And no one expects a Spaniel's Indigestion"
"Now that I think about it, you're Absolutely Right! These Post-Living Consumers are directly diverting attention from what the public really needs to know." Luna watched as her father got more and more agitated. "Alright Agent Lovegood, it's up to us!"
"What is Daddy?"
"Don't call me Daddy, Agent Lovegood, I am Chief Constable General Captain Lovegood, and dont you forget it"
"But you got that title from a cereal box, the one with the funny leper crayon on it"
"Aha, so you admit that its official."
"I suppose I must. So Chief Constable General Captain Daddy Lovegood, what is our mission"
"We must de-robe the over-frocked imposters of justice and expose their tawdry secrets to the world!"
"You mean strip them naked for the world to see?"
"In so many words, yes." Xenophilius began stroking his non-existent beard in a conciliatory manner. "You see the problem is that they refuse to show us their markings and it has left my article on Tattoos of the Rich and Famous part 5 severely lacking in colorful photography."
"That is truly a loss for the world at large you know, last issue only had a re-print of the photo of Fudge's chocolate fondue fountain tattoo" Luna sighed regretfully. "And showing the Ministers behind in mass media is apparently frowned upon; remember that awful letter from that Under Secretary?"
"Um...umbelch?" Her father asked, nibbling his cheese on cheese sandwich. "Didn't we posit a theory that she was bathing in the blood of kittens to retain her youth?"
"I thought we proved that when we found their souls conveniently trapped in the crockery covered wallpaper of her office?" Luna said, shivering at the memory.
"Quite right my little butter squash. But let's not dwell on the past, for Today we start a new venture!"
"Yes Chief Constable General Captain Daddy Lovegood! Today we start..." She paused for dramatic tension to mount. Fifteen minutes later her father nodded, thinking that it was a very good dramatic silence and the acting lessons were obviously a very good investment. "Operation: Get Naked for JUSTICE!"