Prison Island Break
Co-Written by Breech Loader and SonicFrank
Chapter Forty-Four: Not In Denial
Again, and again, Shadow was sitting in Blaze's office, with his cuffs and his perpetual scowl. While he'd make a fascinating book, or two or three, part of the trouble with treatment was that he was paranoid enough to know it. Plus, Blaze considered, there was the way he always, always insisted he was not crazy. Today though, he was looking particularly agitated. Of course, with somebody as paranoid and obsessive as Shadow, agitation was practically normal, but she had been treating him for years now, and she could tell when something was off, even more so than usual, "So, Shadow," she tried smiling at him, "How are you feeling today?" She spotted some light bruises on his pale muzzle, "I guess that you've been disturbing the other inmates again..." It wasn't a guess. It was a well-informed assumption, "Is something troubling you?" she prompted him.
The dark hedgehog's body was shivering, his fingers digging at his thighs. "Troubling me?! What the fuck do you know?!" he screamed, and bit on his lip. Something wasn't just troubling him; he was obsessively disturbed. If he'd been fidgeting any more, Blaze would have been legally obliged to send him to the infirmary for a check-up, "Whoever lied to you is DEAD! And mark my words, it's all a lie, God damn it!"
The only liar in this room was Shadow when he was insisting nothing was wrong, "Shadow, all I know is what I get from looking at you," Blaze kept her voice even and tried to speak logically. Right now, regardless of how much Shadow disliked her, she was something familiar here and the best thing for both of them was to remain as he knew her, "You have bruises, which means you've been fighting again. But you aren't in the infirmary, so obviously you haven't been fighting your peers. However if you'd actually sent somebody to the infirmary, I'd already have been told about it. If something is troubling you, nothing between us ever leaves this room."
"You're full of ape shit," Shadow told her with threatening eyes, "Everything I tell you goes down on that kindergarten scribble book you keep writing in," he was referring to her notes, "And it gets passed up the fucking chain until the fat man sings at the very top!" He was fighting her, but not for the reasons that were coming out of his mouth. No, he had something entirely different plaguing his mind. "Why in God's name do I always have to sit down?! Fuck this... chair!" With that, he stood up, hands going from his thighs to being crossed over his chest, fingers twitching as they scratched at his arms. The Guard Robos did not approve, and immediately moved in to shock him.
Blaze stood up with him, "Stop right now!" she told the Guard Robos loudly. This was almost going well for once. They paused. They wouldn't always listen to her, but as an employee they did have some recognition of her voice. Blaze sat again, "You're free to walk around the room, Shadow," she told him, "Within reason. My notes... well, they're really for my convenience. Nobody else's. But still, you said somebody lied to me... what do you think they might have told me? I'd rather hear it from you than somebody else. It would be easier to believe you that way..." she told him, persuasively.
"There's nothing to say!" the striped hedgehog denied while stepping toward the barren white wall to his right. If he hadn't been wearing his orange jacket, his intense scratching would have drawn blood for sure. Blaze had never seen him like this, so out of touch with his thoughts. He was insane, but usually in control of his mind and emotions. With the exception of anger in relation to Maria. "All I did was put a trash-licking cum-sucking fish in his place where he belongs. That's it! Nothing more!" Suddenly, he shut his eyes and thudded his head against the wall, "Anything I may or may not have done in the process was..." he paused, glaring over at Blaze to read her reaction. If she doubted him for one second, if even a passing thought ran through her mind about the incident, and what it said about him... He would kill her or die trying. "...supportive of the cause..."
"Ah..." Blaze nodded thoughtfully. Shadow had attacked a 'fish'. It wasn't that unusual. What was unusual was him getting so troubled about it. She looked at the way he was scratching at himself. She had to be tactful here, or he might try and hurt himself worse, "Shadow, try to relax a little. You hurt somebody, and you feel bad about hurting them. Would you like to clarify exactly what happened? You know, so that I don't feel confused?"
"I don't feel bad about a FUCKING THING!" Shadow screamed back at her, fists clenched and off his arms. Well, at least she'd stopped him from scratching, "Not about the worthless whores I've fucked, not about the bastards I've gutted or the throats I've cut, and especially not about any of the dickless fucks I've forced into reclusion in this shit-hole!" He was clarifying, pushing his points in an attempt to force her to believe they were true. Despite his shackles, the demented prisoner began walking toward the opposite wall. "All I wanted was his pain. The type that wouldn't heal like flesh... I wasn't thinking; shit got fucked up..."
"Emotional pain..." Blaze made another note, "The kind of pain you've been forced to suffer by others?" she asked him. The hateful glare that Shadow threw at her told her all she needed to know, "You wanted to make him suffer sexually... except that's not something you've personally tried before, is it Shadow?" she asked him, "At least, not on another male. You've always been very adamant about that. That you're not gay. Are you worried you're gay?" She was very, very good at reading deeply into Shadow's actions and reactions.
This time, the Guard Robos had no choice but to shock him, and shock him good. Because he had leapt toward the desk with intentions to slaughter. Oddly enough, the way his body shook as he was being electrocuted wasn't much different from the way he'd been fidgeting. They backed off and had to shock him again, because he nearly got back up and lunged toward Blaze a second time. The robots left him on the floor to recover on his own. If Agent Rouge had been here to see the methods used to discourage him, the result would have been an entire change of staff. Shadow was spitting, gurgling, his shaking hands attempting to get their bearing as he muttered several curses. The doctor knew she hit the target right on the dot.
Blaze had to let them do it. She felt a little sorry for Shadow, but not a lot. The problem here was not to convince him that it was okay to be gay, because she knew he wasn't, and in any case the last thing she wanted was for him to feel any better about attacking somebody sexually. She knew she needed to get him thinking rationally again, and concentrate on the real problems, "So... for once you feel like you acted too hastily..." she told him, "For once you feel like the opinions of other people matter. Or maybe just a few people. Am I right, Shadow?"
"F-f-f-fuck those... people..." Shadow managed, forcing his squirming body onto its knees. "I don't give a flying crack of an ass what they think about me..." He was lying. Even he knew that. If other people's opinions didn't matter, he wouldn't work so hard to make sure they found him terrifying. "Just to clarify, Doctor, I didn't do anything sexual at all. I just... spit in his mouth..." He clenched his fists, the electro-shock therapy so kindly provided by the Guard Robos still running up and down his spine. "And the little faggot deserved it..."
"So, somebody saw you... apparently... kissing another male?" Blaze confirmed. He didn't say anything, but only growled at the Doctor. Regardless, finally it seemed that they were getting somewhere, "Shadow, try to relax. Stop fighting for a moment. Do you understand what the problem is here?" she asked him kindly as he staggered back to his feet.
"The problem?" The hedgehog's hands found his striped quills, which he began pulling nervously. It was as if pain was being used to disrupt his thoughts; bring clarity to his obsessive bewilderment. "The problem?!" he repeated, knees buckling to the point he almost fell, "The problem is the little schmuck lived to tell the tale..." Kissing Silver; what had gotten into him?! "What was perceived as a kiss was in fact a show of ravenous dominance. I am NOT a faggot, Doctor. And you would know that well if these fucking scrap-fairies behind me weren't here to ensure your... assembly. I just got carried away..."
"I know you're not gay, Shadow," Blaze tried to reassure him. He hadn't been this bad for a very long while. Shadow had lots of problems, but she'd thought they were past self-harm, "But you're wrong; the problem is simply that you acted without thinking of the consequences. You have to stop lashing out randomly and without reason. That's why you're in this predicament. Right now, you're even attacking yourself..." she checked a note, "But you are not gay; your feelings for Doctor Blossom make me very sure of that."
"I KNOW I'm not a fucking queer!" the inmate retorted, continuing to fight the feline shrink despite her agreeing with him, "I fucking hate fairies! Prower, Bean, that faggot Knuckles; I despise them all with passionate vengeance and wish they would bleed until their life supply got pooled and cold... But then why in the pink Satan's crap-leaking utters would I KISS A MAN?!" He stepped up to her desk and pounded both fists on it, not caring if the Guard Robos shocked him. "WHY THE FUCK WOULD I-" he wasn't just shocked this time; Shadow was grabbed by the back of his neck and flung toward the office door, where he collided and got more electric treatment. Blaze was beginning to realize there was more to this session than she could have hoped for.
"Stop!" Blaze ordered the Guard Robos, "Dammit, stop that!" The Guard Robos stopped roughing the hedgehog up, and she smiled, moving out from behind her desk, and sitting on the chair opposite the couch, turning to face him. She usually sat behind the desk because it was impossible to talk to Shadow without some object between them, but now she wanted him to try and open up to her more. She paused for a few seconds while he got his breath back, "You kissed him because you wanted to hurt him, am I right?" she asked him, "You wanted to make him feel deep-seated emotional pain," she didn't know who 'he' was, and she didn't want to divert the conversation by asking; she could doubtless find out later anyway, "The pain that's been inflicted on you when your Foster Parents sexually abused you. Because deep down, you thought if he felt that same pain, he would then understand how you feel. Because you don't want to be alone. That's how it's always been. But there's nothing 'gay' about wanting company..." she paused, awaiting Shadow's next reaction.
He gave a howl of rage, and jumped at her. Because deep down, he knew she was right. The Guard Robos had to ignore her orders to stop their brutality; they had to get physically abusive if they hoped to keep her safe. "I'm not a faggot!" Shadow yelled in-between blows. Yes, they were beating him now, not just shocking. He was curled up defensively in a fetal position. "I'll stop at nothing to prove it..! And I'll use you as my guinea pig...!" It was another threat. Shadow had many of those. But this one had an alternate purpose to the norm.
A male warden stepped into the office to check what the commotion was about. Seeing Shadow lying bloody and battered on the floor, he simply checked his watch, "Five more minutes, and his time'll be up, Doctor."
"I understand," Blaze nodded and gestured the warden out of the room. Shame about that. Even if Shadow was being beaten by the Guard Robos, they were getting somewhere. He was opening up to her. After almost five years of therapy. It happened sometimes; patients really did have revelations. Something in their lives changed, maybe a person, maybe a dream, maybe a butterfly, and they might have an epiphany of sorts, "Shadow," she looked at him as he crawled onto his hands and knees, "I understand why you don't want people to think you're gay. You know that if they do, you'll lose your influence over them. Your whole life, you've had so little control that you find it the only way you've been shown - by controlling others. But that's not enough; you need to have self-control too. You need to stop lashing out randomly at others. You need focus in your life - something positive to work towards."
"Like fucking you until you bleed bloody murder from your cunt," Shadow spat back hatefully from the floor. "That'll positively rid me of all this filth coursing through my body... Re-affirm my sanity. And teach you to run your mouth about what I need... You don't know what the fuck I want, or what I need in my life to prove my own self-worth. Instead, I'll just rid you of yours..." He was still shaking, but not from the shocks...
Blaze sighed, "Stealing other people's dignity won't grant you your own, Shadow," she told him matter-of-factly, "I think you feel very lonely right now. Your new cellmate is making friends. Why can't you follow his example?"
Shadow had to clear his throat; a diversion placed for him to gather his thoughts without a pause. Blaze threw him off-track, mentioning Sonic when he was clearly speaking about raping her vilely. By this point, he'd managed to get back to a kneeling position. "Fuck that insignificant blue-balled swine," he spoke with gritted teeth. She'd managed to bring up yet another topic that was pissing him off lately. "I'd sooner eat my own scat before I follow in the paw prints of such a brown-nosing hypocritical faggot like him! Just because he's got his tongue up the asses of every dickless piece of skinned meat in the population, you think he's better off than me?! You're a fucking idiot, just like every other woman on the planet. You don't deserve to speak your mind; what little of one you may or may not have..."
Blaze looked at her watch. They still had a couple of minutes left, "Well, regardless of whether Sonic is better off than you..." she tilted her head, "What about Doctor Blossom? Is she an idiot too? I doubt your threats of raping her until she bleeds make her feel well-disposed towards you," she didn't like to use Amy as a catalyst, but the pink Doctor did elicit a reaction, "Thinking about your actions; using self-control... you wouldn't be so alone right now if you did that more often..." she blinked calmly, "Just out of curiosity, Shadow... what exactly would you do, if Doctor Blossom was willing to have you be emotionally close to her?"
Shadow glared at her, intent to kill in his eyes. But he wasn't up for another brutal beating. Blaze had done the worst thing she could have done; used something he confided in her against him. That something was his fondness of Amy. He hated these sessions now more than ever. "Doctor... You've just nailed your own coffin shut. I don't associate with the dead. And so I'm never telling you a fucking thing ever again. Suck on that until the day I get my hands on you..." Then he stood quiet. Hell, even his gaze went away, and he was staring at the floor, panting from his beating, until it was time to be taken away.
Blaze waited calmly for a couple of minutes, but Shadow remained quiet this time, "You know, if it's not something you want to talk about right now... that's just fine here," she told him gently, "Nothing is being used against you because I can't force you to tell me anything..." The male warden came in just then, "Still, I do think today has been very productive for you, Shadow Robotnik. You've done very well..." he looked at her as if he couldn't believe his ears, "Yes, you have. Don't you feel better?" he still didn't answer, "Well, you can go back to your cell now..." she nodded at the warden, who gestured to the Guard Robos, which grabbed Shadow and pulled him roughly to his feet.
A lot had been said this day, and Blaze was usually right about everything. For once she was wrong, though. Shadow had done well in her book, but in his own, he had failed miserably. And he didn't feel any better at all...
Harley: We note that some people think this fic is too gay. Have these people never even been in a prison before?
SonicFrank: Now tell us how you feel.