"I love you. I call you. I always seek you in my heart. Now that I found you, what else can I say, maybe the most painful adieu in my entire life, my beautiful, adored, consuming soul mate."
I never thought this day would come so soon.
I knew it would have to happen eventually. After all, death parts every couple. They never die at the exact same time, unless it's the result of some freak accident. Even then, their deaths are separated by at least a millisecond.
I never thought that I'd lose you while we were both still young.
I should have expected it. I really should have. After all, we were both in the Mafia. Both Guardians under Tsuna. Both having already faced death and lived.
But this time, it was you who truly faced death.
It was my turn to view your body. I felt mine freeze up. It was me who was there when your life ended. I had to identify your body, choke out the words that it was indeed you who had died.
I cried that day. The first time I'd cried in a while. The last time I can remember was at my mom's funeral. Ever since then, I've let other emotions override the sense of tears. You did too, but in the complete opposite way that I did.
Those tears flowed over my cheeks now as I steeled myself to say that final goodbye. That final moment when I would look at your face. Then the coffin would be closed, and your face would forever be lost from me.
Sure, there were pictures. I had so many. But it would never be the same as looking you in the eyes as you held me.
I almost ran. Almost forfeited that last chance to see your face. After all, it wasn't you anymore. Whatever had made you you had disappeared.
I let out a small choked gasp as everything whirled around me. I collapsed to my knees, letting the sobs rip through my chest. I felt hands rubbing at my back, attempting to soothe me. It wasn't working.
"You don't have to if you really don't want to."
Tsuna's voice. It was choked with tears too. Of course he would be crying, it was the funeral for one of his best friends. And he had been the one who had given the orders for us to go to that damned place where you lost your life.
I stood and wiped at my face, trying to rid myself of some of those tears. And then I looked into the coffin.
Your face was peaceful. Your hands were folded over your chest, a suit covering the bullet holes that had riddled your chest and torn your life away.
You could have been sleeping.
Somehow, that only made it harder.
"Gokudera…" I murmured. "Please tell me this is all a joke. Please just sit up and tell me I'm an idiot for believing this to be true. Let me wake up next to you and hug you and kiss you and forget this horrible nightmare…"
I couldn't talk anymore. The tears and sobs had constricted my throat to the point that I could barely breathe, let alone talk.
I leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead. It was cold. It wasn't filled with the warmth that I was so accustomed to.
I saw a single tear drop onto your cheek. I gently brushed it away.
"I love you Gokudera. Goodbye…"
And then I turned my back. I couldn't do this anymore.
It hurt too much.
I couldn't even begin to remember how to smile.