Prompt: 90% of the fandom in Ikebukuro ships Shizuo x Izaya...so why doesn't someone have them STALK THEM FOR THE LULZ!
Bonus points if Shizuo and Izaya have to work together to run away from the fandom.
At times like this Izaya had to thank Shizuo for all the running training that he had forced him to endure. Of course, outrunning Shizuo was considerably easy than escaping from his current pursuers that just happened to be around half of Ikebukuro. At least it sure felt like that and judging from the hollering and the cloud of dust that the crowd kicked in front of itself. Izaya picked up his pace and nearly lost his balance making a rather tight corner. The trick was putting a busy intersection between himself and the mob without getting ran over by the cars.
"No time now, Shizu-chan."
Izaya shot past Shizuo.
"Where do you think you're going?"
Shizuo spoke to Izaya's retreating back. He stood blinking, wondering just what was this noise that kept getting louder and making the ground shake. And then he spotted the human stampede that was coming straight at him. Shizuo bolted on Izaya's tracks, somehow he was sure that this was the bastard's fault anyway.
"Izaya! Who the hell are those people?"
"Talk less, run faster."
Izaya jumped over a garbage bin and Shizuo steamrolled over it, sending it smashing a few inches left of Izaya.
"Temporary truce, Shizu-chan! It's like Dawn of the Dead here."
Shizuo cast a glance over his shoulder.
"Zombies? They're catching up!"
"Close, fans. Run for your life! Or chastity. Or both."
"This is absurd!"
Shizuo came to a sudden halt, picked up a vending machine and hurled it at the crowd. He crossed his arms and smiled smugly.
"See? That took care of it."
"Oh Shizu-chan. Nothing can stop rabid fangirls. Not even official pairings, let alone a vending machine."
And indeed a new wave of people was clambering over the machine and was in motion again. Izaya ran into a narrow alley and crawled sideways. Shizuo had saved enough time for him to hide here. But Izaya's relief was momentary. Shizuo jabbed an elbow into Izaya's side as he squirmed himself between the walls as well. His big body hardly fit but that did not deter him.
"Move over, flea bait!"
"Go away! If they catch us together we're dead meat!"
"This is all your fault. You just had to go and piss off everyone in town, bloody louse."
"Shh, quiet now."
The mob passed the narrow entrance of the alley and kept on going. Izaya sighed and removed the hand that he had placed over Shizuo's mouth, hitting the wall as he did so because there was hardly any space to breathe, let alone move. Meanwhile Shizuo attempted to shuffle out of this aperture.
"Shit. I'm stuck."
"Please tell me you're joking."
"Er, no. Can't move. Damn!"
Izaya would have shrugged if it was feasible. He tried to face the other side of the alley but a vending machine blocked the exit.
"Great. Just great."
Izaya tried. Shizuo remained immobile.
"Shizu-chan, why do you have to be so big?"
"Shut up and get me out already!"
A few more ineffectual pushes only caused Izaya's arms to hurt without moving Shizuo. Something occurred to Izaya at this point.
"Shizu-chan, don't go hating me for this."
It took a lot of contorting for Izaya to fish the bottle of lube from his back pocket. He smeared a generous amount of thick liquid over Shizuo's body.
"What the hell are you doing? And what's this weird smell?"
Izaya gave him one hard push and Shizuo slipped out of the alley. Izaya ended up landing on him, having lost his balance.
"Get off me!"
"Whatever happened to 'Thank you, Izaya-kun.'"
Shizuo picked himself off the floor, Izaya had knocked him down, and brushed his clothes.
"What did those people want anyway? And what the hell is this gooey stuff?"
"Lube. And they're fans, the scary kind."
Shizuo dangled Izaya by the lapel of his jacket.
"It worked, didn't it! And may I suggest some anger management?"
Shizuo dropped him.
"Kazuka got me this outfit and you went and ruined it."
"Cry me a river. I just saved your ass. Now, I don't know about you but I'm hiding until the crazies go away. I bet they're still buzzing around."
Before Izaya could settle on a good hiding place the mob was back. He dashed in the opposite direction and Shizuo followed suit. It occurred to Izaya that this was the first time he used a whole bottle of lube without it doing much to improve his day.