AUTHOR: shira

EMAIL: shira_uma@hotmail.com

WARNINGS: 2+1+2, slightly shounen-ai.

DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not making any money, leave me alone.

LYRIC CREDIT: "End of Time," by the Damned, from the album Grave Disorder


I turned around, and you were looking at me. No, more like staring at me. I felt it even before I saw you – a weight looming over my shoulders and around my form, hovering about me, chilling me to the bone. A presence. I hadn't even known you were in the room, but then I felt you, your gaze, and stopped in my tracks, turning around to meet piercing eyes full of mystery and obscurity. Eyes full of conviction. Eyes full of coolness. Eyes full of emptiness. Your blue eyes are sultry, yet frigid, and they emblazon me with a tingling sensation that I've never felt before. I'm confused.

You're looking at me. Your eyes, they don't move. They don't even blink. You hold me, mesmerized, unable to break away from your gaze. How do you do that? My body...I feel something in me that tells me to run, yet the part that's connected to you...it demands that I stay. I turned to meet your leer – really, there's nothing else to call it – and suddenly everything stopped for me as I was sucked in. I didn't even feel myself as I spiraled downward into you. Your invading watch has glued me to you, and you suck me in further. I'm trapped in the quicksand of your stare as its pulling on me, and even though we stand separated by space, you draw me closer to you, closer still, to the point where my aura is now mingling with yours. We touch even as I stand unyielding, unmoving, watching you watching me. Time seems to have stopped; I'm aware neither of myself breathing, or my heart beating, but I know I'm still very much alive.

/I've woken from darkness with passion/
/You're surely to blame for it/
/This torture so wicked/
/You hurt me just for the hell of it/

/'Til the end of time/
/The end of time/
/You will be mine/

I don't understand this...feeling...what are you doing to me?

They all say that you're cold and heartless...incapable of feelings, incapable of warmth or love. I can't say that I've thought any different. You don't let anyone in. You don't let anyone know you. After a while, most people just give up and accept the fact that you are apathetic to anything except to your own cause, but this...this is different. The chill continues to run through my being, but behind the ice, behind the glare, there's something trying to come out. It doesn't know how. I can feel it, but it doesn't know how to get out, and you won't let anyone help. Why are you looking at me like this? Do you want my help? I vaguely notice a thud in my chest as my heart beats once. I'm still cemented to the floor where you halted me in my tracks.

You're uncomfortable. I can tell because your skin is starting to glisten slightly from a light sweat. Is your heart pounding the way mine is? Even though I can barely sense it, I know mine is pounding, because every beat pushes my breath away, making me a little light headed. Is your pulse up, like mine is? I don't understand how this is happening, these feelings I'm experiencing. It almost feels like...well...I don't really know. I've never felt what 'that' kind of love feels like, but I imagine that it feels like this. But that can't be. We're the same; and we're different. It isn't that. Is it? It's my mind fabricating emotion, is what it is. Or is it?

Your body reeks of need, but I can't understand you. Can't understand us. This.

/You want me, I need you/
/Don't ever say that it cannot be/
/You're wondering, I'm dreaming/
/I hope and pray that you'll stay with me/

/'Til the end of time/
/The end of time/
/You will be mine/

I...I can't be having an attraction to you, can I? I've never felt this way before. You've magnetized me. I don't think I'm supposed to feel this way...but I do. You go against everything I've been taught.

We're still watching each other, and entire conversations are happening without a spoken word. Neither of us has moved a muscle on the outside. On the inside though, there's lots more happening. I feel warm, and I think it's coming from you. The depth of your eyes deepens even more, and I see you at face value now. I see what you are all about. You goofed, catching me in a moment, and you unknowingly let me in. Once inside, I saw what's been hiding in there all this time. Behind the ice, behind the mask, behind the determination and the fear, I see myself hiding in there, just as you see yourself hiding in me. It all makes me feel very strange, but at the same time, I welcome it. It's almost like I've been waiting to feel what you're making me feel, and now that it's here, I don't want the feeling to leave.

Attraction. Affection. Desire. It's all there. It's not supposed to be there, or so they would have it, but I've never been one for listening to anyone but myself anyway. I've always been the survivor type – able to grab the best out of any situation and run with it. You already know that about me. Is that what draws you to me? The idea that I might be less likely to cast you away because my expectations might be lower than another's? The thought that you are as confused as I am, but since we are the same, it will be OK? I never expected a normal life, but I certainly never expected you. I know you didn't expect me. I can read you better than you think, but I suppose that you realize by now that I'm already in your head and mingling through your thoughts and memories.

So tell me...what's to become of this? Do we gaze at each other like this until the moment is broken, never to acknowledge it again? Or do we let the vortex swirl us together into one being, connected by this strangeness? I guess that's up to you, really, since you're the one that was looking at me.

/Love don't play by rules so/
/Ignore the world when it cannot see/
/Feels strange now, I'm chained now/
/It's only you that can set me free/

/'Til the end of time/
/The end of time/
/You will be mine/

I'm afraid. I think I want to have these feelings, but it scares me. I don't want you to see who I really am, but I think I want you to know me all the same. You're real, and I want you to help me become real. I think I need you.

My chest is getting tight and my hands slowly ball into fists as your hooks dig deeper into me, not letting me go, and I feel myself tremble ever so slightly. Someone is approaching, and for an instant I break our contact and turn to look in their direction warily, then quickly turn back to you. This moment is too private, and I don't want to reveal it to anyone else. Then, in the blink of an eye, you're gone. My length of hair is still whipping around me as I turn back to you and you've already fled without a trace. Ten seconds of time never lasted so long, yet in one fraction of a second, you've left me wondering whether you were a figment of my imagination, or you were really here, calling out to me in your own way. What started out as a feeling of panic from your grip on me has now been transposed into a panic caused by your departure.

You are going to come back some time, aren't you? Sighing, I continue on my way, headed to wherever I was going before you dragged me into your elusive world. I wasn't really prepared for it, but now that I've seen it, I think I might like to go back some time and see where it takes me.

/I sit in the dark and, and wonder/
/Wonder what might have been/
/Alone now forever no sweeter pain/
/Than those memories/

I need to see you again. I'll come back. I'll let you in again. Little by little, I'll let you in, because you feel so good for me.