Last night I was reading the Buffy/Veronica crossover story that keeps showing up on the main page and woke up with this story in my head. It was inspired by the episode from Buffy in season 5 when she stays by her mom's graveside and Angel comes and sits with her all night. I always thought that scene was particularly powerful. We never saw what she was thinking. I took that scene and wrote my own with Veronica. This is not a Buffy crossover, but it was inspired by Buffy. Get your Kleenex ready. I labeled this a Veoronica/Weevil story, but it's just as much a LoVe story.
The Price of Being Epic
"Ashes to Ashes…Dust to Dust." Veronica tuned out the words of the minister. Her shattered eyes stared wordlessly at the casket in front of her. How could this be real? How could she be once again at the graveside of someone she loved, someone who defined who she was? All she had now were memories. And the memories kept recycling over and over inside her mind.
Flashback: She watched Logan walked out of the cafeteria after beating and humiliating Gory. His actions had caught her off guard for some reason. Why was he always willing to show the world how he felt? Where did he find the strength? The courage? She had been thinking about that when her eyes caught Piz's standing across the room, a look of hurt and loss on his face.
She sighed and walked up to him. "Hey," she said with a small smile. "Never a dull moment around here." She tried to joke, to keep things light. She tried once again to hide from Piz how Logan's actions affected her.
However, he wasn't an idiot. He gave her a sad half smile. "I'm a lover not a fighter," he said. She smiled at his comment, waiting for his smile. When it didn't come she had opened her mouth to say something to explain away Logan's actions, to find an excuse. "It's obvious you both want and need a fighter," he said.
"What? No! That's not what I want. I hate this fighting! I hate that Logan doesn't think; he just acts. No matter the consequences," she insisted.
Piz sighed and shook his head. "I wish that were true, Veronica. You can't know how much I wish it were true. But I can't compete with Logan. I can't compete with that kind of devotion," Piz declared.
"I don't want you to. You don't need to. I'm with you because I want to be," she had told Piz so earnestly.
He gave her a humorless laugh. "I wish for both oursakes you'd quit lying to yourself. You and Logan are like magnets-sometimes you're knocked over and circumstances keep pushing you apart. But it's inevitable that you'll flip back to the right side and be pulled together. Some forces are elemental. I can't get in the way of that. No one can. That man loves you. I want to say I love you as much, and I'd risk anything for you. But I can't. You're worth it, though. There's something about you, Veronica Mars, that makes men lose their minds, their reason. When I saw you last fall I wanted you so much that I wouldn't let myself see Logan or see that what you felt for him was real. I'm not sure why you broke up with him-I wouldn't let myself even ask. I just grabbed onto you like you were mine. But you weren't. And you still aren't. I can't pretend anymore. You should quit fighting the inevitable. You should go to him. He would die for you. Can you not see that? How can I compete with that? I can't. And I'm not going to try anymore. I'm sorry, Veronica. You should've forgiven him sooner and saved both of us some grief." He gave her one last sad look then walked away.
End of Flashback.
"A life cut down so young is always a tragedy," the minster's voice broke in. Veronica vaguely felt her father's arms wrapped around her. She glanced at his strong profile. His Sherriff's hat cast a shadow on his face. He looked sad. Did she look sad? Was sad the word to describe what she was feeling? How could a word with three little letters describe what she was feeling? She brought a hand up to her face. It was dry. There weren't any tears. Was she that cold? That heartless? Her eyes connected with Piz's. He was on the other side of the half circle that was gathered around the casket. He looked at her with compassion and pity.
Flashback: After Piz walked away from her that day, she had gone home. For some reason she had been surprised to see Logan's car parked at her apartment complex. When she got out of her car he had gotten out of his and came up to her. She had being feeling guilty over Piz, so she wasn't in the mood to deal with him. She hadn't been very welcoming. "What do you want Logan?" she asked, tiredly.
He looked earnestly at her. "I want you to forgive me," he said simply.
"For what?" she asked.
"For everything. For being weak and making a mistake with Madison that I will regret forever. For hurting Piz. For hurting you. For letting you think I was over you by dating Parker. Forgive me, Veronica," he demanded. "Because I love you. Because I will always love you. Because no man will ever love you the way that I do. Because I cannot live my life thinking you hate me."
"I don't hate you, Logan. Don't you know by now that I can't?" she asked.
"Then forgive me," he said once again.
"I'm going to try. Give me some time," she said.
"I'll be here waiting for you as long as it takes," he vowed.
End of Flashback.
"Nothing can prepare us to lose someone we love, especially when they are so young. But we will see our loved ones again someday. That's a promise…" she tuned out the minister once again. How could she not see him again? Why had she been so unforgiving? Why did it take her so long to realize how much she needed him?
Flashback: When Veronica had returned from her internship in Virginia she had expected to see her dad at the airport picking her up. Instead, it was Logan waiting for her. She couldn't hide the surprise and the pleasure she felt at seeing him. She had thought about him so much over the summer. He had emailed her every day she was away. She had ignored his emails for a week and then she had begun emailing him back. At first they had kept things light and superficial. But then they started reminiscing which led to them discussing past events. Logan told her how lost and betrayed he had felt when Lilly died, and she had sided against him. She told him that she had lost everything but her dad, so her dad was the only man she would let herself fully trust and count on. Confessing how they had hurt one another with their actions in high school was something they hadn't done much when they started dating. Both wanted to just forget all the bad that had happened. Talking about how they felt had been cathartic. The lingering poison that had always been leftover from the way they hurt each other after Lilly's death had finally been dispelled. The emails had sometimes been angry, sometimes apologetic. All of them had been healing in some way. They had finally talked about all the things they never let themselves talk about when they had been together.
Veronica walked toward him, pulling her suitcase behind her. He looked both nervous and hopeful. She walked faster toward him. When she got close enough to see the brown in his eyes, she dropped the handle of her suitcase and jumped the last few steps toward him. He caught her as she leapt into his arms. He opened his mouth to say something, but she didn't let him speak. Instead, she fused her mouth to his. The kiss had been perfect, epic. She had dreamt of that moment and that kiss all summer. The reality had surpassed very dream and fantasy she had. When the kiss ended she had smiled and said, "I forgive you."
He had laughed and spun her around before setting her on her feet. "Do you still love me?" she asked him coyly.
"More than my own life," he said without hesitating. "Do you love me?" he asked, smiling down at her.
"Yes, I love you," she had finally told him. The smile had left his face for one moment. Maybe the shock of hearing her finally say the words had taken him off guard. He had wasted no time in kissing her again until they were both breathless. The ride back to his place was a blur. She just remembered laughing at him for cursing the fact that he didn't have the foresight to take a taxi. They couldn't keep their hands off of each other. He ran at least one red light and swerved to avoid a few cars. When they arrived at his place he had pulled her out of the car and said, "You're going to be the death of me!" She had laughed and replied, "But you'll love every moment!"
End of Flashback
Veronica felt a hand grab hold of hers. She looked to the left. Tears were rolling down Trina's face. The shock and pain seemed real. With Tina it was hard to decipher real emotion from fake. She spent so much time pretending. Veronica squeezed her hand, trying to offer some comfort. Now Trina had no one. The minister's voice broke in once again. "Logan Echolls' untimely death is a shock the community will feel for a long time." Was it shock she was feeling right now? Was that why she was so numb? The minister was wrong Veronica thought bitterly. There was nothing "untimely" about his death. His death had been planned down to a T.
Flashback: Veronica and Logan had spent two happy weeks together before classes started back. It was like they had never been apart, never broken up. Except this time Veronica gave him her trust and allowed Logan to love her the way he had always wanted to, without restraint or restriction. Classes started back. Logan had carried her books and had walked her to class. He had kissed her sweetly goodbye. Everything had finally been perfect.
They had been out with Mac and Dick when it happened. Logan had been teasing her about something. She had stopped on the curb pouting up at him when he had stepped into the road. She had looked back at Dick who had interjected one of his lame jokes. Then she heard a loud engine and Mac's shout of warning. She had turned toward Logan. The smile had still been on his face when he turned his head toward the car lights. It had happened so fast. Veronica had tried to step out in the road toward him, but Dick had pulled her back just as the car hit Logan with a resounding thump. She had watched in horror and disbelief as his body went airborn. The car kept on going; the driver never even paused. The lights from the restaurant had illuminated the street. Another car had stopped, their headlights shining down on Logan who had lain so still.
Veronica had run toward him screaming with Dick and Mac right behind her. It seemed like a dream, even more so than the night Lilly had died. Even the memory had a dreamlike quality to it. The hit happened in a moment, but the sounds of the crash will linger forever. As soon as she got to Logan's side, she knew that he was gone. His eyes were empty. They no longer looked at her in love and adoration. She remembered screaming over and over. Dick was on his other side looking down in shock and disbelief. How could he be gone just like that, they had both been thinking? It was unbelievable.
End of Flashback
Veronica was pulled from the memories. The minister was finished. Trina let go of her hand and walked toward the casket. She placed a rose on top of the casket. She paused a moment and turned away from the shell that contained her only remaining family. Her eyes connected with Veronica's. They shared a moment of mutual grief and understanding. Then she walked away. Dick had been standing next to Trina. He closed the gap between them with Mac on his other side. Dick took her hand. Together they walked toward the casket. They picked up a rose from the basket. Dick started to put his on top of the casket. He paused and looked at Veronica. He looked lost. Tears filled his eyes. "What will we do without him, Ronnie?" he asked softly. "Remember," she said simply. Mac came up and grabbed a rose. She put it on the casket. Dick finally followed her example. Veronica released the rose. She would hate roses forever. She stepped back so others could come up and say goodbye.
Mac hugged her. "I'm going to take Dick back home. Are you going to meet us there?" she asked Veronica.
"I don't know. Maybe. I need to stay here a bit longer," she told Mac. She couldn't leave. She didn't know how to.
Mac nodded her head in understanding. Dick gave her a long hug goodbye. His grief pushed at Veronica. She wanted him to leave; the weight of her own grief was more than she could bear. Mac took Dick's hand and led him away. Wallace and Piz gave her a hug. They didn't say anything. Sometimes words weren't necessary. Sometimes her friends knew her too well. The days of pretending and hiding like she had in high school were gone forever. Having friends who knew and understood her wasn't a bad thing she finally realized.
"Are you ready, honey?" her dad asked.
"No. I need some time here with him. I'll be okay. I'll call you later," she said to her dad, trying to say whatever she needed to say to get him to leave her alone. Finally, he kissed her goodbye and left. Left her alone with Logan's body hidden inside an overpriced casket. Now all she had were her memories. Memories of his arms wrapped around her. Veronica closed her eyes and hugged herself in remembrance. How he loved her. Every woman should experience what it feels like to be loved that way. Then again when that love is gone, the loss is paralyzing. Veronica's eyes opened. The funeral home was taking down their trappings. She took a few steps back to give them space, her eyes transfixed on the casket as they began lowering it into the grave. She felt a presence behind her, waiting. She didn't turn; she didn't need to. She knew who it would be.
Veronica may not remember everything that happened the night Logan died, but someone was thoughtful enough to film the events and post them on the internet for everyone to see. The media tried to play it off like it was a former fan of Logan's parents who spotted him outside the restaurant and started videotaping him. However, Veronica had experience with videotapes going public. This particular video had been emailed to her before it had gone public. She knew that neither the video or the hit and run were an accident. Someone had wanted to hurt her further.
Flashback: The Neptune Sherriff's Department had been called immediately. Leo had been the first on the scene. He had tried to pull her away from Logan's body, but she wouldn't move. It had taken her father to get her to leave his side. Dick was throwing up as they finally covered Logan's body with a sheet. Some blood had been trickling out of Logan's mouth, but it had been obvious to onlookers that his neck had been broken. He had been dead before he hit the pavement. Veronica had been hysterical. The hysteria played quite well on the video. The video had appeared the next day. The video had been titled "Young Lovers Tragically Torn Apart." The fact that the video title didn't have Logan's famous last name on it had immediately made Veronica suspicious. A fan or someone that had simply videotaped him because they recognized him would have labeled it differently. Veronica had gotten into a bitter argument with her dad when he labeled it a hit and run. He refused to see the conspiracy Veronica saw. The video conveniently had no clear shot of the car who struck Logan.
End of Flashback.
Veronica knew that Logan's death had not been an accident. Someone had intentionally run him down. Everyday her belief in that grew stronger. The growing knowledge and the anger that came with it seemed to dry up her tears and burn away her grief. She also knew that Gory Sorokin was behind it. The video cemented her belief in that fact. She would prove it; she would make him pay. Veronica felt a hand slip into hers. She looked over and smiled. "I knew it was you," she said.
"I'm here, V. Whatever you need," Weevil said.
"I'm going to make him pay, Weevil. And anyone else who helped him. No matter how long it takes, Gory is going to pay for what he did," Veronica vowed.
Weevil put his arm around her. "Yes, he will. I'll help you. You're not alone," he assured her.
But she was alone; a part of her would always be alone. She no longer had the man who refused to leave her, to give up on her. Why did she wait so long to forgive him? She had wasted so much time holding on to her anger and pride. Why didn't she listen to him? She always had to keep pushing until someone got hurt. Now he was dead, and she was responsible. Logan attacked Gory because he couldn't stand to see anyone hurt her. It was her fault the man she loved was gone forever.
"I killed him," she said softly.
"What?" Weevil asked in shock. "No, you didn't. Don't you ever say that! You loved that arrogant jackass, and he loved you-as much as it pains me to admit. Logan would never want you to blame yourself for his death. He would just be happy you weren't hurt, too."
"Gory Sorokin did this, Weevil. I know that he did. Logan beat him up last May for that video of Piz and me and for insulting me in the cafeteria. Gory threatened to kill him. He took his time doing it, but I know it was him!" she said vehemently.
"I believe you," Weevil said.
"Really?" she asked in surprise. No one else but Dick seemed to give much credence to her theory. Not even her dad.
"Sure. When have you ever been wrong?" Weevil asked with a smile.
"It may take a long time to prove Gory was behind this," she confessed.
"It doesn't matter. I'm with you no matter how long it takes. We'll find out the truth. And if the courts won't make him pay, we will," Weevil promised. It wouldn't be the first time he made sure someone paid for committing murder when the police couldn't do the job.
His assurance and faith penetrated the numbness she had been cloaked in all day. Finally, the finality of her loss hit her, and she collapsed against him. The tears finally came. She closed her eyes and sobbed against Weevil's chest.
She could still see Logan's eyes smiling down at her, filled with love and joy at finally being with her. She could feel his touch, hear his voice. "I thought what we had was epic, you know. You and Me. Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined and bloodshed. Epic." Seeing him the next day with Kendall never erased what he had said. Since his death, those words of his kept playing in her mind. She had run that night from him once again, so he had drunk dialed someone else to make him forget her rejection. He had forgiven her, and he had loved her relentlessly. Veronica cried as she realized the final price of being epic. She was paying for it now. She wiped her face. But Gory would pay Veronica promised herself. She didn't fail Lilly. There was no way in hell she was going to fail Logan.
She pulled away from Weevil and stepped closer to Logan's grave. She looked down at the hole they had yet to close. She could see the shine of his casket several feet down. She cemented the image in her mind, drying up the tears once again. This is the last time she would ever be a victim. "I loved every moment," she said softly for only Logan to hear.
She turned and looked at Weevil. He was strong enough to help her. She would never be weak again. Weevil held out his hand, and she took it. She could hear Lilly's voice echoing in her head. "You're red satin, Veronica." "Sorry, Lilly,"she thought. Satin was too soft. She had to be steel. They got to Weevil's car, and she stopped one last time to look back. I won't ever forget you, Logan. I will live my life for you and Lilly both. Take care of each other. I'll take care of everyone else. And I will do whatever it takes; pay any price, to make sure Gory suffers for taking you away from me. I promise! She wouldn't let herself say goodbye. She couldn't. Not until this was over. Not until Gory answered for what he did.
"Promise me something, Eli," she said, using his real name for the first time.
"Anything," he replied.
"Never give me roses," she said with a hard glint in her eyes.
"No problem," he said, giving her a small smile.
"Let's get started," she said to Weevil. She got into the car, her mind already filling with plans.
This was at first a one shot, but I added an epilogue. Although I love to think of a happily ever after LoVe, a part of me thinks it wasn't in the cards for them. Reviews are much appreciated.