08-09-2010

6.35am

Well, would you look at me, eh? I'm like the big man on campus now! Wikus van de Merwe, Head of Alien Affairs. It has a nice sound to it, I think. It was a totally unexpected surprise to come into work to this morning, and I'm very flattered that Piet clearly has so much faith in me to trust me with this job. He knows I won't let him down. I get the job done, why else would he promote me? I have a feeling Tania might have already known something about it. I had to be in for this morning's briefing at 6, so we both got up very early to share breakfast, and I was just talking away to her about the relocation. She just sat there and fixed me with that beautiful smile of hers. I'm sure she knew I was moving up in the world! I get prickles just thinking about that smile. I still wake up every morning and can't quite believe how lucky I am when I look at her. Some people don't think angels exist, but I just don't see how that can be true when I married one, you know? She's my everything, my prinses uit die Hemel! Just one kiss from her in the morning and all day I'm untouchable.

We've got the cameras in today, which is very exciting. Just in time to see my big promotion, too! They're going to come with us for some 'on the job' shooting, so I must be sure to give them a good show, eh? Tania will be so proud if she gets to see me on TV. I heard that the SABC will be covering the operation too, so I might get on the news! Apparently they want to talk to me before we go out, so I'll have to get myself looking as smart as I can. Mr Professional, that's me! It really is an honour to be involved in getting those prawns moved away from the city. Who would have thought it would be me who will be responsible for bringing peace of mind and security for the people of Johannesburg? I'll be a big hero! If I'm honest I am a little bit nervous, but I know I've got Koobus and they guys backing me up if any real trouble starts. Not that we'll need them, I don't think. I know what I'm doing, and I'm pretty good at dealing with people, so there shouldn't be any problems. If I can handle people, those prawns should be pretty easy to get to be co-operative. I'm still getting butterflies in my stomach though! Not that I'll tell the cameras that I'm nervous, of course. MNU' counting on me to be their public face for this, so I've got to make sure I give them exactly the right impression. I've got my own trainee too, Fundiswa. If he follows what I'm teaching him he should do brilliantly.

Just time now for a quick piece to the cameras, then we're off to the Weapons Depot to get all out kak up together. Pay attention guys, the boss-man's coming down there!

8.55 am

Koobus is asking for a fokken hiding. He completely humiliated me in front of the cameras, just because I wasn't going to let his men go out into the field with more ammunition than regulations allow. He went completely befok! That doos needs to learn who's in charge here. As soon as we get back to the office I'm going to be writing a serious report on his behaviour.

Currently we're on our way to District 9 to start work. Fundiswa is already getting a bit edgy, mainly because we didn't have enough bulletproof vests to go around. I don't know what he's worried about, he can do absolutely fine without them. Besides, it wouldn't look very good for me if I was training somebody who couldn't do their job unless they were wrapped completely in padding. I have to think of these things now I'm in charge! He'll be fine, though, I know it. We're pulling up to the gates now, and I'm getting that little stomach flip again. We'll just get in, get the job done quickly, and head back to HQ safe in the knowledge that we're doing something really special here for Johannesburg.

12.45 pm

We've had a very busy morning! Stopping for a well-deserved rest now. The prawns are proving to be a bit more belligerent than I had expected, if I'm going to be honest here. Of course, like with all dumb creatures their first instinct seems to be to turn to violence. I was expecting a certain amount of tension when we went in, but I have to admit I nearly crapped myself when we were shot at as soon as we arrived. I hid it well though, I think.

We have had one minor incident so far. One of our guys got his arm pulled off by a particularly unruly prawn, but really he could have avoided it if he'd just listened to what I'd told him and not provoked it. Of course, this brought a load of other prawns over to have a look, and I had to step in quickly to get Thomas to stop shooting at them. For a minute there I thought the situation was going to escalate, but I managed to diffuse it by throwing them some cat food. This is how accidents happen, you know? People going in all trigger-happy and not following the rules. They're just not fokken listening to me! I also had to call in the air support when another prawn started giving me kak, but a few warning shots put him in his place.

I had to get a population control team over about half an hour ago, when I found a shack full of prawn eggs that needed to be aborted. I'm pretty sure some of the people outside the gates with their signs would be pissed off about it, but they just don't understand. It's in the best interests of the prawns, this place is overcrowded enough as it is. They have no idea what would be the best thing for them, so we have to come in and help them by doing it ourselves. I think they would thank me if they realised. A quick job done well, no fuss! For a moment I was a bit worried some of the other shacks would catch fire, which would have been embarrassing for me, but it's just not very efficient to go in there and deal with the eggs one at a time so it was best to just torch the shack. We've got a lot of work to get done today.

We have already found a lot of illegal weapons this morning, which has been very exciting! It will of course take us ages to get all the paperwork in order so that we can appropriately fine the prawns responsible, but it will be worth it when I get to turn this big load over! Something good to show the cameras, eh? It was a real treat for Fundiswa too. He's very lucky that we came across such a big haul on his first day! I am very much looking forward to this afternoon's work, which I'm sure will go off without a hitch. I may have found my true calling with this job, eh?

4.15pm

OK, so I will admit that this afternoon hasn't gone quite as smoothly as I thought it was going to, though we did still get a few very interesting finds. We found a shack with some gang markings on the wall, so of course I knew we had to look into it. The occupant was very hostile when I knocked on the door, and tried slamming it in my face, so I told Thomas to keep his gun pointed at him when I got him outside.

I conducted a thorough search of the shack and found a hidden room behind a wall panel. It's amazing what you can find if you do the job properly, eh! There was a lot of strange equipment in there and I also found a sort of tube with alien markings on it hidden in a box. I don't know what it was for but it wasn't a weapon, I don't think. As I was examining it it sprayed some black stuff in my face. I had to confiscate it. The cameras caught me getting sprayed in the face, but they said they would cut it out of the video, which is good because it would be a bit embarrassing for people to see that. The Boss has to project the right image! I wanted to show Thomas one of the more impressive guns, but Fundiswa got all nervous when I picked it up. I don't know why he's so worried, I know what I'm doing. Anyway, he knows as well as I do that I'd never be able to operate the damn thing! I called in the First Battalion as back-up, and when they began to arrive, the prawn went totally befok. He threw Thomas against the wall of the shack, and that's not an easy task because Thomas is a big guy, eh? I tried to pacify the prawn, but he hit me with the gun and threw me off my feet as well. I would probably have been able to stop him if he hadn't been so fokken quick. Something must have been on fire where I landed because I burned my hand really badly. I think maybe I must have hit my head hard too, because ever since then I have been feeling a bit dizzy and sick. I'm not quite sure what exactly happened next, but I remember seeing Koobus arrive. He shot the prawn point-blank in the head. Because of what had happened, it was probably the best thing to do, but there was something about the way he did it that bothered me. He seemed to be getting some sort of enjoyment out of it, you know? Fundiswa was fussing over my arm, but I told him I'd just get it treated by the on-site medics. I said the same to Koobus, but he just laughed in my face. I don't like his attitude at all.

We had a bit more trouble with a prawn at another shack. His kid was outside when we arrived, and I find that if I can get the little ones on my side then the adults will usually co-operate. I gave it a lollipop, but the little bliksem just threw it straight back at me! Thomas was all for shooting him, but that would just have been more trouble than it was worth if I had let him. The kid's father was being very difficult too, and refused to sign the eviction paper I gave him. He seemed to be a bit smarter than the others I've come across today, but there's always a way to get through to anyone, eh? When I told him that I could have his child taken away if he refused to leave such a dirty and dangerous area, I think the point hit home. I went into the shack to get the kid, but couldn't find the little guy anywhere. They're sneaky fokken creatures, I'll give them that. What I did find was a huge load of computer parts, which can only have been stolen. I think Fundiswa has been very impressed with what I have managed to dig up today. I wish I could have had such a good time doing my training.

I might go to see the doctor tomorrow, I think maybe I might have a concussion or something. I was sick earlier on today, and I really don't feel too good now. We stopped at G√ľnter's on the way back to HQ for some food, and while we were there I had a nosebleed. I admit it gave me a bit of a scare, as what was coming out was black instead of red. I know for a fact that that's not normal, so I must go to see a doctor tomorrow if I don't feel any better. When I've finished all my paperwork here I'm going to go home and have a rest. My arm is throbbing a bit too now, so with that on top of everything else, all I want to do now is go and spend a nice quiet evening with Tania. She always knows how to look after me when I'm sick, so I will hopefully be fixed up in no time! I really hope it's nothing too serious.