Title: Five times Sue Sylvester tried to make Faberry happen (and the one time it did and somebody noticed)
Rating: PG13 at the most
Pairings / Characters: Rachel/Quinn, Sue Sylvester, a few cameos
Spoilers: everything up to and including S02E16 "Original Song" is fair game
Summary: Quinn doesn't know it yet, but she is about to board the Sue Sylvester Express. Destination? Love. And horror. Because, hey, she's still Sue Sylvester.
Sue Sylvester is a good person.
Most people tend to (or want to) overlook this fact just because shoving old ladies down a stairway isn't as socially accepted as torturing innocent animals for the greater good that is the pay cheque of several CEOs of high-key cosmetics industries. At least the old lady had the chance to step out of Sue Sylvester's way.
Sue Sylvester also has it up to here with the not so sneaky gays in her Cheerios squad.
Oh sure, they all think they're being incredibly inconspicuous and low-key but really, everyone who has the stealth training of one Sue Sylvester is able to see through their frivolous little act. Which means the rest of the world (or at least McKinley High) is woefully oblivious and ignorant to the fact that at least half of her nationally ranked cheerleading squad is waving a rainbow flag. Some more blatantly than others, but they're still capital G gays.
Now, Sue Sylvester has no problem with gay people. She just preferred the good old times of Oscar Wilde or Liberace, gays so flaming you could spot them from outer space and still needed sunglasses to properly see them. Nowadays it's become incredibly harder to figure out who's gay and who's not. Not for Sue, of course, but for other people. People who still believe that Ellen DeGeneres is straight.
But back to the more important topic.
There are several not so sneaky gays in her squad.
She doesn't really care what those kids do in what little spare time they have outside the squad as long as it doesn't affect the squad. So she leaves Brittany and Santana be whenever she sees one of them trying to cop a feel in warm-up or during a routine, as long as the routine is perfected. It's the end result that counts, she doesn't care about the collateral damage that needs to be done on the way to excellence.
Quinn Fabray, however, is a different topic altogether.
Sue sees her wandering eyes in the locker room and in the hallways, when the blonde thinks nobody's looking. (Well, nobody is. Except Sue Sylvester. So it's no surprise Sue sees Quinn's eyes lingering a little longer than necessary on the overly enthusiastic midget and blip on her radar that is Rachel Berry. Sue also knows of Quinn's fixation on the dwarf and her MySpace videos. She hacked into her computer. There is nothing Sue doesn't know about Quinn.) Sue sees that Quinn isn't that enamoured with her brainless giant of a boyfriend. Sue also sees the internal battle that is raging within her head Cheerio. It's no big secret that the Fabray family is deeply religious. The cross Quinn wears around her neck might as well be a crucifix she carries on her back.
Sue knows that internal homophobia, self-flagellation and self-doubt will result in imperfections and thus flawed standard routines. And there is no power on earth that'll stop Sue from winning her sixth consecutive National Championship.
Quinn doesn't know it yet, but she is about to board the Sue Sylvester Express.
And horror. Because, hey, she's still Sue Sylvester.
Sue honestly doesn't like William Schuester's teaching methods. She thinks the devotion he has for this kids is similar to his devotion for having a decent haircut (none). He's probably just glad to have some time away from his sham of a marriage and make googly eyes at Irma. Or Alma. Or whatever the Guidance Counsellor's name is.
So really, this little half-cooked out plan of having a Glee club doesn't threaten Sue at all, even if some of the more popular kids decide to join. Heck, she isn't even threatened by the thought that some of her Cheerios might want to join!
She gets most of her funding from outside the school anyway, the budget she gets from the school is minimal.
But she isn't about to tell Will that. It's much more fun this way.
When she sees the little group of misfits perform "Don't stop believin'" in the auditorium, with Quinn and Santana standing next to her, the blonde's eyes once again on the joyful expression of Rachel Berry and not the Jolly Green Giant, she knows how to set her plan into motion.
Quinn and Streisand should at least stand on a common ground. That's important in a relationship, or so she's heard.
She knows Quinn can sing (so what if she has installed microphones in the Cheerios shower? If there is the next Aretha Franklin in her group of subordinates, she will milk all the future endorsements they get for the Cheerios budget.), so it'll be no problem for her to stay in the club. The only problem is getting her in. But that's only a problem for people who aren't able to scheme as well as one Sue Sylvester. She has no problem with letting her Cheerios think that she hates Will Schuester with a fiery passion that rivals the eternal pits of hell. It's close enough to the truth.
Sue also knows that Quinn went behind her back and auditioned for the club, along with Brittany and Santana.
That's quite alright with her, at least she now doesn't have to waste her energy on getting Quinn to audition. Now she can focus on keeping her in the club and getting closer to the midget.
"Let me get this straight. You're joining Glee club?"
Sue has the right level of indignation and resentment in her tone and she can see the trio sitting in front of her desk wince.
"I'm sorry Coach Sylvester, but something is going on between Finn and that … thing! You saw how it was undressing him with its eyes!"
Sue thinks there was indeed a lot of eyesexing happening. Both in the atrocious "Push up" performance and in the auditorium stunt. But it was primarily from Quinn, staring at Rachel. Minor details, but once Sue succeeds in her plan Quinn's hindsight will be 20/20 on how obvious she acted.
"Please don't kick us off the Cheerios!"
Sue almost wants to snort but catches herself. As if the merry singing band of teenage delinquents could threaten her cheerleading squad.
"Seize fire on the waterworks. I don't wanna hear it and I don't wanna see it," Sue says and the girl relaxes instantly. She will not kick her three best Cheerios off the squad just because they like to sing a little ditty every now and then. "You know, Q, when I first laid eyes on you I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester. Though you don't have my bone structure. But it wasn't until this very moment I saw how alike we really are." Sue leans forward in her office chair, looking Quinn straight in the eyes before gesturing to all the girls. "You three are going to be my spies. I need eyes on the inside. We're going to bring this club down from within," she finishes, leaning back again. Behind Quinn Santana and Brittany are sharing a high five.
"And I'm going to get my boyfriend back!" Quinn beams.
Sue startles for a millisecond before she remembers her plan. "I don't care so much about that."
Sue shoos them out of her office, Quinn's confused frown still in place as she walks away.
For a second Sue thinks that Quinn has her ulterior motives all figured out. But then she remembers that Quinn is so far back in the closet she has in her head, that she can either see Narnia or substitute as the back wall of the closet.
Sue sits back down and reaches in a drawer to get her diary out, proclaiming her victory in a bold-printed S-U-C-C-E-S-S!
Really, her work here is done. She got Quinn to stay in Glee club for an indefinite time and the rest will be sorted out by close proximity to the object of Quinn's affection and teenage hormones (and maybe seeing Brittana being more than friendly). There is nothing more she has to do now than sit back and enjoy the show. Maybe she'll request a protein shake gift basket as her payment.
Sue is furious.
"Sitting back and enjoying the show my ass," she mumbles as she stomps to her office, getting a list out of her drawer before she stomps back to the choir room.
Nothing has happened on the Faberry front since she got the Unholy Trinity into the club. Not a thing. So she has to resort to some more drastic measures. And the Vitamin D incident is exactly what she needs. Getting Figgins to make her co-director is just a formality.
Maybe all Q needs to finally act is an even smaller environment than eleven other people around her.
"Following students have been selected for a special elite Glee club called 'Sue's kids'."
"Hold on," Will interrupts, "We agreed not to split up the group."
"Come on, Will, give me a chance to do things Sue Sylvester's way." Especially her way in finally getting her Head Cheerio out of the closet. "Maybe with my proven leadership abilities I can help this pathetic group of mouthbreathers place at Sectionals."
"We can't even compete in Sectionals if we divide up the club, Sue. It's against the rules."
"Really?" Oh, she just can't let that chance to ridicule Will pass by. "You need to crack open a book, William. Here, I have. Show Choir Rule Book. Page 24, division 14, second addendum. Twelve members must perform for each team. However, not all members must perform every song."
"Fine. Just go ahead and take all the football players and your Cheerios."
Sue wants to crack up, it's too good to be true. "Alright everybody, listen up. When you hear your name called cross over to my side of this black shiny thing."
"It's called a piano, Sue."
She knows, she just wants to aggravate him more.
"Santana! Wheels! Gay kid!" For a second she expects more kids than Kurt to stand up. But they all seem to be too flabbergasted. "Come on, move it! Asian! Other Asian! Aretha! And Shaft!" The club is now successfully divided in half. Maybe that's enough. "See, Will? I don't want to participate in a group that ignores the needs of minority students." Oh, the many gay kids this club has …
"You have got to be kidding me!" Will bellows angrily.
"Oh, I wouldn't kid about this, Will. And maybe that's your problem. Bigotry is no laughing matter."
Sue gleefully (oh the irony) herds the kid outside the choir room. Step One is complete and hopefully Q has finally enough space to act on all those repressed feelings.
Days later Sue feels like smashing her head against a wall repeatedly.
Nothing has happened whatsoever. And there are only five kids in Will's group left. Sue knows she can weasel out that Puckerman character and Brittany under the disguise of his Judaism and her having Dutch ancestors. But there is no logical way to worm the giant away.
Begrudgingly she notes that Step Two of her One Step Plan is complete.
"Q better acts now," she mumbles as she scribbles into her diary.
Another few days later Sue is actually smashing her head against the wall of her office repeatedly after Jacob has left.
Quinn Fabray is pregnant.
Her Quinn Fabray is pregnant.
Her Head Cheerleader is pregnant.
Her best Cheerio is pregnant.
Q is pregnant.
Sue wonders how many times she can phrase this sentence in her brain until it finally sinks in.
How did this even happen?
Well, irregardless of how it happened, it's a fact. And it seems that she can't change anything about it, otherwise Quinn would've already done so.
Sue takes a moment to simply rest her forehead against the slightly dented wall.
Sue just knows that Quinn is gay. She has seen all the signs and she heard Brittana whisper about Quinn being a "pressed lemon", as Brittany has put it, rather loudly in the locker room when they thought they were alone. There is no way Quinn has slept with the big mutant, so she must've done the dirty with someone else. (She strongly suspects the giant needs a map to figure out what to do in bed.) That Puckerman character always looked shady.
It's not like Quinn will be able to keep this a secret for that much longer, even if she has tricked herself into believing that. That's the sole reason Sue demanded that Jacob runs the story. The sooner it's over the sooner the dust will have settled. Quinn will thank her later, even if it hurts right now.
And judging on the sobbing she does in the hallway it does hurt. A lot.
Fortunately for Sue someone else is observing the scene, too.
Sue stealthily sneaks to Rachel Berry and drags her into a deserted classroom, a hand clapped over her mouth to keep her from yelling, when Finn Hudson is distracted enough by Quinn and doesn't stare in her big, brown doe-like eyes anymore.
"Berry," Sue greets loftily.
"Miss Sylvester," the tiny brunette huffs. Sue can tell the diva isn't exactly happy to see her, given the circumstances it's excusable.
"Listen up, Berry. I need you to cheer up Q."
Rachel's eyes widen in surprise and she stares at the tall blonde.
"I know you think I'm ruthless for what I did, but it's the best for all involved. We both now it would've only been a matter of time until everybody found out anyway. And this way the dust will have settled enough until your first big competition. Now, cheer her up with one of those stupid group numbers you always do," Sue orders.
"I beg your pardon?" Rachel squeaks.
"Berry, Q is a mess right now. That makes for a sloppy performer. And a sloppy performer is a bad performer. I didn't win the National Cheerleading Championship five times in a row by letting my performers slack off and mope in the corner of the hallways. I'm still active co-captain of Glee club," that's a lie, but the brunette doesn't need to know about that, "And I'm expecting to win Sectionals with the walking Benetton ad that is the Glee club. So get creative and cheer her up."
Sue doesn't bother waiting for a reply as she turns on her heels and walks out the door.
Later, in the back row of the dimly lit auditorium where no one can see her, with Rachel dancing around a still crying Quinn, offering words of support and friendship, Sue has to fight to keep her own tears at bay.
Allergies, she reasons. She's simply allergic to dust and the auditorium is full of it.
Or she's allergic to love or allergic to being betrayed by the people she trusted. Either way, it's allergies and nothing else.
Sue seriously considers giving Quinn a lobotomy right now.
It has been months since the pregnancy scandal surfaced and Rachel openly offered a friendship and yet, nothing has happened.
Maybe she should've implanted that chip in Q's brain when she still had the chance. There would be no unwanted pregnancy and the girl would at least be friends with the girl she wants instead of still kinda-maybe-sometimes frienemies.
Thanks to Brittany and Santana once again discussing private stuff in the locker room (and really, shouldn't they know better by now?) Sue now knows that Finn Hudson isn't the father of Quinn's unborn baby. And thank god for that, because otherwise the mental capacity of the kid would be that of an amoeba. Even Quinn's brain cannot beat the stupidity that is the Hudson boy entirely. No, the father of the bastard child is Noah Puckerman. Now Sue knows why she always had an instant dislike of him. But at least the kid will be smarter than a St. Bernard.
But apparently there are people who don't know this.
Mainly the expectant father and Rachel Berry.
Sue sighs. Really, does she have to help Quinn with every step on her way?
Sue saunters down the hallway and slips a piece of paper with this viable information into the diva's locker, trying to move this show along. You'd think Quinn would've learned that such big secrets simply cannot be retained for long. Case in point: Her parents throwing her out. (And Sue is really sorry about that, but it was foreseeable.)
Later on the same day Sue hides in an alcove near the choir room. She can hear shouting and a fight and the sound of a chair being kicked and a fuming Finn Hudson stomps out of the choir room mere seconds later. Well, she expected as much. She also expected Quinn fleeing the room and not chasing after him. Instead the blonde sits down on a bench near the room, cradling her stomach and trying to keep her tears at bay. Rachel is leaving the choir room and stands next to her, just as Sue planned it out. She knows the brunette is too good of a person to just drop the issue without an apology. Fortunately, Sue is in optimum hearing range.
"I'm so sorry," Rachel begins in a whisper. "I fully understand if you want to beat me up. If you can, just try to avoid my nose."
"I'm not mad at you," Quinn answers resigned. "All you did was what I wasn't brave enough to do. Tell the truth."
"I was selfish when I told him," Rachel continues and the rustling of clothing tells Sue she's sitting down next to Quinn. "I wanted to break you two up so that he'd wanna be with me."
Sue cringes. Ouch.
"And now neither of us has him," Quinn concludes.
"Neither of you even wants him," Sue mumbles and glares at a freshman Cheerio walking by.
"I have hurt so many people," Quinn says with a shuddered breath. "Can you go now? I just really want to be alone."
Sue doesn't hear a reply but she assumes Rachel nodded and went away. She hears the sound of heavy foot steps and a grumbled "Hey" next. Great, it's Puckerman. Sue rolls her eyes. What can he possibly say now that will make the whole situation better.
"So … I know you're upset now."
No shit, Sherlock. What gave it away, her tears?
"But I wanna be with you. I want to do everything I can to be a good dad to our baby."
Sue wonders if she is the only one who got the memo that Quinn will put the baby up for adoption.
"Thanks," Quinn mumbles. "But I honestly can't handle any more stress in my life right now. I'm gonna do this on my own. I know you don't understand it, but please respect it."
More shuffling and Sue realises Quinn stood up and is now heading in her direction. Luckily Sue has CIA training and just blends in with the wall. (That and Quinn is so blinded by tears she cannot even see two feet in front of her.)
Sue sighs. This sneakily playing Cupid business is harder than she expected. There are some serious sparks between Berry and Quinn and maybe now that the cat is out of the bag with the baby, something will finally happen between them. Quinn isn't together with Puckerman, Berry isn't together with Hudson. It's the ideal situation. Something will definitely happen this time.
Sue, for the first time in her life, is very close to crying right now.
Out of frustration, mind you, nothing else.
It's close to Glee club's Regionals competition, Quinn's due date is around the corner and nothing has happened in Faberry land.
Sue doesn't understand. She knows that true love often stems from true hate, so why the hell hasn't anything happened yet?
Sue is this close to punching her fist through a wall. Or Will Schuester's head.
She understands that maybe Quinn is a bit distracted right now. Being pregnant does that to a person. And Rachel seems to be distracted, too. Must be the whole "My surrogate mother sought me out and wants nothing to do with me and then my boyfriend publicly dumped me and egged me in the parking lot" business.
But still, another shove in the right direction? If this doesn't give her major Karma brownie points, nothing will. Not even ridiculing Will on a daily basis.
Sue pulls a few strings and arranges for her to be one of the judges at Regionals.
A loud commotion backstage, just a few minutes after their performance, informs her that Quinn has gone into labour and the whole New Directions rushes to the nearest hospital.
Well, except Rachel Berry. She volunteered to stay back.
Sue wants to pull her own hair out. How dense can one single person be? And why is Will Schuester, the faculty advisor, gone, effectively leaving a minor, namely Rachel, alone, when there already is another adult with the kids? (Sue saw Quinn's mother earlier, rushing by to get to the dressing room.)
Sue feels like throwing a brick at Will Schuester's head. Or maybe one of her many cheerleading trophies. Yeah, maybe she'll do that later. They have more sharp edges than a brick.
Sure, at first she wanted New Directions to lose, to bring the kids closer together and make them bond even more, but in the end the mockery of the other judges was too much and she voted for them, even though she knows it's too little too late. If someone ever asks her this she'll deny it, but that bunch of teenage misfits has kinda grown on her. Like a benign tumour. It's there, but you don't necessarily have to cut it out if you still want to live.
Just like expected New Directions loses and Sue can see they're crushed. They deserved to win, or at least be runner-up. But no one seems more crushed than Rachel Berry.
Not only did she lose against her ex-boyfriend, but also against her mom. The mom she lost a few weeks prior just because Rachel has grown a little since they last saw each other (not much, but still) and has her own personality now (sometimes more than fits her tiny frame). And on top of that she missed the life-changing event of one of her team mates, a friend, maybe even more, when everybody else of her team was there.
That is enough stuff for people to slip into depression, Sue muses to herself.
It's the sole reason she speaks with Figgins to keep the Glee club going. She doesn't want to have a teenage suicide on her hands.
(And she has another year to get Quinn and Rachel together. But she won't tell Figgins that. Sue Sylvester doesn't accept defeat. When she has her eyes set on the goal, she'll get to it. She will get the two of them together, if they want it or not.)
Sue has the ultimate idea. Even though she will hurt herself and her reputation in the process. But it's the end result that matters. She has realised that she herself is the collateral damage that keeps Quinn from getting the girl.
Sue knows that Berry was always disappointed when one of the football players chose football over Glee club. (So what if Sue has microphones and cameras installed in every room of the school? It's for security reasons.) So she just has to eliminate that variable from Operation: Make Faberry Happen.
But she is Sue Sylvester, so this plan will be executed with a big, resounding BHAM!
Quite literally, since she has just purchased a gigantic human cannon. Time to swish it up a bit.
"Ladies!" Sue addresses her Cheerios as she caresses the muzzle of the cannon. "My Sueclear weapon." She motions to Becky and the small girl crashes a bottle of champagne on the cannon as if this is merely the launch of a new ship. "Brittany!" Brittany smiles. "Climb on up!" The smile drops instantly. "Congratulations. You're doing the stunt for the big competition."
"I don't wanna die yet," Brittany admits, her eyes wide with fear. "At least not until One Tree Hill gets cancelled."
Teenagers, Sue thinks to herself … but she allows the girl her moment of doubt. She would never get into one of those things, either. And she will make sure none of her girls ever have to. But of course they don't know that.
"Fine," Sue seethes and snaps her fingers. Two Cheerios appear with a lifelike Brittany doll. "To put your toddler fist-sized mind at rest, we will do one final test-run."
Sue steps on a ladder and stuffs the doll into the cannon before stepping down again and walking to the control panel. The moment she pushes the button the doll flies out of the cannon in bits and pieces. The Cheerios are dumbfounded and that is exactly the effect Sue wanted.
"Any of you take German?" Sue asks. "We may have to read the owner's manual."
As Sue walks away she can hear Quinn talking to Brittany, trying to reassure her. "Don't worry. I'll talk to Mister Schuester and take care of this."
Sue smirks. She already knows what she'll say to Schuester and Figgins to make her look incredibly insane, as well as how she'll act.
Moving the Cheerleading Regionals to the championship game of the McKinley Titans is only a formality.
"Zombie Camp was funner than I expected," Sue hears Brittany outside of the bathroom stall she's in. "And the Glee club together with the football team. It's like a double rainbow. A zombie double rainbow."
Oh, poor, sweet Brittany. If only you knew how gay that club really is, Sue thinks. Then again, she probably does. The girl was always awfully receptive for all non-academic things.
"What the hell are we gonna do?" Quinn pipes up. "If we go to our cheerleading competition than we'll miss the half-time show and we're out of Glee club." When did being in Glee club become a necessity instead of being fun? Clearly Will must've changed the rules to his liking along the way … "I'm torn."
"Well, I'm not," Santana replies.
"… I'm Brittany."
Sue rolls her eyes. Enough is enough. She exits the stall. "Couldn't help but to overhear your conversation," she begins.
"What were you doing in there?" Quinn asks her, instantly suspicious. As she should be. Sue has trained her well.
For a second she contemplates retorting with 'What do you think people do on a toilet, Q?', but she catches that answer before it passes her lips. That's not a crazy enough answer.
"Enjoying the eavesdropping afforded to me by the swiss-time regularity in the utter silence of my 2PM ninja poops."
The girls look slightly disgusted and if she weren't doubling over in laughter internally Sue probably would've look like that herself.
"Well, I typed these up for you, ladies," Sue carries on and hands each of the girls a piece of paper. "Requiring your signature, tendering your resignation from the Glee club." And now the Coup de Grace. "Oh, and Brittany?" She gives the girl another paper, a crayon drawn picture on it. "Here is a note for you. Handwritten and in crayon from the human cannon. Saying how much it misses you."
"Coach, that cannon is gonna get Brittany killed!" Quinn roars. "Is that really worth it just to win a stupid national championship?"
No. But at this point she'll do anything to make her look like a crazy person and get the girls to quit the Cheerios.
"Seventh consecutive stupid National Championship."
"This is ridiculous," Quinn sighs.
"You had quite a year last year, Q. And as I recall, you didn't have such a good time outside of that Cheerios uniform."
It might be a low blow, but she needs Quinn to remember that the time she had outside of the Cheerios uniform was better for her than the time she spent in it. That she actually had friends who cared for her and one who might even, Sue shudders even thinking about it, love her. That she shouldn't feel the need to fake-date the second-string Quarterback to boost her reputation.
"Ladies, I'm giving you the chance right now to choose once and for all where your true loyalties lie. Choose the Cheerios or choose Glee club!" Sue says mock-angrily and storms out of the bathroom.
This is a piece of cake. Even for her own personal standards Sue has been crazy lately, so it's out of the question what extracurricular activity the trio will choose.
Apparently she wasn't crazy enough.
When she sees Brittany, Santana and Quinn handing over their letters of resignation to Will Schuester Sue contemplates Seppuku, the traditional Japanese Samurai suicide by disembowelment.
She tricks Brittany into signing the consent form to shoot her out of the cannon and Sue once again waits for the other shoe to drop. This is so much fun. Even if it ends in her own public humiliation.
Predictably one of the merry band of losers gets to the Cheerios bus before they depart. Even if Sue could've done without Finn Hudson. She would've liked for her Cheerios to get to the conclusion themselves.
"Sue doesn't care about you guys! She's fine killing Brittany!"
How dare he! Sue cares a great deal about her Cheerios, that's why she's doing this in the first place.
"No time for a foursome, ladies, bus leaves in five," Sue saunters up from her spot behind the bus.
"We quit Cheerios," Quinn answers for the group.
"You can't 'quit' Cheerios. It's blood in and blood out. Now get your sweet little cass on that bus."
"But we still quit," Santana says snottily.
"You're my stars!" Sue bellows and for a short moment she thinks she deserves an Oscar for this performance or at least an Emmy or a Golden Globe. "If you leave, I have no performance!"
"Sucks for you!" Brittany ends and they walk away with Finn trailing behind them.
Sue smirks. She might lose this National Championship and will be publicly humiliated, but at least she knows that finally her Cheerios are on the right track. They all need to figure out who they really are. It's the right thing to do.
At least she thinks this right until the moment she sees Quinn and Finn kissing in the hallway, right after her interview with Katie Couric.
The one time Faberry actually happens, thanks to Sue, and someone notices it
Sue has been working on Operation: Make Faberry Happen for over a year and a half. There have been ups and downs. For every step forward there were two steps back, mainly on Quinn's part.
Quinn is finally in Glee club full time, so there is nothing that should be distracting her from getting near Rachel Berry. But apparently she still needs another push.
Their 'Sing!' performance sucks and really isn't Regionals material. The only one to recognize this, besides herself, is the tiny brunette as the adrenaline of the performance leaves her body and she looks at her still cheering team members on stage.
So Sue takes over Aural Intensity as Glee coach and makes them practice an awful song that totally caters to the judges.
She knows that Porcelaine and his boyband sound good, but not as good as the combined forces of Schuester's kids. Sue knows that New Directions best bet at winning Regionals right now is writing their own original music. She feels an eerie resemblance of a scene over a year ago when she walks through the hallways and slips a piece of paper in Rachel Berry's locker. 'Original Song' is all that's written on it and Sue knows the brunette will make the right decisions based on this little idea.
Only this time Sue decides to slip another note in another locker instead, too. She will not let destiny destroy such a grand opportunity for her O:MFH again. 'Help Rachel write a song' is written on the paper she slips in Quinn's locker and she knows that the blonde pretty much takes every small opportunity she gets these days to be closer to the brunette, masking it with an aura of indifference. Sue saunters to another corridor, to the lockers of Brittany and Santana, and pulls out a walkie-talkie, pushes a button and starts speaking to Becky.
"Becky, be a dear and bring the dirt we stored earlier in my office to Brittana's lockers."
"And don't forget the sticks I brought!"
Sue smirks. Yes, this will be a majestic day in New Directions history.
A day later she finds herself once again in the back row of the auditorium, watching the epicness that will without a doubt unfold in front of her very eyes.
Quinn is sitting at the piano, absentmindedly pushing down a few keys, when Rachel appears stage-left and walks up to her.
"You're late," Quinn states.
"We're friends, right?" Rachel asks nervously.
"Yeah, I guess so," Quinn mumbles.
"I mean, like, everything happened last year, you gave your baby to my mom, we kinda bonded over it, right?"
Apparently there has been bonding going on right under Sue's nose! She sits up straighter in her seat to keep track of the conversation.
"What's your point?" Quinn asks irritated.
"My point is that … I know we haven't spent a lot of time together this year, but … I felt that we were close enough to be honest with each other."
"Go ahead, ask me," the blonde says.
"Fine! Are you and Finn together?"
Sue can see Quinn pause, even from the back of the auditorium. She can see the clogs in Quinn's brain turning and knows the blonde wants to scream "No, it's just a sham!" But unfortunately mere seconds before she decided to be honest.
"Yes. It's been a couple of weeks," Quinn admits and Rachel's face falls. "It's like Groundhog Day with you, Rachel. How many times do you have to make the same mistakes to realise it's not going to work out?"
"Well, thank you for being honest with me, Quinn. And I'm happy for you and Finn, but don't try and go to rewrite history, okay? It was real between us, he chose me over you!"
"And how long did that last for?" Quinn asks quietly and Sue really has to strain her ears now.
Rachel shakes her head in disbelief. "Why are you being so mean?"
Quinn stands up and walks closer to the other girl who immediately adopts a defensive stance, crossing her arms in front of her, and looks to the back of the auditorium. Sue drops in her seat at once and hopes the brunette hasn't seen her.
"You wanna know how the story plays out?" Quinn continues. "I get Finn, you get heartbroken. And then Finn and I will stay here and start a family. I'll become … a successful real estate agent," Sue can hear Quinn's voice cracking even from her hiding spot, "and Finn will take over Kurt's dad's tire shop. You don't belong here, Rachel. And you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way."
Sue is appalled of what has become of her once proud head Cheerio. This is the worst case of unrequited love she has ever seen. (Well, at least Quinn thinks it's unrequited.) What startles her even more is the realisation that Quinn really thinks so little of herself. This will not stand. She will not allow any ex-Cheerio of hers to self-sacrifice her own future.
"I'm not giving up on Finn," Rachel mutters. "It's not over between us."
"Yes it is!" Quinn yells, the tears evident in the crack of her voice. "You're so frustrating! And that is why you can't write a good song. Because you live in this little school girl fantasy of life. Rachel, if you keep looking for that happy ending then you're never gonna get it right. So, we're done with that and why don't we just return to our work, okay?"
Sue hears Quinn release a sigh and ventures slightly back from her hiding spot. Quinn is sitting down on the piano bench, trying to compose herself.
Rachel shakes her head. "No. I'm going to write this song on my own," she answers and turns around to leave the stage, trying to hold back her tears.
Quinn slumps forward, her elbows crashing on the piano keys in a loud cacophony and begins to sob into her hands.
"This is just disgraceful," Sue mutters to herself and she's glad Quinn can't hear her over the sobs wracking her body.
Sue has no problem with recognizing talent when she sees it and Rachel Berry has lots of it, so she can get behind Quinn's approach of tough love to make sure Rachel doesn't end as a Lima Loser. But up to this moment Sue also thought that Quinn has what it takes to get out of Lima. She's almost tempted to walk on the stage and give the girl a hug but decides against it.
Just like a year ago Sue knows that Quinn isn't with Finn because she loves him. If being Prom Queen and a trophy housewife is all she sees in her future, probably with a level of drunkenness that'll rival that of her own mother, then it really isn't surprising that she's with the boy. He's the star quarterback and the MVP of their Championship Game. In terms of currency it doesn't get much higher than that at McKinley. For a second Sue allows herself to loath the cast system she helped instate in this school. Sue once considered Quinn as something akin to a daughter, if she had ever chosen to have kids. Quinn once was her protégé, her head Cheerio and the one who was most likely to get out of Lima and stay out of Lima, just like Rachel Berry still is.
Really, those two are a match made in heaven, in more ways than one.
After one and a half years and many setbacks Sue Sylvester was ready to abort Operation: Make Faberry Happen. But now she will make sure that it will definitely take place.
Because she just renamed it into Operation: Make Quinn Happy.
A day later Sue is storming into the football players' locker room, interrupting Coach Beiste's no doubt highly inspirational pep talk.
"Hey buddy, I need to borrow your quarterback for a minute, thanks."
Before either of the boys or Coach Beiste can fully comprehend what happened, Sue already has Finn by the scruff of his neck and pulls him out of the locker room into a deserted class room.
"Did something happen, Miss Sylvester?"
Sue knows that subtle questions go right over Finn Hudson's big head, so she decides to cut right to the chase. "What are you doing with my ex-Head Cheerio?"
The boy looks flabbergasted for a moment. "Nothing!" He finally squeaks out.
What a spineless piece of crap, Sue thinks to herself. She squints at him and he takes a step back as she takes a step forward.
"Listen to me, buddy, and listen to me good, because I don't like repeating myself. Are you currently in a relationship with Quinn Fabray and still have doubts over how your relationship with Rachel Berry ended?"
His eyes are darting from left to right and Sue should've known that he isn't worth her time.
"Yes. No. Maybe," he answers meekly.
Sue squints again and he nearly stumbles over his feat as he scrambles backwards. Well, at least now she is 199% sure that Quinn only dates him because of his popularity and not because of his winning personality. He is a variable she should've eliminated ages ago.
"I idly stood by in the past as you ruined two talented girls, but I will not remain silent any longer," Sue says in a low, even and detached tone. She smirks internally when she sees him pale instantly. "You will break up with Quinn some time before Regionals. And I won't hesitate to cut vital organs out of your body without anaesthesia should you try to get back together with her or the singing midget, just because you can't stand to be single for more than five minutes. Are we clear?"
Sue sees him trembling in fear but he nods.
"Awesome," she says as she lunges forward and grabs a handful of his shirt, dragging him back to the locker room and to the still baffled football team and their coach.
"Good as new!" Sue declares cheerfully as she shoves Finn into the group of boys and retreats back to her office.
Regionals is approaching and Sue has heard the original songs of New Directions already (those hidden microphones really are one of the best investments she's ever made). She knows they're going to win. Mainly because she knows that Aural Intensity sucks (that was the main reason of being their coach, wasn't it?) and that the bland sound of The Warblers doesn't stand a chance against the raw and honest power of New Directions. (She likes Porcelain, but she's just trying to be honest here.)
She also knows that Rod Remington has a soft spot for the underdogs and will steer the judges on the right path. So no worries there.
Sue waits backstage after The Warblers finish their performance and she sees Rachel getting ready to perform her rightly deserved solo. Sue sees Finn trying to approach the brunette out of the corner of her eyes and she swivels around, now facing his direction, dragging her index finger across her throat in the universal 'You're going to be dead!' sign and he blanches and backs off instantly.
Instead a blonde Sue knows well appears behind the girl and big brown eyes widen in surprise.
"Hey," Quinn offers uncertainly. "Break a leg."
Rachel turns around and eyes the other girl with doubt in her eyes. "The last time we talked you nearly bit my head off."
Sue sees Quinn scratching the back of neck sheepishly. "Yeah, well, it worked, didn't it? You wrote your solo. Which is spectacular, by the way. Congrats."
Rachel gives her a timid smile. "Thanks."
"Listen, can we, maybe, like, talk after all of this?" Quinn asks nervously.
Now the timid smile has grown to a full-blown grin. "Of course."
"Awesome," Quinn says dazedly. "Well. Knock 'em dead! … But not really," she adds.
Rachel laughs and Sue decides she hasn't quite seen the other blonde smile so wide in a long time.
The tiny brunette takes her place centre stage and Sue can see her looking back to the wings where one half of New Directions waits for their cue to get on stage. Lauren Zizes is offering her a reassuring smile, as well as Will, but Rachel's eyes zero in on Quinn, especially when she sings the finally someone will see how much I care line.
"Finally!" Sue mutters and barely refrains from throwing her hands in the air. She makes her way back to her seat in the audience and sets her mouth in a firm line, even when she sees the two girls exchanging small smiles throughout their "Loser Like Me" number. She is the coach of the rival team, after all.
A few days later, on a Friday, Sue isn't that surprised to find out that Will started a MVP tradition in his club. She knows that these methods boost the moral, as well as the self-esteem of every club member, be it sport or the fine arts. She's only disappointed that the kids suggested the idea and he tries to sell it as his own.
Regardless of this travesty she knows that Rachel Berry deserves this trophy because she almost single-handedly won this competition for them and she is glad that the other kids can acknowledge this, too. With an unanimous vote even.
Sue still keeps an eye on both Quinn and Rachel and when she sees both of them disappear in the auditorium she slips in after them, keeping a safe distance. She needs to know if she actively has to continue her Operation: Make Quinn Happy or not.
The scene is similar to the one nearly a week ago. Quinn is sitting on the piano bench and Rachel is leaning on the instrument.
"I guess I have to thank you," Rachel begins. "If it weren't for you, I never would've written my solo and we never would've won. So maybe the MVP trophy really belongs to you instead."
Sue can see Quinn ducking her head down and she assumes the girl is blushing. Sue only refrains from rolling her eyes because she doesn't want to miss anything. She still wants that protein shake gift basket.
"No, it belongs to you. You did really great, Rachel," Quinn answers with a smile which Rachel returns.
"We're friends, right?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
Is this a deja-vu? Is this the Matrix? Or is she stuck in an Inception like dream? Sue frowns. Have the past few days, Regionals and all that just been a dream? Now that would really suck, especially after all the hard work she put into this.
"And we're honest with each other, right?"
"Right. Go ahead, ask me."
"Are you and Finn still together?"
Sue can see Rachel biting her lip in anticipation, but Quinn's answer comes much quicker than the last time.
"No. We broke up."
Rachel exhales deeply and smiles. "Great."
Sue Sylvester can detect a Quinn Fabray mood swing a mile away, and she knows one has just happened. Also, Quinn tensing up and clutching the piano bench is a very big give-away, too.
"Yeah. Now you're able to pursue him again. Have fun," Quinn says bitterly, her eyes downcast.
"Oh Quinn," Rachel murmurs and sits down next to her, straddling the bench. She reaches out with her right hand and gently cups the cheek furthest away from her, turning Quinn's face towards her. Sue isn't able to see Quinn's face anymore, but she takes a wild guess that her eyes are still admiring the seat upholstery. "Hey, don't cry," Rachel whispers softly and Sue watches silently as her other arm lifts up and the brunette is now cradling a pale face in her hands. The minimal movement of tan thumbs indicates that she's wiping tears away.
"I'm sorry," Quinn hiccups, trying to move her head away. But Rachel's having none of it and keeps her head firmly in place.
Once again Sue can see the telltale sign of Quinn's sobs by the shuddering of her shoulders but Rachel simply holds the other girl's face and lets her cry. Eventually Quinn stops and when Rachel's face lights up like a Christmas tree, Sue knows Quinn must've finally looked at her directly.
"Want to know what I wanted to do for the last one and a half years, but especially the last few days?" Rachel asks the other girl bashfully. Quinn nods slightly and Rachel leans forward and kisses her.
Sue gives herself a mental pat on the back.
Their kiss doesn't last very long and it's more like a promise of things to come for Quinn, a reassurance, but that doesn't matter to Sue when they break apart and Rachel stands up, holding a hand out for Quinn to take and suggesting going home to her place to talk this through.
Sue decides to stay in the auditorium a bit longer to bask in the glory of her success. After all, it's the auditorium where her plan to "Make Faberry Happen" was hatched, where it failed to leave the nest many many times and where it succeeded to fly at last. She uses this moment to analyse her past plans and where they failed, for future reference. Fortunately Brittany and Santana were always able to sort things out on their own, so she hopefully can file this knowledge away in her brain and never use it again.
"And her heart grew three sizes that day," a voice softly says and effectively startles Sue out of her reverie. How could someone undermine her CIA training and sit down next to her without her noticing? Preposterous!
Sue turns to the side and already has started her rant in her head when she sees who's actually sitting next to her.
"Shouldn't you be in class somewhere in your Victorian castle, Porcelain?"
Kurt chuckles. "Nice to see you, too, Miss Sylvester. And to answer your question: I'm transferring back to McKinley and as of now I am in the transition period it takes for the office of Dalton to sort out the business with McKinley's office."
"Well, that's good to hear. It was boring without you. You brought a certain Liberace style to this daft place, together with Aretha, I mean. Everything was a little bit more rainbow-coloured with you. And ridiculing Schuester and his club just wasn't the same without you."
Kurt's eyes crinkle with mirth but he refrains from commenting.
"It's a lovely thing what you did, by the way," he says instead.
"I resent this accusation."
"No, I mean it. You sneakily trying to get Quinn and Rachel together was fun to watch from the sidelines."
"You have no proof."
"Finn told me of your little talk. That was long overdue, by the way. And I saw you backstage at Regionals."
"Circumstantial evidence," Sue deadpans, trying desperately to keep her grim face.
"Rachel showed me the 'mysterious note' she found in her locker the other day. I recognized your handwriting from the few times I was in your office."
"But other than that," Sue smiles and taps her nose, "You have no proof."
"Miss Sylvester, that is an orgy of evidence stacked against you," Kurt laughs.
"Well, you have clearly made up your mind not to be impartial about this," Sue smirks.
Kurt slumps back in his seat and eyes the piano on stage. "I mean it, it's a lovely thing. I have seen those two dance around each other for years. I'm glad someone finally took the initiative and gave them a shove in the right direction."
"If you only knew how many shoves," Sue sighs, mirroring his slump.
"Well, regardless, thank you. I think Glee will finally be a bit less high-maintenance with Quinn balancing out Rachel's crazy and Rachel balancing out Quinn's anger when I officially return next week. And, as a friend of our residence diva, I officially thank you on the friend level, too."
"Yeah? Maybe I'll get that protein shake gift basket after all, then."