WarioWare: Mega MicroFanfics
Written by Mike Cervantes (.com)
WarioWare is (c) 2008 Nintendo ltd. I do not claim ownership of the characters in any way. This is merely a tribute.
Section 2: Mega Micro Genius.
Dr. Crygor's Lab.
(Dr. Crygor is sitting at a lab desk sticking an electrical rod into a beaker full of pink liquid making it bubble violently, then removing it, laughing and clapping his hands. Suddenly, there's a crash, and Dr. Crygor looks up to see Orbulon's pig-shaped flying saucer sticking out of the side of his lab.)
Crygor: (Steams, throwing the electric probe on the ground and shaking his fist at the saucer.) Orbulon! What's the big idea, crashing into my lab?
(The hatch on the flying saucer opens, and Orbulon emerges, shaking his fist back at the doctor.)
Orbulon: I received a massive influx of computer interference, most likely from your inferior technology, which caused my spacecraft to veer off course.
Crygor: My inferior technology! I am the greatest genius in Diamond City!
Orbulon: The greatest human genius. My interstellar technology far supasses that of any pink membraned biped could possibly produce. There is more tehnology in my lavatory than there is in your entire lab.
Crygor: (Hopping up and down angrily.) Yeah….well….put your money where your mouth is, bulb-head. I challenge you to a test of genius.
Orbulon: I am above the human emotion of competition, however, I still accept your challenge.
Crygor: (Puts his hand to his chin.) We'll need an unbiased third party to judge the contest.
Orbulon: Let us consult Wario.
Crygor: Wario? Wario's not a man of genius.
Orbulon: You stated we were in need of an unbiased third party. Wario dislikes us both equally, therefore he is the ideal candidate.
Crygor: Very well, to WarioWare.
Once the genius contenders assemble outside the WarioWare building, Wario sets the playing field, and all of the other WarioWare employees come out to see.
Crygor: (Walking with his hands behind his head.) There certainly are a lot of people here to witness my genius victory.
Orbulon: You are awfully confident for a human guised in a pink iron mask.
Penny: (Calling from the crowd while standing next to Mike.) Woo! You go Grandpa!
Mike: I am programmed to enjoy your victory, Dr. Crygor. Oh yeah!
(Three of Orbulon's space-rabbit minions do the wave.)
(Wario skids in and slides to a halt. He pulls out a chalk board with an elaborate formula written on it and sets it down in front of Orbulon and Dr. Crygor with a thud)
Wario: Okay a'you two braniacs! This is'a how it's gonna go down! The first'a one'a you who can solve'a this complicated math thingy will be declared'a the smartest genius in Diamond City. Any questions?
Crygor: Yeah, I got one. Uh, how did you manage to write this formula if you're not a genius?
Wario: Simple, I copied it out'a the back of this'a textbook. (He pulls out an open textbook and claps it shut, a large dust could filling the air.) 9-Volt, give us'a the starting pistol!
9-Volt: (Scampers in holding an NES zapper) Yes sir Mr. Wario! (Clears his throat) On your mark! Get set! Go! (9-Volt Shoots the Zapper in the air, a Fronk comes spiraling down to the ground like one of the ducks from Duck Hunt.) Oops.
And so the genius battle begins.
(Dr. Crygor and Orbulon both fly at the chalkboard with pieces of chalk in their hands in action poses complete with speed lines. They both come to a screeching halt as they look up at the chalkboard looming over them.)
Both: (Thinking) I don't know the answer….
Crygor: (Thinking) I have to find another way to solve this equation besides calculating it…
Orbulon: (Thinking)…but if the other competitor realizes I can't solve the equation, he will claim victory.
(They both jump back, laughing and scratching the back of their heads.)
Crygor: Okay, well, I just need to take a few minutes to….check my notes. Yes….
Orbulon: I have a sudden need to replenish my digestive tract with sufficient foodstuffs.
(They both slide away in opposite directions.)
Penny: (Walks up to the chalkboard and scratches her chin.) Hmmmmm….
Desperate to win the contest, the competitors seek help from the only source they know.
(Wario is laying back in a lawn chair with his goggles down, sunning himself with a sun visor despite still being fully clothed. Dr. Crygor slides his head out of a nearby bush and creeps over to his side.)
Crygor: Uh, Wario…
Wario: What is'a it? Can't you See I'm'a busy? (Yawns)
Crygor: Well, I was just wondering….could I….perhaps….get a peek at the answer to the problem?
Wario: (Lifts up his goggles) You mean'a cheat?
Crygor: (Shivers) Well….uh…..I…..
Wario: (Grins) I looooove'a to cheat! I tell you what: You get'a me a cool drink and I'll'a let you have a peek at'a the answer.
(Crygor nods and zips off while Wario resumes his lounging. Orbulon slides his head out of a bush on the other side of Wario and sneaks up to him.)
Wario: Beat it'a pale face. You're giving off a nasty glare.
Orbulon: I was hoping that I could procure the information necessary to become the benefactor of this competition.
Wario: I tell you what: You get'a me some sweets and I'll'a let you have a peek at the answer.
(Orbulon nods and zips off. Dr. Crygor re-appears with a yellow drink in a crystal glass with a bendy straw.)
Crygor: Here, a garlic and passion fruit milk shake. Your favorite…So I….
Crygor: I'm sorry, what?
Wario: Bring'a me an umbrella, the sun is'a meltin' my milkshake!
Crygor: Oh, yeah, right away!
(Dr. Crygor zips off. Orbulon returns with a plate of donuts.)
Orbulon: Here you are, fresh from the rings of Saturn.
Wario: That'a reminds me. I'd sure like a brand'a new hula hoop.
Orbulon: Excuse me?
Wario: You want'a to win the contest don't you?
Wario: Then quit dragging'a and make'a for the toy store!
(Orbulon leaves. For several hours, they both go back and fourth giving Wario random things until there's a pile of goodies behind his back. For a moment, after they've both simultaneously left. Wario looks left, and right. Then he gives a massive grin.)
Wario: WAHAHAHA! Those'a suckers really fell'a for that'a fake science-y stuff I wrote on the board. I'll tell'a you who the real genius around'a here is. Me! EHEHEHEH!
(Penny and Mike pop out from behind the same bushes and narrows her eyes.)
Penny: So that's his game, eh?
Mike: Not a very solid groove.
Penny: Mike, we need to stop him before he loots Grandpa out of house and home. Hmmm….I have an idea.
(Wario looms over Orbulon, who's holding a box of Chinese food.)
Wario: (Big-headed and poking Orbulon in the chest.) I said Beef Lo-Mein! Beef!
Orbulon: (Shaking.) But….they were all out of beef….you should try the chicken.
Penny: (Sweetly)Oh Wario….
Wario: Eh, what do you want' pip-squeak?
Penny: I solved the equation.
Wario: That's'a nice, now buzz-eh?
(Wario, Penny, Dr. Crygor, and Orbulon all scamper to the chalkboard. At the bottom of a chalkboard is the number "42" circled with a big pink heart.)
Penny: Well, it was pretty easy really. All I had to do was make use of Mouser's lateral theory of combustion in conjunction with the quasi-polar syrup matrix while simultaneously reverse calculating every number in accordance with the dodo logarithm.
Orbulon: (Sniffs.) That's my little girl.
Wario: Okay, Okay, I guess you won'a the contest. You're'a the smartest person in Diamond City, not either of'a these losers…
Penny: What about my prize?
Wario: I didn't say anything about a prize.
Penny: But there's got to be a prize. Aha! (Her eyes close in on the pile of stuff Wario accumulated.) I guess that must be the prize.
(Mike walks over and lifts up the pile of stuff with one hand. Penny walks away with Mike trialing her.)
Penny: Thank you so much, Wario. It's just what I've always wanted.
(Everyone leaves Wario alone in front of the WarioWare building. A Fronk runs by blowing a tumbleweed across the foreground with a plastic straw.)
Wario: Uh…what just happened?