So this started as a sort of angsty piece that I wanted to write, and well it kind of ran away from me a bit with how long it is. Originally, I thought of doing a one-shot, but then I decided to just continue the story. It went longer than I originally planned for and anticipated, but I don't think that that's too much of a problem.
Disclaimer: Yes, yes. Don't own Digimon. Scary, scary.
Edit: 6/30/12 Came and revised a bit. Will continue to do so for later chapters. Cleaning up grammar mistakes, and certain wording or phrasing that I've come to not really like all that much. Just minor changes, nothing too serious. Just trying to improve the writing style, and experience for the reader.
Two teens were walking on a pier in Tokyo, a brunette girl accompanied by a boy who refused to look at her, and though they had known each other for most of the important moments of each other's lives, the walk was an uncomfortable one. The girl looked toward the boy, whose hands were in the pockets of his jacket, and whose eyes were looking forward and away, and she gave him a quick glance that showed her sadness and partial regret. She had known him since her youth when they were both just children battling monsters centuries old, and knew that ever since he first saved her life, that he would never look back and keep on doing so. This was why she felt guilty at the moment, that beside her was a boy who had taken care of her while she was sick, a boy that had battled beside her so many times, a boy who had always come to her rescue every time she needed it always saving her life in the process, and a boy whose spirit she had wounded.
"You've been avoiding me."
She knew better than to deny that she had been doing so; he knew her too well to know when she wasn't telling the truth.
A quick silence passed between the two as they kept on walking down the pier. They were walking side by side, barely any distance between them, and yet, it was like the two of them were worlds apart. It was as if they weren't even beside each other; as if they didn't want to be.
"You know why, Takeru."
His response was a slow nod of his head, while she said nothing else to elaborate, letting the silence overtake them once again. That quietness between them was how they walked for a time, neither one of them daring to say a word, neither one daring to look at the other. She hated that things had become this way between the two of them, when before they had been able to fill nearly every second shared between them with either laughter, chatter, or a comfortable silence; not a silence brought on by pain or awkwardness.
Hikari had no idea how to reply to Takeru's nod, or even if she should have, so instead she just looked away. It was then that she remembered that their older friend Miyako had said she was going to eventually meet up with the two of them, and she took out her phone to look at the time. It was while she was looking at the shining screen of her cell phone that she heard something surprising beside her; Takeru was laughing.
"Am I really that boring Hikari?"
The girl gave him a light smile as she put her phone away, glad to once again hear the laughter whose sound seemed almost foreign to her ears now. She had seen Takeru numerous times in the previous two weeks: in class where she had requested to no longer be seated at his side, at get-together's for the Chosen Children, and even in passing where she would see him at his apartment complex when she was visiting Miyako. However, the only times they actually talked in the past two weeks was when he and his brother Yamato had been over at her home for Sunday breakfast as was their tradition, but even then their conversations were awkward and short. Hearing him laugh once again made Hikari happy; especially after knowing that she was the reason that Takeru didn't laugh as much as he used to anymore.
"Is it okay if we sit down for a bit?"
As he looked at her, she noted the gentle look he had in his eyes, but that was before he quickly closed them and gave her a small nod; nods seeming to be his favorite way of communicating with her nowadays. Walking a little bit more they found a small bench to sit on, one of many that were spread out across the pier, and with that they sat down and gazed forward looking toward the ocean. She gave a tired sigh when she noted the ocean's blue was the same hue as Takeru's eyes.
"I have something to say, Hikari."
Hearing this she closed her eyes wishing that the blonde would not continue speaking. She knew what he was going to say, and she didn't want to hurt him again, she didn't want to hurt him for the third time.
"Takeru, please don't."
They remained quiet for a moment as they sat side by side on the bench, still looking at the ocean before them. She turned to look at the boy, and her heart almost broke when she saw the tears welling up in his eyes.
"I'm in love with you."
She sighed after hearing the words she never wanted Takeru to say, and the tears in his eyes began slowly flowing knowing that she didn't want to hear them. She inched closer to the boy beside her, and touching his hand causing him to look at her, she indicated that she wanted a hug from him, which he allowed. That was how they stayed for minutes on end, ignoring glances received by curious passerby. She felt terrible feeling his tears wet her bare shoulders, but she knew that it would only cause more pain for the both of them if she led him on, or if she returned the words out of pity.
"I'm sorry, Hikari."
She shushed him and tightened her hug, wishing that she wasn't capable of hurting him like that, and wishing that she would be able to sooth him. It was then that she felt him lift his head off her shoulders and bring his mouth to her ear.
"Is there even a chance?"
Hikari said nothing, and only tightened her hug even more hoping that Takeru knew what she meant, and what she didn't want to say; he did. Slowly and gently he forced his way out of the hug and positioned himself back to sitting at Hikari's side on the bench, all the while wiping the tears from his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Takeru."
Hikari hated herself slightly for making the boy who was most loyal to her, the boy who not being family had no reason to be loyal to her, hurt so much. She honestly wasn't sure if she could ever feel for Takeru what he just expressed as feeling for her, and she didn't want to give him any false hope. She also wasn't sure if she wanted to end up like the rest of the female Chosen Children who were on her team, who now were dating male Chosen Children, and with Takeru she would be just like the rest of them. She, like so many others, wanted to be in charge of her own destiny.
"It's okay Hikari, I knew what was going to happen, but I just had to try once more. I feel like I wouldn't be able to go on in life if I didn't try at least one last time."
Hearing him say the words, 'one last time', made Hikari feel a pang in her heart, because it made things sound as if Takeru was giving up on her entirely; something she thought would never happen. In her life both inside her world and the digital one, Hikari never once had given up on Takeru, because she knew that no matter the situation that he would always be by her side. Glancing at his eyes, eyes that were puffy and tired looking from the crying, she felt that she would have deserved it if he were to cast her out of his life.
"I love you Takeru, just not like that."
He held his head high and smiled, refusing to let this rejection's pain show as much as it did with the first two; if not for the sake of his Japanese pride, then for the sake of Hikari who was watching.
"I'm sorry if I've put you through anything emotionally difficult," he gave a forced laugh, "after what happened the last few times I should have learned my lesson."
Hearing this, Hikari looked away from him and back towards the ocean. She had always enjoyed the color of that blue.
"Don't talk like that, Keru."
Takeru gave a small smile when he heard what Hikari called him, but if she had been looking at him he didn't think that he'd be able to give even that.
"I know, it's just that after the first time I knew I couldn't give up so easily, and then on Valentine's day you gave me honmei-chocolate, so I thought you had changed your mind. You made it clear that you didn't, and even after all that I do this and make a fool of myself again."
Hikari knew it was her fault when Takeru confessed his love to her for the second time. It had been Valentine's day, and in class she had presented him honmei-chocolate instead of the usual giri-chocolate, and the moment she saw his face light up she knew she had made a mistake. The moment he saw what kind of chocolate it was, was the same moment that she had seen him at his happiest. The only reason she had chosen to change the type of chocolate she gave him was because every White day he would shower her with thoughtful gifts, and she figured that this one Valentine's Day she could at least show her love, platonic as it was, for him. He had shyly taken the chocolate, and then in a moment of confidence had told her he loved her and proceeded to then kiss her.
It was their second kiss, their original one happening the first time he expressed his feelings, but it ended in the same way; with Hikari pulling away, and with Takeru being confused and brokenhearted. She didn't know it could happen, but his face held more pain at that moment then at any other time she had ever seen him, and her heart had ached when she saw him holding back tears. The other girls, not only in their class, but around the school as well responded to the incident by calling her insane for turning down Takeru, and the guys responded by being more forward with her in their intentions, no longer seeing Takeru as a threat.
That rejection had been a grand humiliation for Takeru, him being even more shamed when Hikari asked to not be seated with him any longer. She regretted requesting that of her teacher now, seeing that she might have acted a little rash in that situation by asking that her best friend no longer sat with her. She felt that if she asked the teacher again that he might be able to remedy the situation by once again putting Takeru at her side, a place where upon reflection was the only that she could rightly see Takeru. Honestly, now more than ever did Hikari want to be by his side in the same way that he had always been by hers. That second kiss was two weeks ago, and Takeru confessing his love and her subsequent rejection of that love was the reason why she had not talked to him lately; until the current moment where she wanted to be there for him, she figured that distance would be good for them.
"You're not a fool Takeru, you're the sweetest boy I've ever known, and you don't deserve to be hurt like this. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them."
"What are you saying, Hikari?"
"You need to move on."
This was not what Takeru wanted to hear, but it didn't change the fact that this was what Hikari said. He sighed as he pulled his hat, a beanie, off his head and leaned forward gripping it as he rested his elbows on his knees. He looked toward the ocean, and forced a laugh at the situation he was in.
"I don't think any girl would really want to get involved with me so soon after seeing me kiss you."
Hikari smiled when she heard him laugh, because it was a sound that no matter the situation, filled her with happiness. Even if it was forced.
"Please Takaishi, any girl at school would kill someone just to be able to date you."
With this Hikari's smile disappeared until Takeru jokingly nudged her and stood up. Looking up at him, she thought that maybe they had finally come to an understanding.
"Let's walk a bit more yeah? I'm sore from the bench."
He held out his hand to Hikari expecting her to grab onto it so he could help her up. She seemed hesitant to grab it to which Takeru simply rolled his eyes at her. She blushed from embarrassment seeing as holding hands had never been a big deal between the two of them; at least it didn't used to be.
After taking her hand and helping her up they began walking, and Takeru was once again silent. It was a very bittersweet day for him. On one hand he now knew that Hikari would most likely never want with him what he wanted with her, but on the other hand the way they were now acting made him feel that they could go back to the way things once were. At least this way he could still have her in his life.
He was quiet, and Hikari sensed that something was wrong. She knew that he was hurt by the rejection, the dried up tears on her shoulder being evidence enough, but she didn't know if that was what he was currently thinking about. After debating with herself on whether or not she should have asked him what was wrong, Hikari decided to see what he was thinking about, and she gave him a playful nudge.
"What's on your mind, Keru?"
This time it was Takeru who seemed hesitant in something. He looked at Hikari, and then looked away. Many things had been troubling him, many things still were, though only one refused to stop hassling his thoughts.
"Why did you stop coming to my games?"
Again, there was silence between them.
"I thought that distance would be good for us."
For a second it seemed like Takeru had the air knocked out of him. His face contorted and for a second showed the true sadness he felt. He had hoped that Hikari could still be in his life if not as a lover then as the friends they once were, but hearing how she wanted to be away from him like that made him feel like that wasn't possible. Tears he thought he didn't have welled up in his eyes, much too easily for his own taste to be honest, and with his broken pride trying to hide what he felt, he narrowed his eyes at Hikari.
"You promised me we would always be friends."
Hikari went to grab his hand which Takeru roughly pulled away, and when she stepped up closer to him he began to back away as well. She had hurt him again and even more, which she didn't was possible after everything that had already happened between them.
"We always will be friends Keru, no matter what."
He was crying angry tears, too hurt to believe the small brunette. He had been through a roller coaster of emotions that day, most of those emotions being bad ones to feel. It confused him that the same girl he had always been there for to help and make happy was the same one who was making him feel worthless at the moment. He shook his head. If he wasn't good enough for his best friend, there weren't many people he would be good enough for.
"Don't call me that," he closed his eyes and wiped away some tears, "do you still think that distance would be good for us?"
Hikari looked down and wished that she could lie to him and say no, but she was aware that he knew her to well to be fooled. At this point, lying would be just another slap to the face.
Takeru turned away and began walking down the pier again, to which Hikari followed him as well. Neither one knew what to say, Hikari afraid that this was how it would always be from now on with her best friend and Takeru feeling too betrayed to make conversation. They stopped walking when they saw classmates of theirs, strangers who they exchanged daily good mornings with, gathered at the end of the pier seeming to enjoy themselves at the local shops and places to eat. Takeru sighed and walked over to a nearby railing to lean on it and stared once again at the ocean; Hikari followed suit.
"How much distance?"
She was relieved to hear him talk, and she was even more relieved when he didn't sound angry. Her emotions were mixed now that even after all she had put him through, that Takeru still wanted her in his life. She felt that if she could grow to love him like he loved her that they could easily have something beautiful, but that's not where she wanted to see herself with Takeru; at least not yet.
"Not a lot."
He said nothing, and he didn't even nod this time.
"Please don't be mad, Takeru."
He looked away from the ocean and began to take in the people around him instead. He wondered how many of them had suffered a broken spirit, and he wondered how many of them had been betrayed by all the people that they held closest to their hearts. His parent's divorce had scarred him since he was a child, and only Yamato and Hikari knew how much it still hurt; this, though not as serious, was a reminder of that familiar pain. The rejection hurt, but he didn't hold that against her. Instead, it was the broken promise of friendship, it was her so easily disregarding everything they had once told each other in trust.
It was then that he took notice of a girl sitting on a nearby bench who was sketching. He vaguely recognized her from his class as a girl named Ayano, someone that for the most part he had ignored, but this was the first time that he realized that she was actually kind of pretty. It was possible that this was because he was so blinded by his devotion to Hikari that most of the time he didn't notice all the attractiveness of the girls around him, but now after finding out that Hikari wasn't even devoted enough to keep her promise of friendship to him, he felt free to view this girl Ayano, and really anyone else who caught his interest, in different lights. This one was a quiet girl and he knew she was an artist or something of that manner, but he didn't recall ever actually seeing any of her work. In Takeru's opinion, it was about time that changed.
He rose up from the railing, to which Hikari did also, and his actions surprised the both of them when he brought her into a hug, and then kissed her forehead.
"What are you doing?"
Releasing her from his hug, the only contact left between the two of them was Takeru holding her hands. He didn't want to think it, but to him it felt like a perfect fit.
"I'm moving on."
He let go of her hands, and looked away. His heart aching for her, and his heart breaking because of her.
"I'll talk to you later, Hikari-chan. Goodbye."
Hearing him call her that, it was something that Hikari hated. It had been so formal and forced, and the way he said it was a way that seemed to ignore all the history they had shared between them. She didn't like the way it sounded coming out of his mouth, and she didn't like the way that Takeru turned away from her, and left her behind so that he could go and sit with some girl that was sketching on a bench.
She watched him introduce himself, he was quick to crack a joke despite how the rest of the day had gone, and she kept her eyes on the both of them for a while feeling a bit of envy when she saw Takeru break out in smiles or laughter, or when the same could have been said of the girl that he was sitting with. She wondered, what exactly where Takeru's intentions with this girl? Hikari had an odd moment of feeling protective, and possessive even, when she saw the artist slightly close the distance between herself and Takeru.
It wasn't until later when she was sitting on the bus on the way home, that Hikari texted Miyako telling her not to wait up for her and Takeru, and she lingered with her phone in her hand wanting desperately to talk to him. She gave in to temptation and sent him a text message to see how he was. No matter what they were ever going through, and no matter how angry they were at the other they would always respond a text message. It had been a promise that they made to each other when they first received their cell phones, and Hikari knew that Takeru always kept his promises. She kept waiting for a response late into the night and then morning until she fell asleep with her phone still in her hand. He never texted back.
Honmei-chocolate means chocolate of love and girls in Japan are supposed to give it to boys that they love on Valentine's day. It's a chocolate of higher quality most of the time homemade and given to boyfriends, husbands, or prospective boyfriends.
Giri-chocolate means courtesy chocolate and is usually of lower quality and given to like friends or co-workers things like that.