Author's Note: Thank you for stumbling on this little story. Please feel free to read and comment.
Summary: Beast Boy and Raven are hanging back to back, upside-down, above a pool of piranhas. This is their dialogue before impending death. It's not angsty; it's supposed to be humorous and make you smile.
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. They belong to the most wonderful DC Comics.
"Remind me again why I let you drag me into these messes."
"Well, you're my friend, Raven. Friends always get into messes together."
"Is it too late to renounce that title?"
"This isn't that bad, is it?"
"…We're hanging upside down over a pool of piranhas."
"True, but at least they didn't gag us. We wouldn't have been able to have this nice conversation otherwise."
"I'm really starting to wish we were. Talking to you is like talking to a 12 year old."
"Better than talking to a pool of piranhas. Hungry piranhas, I might add. I can tell they haven't eaten in a while, those poor little guys."
"Seriously? You're feeling bad for the piranhas?"
"What can I say? I like animals. Especially that one in the corner. He reminds me of you, kinda quiet and scary looking."
"Thanks. It's fantastic to be complimented before death."
"I think I'm going to name him Joey. He looks like a Joey, don't you think?"
"Or a Billy. I could see that too."
"…So why haven't you transformed and gotten us out of here yet?"
"Getting sick of me already, Raven?"
"You passed that mark the day we met. So, what happened? They drugged you too, or something?"
"Uh-huh. Can't transform right now. I can't even think straight."
"Don't need drugs for that. Can you at least talk to the piranhas? Convince them not to eat us?"
"Hm, I'm not sure. Let me try. Hey Joey! Could you not eat us, please? We would really like to live for a while longer!"
"So, what did he say?"
"It's no good. Fish can't talk."
"And just when I began to have so much faith in you."
"Aw, Raven, you've always had faith in me. You wouldn't have come with me if you didn't."
"Stop it. I can't see it, but I know you're smirking. And I came on Robin's orders, not on my own free will."
"Ah. Do you two still have that brain connection thing?"
"Yes and I really wish we didn't. I should've just left him alone to play with his imaginary Slade."
"Really? How bad is it, then?"
"All the boy thinks about is naked Starfire and Slade."
"Tch. Not together, idiot."
"Oh, well that's not so bad."
"You're thinking about a naked Starfire, aren't you?"
"What? Of course not!"
"Just remind me to kick you if we manage to make it out of this."
"Yeah, sure thing. Hey, Raven? Could you turn towards me any?
"A little. Why-Mmph!"
"Well, that was nice."
"Did you just-?"
"Huh? What was that, Raven?"
"…I'm not sure if I want to smack you or punch you."
"That's the same thing."
"One hurts more."
"Ah. Was it that terrible?"
"I suppose I should be grateful that you didn't taste like tofu."
"So no complaints, then?"
"Of course there are complaints."
"Alright, how about we make a deal? If we get out of this alive, you kiss me. If we die, you don't kiss me."
"…That's an extremely one-sided deal."
"Not one-sided at all. You have options."
"How is death a plausible option?"
"I'm drugged, remember? I have an excuse not to be plausible."
"…Fine, sure. But only if we get out of this in one piece. I'd rather not kiss you if half of your head is missing."
"But of course… So, you ready? I just heard them say that they're going to drop us in soon."
"Not really. This is entirely your fault, you know. I'm blaming it all on you during the mission report."
"Yes, yes, my bad. I'm sorry for causing your almost certain death. Again."
"Yeah, whatever. And Beast Boy?"
"Don't you dare die on me."
"…Anything for you, Raven."
23 minutes later.
"*Coughcough* You okay, Raven?"
"No, I think one of them took out a chunk of my leg. Could you check for me?"
"What? Too scared to see for yourself?"
"…Looks nasty. I can see your bone."
"Yeah, but it'll heal."
"Urg. It was probably Joey who did it, too, that little bastard."
"Or you're just getting slower in your old age."
"As if. Your powers back yet?"
"Not really. Not enough to heal you, anyhow."
"Oh, I was going to get you to teleport us out of this place. It's way too dank for my tastes."
"…The gargoyles are a nice touch. I kind of like it here."
"Pfft. You would…So, about that kiss?"
"What about it?"
"We're not dead; we're out; we're in one piece…"
"Not the way I see it."
"Really? My leg? It's not even missing much AND you said it would heal!"
"Not my problem."
"Even if I whine and throw a tantrum?"
"Please don't. You're pathetic enough without extra help."
"You're serious? …I'm starting to resent you a bit."
"You made that ridiculous deal by yourself."
"Yes, but you agreed to it."
"If we died, I didn't want my last conversation to be an argument with you."
"Also, it was a way to shut you – Someone's coming!"
"Right over there, at the edge of the cave."
"Where? …Raven, I don't see any – Mmph!"
"Wow, I can't believe you fell for that. It's the oldest trick in the book."
"…But, I thought you said-"
"You don't need to make a bet for this."
"Ah. Profound words are profound."
"They come out occasionally. Even from you."
"Was that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?"
"I'm not too sure. Which reminds me, I need to kick you for something."
"How did that remind you of kicking?"
"Don't know, but consider yourself lucky; I'm too tired to move. So, how're we getting back home?"
"…Maybe you can try kissing me back to Kansas, Dorthy."
"…That was terrible. It didn't even make sense."
"Ugh. Did I mention that I'm drugged?"
"Once or twice. Doesn't change the fact that we're stuck here with no powers and only three and a half legs."
"Well, I'm sure someone's coming here to pick us up. I sent out a distress signal right before they took my communicator, which would be maybe two hours ago?"
"I would say 'good job,' but this was entirely your fault."
"Yes, you said that already. Man, we're starting to repeat ourselves."
"We're drugged. We have an excuse."
"Excuse enough to kiss me again?"
"Beast Boy! Raven! Where are-? …Woah."
"…Hey Cy. Errr, you made it. Cool."
"Wait! Cy! Come back, we really were in distress! Carry us back! Cyborg? Cy?"
Poor Cyborg. He's always catching his teammates making out with each other. He thinks it's unnatural. But, then again, he's scored more women than any of his friends, the girls included.
And, yes, they do get back home. Cyborg came back and had to carry them both back, but he strapped Beast Boy to the roof for slobbering all over his little sister, Raven.
Robin still and always will dream of Starfire for the rest of his life, both naked and clothed. But mostly naked. It disturbs Raven very much to see her best friend's girly bits.
Beast Boy and Raven annoy each other very much, still, but they use a different method to resolve arguments now. LOL. Just kidding. They pretend to annoy each other, but they secretly enjoy it.
Thanks for reading! Comment if you feel so inclined.