A/N: This is a one-shot that I thought of when I wondered what Bellatrix Lestrange would be like as a mother, and how she would interact with her child. It is somewhat unrealistic, as I highly doubt that Bellatrix would use the dreaded 'L' word (love). Oh, and 'Caterva', means 'crowded' in Latin, at least according to google translate. Feedback is always appreciated.
Charlotte (RedButtons) xxxx
Do you love me?
Snow was falling unattractively from the grey sky; the ground was covered by a thick layer of ice, a danger to anyone that dared tread across it. A young girl sat alone on a cold, wooden bench. Isolated, completely by herself, in empty King's Cross Station. Not many things scared the said girl, she had been raised to grow used to fear, embrace it even. Killing curses or trolls did not intimidate her, but one thing that she could not deny fearing, that she was not proud to fear, was being alone.
She hated being alone, despised it. She preferred to be in the company of those that she disliked, rather than completely alone, because somehow, she felt safer around other people. The noise, the chatter, the sometimes-claustrophobic atmosphere, felt like music to her ears, a sense of familiarity and home. Her real home was unfortunately not a busy place, if anything it was isolated, it was never crowded and always eerily quiet.
"Caterva?", the girl could not help but gasp slightly as the silence of the station was suddenly chased away, rather like a spell being broken, but thankfully a spell that she was happy to break. Whipping her head up, she spotted a figure clad in black, a few feet away from where she was sat. Instantly, she knew who it was, and although she did not always see eye to eye with this particular person, she could not help a sigh of relief escaping her. It did not matter whom she was with, as long as she was with somebody. "Mother?" she yelled hopefully, grabbing her shrunken luggage and running over to the woman eagerly. "Do not run Caterva, you will slip on the ice, and of course, who else would it be?" reveling in the fond tone of her Mother's scolding, the girl slowed her pace to a graceful glide.
Although she knew it would be rejected, as it was every year, she opened up her arms in an invitation of embrace, hoping that just this once, her Mother would oblige her. The woman of course refused to hug her daughter; she did however, allow herself to place an almost affectionate kiss on the girl's pale cheek, a cheek that she noted, was far to cold. "I do apologize for my lateness, as you know punctuality is an important quality to have, however my services were required elsewhere".
Yes, your services were required by the dark-lord, killing innocent muggle-born men, women and children. It does not matter that your child, your only daughter, that you occasionally claim to enjoy the company of, was alone for hours, as long as you can be by the side of your precious Voldemort, causing grief, anger and pain, it does not matter about me, forget about me Mother, I do not mind anymore, thanks to your loving parenting, I can no longer feel emotions. Just as is expected of a pureblood.
"Don't apologize Mother, I understand," she said out loud, she knew that her Mother was aware that she was lying, but hopefully one day, she would not have reason to lie anymore. Slowly, she let her feelings of resentment leave her, walking along by her Mother's side, she smiled slightly as snow fell onto her eyelashes, dutifully making sure that whenever she looked up, all she could see what a sweep of whiteness. It was beautiful, it was untainted, it was unaffected by the terror that went on in the outside world. "Mother?" she said out loud, happily breaking the peaceful silence that both she and her Mother hated so much. "Yes?" came the reply, in a slightly weary tone.
The girl was suddenly aware that she did not know what she wanted to ask. There were so many questions spinning around her head, making her experience a slightly aching, buzzing feeling.
Why wont you hug me? Why do you refuse to mother me? Why did you become a death-eater? Do you actually enjoy other people's pain? Why do you despise mudbloods so much? Did you raise me to turn out like you? Who is my father? Why didn't you abort me? Why did you keep me in this cruel, terrible world? Why do you refuse to teach me dark magic? Why wont you allow me to attend death-eater meetings with you? Could it be that you are actually concerned about me? Do you care? Are you really evil? Truthfully, deep down?
She looked up to see the deep-brown eyes regarding her, waiting for the question to inevitably arrive. "Do you love me?" the girl waited, she waited for the cold 'no' to hit her in the face, it could not hurt her, she told herself, and she expected it. She felt the silence in the air increase somehow, sensed her mother's body tense beside her, rightfully predicting the sigh that escaped the chapped lips. Her mother's steady footsteps abruptly came to a tense, and in a sudden movement, the elder witch knelt down on the icy floor, pulling her daughter to crouch beside her. "I will say this once, and once only, so don't expect to hear it again" the woman warned, carrying on when she had noted her daughters head nod in agreement. "Some would say that I am a cold, heartless monster, incapable of feeling love, and in most aspects I would have to agree with them" Caterva studied her Mother's face, she had not been able to do this very much before without being interrupted, but now she was able to notice the slight curve in her Mother's nose, and how her skin was not in fact just pale, but almost a deadly white, a pure colour, a trait which she had inherited.
"However" her Mother began, causing the girl's head to snap up in attention, "I changed my opinion the day that you were born, the day that I saw your small body, your innocent face, and beautiful eyes, eyes that had seen no hatred, that I knew, I knew I could not hand you over to him". The girl blinked in alarm, she saw her Mother shudder slightly as she spoke, and she knew that the woman was most definitely speaking the truth. "The Dark-Lord? He wanted you to hand me over to him? But why?" she questioned, paling slightly as she saw her mother glare at her. "Why do you think?" the woman asked venomously, narrowing her eyes at the melting ice on the ground, "he wanted a virgin, an innocent child, somebody that he could use as his fuck-toy, his whore" she spat. The girl shivered slightly, not just from this newfound knowledge, but also because she could feel the cold air start to creep into her body, to freeze over her veins. She ignored it, she wanted to stay like this for a few more moments, still and calm at the side of her usually manic looking Mother. "S-so, why didn't you do it?" she wondered out loud, unable to stop herself from squirming under the angry gaze she received from her Mother, "your really going to make me say it, aren't you? You sadistic little child!" her Mother took a deep breath, sounding to the girl as if she were about to dive under water, "I did not obey the Dark-lord, because…" her Mother screwed her face up into a disgusted expression, looking for all the world as if she were about to embark on something unpleasant, "I love you" she admitted, whipping her head around cautiously, to make sure that nobody had overheard them. The girl smirked up at her Mother, a gesture that she had acquired from the said woman. Managing to restrain herself from leaping into the woman's arms, she slowly rose up from the dirty floor, knowing that this was a moment that she would remember happily for the rest of her life, even if apart from herself and her Mother, the usually busy train station was otherwise empty. She realized, at that moment, that sometimes emptiness was not a bad thing.