Yup, I went in the order that you fight them in SMB3 and saved the best (Ludwig) for last! :D
Ludwig was in bliss.
He was listening to one of the most beautiful, operatic melodies he had ever heard.
What brilliant, godlike mind is behind this? he wondered. He sang along to the music, trying to capture it in his head but it was difficult because his mind was hazy with dreamlike rapture. It was a rapture of the soul, but his body was fast becoming taken by it. The physical manifestation of this soul-rapture exploded first in his heart, then it shot up to the crown of his head, then it shot down to his loins…
Ludwig woke up and saw that he came all over his Austrian linen sheets.
Ludwig grunted. How embarrassing that an intellectual demigod such as himself should nevertheless still have carnal urges. To be true, he wasn't attracted to girls in the same way that his brothers were, but whenever he encountered one of great intellect, such as his own girlfriend Karma (not the Karma that you're thinking – read my profile for explanation), he experienced to the same hardening of the prostate that his brothers called a "boner" and experienced whenever they saw a big pair of tits.
But Ludwig kept himself under tight control. His relationship with Karma was practically platonic, except for occasional fondling and kissing. He made a promise of purity, of no sex before marriage – not for religious reasons, but because it was the gentlemanly thing to do – and he wasn't planning on marriage until he became King.
An awful long time to wait, the voice of his id said in the back of his mind.
Well, maybe I can just wait until after I earn my Ph. D…
Ludwig was loath to admit it to himself, but he also got boners whenever he first listened to a magnificent piece of music, or read an incredibly insightful and eloquent novel, or thought about an elegant mathematical or scientific theory, or studied the workings of a fantastic invention…
Sometimes, he had to admit, although the feeling was often drowned out by the intensity of his own thoughts, his own work even gave himself a boner. These moments were usually marked by crazed, impossible-to-imitate giggling.
Did this mean he was kind of… in love with himself?
Ludwig fought back these thoughts and concentrated on the music that he was trying to remember from his dream. It would have helped if he were still in a dreamy state of mind, but having had a good night's sleep for once had made him fresh and alert – more in the state of mind to do routine lab work or to go on an adventure somewhere than for doing creative work.
Maybe the music didn't really exist, he thought. Maybe I was just having a wet dream and the music was just a feeling, and I only imagined that it was music…
Ludwig climbed the lengthy flight of stairs up to his music room, and began to play on his piano a melody that he came up with on the spot; one that expressed disillusionment and disappointment.
"I shall call this piece Waking Away from Dreams" he murmured.
Ludwig captured the moment in his head – himself, up in a dark and spacious tower, lonely, misunderstood and brilliant, playing piano to the melody of his heart, composing a song instantly, then, in a solemn posture and a solemn voice, naming it… a profound name at that… and then imagining in his head how it all looked…
A picture perfect scene, fit for an art movie. A chill of thrill tingled in his head and shivered right down to his loins…
Ludwig ejaculated all over the lacquered mahogany piano seat, ruining the varnish.
Ludwig swore in German. Apparently his body needed sexual management. Repressing his horniness for so long has resulted in several uncontrollable, embarrassing incidents in which his siblings and even his schoolmates questioned his toilet training. Maybe it was time he stopped being a prude and give in to carnal delight for once.
But how… what is the best way to… ugh, dare I think it… masturbate…
Not on my instruments, he thought. He had no desire to disrespect and ruin the finely crafted musical instruments that he used. Maybe I could do it to an instrument that's a piece of junk… But then, wouldn't that be the masturbatory equivalent of engaging in sexual intercourse with a harlot as opposed to my own wife?
In frustration, he ran to his pipe organ and pressed the keys as hard as he could, resulting in a sound that vibrated through the entire tower, his body included. He harmonized his rich, resonant voice with the note.
Yesss… that was just what he needed. But it would be better if the sound were directed at his genitals…
Guided by his instincts, all higher reasoning momentarily disabled, Ludwig climbed on top of the pipe organ and stuck his penis inside one of the pipes.
NOTHING COMING OUT! Ludwig could not reach the keys to make the pleasuring sound come out of the pipes!
He then remembered that he had programmed the pipe organ with a computer to make it play automatically. He got down to turn the switch on and then climbed up to the highest and lowest-sounding of the pipes.
Ludwig looked forward to the sound to come out of that deepest pipe, the same way he as a little kid (and sometimes even now as an older adolescent) looked forward to eating yummy Milka chocolate bars.
Ludwig felt, almost heard, the sound with his dick. It felt low and rich, and for such a dirty act it felt so… sophisticated.
But then the feeling awakened in him a sense of déjà vu. Was that the operatic melody of his dreams that was playing in his mind?
Ludwig hopped onto one of the other pipes to feel how the higher notes felt. The loftier notes felt just as good, but in a different way… and the song was becoming clearer in his memory!
Ludwig hopped on each of the pipes in turn until he was on the shortest and highest pipe. It didn't feel dirty at all. It was just like sampling fine chocolates and wine. He had the feeling that the highest note was going to cause him to climax…
The song! He succeeded at pulling the entire work of subconscious genius from the depths of his subconscious!
The thrill of this thought, plus the high note from the pipe organ that sounded in harmony with the lucid tenor of his mind, caused him to climax, a divine feeling that shivered from his loins up to his brain, and squirt semen all over the inside of the short pipe.
He had just sullied his prized pipe organ, and now he was going to have to clean it, but at the moment he didn't care. He was in a fever of passion, fired by orgasmic rush.
Why haven't I thought of this before? Ludwig thought. Exploiting my base drives to drive my weary body into performing the perspiration required to realize the genius of my tireless mind's inspiration!
Perhaps this wet feeling of thrill that was new to him could inspire him with lyrics for his song?
I will make it an opera, he thought. An opera of climactic proportions.
Ludwig wanted to invent something to stimulate orgasm, but right now he was in music mode. He played the melody on the piano, programmed it play that song automatically, and then opened the piano and hopped in to lay tummy-down over the strings, his cock pressed between a few of them.
Ludwig reveled in the stimulation of the strings as they vibrated and began to sing, in German, the first words that came to his mind in response to the music and genital stimulation.
What is this?
What is this?
This feeling that quakes through my carnage?
Feels pure pleasure
Of such intensity that the mind feels shame…
But when shame melts
There is nothing but pleasure!
I only see something I love
Hear something I love,
And my loins, the area
Of the second chakra
Harden full of fluid
And want to burst…
For all the others, they burst for others' carnage
But as for I, what pleasures the mind
Also pleasures my body
And my body is most impressed
And turned on by I…
For what woman could possibly be
As perfect as I….
That I come up with during my rare periods of slumber
Are beyond any language to describe…
I and the sleeping me, perfect bedmates…
For the ideas by that, my other self, the only one whose brilliance outshines my own…
Beyond any pure carnal experience
It is that which makes meeeee….
It was at that climactic finale that Ludwig cummed all over the inside of the piano.
He heard his hot heart beating from the heat of that dually passionate moment. His head flooded with more brilliance.
He walked around, composing dirty, vulgar lyrics in his head for the opera in German, Italian, French, Latin, even Flemish, Basque, and Catalan (but not Spanish, for Larry knew quite a few dirty words in Spanish). It was not his style, but he had the sudden idea of making it his own personal joke on his family. He would sing it for his family (who would be obliged to watch and listen) and they would think it was boring and not understand the mixed languages the lyrics were written in, or even that it was written in mixed languages. He laughed at the thought of his family assuming that those dirty, dirty words were fine, fancy words just because they couldn't understand them.
Ludwig smirked, thinking about how much his family, especially Larry, would get a kick out of his opera for once if they understood the lyrics.
He got everything ready behind the fancy gilded red velvet curtain that he hung up for the occasion. He dressed up in an outfit that resembled the Pope's, and he nailed a doll of himself to a small wooden cross. He had painted the walls of the ballroom to resemble the Sistine Chapel for the occasion, using cheap, washable paint. He had arranged an entire orchestra of over 50 different instruments, all of which were programmed to auto-play the part he had arranged. He had named it Le Opera D'Erotissimo (The Erotic Opera), knowing that his siblings and father would not catch on.
As the curtains opened, his siblings laughed at his outfit, but the rest of what he did weirded them out. He grabbed the small cross with the Ludwig doll on it and ripped the nails out of its hands and went through the motions of baptizing it. They did not understand the subtle sexual symbols in the opera, nor did they catch the erection that was showing through his robes.
Mostly, his siblings were just bored. Ludwig dragged the opera on for over three hours. Wendy threw a fit and screamed, Iggy and Lemmy got bored and jibber-jabbered to each other, Roy fell asleep, Morton ranted about how stupid the opera was to himself, and Larry played his video game. Bowser and Junior pretended to pay attention, but Bowser eventually failed to stifle a yawn, and Junior imitated him.
When it finally ended, Ludwig got a halfhearted applause from his family.
"Um, that was kind of lame," said Larry. "By the way, what language was it in?"
"Hmm, I never heard of that language."
Ludwig wondered if some deep subconscious part of Larry's horny mind understood everything in the opera.