The probability of becoming a total badass by figuring out the keypad to Robin's bedroom was about at 1/1000000 with a six digit code, assuming that the length of the code would be the same as everyone else's rooms in Mount Justice with 0-9.
It sounded bad if you were to look at it strictly in terms of how big that number was. But if someone broke it down, and had the time and patience, the probability wasn't completely impossible. So, if the odds start as 1:9 in getting the first number right… then the odds of Wally getting the first and second number right would be 1:99 since the ratio p:1-p would apply to this particular brand of mischief (heh heh, statistically speaking).
Pffft. Wally could do this. He could totally do this in his head. In his sleep. Whether or not it was pure chance or fast work of statistical probability and guessing gone in his favor, Robin's door whirred right open for him posed with his finger over the pad.
"Robs talks about hacking sensors… I just hacked his bedroom sensors…" Wally laughed gleefully at his own innuendo, peering with eager eyes into the sacred-Bat-chambers-he-was-never-allowed-into-ever. Robin had always been careful about making sure the times he and Wally hung out were either in the Gaming Room or Wally's bedroom.
However, bros didn't keep bros from checking out their stuff. No secrets between bros. Except the whole identity thing. Robin wasn't quite ready to relinquish that yet but Wally could be patient for it. Plus, he did not want the Dark Knight of Gotham City to skin his speedster ass alive. But really… his best friend should been seeing what Wally was doing now as a favor to their friendship… even if Robin wasn't at Mount Justice to witness it for himself.
To Wally's enormous disappointment, the walls were a stark gray and clean of any poster tape let alone posters themselves.
In fact, there were no personal belongings to be seen.
Wally peered under the twin-sized cot with one black, light-blocking sheet tucked around its corners. Vacuumed, empty space. One desk with a blank sheet of paper lying folded on top of it. Wally examined the desk, striking its sides with his fist and closing an ear over it. No drawers. No hidden slot. Didn't even sound hollow.
No wonder Robin didn't invite him up here. It was boring as hell. He expected Robin to at least carry a buttload of techy things in his bedroom. Or maybe some blueprints on a new… flying Robin motorbike or something. He was the Cave's residential tech geek for a reason. Also… where the hell was the dirt? A stashed away porn mag? A ex-girlfriend's love letters? Embarrassing baby pictures? A journal? Homework? Anything? This could not have been everything in the bedroom!
Wally stroked his chin thoughtfully, circling the room once more with a fractionally-spedup jog until his eyes caught sight of the wall closet a few inches from his left.
Now we're talking!
Grinning, he pulled out the double, metal-hinged doors to reveal… more gray walls. Huh. Wally glanced down at the floor to see a… plated keypad? On the floor? Crouching down, Wally removed the faceplate and, no, it wasn't a green-lit keypad like outside but a combination lock. Maaaan, this just got more complicated than it needed to be. Wally started fiddling with the built-in lock.
He didn't know that. He didn't know Batman's birthday either. Robin's combination number for his training locker?
Wally twirled the dial and yanked on a small lever nearby. Still jammed tight.
Wally rubbed his sweaty palms on his striped crew-shirt. Was there a date with a kind of significance to Robin?
Something that would stay with him forever… something special…
He twirled the combination lock three times to the desired date from his memory and yanked triumphantly with olive green eyes smiling. No give. Wally tried again. Nope. He had been so sure that the date of when Young Justice was formed had been it. He tried the day they discovered Superboy. Damn! Back to square one.
Wally jammed his hands into his jean pockets, scrunching up his face in frustration. There was… one date. Something Wally would always remember no matter what happened to him. Memory altering drugs and likewise. But… Robin wouldn't… would he? But… it was the only date Wally could think of.
His hands rolled the dial to the set numbers: 10 – 23 – 09.
The day they met. The day Wally first revealed his civilian identity to someone else. The day Wally had trusted someone unequivocally and didn't ask for anything in return except their friendship. A pocket of familiar warmth flooded Wally's chest as the lever moved without further complication between Wally's hands.
The structure of the closet started shifting physically. Wally scooted out when the floor beneath him sank down and let out an amazed breath, scrambling to stand up and approach the new, protruding racks of utility belts, comm. links, escrima sticks, birdarangs, grappling guns, and those spotless body armor uniforms.
Wally's fingers floated over the set of them. Oh, hello bad urges.
Hello very, very bad urges.
Snickering, Wally pulled off his pants and undershorts, and slipped on a pair of Robin's black uniform pants. Geez, they rode. Why did Robin have to be such an itty bitty little thing? Wally struggled to pick the bunched fabric from places. Oh great, there was no codpiece. Well, maybe he'd find it in with the rest of the stuff.
Wally slipped off his crew-shirt for the Robin tunic and cape. Little tight in the sleeves and in the front of the chest — cracks of pale, freckled skin exposed from the yellow straps of the red tunic —but, hey, no one was checking him out anyway. Once the black gloves were on, Wally placed on a mask from a drawer row. He touched around the siding. No bumps or buttons. Must have been voice activated.
"Um…" Wally asked out loud, "Night vision?"
The insides of the lenses adjusted to the command and brightened. "Heat sensors."
His grin inched up as the lenses changed to a shade of red. "Ultraviolet vision."
In almost bluish lighting. "Room lighting," Wally said, waiting for his vision to return to normal before he examined himself further with pride. Definitely more of badass now. The yellow edge of the cape fell over Wally's shoulder and he caught a whiff of something on the material. Wally crumpled up the black cape, pressing it to his nose for a moment.
Burnt rubber. Smoke. A sweet, woody smell. Robin.
It was… how Robin smelled.
Ignoring the fact that it was mildly disturbing that he was sniffing Robin's used cape that may have got mixed up with the other uniforms, Wally let a bit of the cape drape over him and — oh no, what was little Wally doing…? The codpiece! Wally lurched forward back for the closet and moaned when the beginnings of his erection rubbed against the pants fabric. Oh god.
New plan: stay still. Stay perfectly still… and then maybe it would go away on its own. Don't think about the cape and how Robin smells. Don't think about the way he smells after he showers and his wet hair sticks to Wally's neck when they sit together on the couch watching Comedy Central. Don't think about how Robin smells with his sleepy cheek really soft like a girl's on Wally's shoulder… Wally cringed. Nope. There went that plan. Little Wally did not want to go down anytime soon.
It freaking ached since the pants were so tight…
He freed himself from the clothing, pushing the black pants with red chaps (what was even the point of having those chaps? Some kind of aerodynamic superstition?) down slightly, and Wally's gloved hand curled around his erection. Make this quick. Really quick. Speedster quick.
"Whsss whrrss whsss araagh ruuu DUGRRRING?" ¹
With masked lenses widen with shock, Wally glanced up to see an equally as shocked Robin standing on the other end of the room, one foot still in the opened bedroom doorway, dark eyebrows raised to his hairline and jabbing a fork slathered in strawberry cheesecake out at the other boy. Some cheesecake crumbs dusted Robin's green civvies hoodie as the fork jabbed again, this time in silence.
"It's not what it looks like," Wally said quietly, hand still over his erection and fingertips glistening.
Robin swallowed his mouthful of cheesecake and let his fork drop onto the plastic plate in his other hand. "Eugh!—… So, wait, this isn't me walking in on you breaking and entering in my clothes, and then jerking off like a creeper?" Robin's words dripped with sarcasm. "You gonna to tell me what this is then, Kid?"
Wally had the decency to tuck himself in before answering with a weak and thoroughly humiliated, "…I didn't think I would get caught?"
"The bedroom is bugged. I did it the first day we moved in. Even if you thought you wouldn't have been caught, there would have been audio/video evidence."
"…I'm dead aren't I?"
Robin's lips narrowed to a thin line. He pushed up his sunglasses very, very slowly. "I'm going to… pretend I never saw this. Erase the footage. Pretend… this never happened…" Robin repeated carefully, turning at the heel to march for his bedroom door, and disappeared. Wally stood in silence for a few seconds before Robin reappeared, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. "—You know what, get out."
Wally nodded, gathering up his clothes, and as he passed Robin, the younger boy ripped off the mask from his face. "Hoooooly shiiiii-!" Wally howled, the edges around his eyes burning and pulsing. "Dude! Was that necessary?.!" He rubbed his irritated skin as Robin's head bobbed in place as he inspected Wally further.
"Leave the uniform in the laundry room. I want it back there in a half an hour."
Olive green eyes trailed over Robin's rather delicious-looking plate. "You gonna eat the rest of that?" Wally pointed to the three-quarter remainder of dessert with real strawberries and whipped top still left. Robin mock-gasped, lightly slapping his own cheek.
"No, actually, I plan on breaking into your room while you are gone patrolling with Flash and leaving it under your pillow with ants crawling all over it."
Wally deflated. In more ways than one.
YJAM Prompt: "Wally goes into Robin's room at HQ while Robin is away. He decides to put on one of Robin's extra suits and masks for the lols (or to masturbate in, you know, whatever), only Robin comes back and is like "what what WHAT are you doing"." Written for maskedmidnightninja or Jayme because she wanted a fic that had cheesecake in it. :D Awww, Wally... Robin will forgive you eventually. Once revenge is done. And yes, canonly Wally knows his identity, but I played with him not knowing for fic this time.
¹ - "What what what are you DOING?" –Sassy Gay friend from YouTube.