Three words: Eff. My. Life.
Why am I doing this you ask? Well my lovely dears, the answer is that I'm a desperate little piece of crap that can become insanely jealous to the point of incarceration, sings alternative music alone in school parking lots, and is so madly in love with the man of every girl's dreams that she'll even consider doing this. And because if any day were the day to do it, it'd be today.
As I walked through the quad at a lazy pace that didn't match my speeding heart, I fingered the strings of my guitar and thought back to why in the world I would ever think of doing this.
I walk into lunch and glance around to find a very excited Alice waving her hands in the air to get my attention and I quickly shuffle towards her. I had just moved here from Phoenix, Arizona at the beginning of the school year and didn't expect anyone to latch on to me as quickly as Alice Brandon had. I had just creeped into the lunch room, trying my hardest to be conspicuous and ultimately failing, when she saw me in the lunch line and immediately decided we were best friends. I sat at her table with her boyfriend Jasper and her friend Angela. From then on, she hung on me like a leech, or maybe a rash. But a good kind of rash.
"Bella, Bella! Guess what?" She didn't give me a chance to guess. "They've put up the sign-up sheets for the Valentine's Day singing thingy!" she chirped. I stared at her, confused. Alice noticed my bewildered expression and sighed, rolling her big dark brown eyes dramatically. "Every Valentine's Day, our school has these singing . . . thingies . . . where students sign up and try out with the choir teacher to go around on Valentine's Day and sing love songs to people. Other students buy the songs, say what period to go to, and write notes to the person they're sending it to and the person in charge of that song goes to sing it to them." I must have still looked confused, because she let out another dramatic sigh and eye roll that was even more obvious of her annoyance than the first. "Here, for example. . ." She dragged out the L sound of the word as she scanned the cafeteria and spotted Emmett Cullen pulling out his girlfriend Rosalie Hale's chair for her. "Ah! Say for example Emmett wants to get a song for Rosalie. He goes to the table that sells them, buys a song, and writes down the period he wants the song to get to her. And let's say it was third period and Angela was singing the song." She glances at Angela who blushes slightly with a timid, "Oh I can't sing," but Alice doesn't hear and continues. "So on Valentine's Day, she would have a whole day pass from classes to go find the people that payed for her song. She would go to Rosalie's third period, bring her up to the front, and sing to her the song Emmett bought while she reads the note he wrote, comprendo?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I get it, but it kind of seems like a lot of confusion, doesn't it? I mean, if this person is so special, why not sing to them yourself?"
Alice scoffed. "Well not everyone is a great singer or stage friendly. Why do it yourself when you can pay to have someone else do it? That's how it works in the world, baby. Plus, sometimes people use this as a means of embarrassing their friends. I mean seriously, having some guy in a pink shirt or God knows what like a cupid outfit coming into your class and singing a sappy love song? Oh, the mortification! 'Course Jazzy will get me a good song, right Jasper?" She seemed confident in her pursuits to keep talking so I tuned her out like I'd learned to and stared into space, thinking.
No, I wasn't exactly stage friendly, but I wasn't sickeningly overly modest as to say that I didn't have a nice voice when I knew I did. I'd been singing since I was four and playing guitar since I could read. I'd won my fifth grade talent show and honorable mention in the Phoenix School Wide Junior High Talent Search, or the PSWJHTS, or the psswuhjaychteess as we had called it back then. Remembering these got me thinking if this would be fun to do, the Valentine's Day Love Song Thingy, but as said before I wasn't very stage friendly anymore. It'd been a while. I wonder what song I should choose? Maybe a popular rock-pop ballad so people would know the context. Or maybe a soft, captivating song by an unknown band so that not too many people would pick me if they didn't know it, but then whoever didpick me would probably know what the song meant and the pressure to make it mean something would be too much for me. Oh, this was so difficult, and I over think things too much. What if I just bought one instead? I'd probably buy one for Alice and Angela, but who would I buy for as My Valentine? I knew who, but there was no way I'd send him one. It'd probably get messed up or forgotten like when I bought a carnation to send to Jake, my Jr. High crush. All the carnations were to be sent out during our mandatory study hall, but the goober got a pass to go to another teacher's class before he could get my flower. It would probably be that way here too, or maybe instead of liking me, he'd like the skank that actually sang to him in person. I was NOT having that. I wanted to sigh.
"What's wrong, Bella?" Alice pouted at me with wide eyes.
I looked at her. "What? Nothing. What would make you think something's wrong?" I furrowed my brows at her.
"Well, you've been quiet most of lunch and then you sighed—" I did? "–and you were staring over there . . ." she trailed off, shifting her gaze to where I had been unconsciously staring. Then she smirked and I blushed profusely. "Oh I see." I could just see the evil smiley emoticon being typed on the cell phone in her head. "You were staring at your Unrequited Lover." She snickered and I glared, pretty sure my face was beet read by now.
Alice clicked her tongue. "Oh stop! I was only teasing." She smiled apologetically. Why was it so easy to forgive her? Stupid Pixie Charm.
"Bella, maybe you should buy him a song." Angela piped up inclining her head towards the object of our conversation.
I was just thinking that, and now that the thought was said out loud by someone other than me, it was now the equivalent to boiling puppies in a cauldron. "Yeah, uh, nooo." I ignored their playful meddling and looked anywhere but at them, finding myself looking at the ceiling, the table, then at him again.
As if sensing us conversing about him, he raised his beautiful head and met my gaze before I could quickly drop my gaze back down to the table. The burning in my cheeks confirmed it. "No way."
The bell rang and I jumped out of my seat and all but sprinted to Biology.
Now usually this was the best class of the day, but because of the previous events in the lunchroom, this class was sure to be the most awkward. The reason for it being such a great class chose at that time to saunter in the door. He took his seat next to me, pulling the hard wooden stool out with a light scrape. The blush was still fresh on my cheeks so I shifted my hair to cover my face on the left side facing him and pulled my favorite white beanie a little lower on my head. It didn't work.
"Hey Bella," he said and I could feel things in me react to his velvety voice saying my name.
"'Sup," I squeaked.
"Nothin' much." I then peeked around my curtain of hair to be met with a pair of shining jade eyes.
"Cool," I whispered. Then gulped. I looked him in the eyes but he wasn't looking in mine. He had his attention trained on my throat for a beat too long before snapping his eyes back to mine.
"Awesome," he murmured before turning back to face the front and looked at his hands on the cold lab table top.
All I could think as Angela walked in the door was what the heck was THAT? My cell phone in my head typed out the distressed emoticon that was like the opposite of a big grin emoticon.
"Hey Bella-Bee." Angela leaned on my side of the desk with a smile. She had a determined, mischievous gleam deep in her irises. I narrowed my eyes at her, silently asking What are you going to do?
"So I was just talking to Alice and she said she was thinking about buying Jasper a song." Oh Sweet Lord Baby Jesus, she was notdoing this. Oh crap nodules she was! Ah! Distressed Emoticon!
"Are you gonna' buy any?" She said she was sorry with her eyes but I knew she secretly wanted to do this and push me in the right direction. And she knew that I knew. I think.
"I don't know, are you going to buy any?" I huffed at her, eyes still narrowed. "Possibly for a short person with black hair whose name rhymes with Ren Cheany?"
She looked shocked for a second and snapped up right off the table before her blush set in. Her eyes flickered to Edward for the briefest second and shot back to me. "Well played, Swan." She smiled slightly and went to sit down.
I blew out a breath I didn't know I was holding and slumped in my stool over the table, bringing my hands to my head to rub the pulsing from my temples. I heard a throat clearing and turned to inspect the bronze haired Greek god sitting next to me.
"So, uh . . . What was that about?" he asked.
More sighing on my part as I turned my head to the front as Mr. Banner started the class. "I guess you'll never know."
He was still looking at me. I could feel it.
"I guess you're right," he mumbled out of pursed lips.
This class was long. And boring. Those two elements causing it to be a breeding ground for the disease known as the Sleeping Student While Mr. Banner Talks About Placenta Syndrome. Highly contagious. The only good part being the boy next to me, and every day the bell that would cause him to shoot out his seat and dash out the door made me want to shank the guy who decided fifty minute class periods were a good thing. Because that person obviously never sat next to my Biology partner for that short amount of time. Moron.
I walked to gym in a respectful silence for the one class that continued to battle my GPA. Hats off to you, P.E. for efficiently making me fall on my face in every physical activity possible. Seriously, how does one even have a hope of face planting while doing sit ups?
On my way to the locker room, I passed by a group of gaggling girls. At a second look, I realized it was Jessica Stanley and her posse of ho-bags. They followed her around like puppies and she taught them in The Ways of the Hussy. I scoffed lightly under my breath at them as I passed when I heard his name.
They began giggling. What had Jessiskank said? I didn't usually subject myself to the petty gossip of the "popular girls", but this was of dire importance. I hid behind the wall that led to the girls' locker room and strained to listen.
"Ikr? That bitch is finally gone. Thank God; she was such a whore. So with Tanya out of the picture, my baby Edward is all for grabs." There was a collective giggle from the group and I rolled my eyes before I let the news sink in. Tanya Denali is Edward Cullen's college freshman girlfriend. Or, wasapparently if this piece of gossip were anywhere near truthful. I wonder why they broke up? I leaned in farther when the giggling had died down, hoping for more deets.
"Whenever I asked him out before, he'd always be like 'Oooh, sorry but I got something with my family this weekend,' or 'Ooooh, I have a lot of homework,' or 'Oooooh, how many times do I have to tell you I have a girlfriend?'" she prattled in a poor impression of Edward's voice. Cue Bella's eye roll. "But she's gone and he's fair game. And when I get my hands on him, he'll never want to leave." I could practically see the slutatious smile on her painted lips spreading over her overly whitened horse teeth. And I was seeing red. To even thinkabout her laying a manicured finger on Edward Cullen had me writhing with anger and jealousy. Because deep down, I knew he'd never pick me. I wasn't even his friend. I was his Biology partner, an acquaintance at most. It was a helluva lot more than Jessiskank had with him, but she seemed determined to change that. And all I could do was sit to the side and let the envious rage rip through me. He'd never go for her, I knew that, but that didn't mean I was happy with what she planned to do.
"What are youdoing out here, Swan?" I hadn't even noticed they were walking towards my hiding spot before the flock of ho-bags and their ring leader magically appeared in my line of vision. I was leaning up against the wall fuming and they had descended upon me unknowingly on my part.
"Nothin'. What are you doing alive, Stanley?" Oh-hooo, disss.
"Very funny Bella," she said my name like she was saying dirty jockstrap. "It's obvious you were listening. What did you hear?" She eyed me with her beady little eyes and all I could think was how closely related her snarly curls were to the clogged hair I found in my drain last week.
"Just a buncha sluts giggling over something so pathetically insignificant that it's almost funny." Ooooh, buurrrn.
From the back of the group I heard some girl ask what insignificant means. I just barely suppressed a condescending chuckle.
"Listen up, bitch." Jessica hissed. I raised my eyebrows. Oh no she di'int."I wouldn't talk to us like that if I were you. I rule this place, and I can have you shoved down to the bottom of the social ladder like that." She snapped her finger just a centimeter from my face.
Oh it is on, whore.
I never had this much confidence, unless it was for standing up to bullies like Jessica Stanley. I learned early on that if I didn't stop their teasing soon and didn't quit my push-overly ways, it would turn into flat out abuse. So I was ending this shit right here, right now.
"No, you listen up, Jessica," I used my best dirty jockstrap tone. "There's a little thing called personal space and unless your barn door swings the other way, I'd appreciate you backing your fake boobs out of my face." She had on mega-stripper heels and her boobs were literally right in my face with her proximity. She backed off, the slightest sign of embarrassment casing her face. My inner cell phone made the evil smiley. This was getting good. "Also, you may think you have that much power in this school, but you really don't, and I wonder if you even know how many people really hate you . . . " I said with a finger on my chin and a wondrous expression on my face while Jessiskank just blanched. By now it was just me and Jess while her group of about six had slowly begun to back up to the other side of the wall. "And don't you ever, ever, call me bitch because I will bust you upside dat pretty lil' head." I snarled. "I may be clumsy, but I'll be damned if I can't throw a punch without," I imitated her nasally voice and waved my fingers in her face "breaking a nail! Aah!And by the way, I don't think Tanya would take too lightly to how you talk of her. And neither would Edward. Oh, speaking of which, have you ever even noticed what Edward's type is?" If she was a cartoon, she'd be steaming out her ears and fake nose. I smirked. "Because I'm pretty sure he doesn't date hookers. Later, cunts." I flicked my hand in Jessiskank and the ho-bags general direction as I made my way to the locker room feeling pretty friggin superior. Someone just got verbally bitch slapped, baby.
They left me alone the rest of the class period only sparing me the occasional glare to which I ignored indifferently. I changed quickly and ran out of the gym. My truck was parked not too far off and it looked like an old red rusted haven from afar. As soon as the door was open, I slammed into the seat of the cab and jammed the keys in the ignition. The hot air that blasted from the vents was like heaven as it dried my hair from the slight spatter of rain outside and caused goose bumps to jump up on my arm, emitting a sharp shiver to snake down my spine. I smiled lazily with my eyes closed and turned on the alternative channel on my crappy radio. The station was close to the area so it wasn't too bad a reception and the soothing voice of the radio host seeping through the speakers lulled me as I lay across the whole front seat. I realized then how exhausted I was.
"In honor of Paramore's new album coming out, Everyday at three o'clock this week for a half hour, we'll be visiting their music of past albums to wind down to the new album release. We've also been given permission to play uncredited demos that have never been released for consumer . . . ear consumption? Haha, I don't even know! Well any way, here's a track from their last album Brand New Eyes. It's called All I Wanted . . ." then his voice went out as the song faded in. I knew this one. It was a little sad, but so hauntingly beautiful.
I sang along.
"Think of me when you're out
When you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
And when the world treats you way too fairly
Well it's a shame I'm a dream
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you"
Then the electric guitar and drums crashed in like thunder after the slow haunting melody of the beginning and suddenly the song became nostalgic, as if you could feel the pain of the song writer losing the one they wanted so badly. A lone tear trailed down the outer corner of my eye and pooled in my ear, leaking out to create a dark spot on the felt seat interior.
"I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
Wake up early, the black and white re-runs
That escape from my mouth, oh
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you"
And I could feel the singer's pain in the alluring raw wail of her last note. The electric guitar slowly trailed off in a completely different whine of its own as if it were preserving her cry of loneliness. I sighed as the song ended.
Then I bolted up out of the seat and would have hit my head if I weren't lying down. Someone had tapped my passenger side window. I twisted around and could feel my jaw unhinge as it dropped open with a pop of my lips. I reached over and opened the door, deciding rolling down the window was fruitless in a vehicle this old and Edward Cullen popped his gorgeously messy haired head in the truck with an apologetic smirk. And he was smirking because he had obviously caught me loitering in the school parking lot alone just listening to the lyrical delicacies that is Paramore. I glanced around and realized the lot was mostly vacant and sprinkled with the occasional car. I pulled in a big breath through my nose and faced the boy leaning in my car.
"Can I help you with something?" I asked in a small voice.
New story, woop woop! :)
Unlike most of my others, this one might actually get finished in the near future lol. It's mostly based off Paramore songs, but also a different band's song. We were driving home and it came on the radio. I hadn't heard it in forever and I was like ATTACKED by nostalgia. Then I had this idea. :) Of course, Paramore's cover is way better than the original and also contributed to this story.
The singing valentine thing is real, we do it at my school. But I live in Texas, not Forks. . . sadly. :/ And I have a favorite white beanie too. :3
But any way, the title is a line from the song I heard in the car. I'm not tellin you it cuz its a surprise. ;) Though I mentioned the band. And you can cheat and Google it, then well. . . whatever. :P
There will be about 3 or 4 chaps depending on how much I want to stare at my computer hours on end. I already have the second chap mostly done! ;D Yep, I'm gettin ahead this time!. . . Actually, I just really intended this to be a real long one-shot but it was getting too long so it'll just be a short story. :)
I use too many emoticons in my A/Ns. :P
Playlist for this story is on my profile :)
Lol, Jessiskank. xD