Hey here's just a pointless one shot I decided to do because I always wondered what Byakuya would be like at a sleepover. Don't take it seriously.
Warnings: Implied ByaRen, Yachiru's cracktastic ways, Yumichika's make up bag…
Byakuya's first sleepover!
"This…" Byakuya stared at the sight before him. "What exactly is this?"
"He he silly Byakun! It's a sleepover of course!" Yachiru giggled.
It all started 10 minutes ago at approximately 9:00 pm on a Saturday night, after Byakuya had just returned from his evening stroll. He was planning to take his bath, read a little, and then retire to his room for the night. However as soon as he stepped into his bathroom, hoping to see a relaxing honey and milk bath prepared for him by his servants, he saw a hyperactive pink haired little menace standing there in front of his tub. To the left side were Yumichika and Ikkaku, who had unreadable expressions on their faces. They kept glancing to the right side of the room where Renji was lying, his head leaning on the toilet, his arms and legs were bound with sparkly pink rope, and his mouth was gagged with what looked like a hello kitty bandana. On closer inspection Byakuya noticed he was out cold. The noble wanted nothing more than to call out his ninjas to get rid of all of them, so he could go back to enjoying his night, but he decided he should at least hear them out. He turned to the little one. "I don't understand."
"You've never heard of a sleepover Byakushi?" Yachiru's eyes went wide in excitement. "It's when girls get together and do fun stuff, and it's all pink and fluffy! Ken-chan told me that!" Byakuya raised an eyebrow. He couldn't and didn't want to imagine Kenpachi saying anything to anybody about anything pink and fluffy.
"…What happened to Renji?"
"Ah…he just passed out from drinking too much." Yumichika explained. "Fuku-taichou we can untie him now right?"
"No! It's more fun this way!" Yachiru giggled.
"Anyways, let's bring him out of here." Byakuya decided. He then signaled for a few of his servants who lifted up the red head and brought him into one of the spare rooms of the Kuchiki residence. "Now," He turned to the other three, "I think you should—."
"Yay! Time for party games!" Yachiru cheered, while Ikkaku sweat dropped. "Ok! So first, since pineapple head fell asleep first he is now a party pooper!"
"Well he didn't fall asleep as much as fainted. And I don't think it helped when you jumped on his head…" Yumichika noted.
"So we're gonna' play pranks on him!" She squealed excitedly and fished out a can of whipped cream, completely ignoring the others. Byakuya thought this over. Even if he told her to leave, she probably wouldn't listen, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad to entertain her for a while.
As they slid open the door to the guest room, light poured into the dark room where Renji was snoozing off his drunkenness.
"Ok! We made it inside." Yachiru announced, determined.
"Great…" Ikkaku answered with less conviction.
"Now! For the set up…" She smirked, as she shook the whipped cream canister. "Byakun, would you like to do the honors?"
"…What exactly are we trying to do?
"I already told you! We're going to put this whipped cream in pineapple head's hand, and then tickle his nose with this feather until he tries to stop the tickling by putting his hand to his face, and getting whipped cream all over his face. This is where it gets interesting. We will then get 500 fire ants and put them all over his cream covered face, and watch as they enjoy some pineapples and cream."
"…That sounds a bit dangerous." Yumichika said, nervously.
"Ehh?" Yachiru pouted. "Fine what do you think we should do?"
"I thought you'd never ask!" Yumichika gleamed, and suddenly a sparkly makeup bag appeared.
"Oh god…not the makeup Yumi!" Ikkaku begged.
"Oh relax Ikkaku! I'm just going to give our red headed friend here a little make over." There was a twinkle in Yumichika's eyes that made Byakuya nervous.
"Oooh I like where you're going with this Lashes!" Yachiru cheered.
"Well I don't. I'm outta here." Ikkaku announced and turned to leave when he noticed the door was closed. He tried to open it, but it appeared to be stuck. "Uh...Kuchiki-taichou…the door won't open."
Meanwhile in the Kuchiki bathroom…
"Man now I know why Kuchiki-sama enjoys these honey milk baths so much!" A man laughed.
"I know right sweetie?" A woman giggled, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Your idea to trap Kuchiki-sama in that room for the night was soo smart!"
"Bwahaha well not to toot my horn but…toot toot!" The man smirked. We'll find out who these people are later.
Back to Byakuya and the others!
"So we're stuck in here?" Ikkaku asked.
"This is the only room that doesn't have any secret doorways." Byakuya explained. "But a servant will come and let us out eventually."
"Eventually huh?" Yachiru nodded. "Great! Then while we wait for those stupid heads to let us out we can enjoy painting sleepy head's face!" She decided and grabbed a teal eyeliner pen from Yumichika's makeup bag.
"Fine…I guess it's better than doing nothin'" Ikkaku sighed and grabbed the makeup bag.
"Oh boy!" Yumichika was absolutely gleeful. Yeah because nothing beats putting make up on a drunken unconscious guy with your bald best friend and pink haired miniature superior. Whoopee fun times! However Byakuya just stared as the three decorated his fuku-taichou's face with various cosmetics.
"Mmnnn?" Renji stirred, and Yachiru, Yumichika, and Ikkaku quickly scurried away as if someone threw a rock at the bush that they were living in. "W-where…am I?" He sat up, then clutched his head and winced. The only light in the room was a lamp on a small wooden table in the corner of the room. Renji squinted around and eventually found Byakuya's blurry figure standing there staring at him. "Who…? Taichou…is this…a dream?"
"No Renji this is reality." It took a lot of effort, even for someone like Byakuya to retain his composure while looking at Renji. With the teal smiley faces and hearts that decorated his cheeks, the mauve lip liner and sparkly pink lip gloss smeared all over his lips, and the thick globs of mascara weighing down his eyelashes. Along with his messy long red hair, and tattoos he resembled those wacky circus clowns that Renji himself had told Byakuya about before.
"Oh…" Renji attempted to process this, as he massaged his temples. "Why're…you in my bedroom Taichou?"
"No you're wrong…" A voice said from behind the table in the corner. "This is Byakun's bedroom." Byakuya could hear some stifled laughter.
"…Huh? Why am I…?"
"Don't you remember…last night you and Byaku had that nice dinner and then…well I'm sure you remember the rest." More snickers. By now, Byakuya was dying to go senbonzakura on all three of their asses.
"Oh god…this is definitely a dream…" Renji sighed, and lay down again. The snickers were louder than ever at this point.
"No, it's not a dream Renji. Wake up." Byakuya decided to take control of this situation, when there was a fiddling sound, as if someone was trying to unlock the door.
"Our cover's been blown! Hit the deck!" Yachiru commanded as she used her sparkly pink rope to lasso Byakuya and Renji under the bed with her and Yumichika and Ikkaku.
"Why are we hiding?" Ikkaku asked.
"And how're we all fitting under here?" Yumichika added.
"…My head…" Renji moaned as he rested his head on a dust bunny. Byakuya tried his best not to make a disgusted face.
"Shh!" Yachiru hissed, as her eyes darted to and fro. "They're coming!"
"Who?" Ikkaku asked. "What's even going on?"
"Isn't it obvious? We're playing hide and seek!" Yachiru whispered with a gleeful expression.
"Since when? And besides we don't even know who the seeker is." Yumichika commented.
"Uh you know we can hear you out here." A man's voice said.
"Byakun! See what you did! You blew our cover!" Yachiru berated. Byakuya was just plain bewildered since he was the only one who hadn't said a word since they went into hiding. After they had all crawled out from under the bed, they saw a man and woman presumably in their early forties standing there.
"Who might you be?" Byakuya asked not recognizing them as his servants. He then noticed they were holding a bottle of champagne and they were wearing white terry bathrobes.
"Oh…well this is awkward." The man said as he scratched the back of his head.
"I know what you guys are!" Yachiru pointed a finger at the couple. "You're…Brad and Ryan! The cute boys from down the street, who we're not allowed to have over!"
"Fuku-taichou, one of them's obviously a chick." Ikkaku sighed, then paused, and turned to the woman. "You are a chick, ain't ya?" The woman just scoffed at him, clearly offended by his question. Then she noticed Renji, and her expression completely changed.
"Oh my." She giggled and batted her eyelashes. "Well aren't you a tall drink of water!"
"Thanks I could use some water…" Renji nodded, and held out his hand for the glass that was never going to come with a hazy expression. Byakuya was far past confused at this point. There were so many questions running through his mind. Why was that woman calling Renji a tall glass of water? He didn't look anything like a glass of water. In fact he looked more like a hideous clown had just puked all over his face. Also who were these two strangers and what were they doing in his house? And most importantly: Who were Brad and Ryan?
"Hey punk! Why the hell are you flirting with my wife right in front of my face?" The man yelled, right in Renji's face.
"…So…loud…" Renji groaned. "Can I just have my water?"
"You bastard!" The man exploded.
"All of you, leave." Byakuya commanded. No one really heard him over the commotion of the man yelling and Yachiru's random chatter. "Now!" He added in a louder voice. Still nothing. He was about to take more drastic measures, when a bunch of ninjas appeared.
"Oh crap." The man uttered, as he and the woman raised their hands in the air.
"What is this about?" Byakuya asked.
"We've been looking for these two for a week sir." One of the ninjas answered, as the others tied up the man and woman. "They've been sneaking into nearby houses and using people's baths for their own personal spa getaway."
"That's just sick." Yumichika shook his head in disgust.
"Take them away." Byakuya ordered, and the ninjas were gone, taking the man and woman with them.
"Can I have some water now…?" Renji pleaded.
"Oh will someone just get the man some water!" Yumichika sighed.
"I'll get it!" Yachiru grinned.
"No." Byakuya answered, as he stuffed a cookie in her mouth. "I prefer my Koi pond to have water in it." A few minutes later, after Yumichika finally got all the make up off Renji's face, they all sat down in Byakuya's tea drinking room to…well to drink tea. "After this, you all need to leave." Byakuya informed the group.
"Silly Byakun! We can't leave until tomorrow. That's why it's called a sleepover." Yachiru explained.
"I have no available rooms for you to sleep in." Byakuya tried to make up an excuse, since just telling them to leave clearly wasn't working.
"That's ok, we're all going to sleep in your room anyway." Yachiru grinned.
"Yup! Ken-chan told me that everyone sleeps in the same room at sleepovers." Byakuya was really starting to wonder how Kenpachi knew so much about sleepovers.
"But I only have one futon."
The next morning couldn't come quick enough for Byakuya who surprisingly was able to sleep soundly during the night. Almost as if he was knocked unconscious. He opened his eyes and felt a heavy warm something over his chest. He delicately opened his eyes to see a flash of red. He blinked again to make sure he wasn't still sleeping. He wasn't. He could see something red on top of him .Something red and tan and tattooed and now he was starting to wonder what happened last night.
"We're really all going to sleep in Kuchiki taichou's room?" Yumichika whispered to Ikkaku who shrugged.
"Sorry about this Taichou." Renji seemed to be feeling a bit better, but still had an awkward look about him. "I'll just uh sleep on the floor in the corner over there." He gestured to the far corner of the room
"Well where else did you think you were going to sleep?" Yumichika smirked. Renji glanced in Byakuya's direction, then looked away quickly.
"Uh huh." Yumichika chuckled, while placing down a sleeping mat on the floor next to an already asleep Ikkaku.
"I have an early day tomorrow, so…" Byakuya began.
"Oh right of course." Yumichika nodded. "Ok I'll turn off the lights. Good night everyone~"
And that was it right? Byakuya thought it out. He fell asleep after that and he was pretty sure everyone had slept on the floor, so he didn't know why his vice captain was now lying on top of him.
There was only one way to find out: Wake up Renji.
But that brought another question. How was he supposed to do that? He pondered this for a minute, when there was an unattractively loud snore from Renji in which Byakuya could swear he felt an unpleasantly warm wind pass through him. He almost wanted to scream, but of course that wouldn't be the dignified thing to do. Instead he grabbed a long fiery red lock of Renji's hair which was splashed all over the white futon. After admiring it, and admitting only to himself that Renji's hair was quite beautiful, he yanked it so hard, that it seemed he was going to pull it out. There was a loud whimper from Renji, who gripped tighter on to Byakuya. Byakuya felt this strange fluttering feeling that he immediately shook off.
"Renji, get up."
"Mmm…just a minute Taichou…" Renji snuggled in closer. Byakuya was now feeling a little warmer than he'd like to, and his heart was throbbing too much for a man his age. Yet he was frozen in place. Instead he clenched his fists, and took a deep breath.
"Now Renji. Get up right now." He demanded.
"But taichou…" Renji whined, and then there was a pause as the red head lifted his head and opened his eyes to stare at Byakuya. "…Is this a dream?"
"No. This is reality Renji." Byakuya found himself saying for the second time in the past twenty-four hours as he avoided the brown eyes gazing sleepily into his.
"Oh." Another pause. Followed by a blush. Then a rapid fluster of movement as Renji almost tripped after standing up. He stared at Byakuya with wide eyes and a flushed face. Byakuya sat up and looked down at his lap, an ever so slight pink tinted his porcelain cheeks. Suddenly there was a thud. Byakuya looked up to see Renji sitting on his knees with a determined expression. "I-I think we…we need to talk about this…"
"Yes. But first…" Byakuya glanced at Renji from the corner of his eye. "Your hair."
"Tie it up."
Renji blinked. "Uh…why?"
Byakuya tried his best not to crinkle his eyebrows in frustration as he turned away. "Just…do it."
"Taichou, I don't see why—."
"Distracting?" Renji unconsciously ran a hand through his hair. "I don't really get what you mean Taichou."
Byakuya wanted nothing more than to slap some sense into the man before him. How could he not get it? Was he really this dense? And why did he look so damn sexy while being so adorably oblivious? These were the questions that were currently plaguing the noble's mind.
"S-so anyways, you know I really was sleeping in the corner over there. I didn't like sneak over here in the middle of the night or anything." Byakuya suddenly wondered how Renji's hair would look when it was braided, and forgot to pay attention to what the red head was actually saying. He decided to just nod, and hope it would seem like an appropriate response. Renji breathed a sigh of relief, indicating the nod was acceptable. "Wait where did Fuku-taichou and the others go?" Byakuya just realized it himself. They were alone in the bedroom. "Did they already leave?"
"I don't think they were here when I woke." Byakuya stated. "Though it was hard to tell."
"Ah...sorry about that." Renji chuckled awkwardly. "But you know, I'm just wondering…how'd I end up on your futon then?"
"Here're the pictures you wanted." Yachiru handed an envelope over to Matsumoto Rangiku and Nanao Ise.
"Excellent." Nanao nodded in approval as they looked over the photos.
Rangiku grinned. "These pictures will be perfect for the new issue of the Shinigami Women's Association magazine: BL edition."
A week later…
"So Taichou…" Renji leaned back in his chair, avoiding his work as usual. "How'd you like your first sleepover? Probably sucked huh?"
"It wasn't that bad."
Renji almost fell backwards in his chair. "W-what? You serious? I mean with those weirdos who broke into your house and Yachiru fuku-taichou bothering you and—well the sleeping incident."
"Yes well, at least those criminals were caught."
"Hmm…you're being awfully positive about the whole thing." Renji eyed his captain suspiciously.
"In fact I'm planning another sleep over soon." Byakuya stated in a cool manner. "It's tonight at 9pm. I trust you'll be there."
"M-me?" Renji's mouth was agape. "You're actually inviting me?"
"However there are some rules you must follow."
"Yes." Byakuya began. "It's all here on this list. Take it home and read it."
"Uh ok?" Renji raised a brow. "But wait, who else is going?"
"There is information about that on the list."
While Renji was walking home after work he took out the list to see what these "rules" Byakuya wanted him to follow were. Since the sleepover was in a few hours he figured he should at least give it a look through.
Kuchiki Byakuya's Sleep over Rules:
No one from the 11th division is allowed to attend.
No one else is allowed to attend aside from the host (Kuchiki Byakuya) and the guest (Abarai Renji).
Guest's hair must not be tied up at all times during event.
Guest must wear minimal to no clothing during event.
Host is allowed to tie up Guest however he desires with whatever he desires. (Ropes, chains, etc.)
The bedroom door must remain locked during the entire event.
Well that was…uh yeah. So I was a bit confused as to what they sleep on in Soul Society. Do they sleep on futons or was I wrong? If anyone knows please tell me. And reviews are always welcome and appreciated, thanks for reading!