A.N. This universe is not mine; it belongs to Verboten Byacolate and whitetyger123. It's in their amazing story, Tale of the Conquered Overbearing. Seriously, it's awesome. You should check it out. Right now. It's not necessary to understand the story, but it helps. Also, the main affliction in this story and TotCO is dissociative identity disorder, more commonly known as multiple/split personality disorder.
I don't own Verboten Byacolate, whitetyger123, Tale of the Conquered Overbearing, or DID/MPD/SPD. Never have, never will.
For some new fangirls/fanboys, the human name thing can be confusing. I know I was confused. So here's a cast list for your convenience, and please tell me if it helped you as a newbie.
Matthew Williams: Canada
Tino Väinämöinen: Finland
Berwald Oxenstierna: Sweden
Ivan Braginski: Russia
Alfred F. Jones: America
Arthur Kirkland: Britain/England
Roderich Edelstein: Austria
Elizabeta Héderváry: Hungary
Gilbert Weilschmidt: Prussia
Antonio Fernandez Carriedo: Spain
Now on with the show!
Matthew Williams, psychologist extraordinaire, was honestly scared out of his mind. As he looked in his mirror and straightened his tie, his brain worked furiously to calm itself down and work itself up at the same time.
Buck up Mattie! You can do this! Sure, you haven't been a psychologist that long, and most people forget who you are, but this is great! And yeah, the first support meeting was cut short because of that storm warning, and then that fire drill, and you got really bad food poisoning the second time and couldn't make it, but nothing's stopping you this time! They're not all your patients, but you can make more friends! Or, in Alfred's case, a new potential boyfriend… I knew they were friends, but I don't think I'd have ever imagined my brother taking a romantic interest in one of my patients…Or getting carried out of the building over mad "Captain Kirkland's" shoulder.
As soon as he deemed his outfit acceptable, the Canadian flashed one last quasi-terrified look in the mirror, picked up his keys, and walked out the door.
Plus, he thought with an embarrassed little smile on his face, Gilbert will be there.
When he arrived at the nice, clean, if not a little bit stark building, Matthew could feel his knees shaking. There's nothing to be worried about, all these people like you! Just g-go in and get comfortable and talk to these nice people about their problems, nothin' else to it.
As he entered the spacious basement, the blonde was surprised to find he wasn't the first one there. Tino Väinämöinen and his husband Berwald Oxenstierna were chatting (More like Tino was talking and Berwald was listening and occasionally nodding) by the refreshment table, and Ivan Braginski was in the far corner, looking terrifying as usual.
"Well, hello guys!" Matthew remarked cheerfully, if not a bit too quietly.
"Huh? Oh! Hiya Dr. Williams, nice to see you," Tino replied. Ivan looked over and waved intimidatingly. Matthew smiled, swallowed, and re-adjusted his tie. As they got back to what they were doing, an odd humming noise floated in from the hallway. And then, Alfred F. Jones, loud, obnoxious, annoying brother of quiet, peaceful, humble Matthew Williams bounded into the room, loudly "dan-daaaan"-ing his arrival, followed by a very embarrassed Arthur Kirkland.
"Yo! What's up little brother?" Alfred practically yelled, throwing his arm around said brother.
"Alfred, calm down! You know there are… sensitive people here," Matthew murmured. Alfred knew that this just meant that crazy people were easily set off. But he did anyway, because it was the nice things to do, and heroes do nice things for people.
"I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here with Arthur?" Alfred laughed.
"Would you believe me if I said I decided to take an interest in your job?"
"Well it's true. Kind of. Also, Arthur's car finally choked up and died, so he rang me up for a ride."
"You're still that close? I know I introduced you guys to each other like, five years ago and you hung out a bit, but I thought that was just a … my-work relationship," Matthew mused. Alfred laughed once more, throwing his arm back around the shorter man.
"Dude, when you get kidnapped by a mad but friendly British pirate after braving 50 mile-per-hour winds and torrential rains to bring your brother his PDA, and then go to a strip club and eventually get kicked out and do various other things with that awesome British pirate, you can't just NOT bond. You just… can't."
Matthew chuckled and shrugged off the arm. He said hello to the couple who had just arrived, Roderich Edelstein and Elizabeta Héderváry. After everyone had gotten nice and settled and were waiting patiently, Gilbert Weilschmidt waltzed into the room, ten minutes late and undeniably fashionable.
"Sorry I'm late; my brother was having problems with…something. Okay he wasn't, I just got stuck in traffic," Gilbert announced loudly and unashamedly, jumping over the back of his chair and landing perfectly, back against one arm and legs thrown over the other. Matthew secretly envied his confidence. He cleared his throat and began.
"I'm so glad you all came! Despite the … um…unfortunate circumstances that occurred with the last two meetings, I have a good feeling about today! Since we're mostly all new today, why don't we all introduce ourselves? I'm Dr. Matthew Williams, as most of you know," Gilbert, Roderich and Arthur all said "Hi Matthew" in a rather sarcastic way, mocking the people who said things like that at AA meetings and such. "Oh, you guys are so funny. I became a psychologist because I wanted to help people, but I faint at the sight of blood. I don't have multiple personality disorder, but I'm kind of an expert in the field. Next?"
"What's up, I'm Gilbert Weilschmidt, age 24, half albino, the reason my uptight brother is in the psychology biz, and in possession of a personality can totally out-awesome any of your personalities."
"Really, what's it like?" Tino asked kindly.
"Gilbird is the most badass canary any of you will ever meet."
Arthur raised a ridiculously large eyebrow in hilarious-looking disbelief. "A canary? As in, the bird?"
"Yes, and I suggest you learn to respect the name." Arthur snorted in derision as Gilbert continued speaking. "Next up?"
"Hullo, m' name's Berwald. Here for my wif-husband T'no. It's an … intersting life, t' say th' least.
The smaller blonde man laughed just a bit dangerously as he elbowed his husband in the ribs. "Hello all! My name's Tino; and I have three personalities. Aleksi, Vieno and Essi are all pretty docile. And-" Tino blushed, just a little, "-Essi is a girl."
"Eh, it ain't the worst anyone's had to deal with. At least they're all nice, right?" Alfred said, almost yelling across the room.
"Hmph. Indeed. Good day, my name is Roderich Edelstein. I am here for my wife, and her three personalities," Roderich said, a slightly bored look on his face.
"Oh Roddy, you're so silly! Good afternoon! My name is Eufrozina- well, my name is, but Miss Elizabeta really controls this body! Balázs-Károly is the man of the house in here, and Marica has some… diverse interests." Eufrozina's face shifted immediately, getting a little less bubbly, but a lot more kind-of-insane-looking.
"'Diverse interests,' huh? Interesting way to put it, 'Zina. Yes, I have some unorthodox hobbies, who cares? Roddy darling certainly doesn't."
Roderich rolled his eyes. "I don't mind, I just think it's weird." Marica straightened up in a huff.
"What? Just because my single goal in life is-" Marica said something in Hungarian that no one quiet understood, but judging by the look on Roderich's face, it probably wasn't all that innocent. "-I'm weird? I can assure you many other women enjoy what I do."
"Yes darling." The woman's face changed once again, hardening and turning a bit more masculine.
"Although, there aren't many guys who do though," the brunette purred in a much deeper voice, moving behind her husband and licking up the back of his neck. "Lucky me you're one of them." Balázs-Károly ripped off the skirt of what everyone assumed was a dress, but actually a skirt and blouse, showing the matching trousers underneath.
"God, I hate it when that woman leaves the house wearing all this stupid girly stuff," Balázs-Károly grumbled, getting back into the chair his body had vacated a minute ago. The face changed again, showing a quite normal look in the place of the last.
"So, in conclusion, Eufrozina's really sweet, Marica engages in eccentric hobbies, and Balázs-Károly is a really macho-manly gay guy. Hello, I'm Elizabeta. Nice to see you all again." Most of the room was silent, jaws on the ground in shock. One loud, German-accented voice broke the silence.
"Man, that was so weird!" Gilbert laughed.
"Yes, very well, I'd like get on with this. 'Ello, my name is Arthur Kirkland. I hail from Jolly Old England; long live the Queen, tea and crumpets, Tower Bridge, etcetera etcetera. I only have one other personality, and he's not as enthusiastic or… spastic." Alfred shifted uncomfortably in his seat, positioning himself a little bit further away from the intimidating man to his right before speaking.
"Hey guys! I'm Alfred F. Kirkland, a pretty cool guy, and I'm here for my brother (that sexy beast of a psychologist over there, we must share a lot of the same genes), AND this guy right here. He may look like a totally grouchy, over-eye browed curmudgeon, but he's really a cool guy. Don't hesitate to say hi to either of us!" Alfred exclaimed in his naturally too-loud voice, gesturing first to his brother then to the blonde man to his left. Arthur blushed and slouched down even more in his chair.
"Ha, greetings! My name is Ivan Braginski, and I really don't want to be here. I have nineteen personalities, and they won't hurt you if you don't provoke them. Unfortunately, they're all very sensitive. So just don't talk to me and we'll be fine!" The creepy smile on the Russian's face made everyone want to scoot as far away as possible, but since they didn't want to seem rude, they just fidgeted in their mismatched chairs.
Matthew cleared his throat and shuffled his papers. "O-okay, now that that's all done with, we sh-" the shy doctor was cut off by a loud bang, accompanied by panting and out-of-breath apologies.
"L-lo siento, I'm so sorry for being late! I already was running late for another appointment, and then the doorman there held me back, and traffic was horrible. I hope I didn't miss anything!" The man in the doorway with his hands on his knees finally looked up at everyone in the room.
"Oh! I uh, didn't actually miss anything, did I?"
Matthew waved off the other man's worries with his pen-filled right hand. "No, we just finished introductions. Introduce yourself and we'll continue." The new man smiled and walked over to the empty chair between Ivan and Matthew.
"Hola, my name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Nice to meet you all again. My only other personality, a nasty violent guy, is named for the childhood homeland I'm so fond of, Spain. How are you all?" Murmurs of "fine," "good," and "Ha ha you loser, you're later than I was!" echoed though the room.
"So, now that that's taken care of, who has news?" The meeting went on for about twenty more minutes uninterrupted. Gilbert mused that he might be developing a new personality, with some really weird name and a fetish for diary-writing. Tino and Berwald shared some pointers on keeping personalities in line in public. Alfred shared a (highly edited) story of the events following the last meeting, after which Arthur kidnapped him. Arthur jumped in quite a lot, to put Alfred back in line or fix some detail he had messed up. It was quite entertaining. The conversation was slowly falling into a lull before all hell slowly started breaking loose.
It all started with bird chirping. The springtime songbirds outside the windows sang and whistled and chirruped to their heart's content, but one particular melody made Gilbert jump out of his seat. He and Matthew had discussed it at length before, but had come to the conclusion that only a certain tune, a greeting or a farewell, if Gilbert was to be believed, could call out Gilbird. Gilbert didn't remember much from the split-seconds between changes, but those harmonies always had a certain ring to them that reminded the German of hellos and goodbyes and roused the sleeping bird-beast. And rouse Gilbird this particular song did.
As Gilbird started flapping his arm-wings and tweeting away, the whole room watched him. He "flew" over to Matthew, and started pecking. Since Gilbird did not have an actually "beak," per say, he was really just pressing his face into Matthew, his lips slightly pursed. Like little kisses, Matthew thought, and he shivered as he felt more of the little touches and quickly shook away the idea. He and Gilbert were sleeping together, but he doubted Gilbert felt as strongly as he did.
Gilbert started climbing up the back of the chair, an interesting feat if one considers he only used his teeth and his feet starting at ground level, crouched into a little ball. When he was properly perched on the back, he started pecking/nuzzling Matthew's neck. At this point, the atmosphere in the room had dropped from "Lighthearted and Pleasant" to "Homigod, I Don't Think I've Ever Felt This Awkward in My Life." Everyone twisted around uncomfortably in their seats as Gilbird continued his salacious, lascivious molestation of Matthew's neck. Elizabeta started squealing and pointing at the two.
"Ohohoh Roderich, look! I wish I had my camera. Mmm, that's so…!" Marica whispered loudly, tugging on her husband's sleeve.
"Hot?" He supplied helpfully.
"Yes!" she squealed, shooting her husband a lusty, distracted look he vehemently ignored. They were in public after all; and Marica knew he would … take care of her problem at home; couldn't she just wait a half hour? Well, she actually could. She didn't actually need her "problem," as he called it, taken care of. It was really just exciting and cute and yes, only a little bit hot. She just wanted to bother him.
"Hmhmhm, you think we could do that too, Roderich?"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT BALÁZS-KÁROLY! That man, Gilbert, literally had the brain of a bird right now. No matter how much you may not seem like it, you're smarter than that, and probably just a tad more modest. Plus, imagine how all these other people would feel." Elizabeta giggled.
"Oh, alright Roddy. I just wanted to make you happy too!" Eufrozina squealed, jumping into her husband's lap. Said husband sighed and patted her back.
"Well, I'm quite happy as I am right now, so just drop it."
"Okay! Anything for you," Eufrozina sing-songed, violently shoving Balázs-Károly out of control after the split second he had it.
As everyone ripped their eyes away from the "happy" couple, they noticed something odd going on at the head of the little circle. Gilbird was attempting to climb onto Matthew's head. Watching a 5 foot 9, 145 pound man trying to climb onto a much smaller man looked, to say the least, rather unmanageable and painful. For the smaller man, of course.
Matthew wasn't quite sure what to do, since he knew that shaking Gilbird off would most likely result in him falling off then sulking in a corner. And that bird could hold a wicked grudge, just like the man could too. So Matthew Williams, psychologist extraordinaire, sat in place, hands shaking, as his not-quite-boyfriend tried to perch himself comfortably on the psychologist's head.
"Gil-Gilbird! No-no-no-no-no! Ouch! Stop-ow!-it! I'm pretty sure we-JESUS!-tried to get rid of this habit-stop pulling on my hair!-a few sessions ago. HOLY CRAP! WOULD YOU-?" At this point, Matthew remembered that there were other people in the room. At the very least, the mood in the room had once again become Lighthearted and Pleasant, if not a little Mirthful. Matthew sighed, and started pulling at the arms wrapped around his neck.
"Please, just laugh now. At the very least I'll know you're entertained." He wasn't expecting the whole room to start chuckling, or in Alfred's case, to literally start rolling on the floor laughing. But, Alfred did tend to take things to the extreme, so Matthew honestly should have expected it from his brother. Gilbird, finally have a rare stroke of avian genius, decided that the wobbly blonde perch wasn't the best choice, and instead crawled over its shoulder to settle comfortably in its lap. Gilbird cooed as he sat across Matthew's lap and started nuzzling the latter's chest.
"O-okay Gilbird, I suppose this is better. Hold this for me, would you?" Gilbird happily complied, holding Matthew's clipboard as he straightened his glasses and shifted into a more comfortable position.
"Okay, time to get this ship back in shape-"
"Aye aye captain," Roderich deadpanned, rolling his eyes. Alfred started digging around in his pockets. Matthew whimpered and hung his head. Damn it, they had actually been doing well today.
"The Captain was in a really bad mood when we left the house today, plus he lost his eye patch last time and I don't have any extras." Meanwhile, the man next to him stiffened. His pupils contracted then expanded, then had a dreamy, faraway look in eyes they belonged to.
"Aye bonny, I was in a right tizzy when we left this mornin', but I'm feelin' much better now. Where's me eye patch? Ye know I can't see straight wi'out it. DO ye' have it, beauty? Tell me ye' have it…"
"Yes Captain Kirkland, I know you know I know you have an eye problem, but you lost it last time remember? That one crazy hooker stole it? And I don't have any extras. Augh, will this do?" Alfred pulled a black silk scarf out of his pocket, not quite sure how it got there. Arthur grumbled and took the scarf.
"How do I look?" He asked, after properly tying it around his head.
Alfred stared appreciatively, possibly making a little groaning noise in the back of his throat. Maybe. "Positively fierce, Captain."
"All right, so which o' ye landlubbers decided it'd be a good ider t' call out Mad Captain Kirkland, eh?" Roderich's hand was forced up by Elizabeta.
"Ye got a bone ter pick wi' me? Summat to fight over? Well then, on guard, prissy-man!"
Roderich rolled his eyes, just a little bit scared. "I apologize…Captain, I had no idea that saying that would call you out." The Captain sighed, his shoulders slumping.
"Landlubbers don't care fer adventure, how borin'. A solo adventure for me, eh? I can do 't," the Captain mused, walking over to the refreshment table and pulling the cake knife out of the cheesecake like a dagger out of its sheath.
"And what are you looking for today, Captain?" Alfred piped up. A dreamy, longing look overtook Arthur's borrowed face.
"Me ship, Alfie, me ship. Most beauteous thing a man could ev'r set his eyes on."
"What's her name, sir?"
"Ah, there be a bit o' story 'hind it. I stole 'er, from those filthy Frenchies. They, o' course, had 'er custom-built by… someone else, so she ain't a pile o' horse dung like normal French canoes. I would've changed 'er name, but I got the feelin' it 'ould break 'er bonny heart. She be the "Peu Battant Lapin," Alfred swooned, horribly mangling the French pronunciation.
"Do you know that means "little flying bunny" in French?" Antonio sniggered.
"How dare ye desecrate me ship's good name!"Captain Kirkland spun around, and brought the knife too close to Antonio's face. The knife almost grazed his nose, and Antonio gasped in shock. His face instantly changed, twisting into a cruel sneer.
"What's the hell's your problem? Swinging knives at people, you get sued for being that retarded!" He stood up, his chair falling back and scraping some paint off the wall.
"You call yourself a pirate, I bet you're scared right now," Antonio, now Spain, raged as he grabbed one of the butter knives off of the table, "I want a frickin' knife fight, right here, right now." The Captain smiled evilly and jumped onto the table.
"What're ye waitin' for, scalawag? Get up 'ere so I can beat ye into a pulp!" Spain complied, jumping up and getting into position. Not noticing the sixteen eyes looking in a mix of terror and excitement, they began their duel. After a few minutes, it became apparent that the captain was going to win. So Spain jumped off the table, just as it broke and sent the Captain tumbling, and went for a low blow.
He grabbed an unsuspecting Alfred, and pulled him up, an arm wrapped tightly around the blonde's neck. The other hand pressed the butter knife hard against Alfred's neck.
"Surrender now or the chatterbox gets it!"
"Get yer filthy hands offa my lover-!"
"WHAT?" The struggling American froze. Captain Kirkland flushed and dropped his on-guard position, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uhm, ferget you ever heard that, 'm sorry-"
Now Alfred blushed and looked embarrassed. "Oh! I-I don't have a problem with it, I'm just… not sure when you decided this or why I wasn't told," Alfred said, blushing even more when he said he didn't have a problem with it. But it was true. He'd started thinking of Arthur as more than a friend, and apparently Arthur or Captain Kirkland or maybe even both of them had been too.
"I been feelin' this way since we spent so much time t'gether after the las' meeting. I… missed ye. Ye hadn't been comin' over as often as before. Arthur missed ye too, he jus' didn't wanna say nothin'. Didn't ye notice I was callin' ye 'beauty' and 'bonny' an' such?" As Alfred's eyes were starting to get bigger and waterier, Spain cleared his throat and tightened his arm around Alfred's neck.
"I'm sick of the mushy-gushy crap; we have a fight to finish! Surrender now or your lover gets it!"
"What's your problem Spain? How dare you threaten someone else lover just because you're losing! You should take your defeat like a man!" Marica shouted, hand on her hips. As Spain oh-so-slowly turned his head in her direction, she squeaked and her face immediately changed. Technically, Marica squeaked and hid behind Balázs-Károly, effectively putting him in control. Ripping off the skirt that had been put on again and somehow punching a hole in one wall, Balázs-Károly leaned forward and issued his challenge.
"Come on pretty boy; let's see who the real man here us." Spain, infuriated by the thought that a gay man in a woman's head could possibly be manlier than him, dropped Alfred and the butter knife and lunged at the slim woman. The Captain chose this time to put Arthur back in control, and let Alfred explain what the hell just happened.
When Matthew, who had been busy calculating the cost of the damage to the room in his head, looked up after a few minutes, he was almost-but-not-quite shocked to see how the meeting had ended up. At the very least, there were five hundred more dollars to add to the still-running tab. All of the other "goings-on" during the meeting had been fairly linear, but now everything was happening all at once. Gilbert/Gilbird was no longer in his lap, choosing instead to enter the fistfight between Elizabeta/Balázs-Károly and Antonio/Spain. Berwald was angrily shouting at Ivan, who had pushed over his "wife" in an attempt to get closer to the action. Ivan had a nasty, murderous look on his face, and Matthew could tell this would soon turn into a fight. Arthur and Alfred were alternating between sitting together in a corner doing relationship-y things and Arthur watching Alfred enter the escalating argument between the Swede and the Russian. Every few minutes, Balázs-Károly would get overridden by Eufrozina, who would enthusiastically throw herself at Roderich and start making out with him.
Oh, yes, now Ivan and Berwald had indeed started fighting, and Alfred was shouting tips and trying not to jump in. Now Alfred had joined in, holding off Ivan while Tino/Vieno pulled Berwald to the side and started murmuring how hot it was when Berwald got all "badass and protective" over him. In a nutshell, everyone was either fighting, making out, or watching others do the two previous. Elizabeta managed to do all of the above, a different "activity" for her and all of her personalities. A severely beaten-up Gilbert/Gilbird crawled back to Matthew and got back into his lap, tweet-moaning in pain. As Matthew looked at Gilbert's watch, he let out a strained, painful, horribly fake laugh.
They were twenty minutes past their scheduled time. This was the first time they'd made it through a whole meeting.
A.N. I'm sorry it's so bad. This is also way more violent and sporadic than the real story, so there's me running away with an idea again. I was saving this for a rainy day, but it hasn't rained here in Kansas for a while, so I decided post this today. I hope you enjoyed it, please review~!