(FFs Doc manager always fucks up my documents, but I fixed the errors with the chat and stuff like that. :))

Hey guys. So. Uhm. I guess I should be updating my other stories, but my laptop is broken and the next chapters are already partially written on there. I'm using my dad's computer right now, so…I decided to let this idea out since I've had it in my head for awhile. XD

Basically it's a John-Is-Abducted-And-Some-Stuff-Happens AU story. Don't know if I'll continue, but I guess if you lovely readers would like me to I will…xD

How did he get here? John rubbed his aching head, sitting up in the pitch-black room he had unceremoniously been dumped into after…something. But what? His memory was hazy, incomplete, a mere blur of upsetting events. He closed his eyes, tried to think, brushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose to prepare himself for the impending night vision.

After a few moments had passed, his pupils had finally managed to accommodate the darkness and he could make out some basic shapes. Tables, chairs, a large screen of some sort and vertical stripes right in front of himself, some sort of objects hung up on the wall across from him and-

Wait. He reached his pallid fingers out- scrawny from lack of exercise and lactose- and was immediately met with the cold steel of one of the stripes. A sudden onslaught of memoriam overwhelmed his consciousness.

John's father was, of course, working late. Something John had become accustomed to. He wasn't bitter about it like most kids his age would generally be, because the loneliness was something he learned to embrace early on. He was home often due to a series of sicknesses and weaknesses he'd had since childhood. In his younger days he used to be in and out of the hospital so much that eventually his father opted to home-schooling him, however his "lessons" ended up being less than an hour a day due to his father's crowded schedule.

John's only real friends were the one's he had accumulated through the internet. Namely Dave, Jade, and Rose. And so, like he did every night, he logged on to PesterChum and opened a chat with one of his best bros.

EB: hey dave whats up?

TG: not much my main man

EB: im really bored.

TG: your dad working late again

TG: i could drop some sick beats for you if you want or maybe fly to your house with my awesome rocket car or something to cheer you up

EB: you're a liar, you don't have a rocket car.

TG: wanna bet

EB: …i think so.

TG: are you willing to bet all your shitty nick cage movie posters and shit on that Egbert

TG: are you really spending even three minutes thinking about this

TG: john

TG: heeyyy

TG: john

TG: it has now been five minutes

TG: …

EB: sorry i thought i heard someone in my house.

EB: so i went to investigate.

TG: you liar you probably went and sat in your closet like a little chicken shit holding a pair of scissors at the ready…did you kill anyone

EB: no, there was no one there.

TG: good

EB: i guess

TG: i forgot what we were talking about

TG: john

TG: what in the fuck are you doing egbert

TG: youre really funny playing the fuckin damsel in distress you wont fool me into flying my rocket car over there to save you or some shit

TG: john seriously

TG: …

TG: okay dude your seriously kind of starting to scare me

TG: hahaha I got dave! tricked him! gonna go tell everyone now whatever dude i dont care but reply to me okay

EB: sorry dude i heard it agaicjkgdjkf,

EB: jvd,.m zx.,m dvskljdQKWE


EB: 'howl/vwbdblkj/fbjbwhubbh;gweb';vewgbkj'bvwblj'

EB: eb;kgr'bljb;ugernl'

TG: …

TG: are you okay dude

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: what the shit...

John rubbed the back of his head tenderly. The throbbing eventually ceased to a point where he could somewhat remember the events. He kept hearing footsteps downstairs, but his father wasn't due for another few hours. Usually at night the lights in his house were kept off save for the glow of his computer and sometimes the sounds of the television to keep him company.

He peeked downstairs, but saw no movement (or maybe he did and was in denial, he honestly didn't know) and went back to his computer to reply to his super cool friend, but something stopped him. Suddenly he felt his hair being grabbed. It felt like a giant spider wrapped it's legs around him and clung on tight, pulling. Before he could readily react, he was face to plastic with his keyboard. The action left him slightly dazed, and the next few times finally sent him into complete blackness, but not before he could hear several voices whispering to one another in irritated tones.

And now he was in a cage. He leaned his forehead against the cold bars, groaning. Where was he now and what was going to happen to him? He would probably be viciously killed and raped or something. But maybe in the reversed order. He hoped to God not.

But something hit him like a steam-drive train. He perked up at the thought, smiling. Maybe one of Nick Cage's loveable movie characters would burst into this place right when he was about to get cut open and save him!

John slapped himself, albeit it was not a hard slap, and mentally scolded. Now was not the time to be daydreaming about Nick Cage! He slapped himself again for good measure and began to think of a way he could escape this place with his life at least a little in tact. He leaned back in the cage, pushing his hand towards the ground in order to hold himself up, but was met with some sort of puddle. He pulled his hand back and cringed, smelling the strange substance that was now on his hand.

Now that was really weird. It smelled like cherry. Against his better judgment, John took a tentative lick, left in a deeper state of confusion. "This tastes like soda…" he murmured to himself, sitting up straight. He leaned over and squinted, making out the shape of…what seemed like a dog bowl.

John perked up at the sound of distant voices. He couldn't help but hold his breath and brace himself for who would walk in. It seemed like the door was taking years to open, but he could finally make out the figure of three people. The shortest reached out and flipped on a switch that automatically filled the room with blinding, fluorescent lights.

John was nearly paralyzed and he had to blink rapidly in order to restore his vision. As soon as it had been done, however, he was met with the grey face of some strange being. He screamed and backed up, clutching his heart. The matter of "where" he was suddenly became extremely irrelevant as he could tell it wasn't the Earth he knew and loved.

The grey creature- who actually appeared rather human if not for the eye and skin pigment as well as the small horns perched delicately in its black hair- cringed and backed away. "Subject is…definitely vocal," he murmured, annoyance clear on his features.

"No shit Sherlock. You're such a whimpering imbecile Karkat," The other boy seethed. There seemed to be a pinch of a lateral lisp in his speech. But what was infinitely weirder, John noted, was that they spoke his Earth English, yet the lettering that was on posters and books tossed carelessly around the room was completely different than his alphabet.

"I'm not stupid!" Karkat yelled, flailing childishly. He punched the lisping boy in the shoulder and walked beside the third boy, who was much taller than the other two and had his face painted like some sort of Juggalo.

John bit his lip as a slight smile came to his face. These…whatever they were weren't threatening at all. They all appeared to be around his age and acted just as immature as any teenager from his planet.

"Don't laugh you stupid alien! We've abducted you!" Karkat snapped, attempting to shake John's cage, forcing him to suppress more laughter.

"It's pretty damn obvious he doesn't speak our mother fuckin' language," the clown alien thing said, an airy and pleasant drawl carried in his voice.

"Of course he doesn't, Gamzee. He's like a hoof beast. Just a stupid little grub. Like an idiotic animal following its equally as idiotic counterparts of a cliff," the bi color-eyed boy said with a small hint of boredom.

"Well, Sollux, let's make some mother fuckin' miracles up in this shit," Gamzee said, cracking his knuckles excitedly.

Karkat shook his head, pulling out a clipboard. "Jack said just to do an external check-up for now. We have to wait until we know a little more about this species before beginning any experiments."

John tried to remain calm, even though "experiments" sounded extremely unpleasant to him. He clutched the bars again, watching these creatures as they moved about the white room and toggled with random buttons and switches on the many machines. Maybe if he could use acting unintelligent to his advantage, he would be underestimated and perhaps would be able to escape.

As John watched his captors he couldn't help but swallow dryly. This would probably not end in his favor.