A/N: So, I'm bored and decided to take on this task. I'll be reading and commenting on Twila, Da Girl Who Was In Luv W/A Vampir. It's been done before, I know. Anyway, I've sat through My Immortal and I'm still here. I'm sure this can't be too bad. Though, I have a feeling I might be wrong...
The original story will be like this, and my comments will be in Bold.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx TWILA, DA GIRL WHO WAS IN LUV W/ A VAMPIRxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Before this even starts, my Spell Check has just exploded. And don't you love it how she doesn't even have the time, or intelligence, to spell out 'with'? Hell, she can't even spell vampire right.
Hi my name is Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz (not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet)
I wonder how they managed to fit that on her birth certificate! 'Phyco' seems to sum her up, though. Even if she's spelt Psycho wrong.
n i live in waschington wif my sister Midnite. we liv in a dark house that iz far away from every1 els n we r vampires.
Were her parents high when they named her sister, too? Oh, Mindnite and Twila, you poor souls. And of course they have to be vampires.
we feest on blood n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves. yes we r LONERS.
I never would have guessed! If you hadn't have yelled at me that you are loners, I would have never picked up on that. Thank you, Twila.
i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott,
" You're so vain..."
i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez.
Am I the only one who thinks magenta is a really gross colour? Not to mention that no human being would naturally have that eye colour. God, this character has moved into the Sue zone very quickly.
i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, edword has dem too and steraphie myers sed hes realli hot ok.)
I don't care what 'steraphie myers' says, she sounds like a bitch. But, Stephenie Meyer on the other hand...
i dnt lyk any1 at mi school, i am a missenthrop (a/n loook it up)
Haha, 'missenthrop'. I got the image of some slimy substance falling off a spoon and landing on a plate. The sound it made was 'missenthrop'.
that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite.
Thanks for telling me to look it up, then telling me what it means two words later...
one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet
If you're a 'missenthrop', wouldn't you hate him? Come on, Twila, you do have a brain don't you? Oh, wait...nevermind.
(a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.)
I don't know what's more funny. The fact that she doesn't understand what Atheist means, or that she said ' God bless you Satan.' I think I'll laugh at both of them.
so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named bella swann. she waz soo stupid n she kept fallin out of her seat.
They got some slippery seats in that school.
edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing. i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir,
Aw, I usually have to throw holy water on them or something. This girl's got some skills.
i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine.
Are you sure he's not your brother? You seem like the girl who might mistake her brother for a ' realli sexi vampore'.
"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass ghetto ppl in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away.
i realy hat cliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite
...* Still very confused. *
neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob.
Aw, why do you have to hate on Jacob?
ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose wnated 2 meet me.
Wow, has Carlisle suddenly gone Spanish? This is news to me.
n his sisters alice, rosmarie, jasper n emet
His sisters Jasper and Emmett? Wait, what?
all luved me rite away n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2.
I sense a Mary Sue! I sense a Mary Sue!
so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods n jasper is realli big and muscelar so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way.
" Damn you, trees! Standing there and being so tall!"
when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty
"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly.
Carlisle! What did she do to you? She's cursed you with bad grammer and creepiness! No!
ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.
Yes, because that's totally going to stop this 'carlose' from raping you, Twila.
"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite)
Whenever someone says 'lol' in normal speech, it makes me want to punch them in the face. And yes, Twila, it's polite to bow in Japan. But, you are in Washington! No!
"nice to met you i said.
"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it."
I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends.
Oh, happy ending! * Vomits*
XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Thank God! Or, Satan, I should say.
PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD
I'm scared. Really scared. But, I brought myself into this and I'm going to finish it, damn it!