When I put on a show, I feel the adrenaline running through my veins. Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break. –Britney Spears
I sucked in a deep breath. This always made me nervous. I'd been performing my whole life but the thrill never stopped. You never got used to the screaming, the cheering, and the rush. You started to crave it. You started to love it. I took a deep breath and looked at myself quickly. My skin tight outfit covered every part of my body and neck and my hair was held down by an entire pack of bobby pins and tucked beneath an attachment to the outfit. Your outfit had to be like another skin. If it wasn't, you risked stepping on it and falling from more than 30 feet in the air with no rope. We didn't use rope. We didn't need it. I put my head down and felt a hand on both of my arms. I turned to smile at my sisters, both older than me, Alyssa and Adrian. The lights dimmed and three pieces of fabric lowered to the floor. We nodded in turns and ran on to the stage.
The spot light hit us. I was the youngest and smallest. I refused to blend in. I was the leader. I grabbed on to my fabric, the middle one and began climbing it. It was at least 5 feet above the ground, and that was hanging. I'd had to jump to grab on to it. I climbed to the middle of the string and waited until my sisters met me. The both grabbed on to my fabric. First Adrian pulled me towards her and then Alyssa, causing me to sway. I released my fabric and fell backwards. Spinning as Alyssa held on to one of my ankles. I knew she'd catch me. She always had. I also knew Adrian had her by the other arm. We started to swing on the fabric, all hanging loosely and I grabbed on to the middle fabric and tied it around my arm. I had a time limit. We didn't use signals. She would let go after she reached a count of 30, not before and not after.
I closed my eyes and my foot fell and rushed towards the ground. My nails bit in to the fabric and I began to spin, both of my legs completely outward. I swung one of my legs around and got it caught in the fabric and tied a knot around my leg. Alyssa jumped on to my fabric causing us to swing wildly from side to side as I hung from the knot in my leg. She began toying with the knot and I knew the time had come. We began switching between each other's rope and spinning wildly, throwing ourselves around and catching another by a single body part only to drop them and let them perform another gymnastic movement. I knew our time was thinning when the bright light hit us.
My sisters slid down their ropes and began swinging side to side as fast as they could, causing my fabric to shake. I released and began twirling in my fabric while falling towards the ground. I saw it getting closer in closer and I stretched out my arms. My sisters were performing a different performance already on the ground. I spun faster and then stopped as my body hung from the very last inch of fabric, my face mere centimeters from the ground. Adrian pulled on my fabric and I released and did a serious of flips knowing I couldn't get dizzy if my life depended on it. The crowd cheered and I and my sisters bowed before racing off the stage. The night was still young. I had to get changed and I had to get changed fast.
The circus was all I knew. I'd been performing on the actual stage since I was 7. It didn't surprise anyone. My grandparents were performers and then my parents and then us. The circus was our family. I mean you didn't just trust your life with anyone. We trusted each other. We depended on each other and there was nothing better than that. That's why I was so afraid to leave, to go somewhere where the dim lights couldn't hide my face, where my family couldn't catch me if I fell.
My parents wanted me to have a normal life. They hadn't had a normal life. Why should I? I was a good daughter. I mean, I thought I was, I was obedient and kind and I did as I was told when I was told but that didn't matter. My parents wanted me to live with my Aunt Elaine. She'd left the circus 2 years ago but had kept in close contact. I didn't want to live with her, away from my sister and the life I had become used to. I wanted to stay in the spot light that made me smile and giggly and where I couldn't be happier. I didn't want to live in some town I had never heard about with a woman who'd turned her back on her family. Did anyone bother to ask me that? Of course not, it wasn't for me to decide, I just had to go with the flow.
My mother hugged me and then ran on the stage with my father at her heels. I could hear the music change and I rushed to my dressing room. I pulled off my skin tight outfit and began pulling on another one immediately after. My feet were hurting a little bit. I'd be sure to mention it to my parents. There weren't supposed to be anything on the stage. Hopefully, my mom wouldn't land on it. She did most of the dancing. My father tossed her around a lot with his brother. If he stepped on it, it could mess up his stance and my mom would fall face first on to the ground. I shouldn't be worried about this. It would mess me up. I went on stage while my mother and father were still up there. I didn't need to be worrying about anything. I needed to be doing what I was born to do.
I quickly added some more make-up and got up stretching. Tonight was the last night I'd be on the stage with my family. A single tear escaped my face and I quickly wiped it away. I didn't want my make-up to run. I rushed out of the dressing room and met my sisters in the middle of the hall and they pulled me in to a tight hug.
"I love you," Adrian said.
"I love you," Alyssa whispered and laid her head on her shoulder.
"I'll miss you," I said.
They nodded and we rushed on to the stage.
After a total of 4 complete hours on stage the show was over and the people started to leave. I let myself out of the building and went outside, blending in to the crowd. I just sort of wandered looking from group to group, wondering if this was how the town would be and if I would fit in to it somewhere with someone. A little girl tugged on my hand and I looked down and smiled at her.
"How long have you been in the circus?"
"Ever since I was a little girl like you."
"When's the next show?" she asked.
"I don't know, ask another one of the ladies… I'm not a part of the circus anymore," I admitted and started my mindless wandering again.
I need to have at least 5 reviews for me to continue this or maybe 3... Okay, I only need one! C'mon someone, be that one. It'll make me all smiley inside.