A/N: This is my first Castle story! I am so excited to write using these characters! Thank you so much for your interest if you're a first time visitor to my writing, and thank you so much for your support from those of you who have been following me with my Gilmore Girls and Bones stories!
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, or its characters. I am merely borrowing them for fun. I do not write for monetary gain, merely to explore the characters that we know and love so much!
I stepped into the steam of the shower and let the hot water ease my aching muscles. I stood for a long time under the spray. I didn't know when the water running down my face turned to tears and my chest started heaving in a sob. It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room and no matter how hard I tried, I could not gather a decent breath.
I sank to my knees on the tiled bathroom floor and allowed the water to pelt my back. Unaware of time, I sat and sobbed until my hiccupping slowed and I could breathe again. I stood back up and continued on with my shower.
I hate crying, period. But if I ever have to do it, I always aim for the shower. It's somehow less humiliating when the water and the tears mix and the sobs are drowned out by the roar of the water hitting the floor. It seems safe, controlled, far away from the rest of the world and the rest of my life.
After getting out of the shower and hastily dressing, I rummaged through my bag to find my phone. I dialed his number for what seemed the thousandth time that day. And for the thousandth time that day, it went straight to voicemail. Reality and bone crushing sorrow hit me harder than anything ever had; maybe even harder than my mother's death. It was over. I blew it and he was never going to talk to me again.
I am not one to let self pity swallow me and keep me from necessary things such as eating, sleeping and working. I typically bite back my feelings and use them as fuel on my cases. The only time I have ever let my own grief keep me from functioning was immediately after my mother's murder.
I weighed my options. This hurt at least as much as when I lost my mother. But unlike death, this loss does not include separation from the person forever; as in, I will still see him around. I could absolutely sit and wallow for a few days. A relationship that lasted for as long as this one most certainly deserved some wallowing. But then again, I wanted anything but to constantly think of him.
The more I thought, the more my options began to cross and mingle. Finally, no clear answer presented itself. I am usually a "Go! Do!" type of person, but for the first time in an eternity, I allowed myself to just sit. I did nothing but stare into space.
The buzzing of my cell phone brought me out of my hypnotism. I saw his name flash across the screen as the phone alerted me to a new text message. I felt tears welling up in my throat and wasn't sure if I really wanted to read what he had to say. Taking a deep breath to steel my nerves, I flipped the phone open.
I know it seems I'm ignoring you. Not trying to…just don't know what to say. I just need some time.
I felt the tears falling quickly down my face, one after another, after another. I sucked in a gasping breath and tried to calm myself, but another text buzzed an alert.
I am so sorry, Kate.
I didn't know if I should reply after learning that he just needed some separation from me. Oddly enough, his texts gave me hope that I had not possessed before receiving them. He wasn't ignoring me or cutting me out completely. He wanted to talk but didn't know what to say.
I love you [always].
My heart leapt in my chest. He still loved me. After everything and he still loved me. With my mind finally at ease, I allowed myself to settle down to bed an hour later. For the first time in days, I could breathe easily. I fell asleep easily and actually stayed asleep for the first time since the breakup.
A/N: So who's the narrator, and who did she just break up with!
Please let me know what you think! I am fairly sure I will be continuing on with this story for a while because I have a LOT of pent up energy, frustration and creativity for these characters!
Reviews and follows are so greatly appreciated!
Lots of Love 3