I'm not going to lie, this is really cracky. But it also might be the most fun think I have ever written. I've been really tempted to write an M-rated mathcentric sequel to this too, so if you like it and you review (or PM me even) mentioning that you want a sequel I will most definitely write it. I think it's too lulzy to pass up. Oh! And this is my first piece submitted here, and there's some language. So please let me know if you think I should up it to M. I don't really think it's necessary, but I'm not 100%.
And of course, everything here is property of the amazing Atlus company, I just borrowed their characters. 3 Enjoy!
Yosuke hated science. Frankly, he hated every class except maybe sex-ed, and even that was debatable. When Souji invited him over to study for their upcoming chemistry test, while Yosuke wasn't ecstatic, he was thankful. He needed to pass more classes after all, and Souji was a certifiable genius. And really, any time spent with Souji proved to be interesting.
When Souji answered the door, Yosuke first looked at his friend—he was grinning like a mad man, which was slightly unnerving—and saw his shirt. It was red, an unusual colour for him. There was an orange picture of two atoms talking. One claimed that it lost an electron; the other asked if it was sure, and the first electron replied "I'm positive!" Yosuke sighed. His best friend could be quite the geek sometimes. This, to his dismay, would be one of those times. "Do you…like my shirt?"
"You get it, right? The atom's positive because it lost an electron. You know, negative charges—"
"I get it! Jeez man, I'm not that dense," Souji didn't say anything, "Seriously!" They walked upstairs and into Souji's usually-tidy room. But today, his room was a tornado of biology and chemistry books, notes, and a eerie-looking flask perched on top of the TV. "What's…what's in there?"
"A project. I found it in the back of our fridge and instead of eating it, I decided to cultivate some mold and look at it under my microscope."
"Oh god," Yosuke began to feel queezy, "That's so disgusting, partner."
"It's science! It can't be disgusting!" Souji paused, and then immediately changed the subject to something less eccentric, something that he could be his usual calm self about. "So, what do you need help on?"
"I don't get this whole bonding thing. I mean, I get ionic—"
"Well, when an atom loves an atom—"
He grinned an awkward grin, "Sorry. I had to. I know you don't have much experience with bonding, but I'm sure I can help." Souji stared at Yosuke with inappropriate bedroom eyes. When did a chem study session become filled with shitty porn dialogue?
It was now when Yosuke started stuttering, "W-what? I, uh, I don't know if you—"
But Souji was already back to his normal self, "This is a group of water molecules," He gestured to a quickly-drawn schematic in Lewis formatting, "These bonds here, between the Oxygen and Hydrogen are called hydrogen bonds. They're extremely strong, like when a," Souji stopped, glanced at Yosuke, and then continued "Nevermind, you don't like my analogies. Anyways, these weak bonds here between the Hydrogens are Hydrogen forces. Those are very weak and only occur between Hydrogen and Hydrogen." Souji looked at Yosuke again; one of his hands was playing with the side of his jeans. Souji found this possibly nervous movement strangely fascinating. "Well?"
"Well, it makes sense when you explain it."
"You should expect nothing less—I am a marvelous teacher, after all."
"Yes," was all Yosuke could manage to say in response. Why was he so anxious? An awkward silence filled the air—Souji stared at Yosuke, attempting to discern something, anything from his facial expressions. He failed. Yosuke continued playing with his skinny jeans, trying to come up with words to fill the void. He failed also.
"Uh," Souji uncharacteristically mumbled, "What does the Little Mermaid wear—"
"No!" Yosuke yelled—he'd heard this failed excuse for a joke every single day in math class.
"An algae bra! Algebra!" Yosuke gave Souji a look that Souji had named "the look". It was the look that he received each day in math class for his sad joke. But when Yosuke gave this look to Souji, he, oh god, was Souji blushing? Was his face always tinged that light shade of rose? It wasn't, was it? No. No, no, no, it wasn't. Souji looked away from his friend, "You know, I, uh, I-When Carbons connect together with other Carbons, they make a very special bond called the covalent network. Only Carbon and Silicon can do this—it's quite unique. But this covalent network bond is what makes diamonds, you know, the strongest compound in existence," He trailed off and took a cursory glance back up at his friend. Yosuke gawked at him with a new look, one that Souji could only imagine was one of bewilderment on how they went from moronic, punny math jokes back to serious business bonding. "I, uhh, I'd like to make diamonds with you."
"If you were a Carbon and I was a Carbon, of course. And there were lots and lots of other Carbons around for us to bond with. Then I'd like to make a diamond." Yosuke gave him a third look, but this was another familiar Yosuke look—the look of "what the fuck are you talking about?" "I, well, if you were a Sodium ion, all positive and all, I would definitely be a Chloride. It's fitting. I'm a bit of a pessimist, so I would be negatively charged, while you're happy. Therefore you'd be the positive ion."
"I guess what I'm trying to say," Souji cut him off. He pulled out all his electrons now. They were jumping between energy levels in his stomach so rapidly, Souji felt like he might be sick, "I'd like to be Sodium Chloride with you."
"This is…are you—you're not? You're hitting on me?"
"I'm trying to. Is it working? My charm isn't at maximum activation energy."
"I, uh, well, we—we aren't exactly atoms, but I think I—" Souji decided that now was the time to force his stomach electrons to return to ground state, and he grasped Yosuke by the shirt and pressed his lips against his. Yosuke didn't struggle, but he didn't necessarily reciprocate. Was this—Yosuke broke it off, "I, ah, I wouldn't be against trying this whole Sodium Chloride thing with you. But, like you said, I'm not very good with the whole bonding thing so you'll have to bear with me."
"I only know the structural aspects of it, I'm sure we can figure out the practicality of ionic bonding together." Souji went in for another kiss, and he had it all planned out in his head—it was to be much more steamy, some tongue, noise, yes!
But he was denied with a hand against his chest, "After we finish this chapter though. I really need to pass Chemistry!"