AN: This was way more fun to write then it should have been. Enjoy :3 Oh, and this one has way more cursing than my other stories, I'm surprised at myself :0 ~Aly
Light decided to give their parents a break and take L, Near, Mello, and Matt to Disneyland for the day. He thought he could handle their rambunctious eight-year old personalities - he was, after all, the most amazing person in the world (in his mind, at least). It was a overcast and murky day, and everyone was one the down side - except for our favorite optimistic jovial ray of sunshine, Light.
After a crowded and smelly bus ride, the group was dropped off outside the esteemed happiest place on earth. After a few squabbles, they made it through the ticket lines and into the park. Light studied the map he was given and inquired, "Where to first, kids?" The map revealed many different attractions like "Adventure Land", and "Tomorrow Land", and "Rapist Land", to name a few. What fun.
"I want cotton candy!" Screamed L, and pointed to a concession cart nearby. Near, who was playing with his Malibu barbies, commented, "You're gonna get a cavity, you know."
"Am not, Near!"
"All you eat is sugar, your teeth are gonna rot."
"Well, at least I'm not a transvestite, unlike someone we know."
"I am not-"
"That's enough, you two," Light interjected, "We'll go to the concession stand right now, relax." Light lead the way to the food cart. They had to wait behind an overweight couple that couldn't decide on what to get, until, of course, Mello shouted, "Hurry the hell up!" and they hastily scurried away, frightened for their lives. Moving to the counter, Light asked, "What does everyone want?"
"Cotton Candy!" demanded L.
"Chocolate!" declared Mello.
"Nothing, I don't eat," Near calmly stated.
Matt simply gazed intrigued at a man who was smoking nearby.
Light added some potato chips to the order, payed with fake money (because that's just how he rolls), and then started off towards Rapist Land, where they all unanimously decided to head first.
Halfway there, Matt started complaining about his feet getting tired. "We've only been working for a little bit, Matt," chided Near, as he played with a strand of hair and glared at Matt.
"But still..." he growled, apparently in utter agony.
Mello muttered, "Shut up, damn it," and smacked him across the face.
"Light!" Matt said in anger, "Mello hit me!"
"He deserved it," Mello cut in with an evil grin as he glared in Matt's direction.
"You are both so childish," commented Near, as a dramatic battle seemed to take place between his barbies.
L continued to nom on his cotton candy with his usual blank, vague expression.
Sighing, Light announced, "We're here," as he gestured to the filthy and cockroach-infested grounds before him that was Disneyland. The group looked around at the rides that Rapist Land had to offer - the Pedophile Parachute ride looked fun, but they decided to go on the Child Molester Roller Coaster, and entered the line.
Chaos immediately erupted once more as Near suddenly began in a deadly calm voice, "What... happened to...Ken's...head?"
He revealed a tan male doll that was headless.
Mello smirked and replied, "I tore it off when you weren't looking!"
Near burst into hysterics and shouted, "Mello, give it back!"
L, through a mouthful of cotton candy, observed, "That wasn't very nice Mello."
Light scolded, "L is right (as always), give him back the head, Mihael."
"I stuck it down a fat guy's pants!" Mello proudly announced, glomping on chocolate.
By that point, Near was having a full blown temper tantrum, pounding his fists on the dirty pavement. Light demanded, "Nate, stop it - you're diverting people's attention off of me and onto you, which is obviously not acceptable - I'll buy you a new one!"
He reluctantly stopped crying and stood up slowly, murmuring, "It's not the same..." but otherwise ended the fuss.
L muttered, "Don't be such a baby," at Near, and began sucking on his thumb.
Matt poked the guy in front of them, who happened to be smoking. "Can I have one of those?" The man smiled happily and gave him a couple of cigarettes and a spare lighter. "Thanks," Matt said, and began smoking instantly.
After a few more bickering from the group - 'Mello did this' and 'Mello did that' and 'This weird guy is touching me' - the group finally made it to the front of the line, with a very irritable Light.
They soon were able to board the roller coaster (unsurprisingly, the attendants didn't comment on Matt smoking - apparently, it was a common sight there) and got on with the ride. It was very entertaining - a high-speed thrill ride, with the occasional suspicious character lunging out at you from nowhere. Fun.
After the ride, the group collected themselves - Matt re-lit a cigarette, Mello opened another chocolate bar, L started devouring his cotton candy again, Near played with his dolls, and Light checked to make sure his hair was still gorgeous in a puddle.
Before Light could suggest the next ride, L yelled, "I have to pee!"
"Just go in the bushes over there, everyone else does."
"But what if that weird guy comes back?"
Sighing in frustration, they traveled to the nearest bathroom, where Light asked if anyone else had to go. They all said no, so everyone waited outside while L sulked into the bathroom. After waiting a few moments, Mello decided to be bad and randomly threw a stick at Light. Not even flinching, Light asked in a slow voice, "Mihael. Why. Did you. Do that?"
"I dunno," he chuckled evilly.
Light flashed over to where Mello was standing and loomed, "Do you know how long it takes for me to do my hair? Or how long it takes me to look this absolutely beautiful? Huh?"
Mello, wide eyed, quivered in fear. "No..."
"To hell you don't! This much perfection takes time, it isn't effortless! That thing you just threw at me can upset the balance of my prettiness!" Light, done with his deva-licious rant, traipsed over to lean against the wall, pouting.
"Looks like somebody's in a bad mood..."
"What did you just say, Mail?"
Suddenly, very masculine screams could be heard from inside the bathroom, and many adult males came running out, flailing their limbs in a terrified fashion. Soon, L came out of the bathroom, very pale and shaken. Light asked him what had happened, and L replied, "I don't know. I just went to the bathroom as normal, and then I flushed, and the toilet overflowed, and then a bunch of rats appeared out of nowhere, and then there were cockroaches running up the walls, and I think I also saw Paris Hilton, too..."
Light didn't even want to know.
Before they could do anything else, a parade of floats containing adds for drugs, alcohol, and sex toys traveled down the gross, littered street. Charming. The kids apparently liked the idea of watching this kind of parade, as they stared transfixed as the obviously totally kid-appropriate floats zoomed by.
Getting frustrated, he said, "Okay, let's just go to the next ride-"
"But I'm all out of chocolate!"
"And I'm all out of cigarettes!"
Face-palming, Light murmured, "Fine, the next place we see that sells both chocolate and cigarettes, we'll stop at."
They obviously found that place immediately, since chocolate and cigarettes go so well together. Pushing everyone out of line, Light demanded of the cashier, "5 bars of chocolate and 3 packs of cigarettes-" L quickly interjected with a squeak; "Ten bags of candy!"
"And a Ken Malibu barbie!"
Luckily, the shop happened to have all of those items, so Light payed (again with his fake money, that sly bastard) and they began on their merry way to more rides.
They never even made it to another line when Near announced he needed to use the restroom, asap.
"We just left the bathroom, Nate!"
"I didn't have to go then!" he shouted, and started hopping up and down, apparently in need of relief quickly.
Growling like some strange carnivore, Light said, "Fine. Fine! Let's just go on back then..."
The group marched back to the restrooms, where Near entered in a hurry, while the others waited outside. He seemed to be taking forever - and soon, heated sounds of some kind of struggle could be heard, and then Near's frantic voice - "Light! Snooki stole my toilet paper!"
Light had had enough. He sent in L to deal with it. Apparently, L did something that caused a large "splat" sound to echo through the bathroom, and then Near and L emerged, victorious, from the epic battle with that Jersey Shore whore (hehe, that rhymes).
Not even commenting, Light silently lead the way once more to the rest of the park. Before long, though, a bunch of sweaty dudes in cheap costumes appeared, and the kids absolutely insisted on getting pictures with "Vodka Vinnie", "Meth Seth", and of course, "Lesbian Linda". Starting to get bored out of his mind, Light demanded they go back to the rides.
About an hour passed of them trying out different rides - the "You're my Bitch Boat Ride", the "Bullshit Bumper Cars", and of course, everyone's favorite, the "Faggot Ferris Wheel". Their endless squabbling continued though, and Light was soon on edge and about to explode.
Walking out the exit of the "Crap Carousel", Mello decided to be feisty again and tripped L. L went flying, and his bags of candy exploded on the impact of the pavement. At first, L just stared transfixed at the mess, and then started crying and yelled, "Mello!"
Mello started to guffaw, which made L very mad indeed - he got up and attempted to punch Mello in the face, but missed and accidentally knocked Matt's cigarette out of his mouth. "Hey!" Matt shouted, and tried to smack L, but by mistake hit Near's Ken doll, whose head went flying off. "Matt!" screamed Near, and then an all out war between the eight year olds' began.
Punches, kicks, and the occasional wedgie erupted out of the fight.
"Hey, give me back my chocolate bar, you douche-bag!"
"Don't be such a baby!"
"You're the transvestite!"
"At least I'm not gay!"
Light watched with a blank expression. He felt it coming, the snap that he had felt coming ever since he entered the park. One. More. Outburst.
The fight continued on, until all four children were crying, and flailing on the floor in an epic temper tantrum.
"Shut up! Shut up all of you, god damn it! To hell with this entire day! To hell with all of you!"
The kids stopped immediately and stared at Light with wide eyes.
"I'm done with this crap! I'll do it! I'll write all of your names down in the Death Note! I swear to freaking god, I will! Huh? You like me now? Damn you all to hell, shitheads!"
Light was breathing heavily with a crazed look in his eye - he had actually taken out a piece of the Death Note that was in his pocket and was flaunting it to them.
"Huh? HUH? Do you all want to die?"
Light stopped ranting, took a deep breath and tried to collect himself. A lot of people were staring at him - because of his attention-grabbing gorgeous figure, Light assumed. After a few moments of eerie silence, he grunted out slowly, "Bus. Now. Go."
Everyone scrambled to obey Light, and soon the unhappy group found themselves outside the park once more, waiting at the bus stop.
Mello gestured towards Light and whispered, "What a bastard."
Light groaned. He severely needed a bubble bath.
AN: Kira's gonna get chu unless you review 8D I know, completely random story, but whatev^^ ~Aly