A/N: Just a little "Sily" - Snape! Lily! Sily! Geddit? - drabble that ended up going a wee bit longer than I expected. Angst! Fluff! Angst! fluff! Which one do I like more? No one knows!
It was actually harder to write than I anticipated. There's a lot of emotion in it for me, and with Hallows 2 just being released on film, and Alan Rickman as Snape, and... yeah. I went back and read some bits from Hallows to get the dialogue and I was like "WHOA! I'M SO SNAPE-INDUCED EMO!"
She had watched him for years. She loved her son, and though she couldn't experience life with him like she could had she chosen to be a ghost, she had followed him. She had watched him grow from boy to man and now, she had seen everything.
But her son was not the only one she had watched.
He had been her best friend since early childhood. He had told her what she was, he had stuck by her through sorting into different houses and growing up with different friends. He broke her heart when he called her that word. She thought of Harry, when she died, but she also thought of him as she stared into the flash of green. She wondered if he knew that she was going to die. She wondered if he cared.
After she was gone, she returned to him. She saw him turn to Dumbledore, first in anger, then in defeat. She saw him promise to care for her son, to watch over him and protect him, in her name. She saw everything that he did over the years, how he lived in tedium to protect her child. She saw the danger that he put himself in when the Dark Lord returned. She saw all of the pieces falling into place.
She knew the ending. She wanted to change it. Magic was powerful, but so misunderstood. So little was known. She knew now why the Department of Mysteries was so protected. No one knew the full scope of Magic, no one knew what it was truly capable of doing. Lily Evans Potter wanted a second chance, a day to return to Earth and right the wrongs. She wanted to save the men she loved...
It was that fucking snake, he knew. He always knew, deep down that it would be the end of him. Fucking snake.
He wondered, briefly, if Albus knew. Albus knew everything, he was sure. Albus knew everything and he used what he knew to manipulate people. Albus did it to him. He did it to Harry. For the first time in his life he actually felt a pang of sympathy for the boy. They had something in common, after all.
The boy. The boy! He could feel him, he was close. He thought of the tunnel under the Whomping Willow, realization dawned on him as his vision faded.
He was confused. It was her voice.
"Severus, stay with me."
The wound. It hurt.
"He's in the tunnel under the floorboards."
Something cool on his neck.
"It's okay, Harry, dear. You can come up here." Her voice called. Severus heard the floorboards creak.
"Who are you?"
Light. She was wearing a cloak, the hood pulled over her head. It made sense. Harry would be useless if he knew who she was.
"Severus, he needs them."
"Who are you?" Harry asked louder.
"Severus, the memories," she said urgently. More coolness on his neck. "Expecto Patronum!"
It was a doe. Her doe. Harry inhaled sharply.
"To his office. The bird. Hurry!"
So much was going on. Too much. He felt the thud that he assumed was Potter, sinking to his knees next to the cloaked figure kneeling over him.
"Damn it, Sev! I'll save you if I can but you have to give Harry the memories! I don't know what Dumbledore said to you, but Harry has to know and-"
"Lily?" He asked at the same time as Harry asked, "Mom?"
He suddenly understood. Lily had essence of Dittany with her. She was trying to save him.
Which would be useless, of course, if Harry didn't die for the cause.
"Lily..." The tears were real. So were the memories. His vision was fading in and out. He felt her put the vial up to his cheek.
"I forgive you, Sev." She knew Harry knew parts of the story, knew that he was about to find out all of it. She placed her hand on his cheek, muttering any incantation she could think of as she tried to slow the poison. "You've been so brave and I know what happened. I know you were sorry, I know you were sorry all along and I forgive you."
Harry was silent before she turned to him.
"You need to go back to the castle. Now. Take these." He reached instead for her hood, pushing it down. He looked over her face, and his reflected only shock. Their eyes were the same, peering into each other intensely. She could feel her heart melting.
"I love you, Harry." Tears. "You've been so brave."
Their eyes were mirrors, filling with their sorrow.
"You've been so, so brave, but you need to go. You still have to be brave."
"Mom-" His voice cracked.
"It's only temporary. Harry it's only temporary and I'll have to go soon. You'll see me again before the end but you have to get these into the pensieve. Harry, go!"
He grabbed the vial and took off, slipping back down into the passage.
Lily looked over her shoulder. Ron and Hermione were standing there, staring. She nodded once to them. Hermione returned the gesture before turning to leave. Ron just gaped as Hermione tugged his hand and dragged him away. She stopped at the entrance, turning back to Lily.
"How?" Hermione asked.
Lily shrugged in reply.
Pure, unadulterated fury.
The Elder Wand was finally his.
He would use it to destroy the boy.
"You have fought... valiantly."
She hated his voice. Hated it.
"Good, Sev, good. Stay with me."
She heard it before she saw it. The sound was magnificent, and loud enough to drown out anything Voldemort was saying. Fawkes was on his way. His song poured through her soul.
Severus shook, tears overtaking him again. He grabbed her arm with surprising force, choking out apologies as he sobbed. She sat down on the floor next to him and pulled him into her arms. She stroked his hair as he sobbed and the song grew louder until her patronus burst through the door, bathing the room in a white glow before fading. Fawkes followed, swooping in and landing in Severus' lap.
Lily watched as Fawkes' tears mingled with Severus', seeping into the wound. The Dittany had done it's job, temporary closing the wound and keeping Severus from bleeding to death. When he had finished, Fawkes looked up to Lily and blinked once.
"Thank you," she whispered. He blinked again, nodding to her before he took flight.
Death was not so unpleasant, though he remembered sobbing when he died. Strange thoughts floated in and out of his head. He could have sworn that he saw Lily when he died, but he knew she had been dead forever. It had been his fault.
Sorrow took him.
"I'm right here, Sev."
He could almost hear her.
"I'm right here, but I need you to come back."
He could hear her.
Her voice was the most beautiful thing in the world. He realized that he could feel her as well.
"Severus, open your eyes."
He obliged, seeing only green for a vision came into focus and he realized that he was in the Shrieking Shack, in the arms of-
"LILY!" he struggled to sit up and she held him tighter.
"No, don't do that yet, wait a moment."
Outside, Lord Voldemort was telling her son to go to him in the Forbidden Forest. She knew he would, just as she knew that he would have to.
"I don't know, Sev. I don't know, but I think it's only temporary."
"Don't leave me," he whispered as he clutched her arm. He tried to pull her closer to him and she shifted them until he was leaning up against the wall and she faced him.
"I have to, Severus. I'm dead."
"I'm sorry, Lily." He stared deep into the green. "I never wanted to hurt you."
"I know, Sev. I know. I saw."
For a moment, they simply stared into each other's eyes.
"I'll have to go, soon. Harry needs me."
Blackness. Sorrow. Regret.
"I've seen everything, Severus. I know that you tried to protect him. You did a wonderful job."
"I tried. For you."
"You are the bravest man I have ever known. But I have to go now, Sev."
"Sev I don't-"
"Don't leave me!"
"I have to."
"Harry needs me, I don't have any choice and-"
"I love you!"
This, she had seen as well. It was the secret between them that lay forever hidden. She thought of all the nights she spent in Gryffindor tower, defending him from James' harsh words, crying behind her silencing charm, wishing Severus was kinder, or more social, or braver.
Now she knew better.
The man before her had sacrificed everything he had to protect her son. He had given up his safety, his privacy. Every moment of his life was spent playing Dumbledore's game, or playing Voldemort's. He never really got to live for himself, and she knew that he had so many regrets. She had watched him live with the burdens he bore and now...
Now, he would be given a second chance.
She hoped that he would find it within himself to forgive Dumbledore. She hoped that he could at least remain cordial with Harry, though she didn't expect them to ever be friendly. She hoped that he would warm his heart, frozen from years of regret. She hoped he would live long and happily, though she believed him only capable of contentment. She hoped, deep down, that he was still capable of loving someone other than her.
She hoped he could forgive himself.
When her lips finally pressed to his she hoped that he would see all of this and know, and understand, how much she regretted not being able to do more for him, how much she wished him well, how much she wanted things to be different. She wanted him to feel her hope, the last thing he would ever feel from her.
She wanted him to know that she loved him.
"You've been so brave."
"Stay close to me."
A/N: I'm not gonna whore for reviews, but if you liked this story, or you like Harry Potter in general and also my writing, I WILL whore for author alerts. Love!