Dear Duck Community:
Enough Already!!!

A/N- The plot bunnies have really done it this time! This might actually turn into a series, depends how many other disgruntled Ducks pop up who need someone to stick up for their... normality.

*****

To whom it may concern:

I recently discovered an interest in fanfiction. I was actually pretty surprised when I found out that there were Duck fanfics, but I was intrigued... if a bit worried... so I decided it couldn't hurt to read a few of them.

How wrong I was.

Am I just the punching bag for all Duck fanfic authors, is that it? Do I exist for nothing but to be angsted at? Can anyone just write about me like the normal person I am? It's almost enough to make me start being as angsty as you guys are making me out to be!

I know, I know, you're all sitting there wondering how I can be so upbeat with all the messes I've been through. The Hawks thing was tough. Getting pushed into the goalpost was also tough. But by the time I got my wrist broken I knew better than to worry too much. Same with the Varsity mess. I've learned that when things get bad they have to get better eventually.

But no! Everywhere I look it's angst, angst, angst, and more angst! Enough already! And I've got some other issues with all of you, too...

I'm not gay. Let's get that one out of the way first. I'm not gay, and if I were, I wouldn't be in love with Charlie of all people. He is straight and he does have a girlfriend. Besides, he's too much like my brother, that'd feel like... incest or something.

...Okay, moving on.

I'm not suicidal. I have never tried to kill myself, never considered killing myself, and never inflicted any injury lethal or otherwise upon myself. I've been depressed, sure, but hasn't everyone? The most painful thing I've ever done was the time I accidentally yanked open my bedroom door a little too hard and it hit me in the face.

I'm not jealous or resentful of the Ducks. Um, yeah, I was for a bit there. You would've been too if your best friends had gone and frozen your clothes and whatever else. But I forgave them for that and they forgave me for being on Varsity and we are all just fine now. I do not hold grudges, not even against McGill... well, him maybe, except I don't consider him worthy for me to be pissed off at for very long.

I don't hate Linda, either. We get along just fine, though I can't say the same for all of the Ducks. Averman is the one who says if she were a little cuter she'd look like a rat. That was not me.

I think I'm done now. I'll just reiterate: I'm not gay, I'm not suicidal, I'm not resentful, and I'm not jealous of my best friend's girlfriend. I'm a normal high school student who happens to want to play professional hockey. And I'm a Duck. And I'm quite happy with that, thank you very much.

Sincerely, Adam Banks