MY DEVIL

CHAPTER 19

Glancing at the clock, I could not stop grinning as the minutes ticked closer and closer to the end of my work day. I was all fired up and ready for the weekend and so excited that a couple of times I spun myself around in my chair, laughing like a fool. After hitting "send" on my last email, I had just shut my computer down and shouted, "Woohoo!" when I heard a knock on the door.

"Oh no. He's not supposed to be here yet. Argh!" Edward had texted me earlier to let me know what time he'd be home so I could not believe the one time I had something special planned for him, he skipped out of work early.

Grumbling and frowning and huffing and grumbling some more, I started towards the door and tripped over Diablo and crunched my big toe – which was already sore from my previous crunching – on the leg of the chair. Dropping f-bombs galore, I yelled, "Ow, ow, ow," in agony and limped around the room for a minute, cringing as my damn toe started throbbing.

I wanted to conk Diablo on the head but I couldn't because I was in too much pain so instead I yelled and dropped more f-bomb's on him and it didn't affect him one bit because he was buried too deep in his frenetic fit.

Just as my hand touched the doorknob, I heard a shout. "Bella, put that damn rat up or I'll kill him. I swear to god, I'll skin him alive."

It took me longer than normal to catch the crazed tasmanian devil at my feet because of my pained toe, but I finally got him wrangled and put in my office. Hobbling back to the door, I opened it and sticking her nose in the air with her red lip all curled up, Rose stepped around me and barged right into my house. Talk about rude. She's lucky I loved her and didn't stick my good foot out and trip her.

Rolling my eyes, I closed the door and shuffled after her. I sat down and propped my hurt toe up on the coffee table waiting for her to ream me out about my dog and tell me repeatedly all the different ways she wanted to kill him, but I frowned as I watched her pace back and forth. She finally stopped and came straight at me and I felt a little frightened.

"Look at this," she demanded, sticking her hand in my face and my eyes bulged.

"Holy shit," I mumbled, staring intently at the honker ring on her finger.

"How many carats is that sucker?"

"It's five carats, Bella, five. Did you hear me?"

"Holy shit," I said again like those were the only two curse words in the English language. "You need a security detail with that thing."

"I thought it was cubic zirconia."

I snorted.

"It's not funny."

"Sorry, not funny."

"I yelled at him for buying me a cheap ass ring."

"Uh oh."

"Yeah. He showed me the receipt and I told him he was full of shit and threw the ring and the receipt back in his face."

"Yikes."

"You knew he had a trust fund?"

I nodded, still feeling fearful.

"And you knew he went to Wharton?"

"Yes, and I've been dying to tell you but I knew I couldn't because it had to come from Emmett and I swear to you that I just found out and I told Edward that you were going to kick Emmett's ass for not telling you."

"Bella, the man knows numbers. He dreams of numbers."

"I know," I said, laughing. "It's completely insane, isn't it? You two were meant to be, right?"

"Yes, but I'm still fucking pissed at him."

"Well, that's to be expected," I said carefully and she just stood there simmering like a hot pot of chili.

She simmered a little too long so I got a little brave. "So, are you guys officially engaged now?" I asked gently unsure of what kind of response I would get.

Her angry scowl made me flinch a little. "Yes."

"Well… good. That's good, right?"

"I suppose."

"So when's the big day?"

"On my birthday. At the end of the month. We're going to Vegas. Don't make any plans because Emmett is flying everyone out."

Now you would think that after announcing your upcoming nuptials that you would smile, be filled with joy, and maybe shed a tear or two, right? But snot rag Rose? Yeah, no. She announced it like she was reading the side of a jar of peanut butter.

I had no idea what to do. Should I celebrate? Should I tell her to get her rude ass out of my house because I happened to still be a little miffed about her entrance? Ruefully and with a big fat sigh, I put my feelings aside and waited. Surely, I would get some kind of positive response, but I wasn't quite sure.

She held her hand up studying that jelly-bean-sized rock with her big, fake red lips downturned and her eyes all squinted like she couldn't decide if she wanted to keep it or shove it down the garbage disposal, but the corners of the collagen twitched just the slightest and I knew it was coming. It wasn't a normal smile - maybe a quarter of one - but it worked for me so I jumped off the couch and shouted, "We're going to Vegas!"

I tried to pull her into a hug but I couldn't get my arms around her because of the cantaloupes attached to her chest.

"Just wait until you see The Moat," I mumbled under my breath.

"What's The Moat?" she demanded.

"You have to ask Emmett…" I sang.

She asked me to contact the girls – Alice, Victoria, and Lauren. Rose didn't like a lot of fanfare. She just wanted everyone to be there. We had already made plans for Rose's birthday so I knew everyone had that weekend off.

Alice reacted sweet and subdued but very supportive of Rose. Lauren and Victoria, on the other hand, made bets on how long they'd last. Lauren went with two weeks and Victoria went with three days - those dumb bitches - but overall, everyone seemed excited for Rose and could hardly wait to party in Vegas.

Checking the time, I smiled gloriously because Edward should be home any minute. I literally could not wait for him to arrive and see the surprise I had for him. I kept constant watch at the door and had that feeling you get when you're playing hide-and-seek and you're about to be discovered. I let out a squeal and almost clapped when I saw his Porsche pull in my driveway.

Diablo went bonkers and I laughed when he skidded around the corner so fast that his feet flew out from underneath him.

Gleefully, I swung open the door for my dreamy neighbor and before I could do anything, he announced, "I'm home," with a huge grin on his face before his eyes quickly scanned me and his expression changed. I couldn't wait any longer so I tugged on his hand, slammed the door shut, and let my robe hit the floor.

His eyes lazily moved down my body before meeting mine again, the corner of his mouth lifting. "Where are your clothes?" he asked, his eyes on the places where my clothes should have been, especially my underclothes.

"Um, they're all dirty," I said kind of sexy-like, stealing his line.

"I'm glad you're a terrible housekeeper," he said as he untucked his shirt.

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah. I'm never hiring a maid," he said as he slowly began unbuttoning his oxford.

"Never?"

"Never," he confirmed as he undid the buttons around his wrists. "I think we should burn all of your clothes. Let's start with your underwear."

"Can we burn yours too?"

"Got a match?" he asked as his shirt dropped to the floor.

"No, but I've got a fire somewhere and it's not in my underwear drawer."

Chuckling, he licked his lips and I wanted to lick his lips too. With his eyes on mine, he unbuckled his belt and my itchy hands wanted to take it off and maybe spank him with it.

"So where's that fire? I've got a hose that can take care of it," he said and I started laughing.

"Are you laughing at my hose?"

I nodded still giggling.

"I wouldn't laugh because it's ten feet long," he said and I laughed some more as he unzipped his pants.

"Do you want to come inspect it?" he said with an eyebrow cocked. "Make sure it's working properly?"

"Oh, I can see from here that it's working just fine."

"Visual doesn't count. It needs a hands-on inspection."

"I have hands and I can inspect."

His eyes lowered to my chest. "And what is that?"

"Uh... you mean my headlights?"

He smirked. "We can start with that. Are your high beams on?"

"Not yet. I thought I'd let you flip the switch."

"Oh, I can flip the switch all right," he said as he stepped close and lifted the long, satiny blue ribbon hanging around my neck with the shiny silver piece dangling from it.

"Once again, what is this?"

"You know what it is."

"Do I?"

"Yes, you do."

"Tell me."

"It fits in a door."

He shook his head, his mouth twisting. "Giving me this is a bad idea."

"It is?"

"Oh, definitely."

"Why?"

"Because I'll sneak over here."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"When you're asleep."

"Oh," I said, my breath choppy as I pictured him as a sexy sneaker. "What will you do?" I whispered.

Leaning down, his lips came slowly towards mine and my eyes grew heavy and closed, desperately waiting for his fiery mouth; but instead, he breathed across my lips, so close but not touching and I hungrily, pressed forward, reaching for those lips of his, but he pulled back.

"I'd only breathe across your skin..." he murmured as his hot breath trailed down my neck.

"Oh yeah, I like breathing," I breathed through my heavy breathing.

"Then I'd flip that switch," he said as he blew across my nipples and I moaned when my headlights shined brightly.

Kneeling, his hot breath continued down my stomach. "What about the touching, what about touching?" I kind of begged.

"Oh, I'm going to touch you," he said as he lifted my leg over his shoulder and touched me until I screamed his name. Carrying me to the bedroom, he gave me a play-by-play of his midnight sneak-ins until we both passed out, sweaty and panting.

We laid there for a moment before I tried to speak. "Guess... what..." I dragged the words out really slow due to my spongy, love-spent condition as I lay curled in his sweaty arms.

"I dunno," he mumbled, just as spongy.

"Your brother... married..." I didn't have the energy to complete the sentence.

Edward hummed.

"Vegas... later..."

Edward hummed again, apparently worse off than me.

The next morning while eating bagels, drinking coffee, and sitting in Edward's lap, I had some important information to tell him. "Okay. Today is the day."

"The day for what?"

"The day to trap my cheater sister-in-law. Jazz said she gets off at five this afternoon and that she plans on doing a little "shopping," I said, giving the "ew" face. "Anyway, let's go find that dress and wig for you. The red one."

He growled into my neck and I laughed. "All I need is a baseball cap and some sunglasses," he said, tickling my skin with his morning scruff.

"Oh no, we're going full incognito. A baseball cap and sunglasses would not hide your hotness, it would only enhance it."

Laughing, he carried me piggy-back upstairs and we got ready. I Googled some stores and finally found one close by. We stepped inside and started looking around.

"Okay, this one is perfect for you," Edward said with a devilish grin as he held up a barely-there French Maid costume. "Go try it on."

"No way."

"Come on, beautiful."

"No. Now why won't you give this a try?" I asked, holding up a red curly wig and trying really hard not to laugh. "You'd be perfect as a woman and this color would look great with your skin tone."

He shook his head biting back a smile. "I'm going to pretend that you did not say that to me."

"Please?"

"No."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to go with the 70's porn star."

I startled when he grabbed me from behind. "And you know I have the cock to go with it," he whispered in my ear and I laughed.

Continuing my browsing, I stopped in my tracks. "Wait," I said excitedly. "Oh my god, you have to try this on," I said with a giggle as I held up a hideous mullet wig.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Please? I'll make a deal with you."

He stepped close, pinning me against the racks. "What kind of deal?"

My eyes quickly dashed around the store before I pulled his head down so I could whisper in his ear. "I'll suck your cock."

He let out a low groan. "Where? In the changing room?"

"No, of course not," I hissed. "I mean later, at home."

He pressed his lips against my ear. "If you suck my cock in the changing room, I'll try on anything and everything in this store."

"No. We can't do that here. What if we get caught?"

"But that's part of the thrill," he murmured with brows that wiggled.

"But what about cameras?" I asked, looking up at said cameras in strategic places. "You know I have videoagoraphobia now."

Pulling me into his arms, he whispered sing-songy in my ear, "Come on, beautiful, my cock wants to be sucked..."

His words, well, they got me hot, but I still absolutely, positively did not want to do it. Then I stared hard at that stupid mullet wig. I really wanted to see Edward in a mullet.

My eyes met his and I knew he could see the defeat in mine. "Oh my god," I moaned, wishing I'd just kept my stupid mouth shut. Edward grinned and grabbed my hand along with the French Maid costume and dragged me behind him towards the changing rooms. He smiled and cocked a brow at me when he picked up a Darth Vader costume for himself.

"We'd like to try on a few things," Edward said to the teenager manning the store.

My face flamed as we stood there waiting for the kid to unlock the dressing rooms. I could not look him in the eye because of my guilty conscience. He opened two rooms and when he turned around to walk away, Edward quickly tugged me inside his.

"Put this on," he said in a low voice, handing me the French Maid costume. "No panties."

My eyes widened and I shook my head vigorously.

"Mullet, Bella, don't forget the mullet," he whispered with a wicked look in his eyes.

"Damn it," I mumbled before I turned around and got completely naked before slipping on the sexy little get-up. The top had a bustier in it which pushed my breasts up and the lacy, black and white frilly skirt barely covered my ass. Bending over, I pulled the white thigh-highs with black bows up my legs before turning around. I smothered a giggle with my hands when I saw Edward standing there with his jeans unzipped and his very stiff cock already hanging out.

His heated eyes did dirty, dirty things to my body. "You're hired," he said in a low, sexy voice.

"Huh?"

"The ad? For the dirty maid?"

This nervous laugh slipped out of me and I had to cover my mouth with my hands again.

"Your paycheck is waiting..." he said with a sexy grin as he held his cock in his hand. I stared at it for a minute before my eyes honed in on the door handle. I just knew at any minute that teenager was going to bust in and catch us in the act.

"Oh my god, I cannot believe I'm going to do this," I whispered as my eyes darted to the ceiling, looking for surveillance equipment. I went to sit down on the bench, but he grabbed my arm. "No, stand up and bend over."

Glancing behind me, I inhaled sharply when I saw the mirrored wall that I'd completely overlooked. Breathing heavily, I bent over and quickly glanced behind me again and I could see my naked everything.

I felt myself getting wet and I hadn't even touched him yet.

My eyes darted to the door again as I grabbed his cock in my hand and kissed the glistening tip. He groaned when I gave it three or four more kisses along the length of it before I gave it a little lick. With my eyes glued to the door, I took him all the way in sucking gently as my eyes darted to the ceiling, looking for hidden cameras in the corners or beneath the cheap ceiling tiles or maybe hidden in the light fixture.

"What's wrong?" Edward whispered.

I pulled my mouth away from him but kept my hand still wrapped around his cock. "Someone's going to catch us."

"No one's going to catch us."

"But they might…" I said, my eyes going to the door again.

"Come here," he said, tugging on my hand until I was upright. Threading his fingers in my hair, his lips found mine. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to."

I moaned as his tongue slipped in my mouth. "I do and I don't," I mumbled against his lips.

"Spread your legs," he said, biting my lower lip. "I want to feel how wet you are."

I spread my legs and gasped when he ran his fingers along my slit. "Damn, Bella," he panted, bringing his fingers to his mouth and sucking my arousal from them. "Tell me how hot your pussy is right now."

"I… my pussy is so hot…"

His lips found mine again with the proof of my hot pussy on them. "It'll be so hot if we do this..."

It was hot and terrifying and against my better judgement, I sucked his cock. I still watched the door and the light fixtures like a hawk, but I kept my mouth on him until he grunted and came, shooting long, thick spurts down my throat. I quickly swallowed and stood, smiling at both relief and at him as he leaned heavily against the wall like he might pass out.

"That was incredible," he mumbled kind of panting and grinning at the same time. "I love your mouth."

"Thank you and you're welcome," I said quickly as I started to strip off the French Maid outfit as fast as I could.

Edward stopped me. "What are you doing? It's your turn."

My eyes widened. "Oh, no, the deal was for your pleasure only."

"But I want to make you cum. Lay down on the bench."

"No, I can't, I – " I managed to say before someone pounded on the door like they were trying to break it down. My body jerked all over as my mouth simultaneously opened and I screamed like a crazed banshee. I screamed so loud that it actually hurt my throat. It sounded like I had Freddy Krueger himself in that changing room with me, claw and all.

"What are you guys doing in there?" the kid yelled through the door, banging on it again. "There's no messing around in the changing rooms."

Scared stiff and panting like a bulldog with my heart banging wonkily in my chest, I thought for sure I was having a cardiac event. Edward busted out laughing and I wanted to smack him but it took me a second because I was still frozen solid. I finally thawed enough to whack him hard. "I told you we'd get caught," I whisper-hissed before smacking him again.

He just stood there like an idiot howling with laughter.

"I think I'm having a heart attack, you jackass," I whispered through my labored breathing and for some reason that made him laugh even harder.

With a loud huff, I turned around and with shaky hands and my heart still rocketing, I quickly took the French Maid costume off and put my clothes back on. I could still hear Edward snickering behind me and when I turned back around, he was wiping tears from his eyes. "If you could have seen your face," he said before busting out laughing like a hyena.

"It's not funny and I am so mad at you right now."

"Ah, come here, beautiful," he said, trying to pull me into his arms. I resisted but he still managed to trap me. "You can't stay mad at me."

"I can and I will and I am so embarrassed and I knew we would get caught and my throat hurts because of that scream and I – "

Edward busted out laughing again.

"And you keep laughing at me and it's totally not funny and – "

"Hey, look at me."

I did not want to so I pouted and stared at his shirt before he finally put his hand under my chin and lifted it. "Look at me, beautiful," he whispered and I very reluctantly looked up. "I'm sorry I laughed, I really am, but you're so cute right now. I love that you can make me laugh."

I rolled my eyes.

"I love you so much, Bella."

"Ugh," I said. "I can't even stay mad at you… I love you too."

He kissed me and promised to take care of my hot pussy when we got home. I tried to put the Darth Vader mask on to exit the dressing room - and the store - but Edward wouldn't let me. Instead, he dragged me out of there and made a mad dash for the mullet and proudly put it on, grinning like a crazy fool. I laughed until I had tears in my eyes.

He even let me take pictures and when he put the long, curly red wig on and wrapped a pink scarf around his neck, I laughed so hard I got a little choked. He also tried on a giant Afro, some dreadlocks, and a goofy clown wig which all earned continued giggles from me.

While inspecting the mustaches, Edward came up behind me, grabbed me in his arms and dipped me. He suddenly smiled way too big and said, "Give me a kiss," as he brandished a set of crooked Billy Bob teeth. I laughed and laughed and pushed his face away.

Once we finished our shopping, Edward told me I could go ahead and go out to the car and he would check out to save me the embarrassment of facing that kid again, which I gladly accepted.

When we got back home, he insisted I put the French Maid costume back on, stating he had "unfinished business" to attend to and when I stepped out of the bathroom, trying to look sexy in my stilettos, there he sat on my bed, naked, sporting the mullet and Billy Bob teeth. He begged me to "ride the hillbilly," but I stood firm and absolutely refused his hilarious offer.

He did indeed finish his "unfinished business" quite successfully, I might add.

After a late lunch, I started getting ready for my investigation. I located my binoculars, checked my camera with the telephoto lens, and made sure everything worked properly before I started going through all of the stuff we bought. "Okay, this is yours, Mr. Dressing Room Porn Star," I said with a laugh as I tossed him a short blonde wig and matching mustache.

I pulled out a long blonde wig from one of the bags and put it on before adding a cap and my "Fly" shades.

"This thing tickles," Edward said, wrinkling his nose at the thick mustache on his upper lip.

"Hang on," I said. "You're missing some of your disguise."

I dug around in the bag and fished out another baseball cap and some Erik Estrada sunglasses. He put them on and I started laughing again.

"All you need now is some "bow chicka wow wow" music."

"Let's make a video. Right now…" he said with wiggly brows.

Giggling, I escaped his arms and with both of us in disguise, I revved the engine of my James Bond Aston Martin - I mean my used SUV that had vomit in the backseat - and drove dangerously to the hospital. Well, I stayed under the speed limit, but I ran a red light just for the thrill of it. I found a concealed area near the parking garage where I could stake her out.

Eagerly, I pulled out my binoculars - even though I didn't need them - and looked towards the garage watching intently for her car.

"This disguise is making me feel a little frisky," Edward said, leaning towards me and fingering my blonde wig. "I like this color on you."

I hummed, half-listening and continued looking through my binoculars.

I felt his hand creep up my thigh. "So are you a Russian spy?" he asked in a low voice. "What's your name? Nikita, or Natalia?"

"Stop," I said laughing as I pushed his hand away. "You're distracting me. This is serious business."

"But you're seriously hot when you're in spy mode."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Turn around here and give your porn star a kiss."

"I am not kissing you with that thing on your lip."

"Come on. I modeled the mullet for you."

I smiled. "True… okay, but just a little peck." I wrinkled my nose and puckered my lips up extra-big and gave him a fast one.

"Ew, that was creepy," I said, cringing and wiping my lip, "and it tickled, and it weirded me out because my dad used to have a mustache like that."

"I was okay with it until you had to ruin it and bring up your dad."

"Sorry," I said with a laugh.

I picked up my binoculars and saw Tanya's car. "Oh, crap. There she is. I almost missed her."

Shoving the car in gear and with adrenaline spiking through my veins, I followed her, staying a few cars behind. "Keep your eyes on her," I said to Edward. "I don't want to lose her."

"She's turning," he said, pointing. "Get in the left lane."

"Crap. Get out of the way, you idiot."

"Watch out!" Edward shouted as I slammed on the brakes.

"Damn it," I grumbled. "It was his fault, not mine."

"You just totally cut him off and almost removed his headlight."

"I did not."

"Yes, you did. Don't you hear that honking? He's back there right now giving you the double bird."

"I can't help it if he has road rage, besides, it wasn't that close."

Tanya drove through an older section of town lined with several abandoned warehouses before turning into a deserted parking lot.

"What is she up to?" I asked myself more than Edward.

"Are you sure she's cheating? Maybe she's working for the mob. Maybe that purse was payment for a hit."

I started laughing just as a silver sedan entered the parking lot.

"Wait. Something's about to go down," I mumbled as I sat up straight and leaned against the steering wheel. Private eye tingles surged through my body as I grabbed my camera and started clicking.

The door to the sedan opened and out stepped a man. Tanya got out of her car and I cringed when they embraced.

"That disgusting slut," I growled. "I knew she was sleeping with your dad."

"Bella, that's not my dad."

"What?"

"That's not my dad."

Frowning, I raised the camera and stared intently through the lens as I watched her lip lock the stranger. "Oh my god," I said slowly as realization sunk in. "That triple-timing skank is cheating on Jazz and your dad."

Edward laughed his ass off and I huffed.

I focused in on them and frowned. "Good god," I mumbled. "The guy she's with looks like Weird Al Yankovic's older, somehow uglier brother."

Edward continued chuckling and I ignored him as I fired off more pictures.

"Ugh, I knew she was cheating. This sucks. Now I have to go tell Jazz."

Setting the camera to the side, Edward remained quiet as I sat there thinking.

"I wish I hadn't even come here."

Slumping, I leaned heavily against the steering wheel and watched them. "I thought I would feel joyous, vindicated that I was right about her but I don't feel that way at all. I'm about to go break my brother's heart. I'm going to break up his family."

I chewed on my lip as I sat there for awhile.

"And Jack and Raine… this hurts."

Edward reached for my hand and squeezed it.

I blew out a heavy breath before I turned towards him. "You were right. This definitely didn't go the way I planned."

With a sigh, I started the car. "I'll drop you off at the house. I need to go talk to Jazz."

The ride home was quiet. I needed it to gather my thoughts and prepare how I was going to break the news to my brother.

When we got home, Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed me gently. "I'm sorry you have to go through this," he said softly.

"Yeah, but I kind of brought it on myself, didn't I? I could have just let him find out on his own but I didn't think that was the right thing to do either."

His lips found mine again. "I'll be waiting on you."

With a sick feeling in my stomach, I headed to Jazz's. I spent two hours there and it was tough but he didn't take the news as hard as I thought. I think he already knew deep down, he just didn't want to admit it. It was too early for him to even think about talking divorce because he needed time to process everything. I held tight onto Jack and Raine, giving them as much extra love as I could.

Later that evening as I lay in Edward's arms, he listened as I poured my heart out and shed a tear or two.

"Hey, I just thought of something," I said as I ran my fingers through his chest hair.

"What?" he asked, trailing his fingers along my spine.

"Do you think Tanya was sleeping with your dad too?"

"I have no idea and I don't want to know. You know my relationship with him. I could care less what he does and my mom would never do anything anyway."

I nodded and kept my eyes and fingers preoccupied as I drew little circles in his hair. "All of this infidelity has me thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"Have you ever cheated on anyone?"

"Seriously? I can't believe you just asked me that."

"Well, it is a valid question. You did offer me an orgasm the day after that thing, you know."

"Do you know what I did that day?"

"What?"

"I can't even tell you how pissed I was when I locked myself out of the house, I - "

"You don't have to tell me because believe me I knew."

He lifted my chin, making me look at him. "I knocked on your door not giving a shit who was going to answer it and when you opened it and I saw you standing there? I lost my breath for a second."

"You sure didn't seem like it with all your grouching."

His mouth did a smiley, twisty thing and so did mine. "This is my story so quit interrupting."

"Fine."

"You stood there all cute and sassy with your hair pulled up in that ponytail and your little skirt on and your hands on your hips giving me lip. I'd never had anyone talk to me like that before."

"Well, you deserved it."

"How did I deserve it when Fugly attacked me?"

"Don't call him Fugly."

"Fugly, Fugly, Fugly," he taunted and I bit my lip so hard because I did not want to smile.

"Asshole, asshole, asshole," I taunted back and damn it, we both started laughing.

"I saw you and thought you were stunning. I went to work and Googled you. I even pulled up your mortgage information."

"That's an invasion of my privacy."

"No, it's not. It was public record."

I "hmpffed."

"I needed a "hook." Some way of getting you to know me better. I knew I could stretch out the Gucci thing so I planned on "negotiating" with you for a while and then I came home and saw Diablo's shit on my driveway and I laughed my ass off."

"Well, that sucks. I wanted to piss you off."

"Didn't happen. I "acted" that way. Then when I saw you in that disguise and that dildo, well, I thought you were kinky."

"Kinky?"

"Well, you had "watched" and all."

"How did you know that?"

"Well, you screamed and I saw the curtains flutter so I knew something was up."

"I was so embarrassed by that."

"I know," he said, pinching my chin playfully. "Then it kind of became like a flirty game. I liked firing you up and seeing your sassiness."

I started playing with his Adam's apple. "When I saw your business card? I thought your middle name was "asshole."

He started laughing and pulled me closer.

"And I flipped you off behind your back."

He pretended to gasp, his eyes all sparkly.

"But I thought you had a nice backside."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. A super fine backside."

"See? You wanted me too."

"Kind of."

"I guess it was 'love at first bite,' huh?"

Smiling, I pulled him in for a kiss. "I guess it was."

THE END