A/N: It's me again. Yay! Thanks for sticking with me. ;)))
I can't thank my pre-readers enough: Lfcpam, JayNahNah and betsmecullen. They read this chapter twice for me, the poor things. They are amazing and I love them like a lot. ;)))
Yes, I did F Triple N in that new, big glorious bed of ours. He laughed, a lot, when he found his note tucked away in my bra next to my heart. I also gave him a 'fucking spectacular blow job' – those were his exact words – in my bathroom in front of the mirror. I had no idea how hot it could be watching my lips do that to him.
I let Diablo out one last time, and he trailed me up the stairs. I found Edward naked in my bathroom pulling stuff out of his overnight bag and setting it on my vanity. Seeing his toothbrush, toothpaste and aftershave sitting next to my things gave me a severe case of the warm fuzzies.
Getting ready for bed was sweet. I smiled as I picked up my toothbrush, and Edward smiled back as he picked up his toothbrush. We both stood there smiling and laughing with frothy mouths as we brushed our teeth together. I almost choked when a big glop oozed out of his mouth and onto his chin.
When we crawled under those luxurious covers, I moaned at how soft they felt against my skin. Edward pulled me into his arms as I closed my eyes and laid my head against his chest. I squeezed him tight feeling more content than I had ever felt in my entire life.
"God, I love this bed, these sheets and your superhot body. You are a good, good man."
"Ow, fuck!" Edward suddenly shouted out of nowhere, his body jerking all over.
"What?" I shouted back, half scared out of my mind.
"Diablo just stepped on my nuts."
"Oh no, are you okay?" Those nuts could not be injured because I needed those nuts. I had an addiction to those nuts.
"No, I'm not okay."
I quickly flipped on the light next to the bed. Edward cringed as he sat up and held his sack.
"What can I do?"
"You can go put him in his crate."
"Bella, he snores."
"And he farts."
"No, it's constant and you wouldn't know because you somehow sleep through it all. He kept me up half the night last night. He has serious gastrointestinal issues, Bella. You need to slip some Beano in his dog food."
A snort popped out of me which turned into a loud fit of the giggles. Edward tried to keep his face serious but started chuckling as he rubbed his nuts.
I finally got my laughter in check and took in a heavy breath. I stared at Edward for a long moment before I turned my attention to the little black nose peeking out from beneath the comforter. Sighing, I pushed the covers back and picked up Diablo. "But he'll be lonely all by himself," I whined as I held his tiny body close to mine. His ears were laid back and he had a pitiful 'I'm completely innocent' look on his little face.
"He'll be fine, Bella. I promise you it won't kill him."
I sighed dramatically. "All right, but this is really hard for me because this little devil has slept with me ever since I got him but because I A you, I'm going to go put him in his crate."
Edward cocked his head to the side, a faint smile on his lips. "And what does the A stand for?"
He grinned big. "I like."
"I like you and you better make it worth my while."
"Oh I will, beautiful, I will."
As I made my way downstairs, I whispered to Diablo how sorry I was but that he'd been replaced by a wickedly hot, gorgeous man who made me horny and I begged him to forgive me. I kissed him and tucked him in his crate and gave him a handful of treats to make up for it.
I raced back up the stairs and stepped inside the bedroom. Edward was sprawled out, his cock already standing at attention. I started laughing; I guess his balls weren't that injured. "Happy to see me, huh?"
"Always, beautiful, now come over here and massage my sore nuts."
We fell asleep and woke up tangled in each other's arms. There was nothing more wonderful in the universe than waking up to a drowsy, smiley, sexy-as-fuck Edward sporting some wood and an adorable case of bed head. Diablo did survive the night without me although I did get up twice to check on him. When we finally roused out of bed and I let the little devil out of his crate, I had to laugh at him as he took turns loving all over Edward and me. He showered us with double doses of doggie love.
I fixed pancakes – my first meal cooked in my kitchen since the Hulkster debauchery – and we found ourselves once again back in the living room. I started to sit on the coffee table like last time, but Edward pulled me into his lap instead. I smiled as I stared down at myself clothed in just his T-shirt and my panties with psychedelic-colored lips plastered all over them. Edward looked smoking hot in his expensive black silk boxers. But I did make fun of them earlier and told him he needed to loosen up a little and get some boxers with something exciting on them like Woody Woodpecker's face, or bananas or Koala bears. For some reason he didn't seem to appreciate my comment because he responded by pinching me hard on the ass.
As we ate our breakfast, I found Edward to be quite the messy eater so it became my duty to help him out with his syrupy lips. Good god, I wanted to just devour his delicious Aunt Jemima-coated mouth, or spread that syrup all over his body and work him over good and hard with my tongue. But we both had to work which sucked ass so I had to suppress my syrup-filled longings.
I softly kissed him one more time, making sure he was syrup-free before I took our empty plates into the kitchen. On my way back into the living room, I took in a deep breath feeling a tad bit nervous as I approached him where he still sat on the couch. I quickly cleared my throat and told the butterflies in my stomach to take a hike.
"I have something I need to say," I announced.
Grinning, Edward pulled me in between his legs and started rubbing his hands up the backs of my bare thighs. It was highly distracting. "Go ahead, beautiful, I'm all ears," he said, staring up at me expectantly.
I stared down into his thickly-lashed, mesmerizing sage green eyes and quickly took in a deep breath. "Okay. Here it goes. Since I find myself frightfully attached and scary obsessed with your perfect self and now that I have that new, fabulous bed upstairs and we're moving so quickly through the alphabet – L, M, B, F, A – I decided I want you to move in with me, effective immediately," I said opening my hand and offering him his very own key to my house.
He chuckled as he took it from me. "It took you long enough, beautiful," he said and I screeched when he grabbed my hand and yanked me into his lap, tickling my sides.
"Stop, stop, stop!" I yelled through maniacal laughter as he pushed me onto my back on the couch. I could not stand being tickled. To me, that ranked right up there with water boarding.
"What?" he asked innocent-like smiling down at me like a beautiful demon.
"Don't ever tickle me again or I'm kicking you out."
He snorted and tickled me again.
"Wait! I'm serious! I'll kick your hot ass to the curb!" I yelled boisterously as I tried desperately to get away from his torturous fingers.
"Not a chance," he said, laughing. "You can't live without me, beautiful, and the behemoth beast that lives in my pants."
I couldn't help the small moan that escaped from my lips. He just smiled down at me all happy and full of the cocky.
"Okay, there might be some truth to that statement, but listen, I have one more very important thing to say," I said pushing on him. I could not have a serious conversation with him lying on top of me half naked.
He finally let me up from my pinned position on the couch. We both stood and he pulled me into his arms. "I'm listening," he said still all smiley and looking up to no good.
I took in a deep breath. "Now this is very serious."
His smile deepened and he looked even more mischievous. "Go ahead."
I huffed a little. "Okay. I don't know how to play house because I've never lived with anyone before so I have no clue how to do it and you know how crazy I am and I might drive you bonkers so please forgive me in advance. And even though this sounds really wrong, I'm looking forward to our first fight so we can have some really hot make-up sex so feel free to tick me off whenever you feel like it."
Edward threw his head back and laughed, really hard.
"It's not funny."
"It's very funny."
"No, it's not and I'm being serious."
"I know you're serious, you crazy woman, but we're going to have a lot of fun playing house together. And you're going to be perfect at it so stop worrying."
"You think so?"
"I know so."
I smiled and rubbed my hands over his perfect, naked chest.
"But you might have to wait a while on the fight thing, beautiful, because I don't think I could ever be mad at you."
I melted and sighed and smiled and sighed again and looked up at him with nauseating lovey-dovey eyes.
"I was going to wait to tell you this, but I'll just tell you now," he said, rubbing his fingertips softly up and down my back. "I'm going to put my house up for sale. And before you go psychotic on me and start hunting for a weapon, I will, without question, be getting a new realtor. I'll make sure he's old and unattractive."
"But, you just bought that house and your pool's not even done yet and, and-"
"It doesn't matter."
"But you'll lose money, like a lot of money."
"You are way more important to me than money, Bella. I know my house is a sore spot for you and if I could get away with it, I'd burn it down just to make you happy. But since I can't, I'll sell it."
"You'd burn it for me?"
"In a heartbeat."
"I effing L you so much right now."
Edward chuckled and hugged me closer. "I know you do, beautiful, and I want you to put your house up for sale too."
"Neither of us can eat in your kitchen and it's not like we can get away from my house since it's sitting next door. We'll look for some property and have my mom design us a house."
"But, we can't put both of our houses up for sale at the same time, they'll never sell. Plus, the market took a dive and this is a terrible time to try to sell a house and-"
"Then we'll put mine up for sale and I'll just buy yours outright."
My mouth gaped. "You can't do that."
"I can do whatever the hell I want."
"But that's too much money."
"Bella, I could buy every house on this block if I wanted to and still have a huge chunk of change left over."
"Look, I'll make a deal with you," he said, pure mischief gleaming from his eyes.
My eyes narrowed. "What kind of deal?"
"You let me buy your house, and I'll invest in some different boxers."
I busted out laughing. "You're insane… a house for some boxers?"
"You know your kinky little ass is dying to see my hot ass in some," he said, wiggling those thick, bushy eyebrows of his.
I couldn't stop smiling. I sighed and shook my head. "I can't believe I'm doing this."
"I knew that was an offer you couldn't refuse."
Smiling, I studied his face. "They have to be really outlandish."
"Of course," he said, smiling back.
I heaved in a heavy breath. "All right – God forgive me – you have a deal."
Edward was late to work because I 'accidentally' yanked his silky boxers to his ankles.
We ended up moving only the necessities like his clothing and such into my place, and he did indeed come through with the boxers. Every day, he came home with a new pair hidden beneath his clothes. I got the giggles every time I pictured him at work, sneaking into the bathroom to slip on a pair of crazy boxers under those designer suits of his.
The first day he came home wearing a bright red pair that had 'Warning: Contents May Be Hot' printed all over them. He was so proud of them and I laughed until I had tears pouring from my eyes. But my favorite was the ones he wore the following day. They were covered in measuring tapes and had 'Mine is Bigger' and 'Mine is Better' stamped all over them. He stood there in those hilarious boxers and put his hands on his hips, striking a Superman pose and proudly proclaimed, "Take that, BIC dick." I laughed so hard that I got a cramp in my side and had to take some Tylenol.
I tried my best to renege on my end of the deal because it just felt wrong to let him buy my house, but the man had superb persuasive skills and wore me down. I told him he was crazy. He told me he was crazy in L. I did the 'awe' thing and melted and gave in like a wimpy wuss. I was such a pushover when it came to him.
On Friday, I had just finished up my work for the day when someone knocked on the door. I held Diablo in my arms as I peeked out the window. I frowned when I saw Rose standing there. She never showed up at my house unannounced, ever. I quickly locked up Diablo and opened the door.
"What's up?" I asked.
She stuck her nose in the air and stepped around me into the house. The bitch was rude; she was lucky I loved her.
I rolled my eyes as I closed the door and followed her into the living room. I sat down on the couch and frowned as I watched her pace back and forth. She finally stopped pacing and came towards me.
"Look at this," she said sticking her hand in my face. My eyes bulged.
"Holy shit," I mumbled, staring intently at the gigantic ring on her finger. "How many carats is that sucker?"
"It's five carats, Bella, FIVE! Did you hear me?"
"Holy shit," I said again like those were the only two curse words in the English language that I knew. "You need like a security detail with that thing."
"I thought it was cubic zirconia."
"It's not funny."
"Sorry, not funny."
"I yelled at him for buying me a cheap ass ring."
"Yeah. He showed me the receipt and I told him he was full of shit and threw the ring and receipt back at him."
"You knew he had a trust fund?"
I nodded, a bit fearful. She was one big, scary bitch.
"You knew he went to Wharton?"
"Yes, but I swear to you that I just found out and I told Edward that you were going to kick Emmett's ass for not telling you."
"Bella, the man knows numbers. He dreams of numbers."
"I know. It's completely insane, isn't it? You two were meant to be, right?"
"Yes, but I'm still fucking pissed at him."
"Well, that's to be expected." I took in a deep breath. "So, are you guys engaged now?" I asked gently unsure of what kind of response I would get.
"Good, that's good, right?"
"So when's the big day?"
"On my birthday at the end of the month. We're getting married in Vegas. Don't make any plans because Emmett is flying everyone out."
I stared at her for a long moment and watched as her lips slowly curved upwards. She held up her hand and stared at that monstrous rock and threw her head back and laughed.
I let loose a loud cackle. "We're going to Vegas!" I shouted jumping from the couch and pulling her in for a huge hug.
She asked me to call the girls – Alice, Victoria, and Lauren. We already had plans for Rose's birthday so I knew they all had that weekend off. Alice's reaction was sweet and subdued but very supportive of Rose. Lauren and Victoria, on the other hand, made bets on how long they'd last. Lauren went with two weeks and Victoria went with three days, those dumb bitches. But overall, everyone was excited and could hardly wait.
I smiled when I heard the garage door opening. I absolutely loved 'playing house' with Edward and felt like I wanted to don an apron and pearls and pull an apple pie out of the oven whenever he came home. Diablo took off like a bullet towards the kitchen and skidded around the corner, his little feet flying out from underneath him. I laughed as I followed him.
Edward opened the door to the kitchen and chuckled when he got attacked by Diablo. He picked him up and I wrapped my arms around the both of them. "So how was your day, Mr. Hunky Important Pants?" I asked before smothering his warm, delicious-smelling neck with kisses.
He chuckled and squeezed my ass with his one free hand. "Boring as hell without you. How was your day?"
"Good. Rose and Emmett are getting married."
"Yes, I was aware of that."
"No, I mean it's official," I said before quickly re-hashing my conversation with Rose.
He shook his head and chuckled. "Those two are something else."
"I know. Hey, I talked to Jazz today."
"Tanya's working tomorrow and get this. Jazz told me that she said she was going to be home late because she needed to do a little 'shopping'. Shopping my ass, that skankyfied, no-good, worthless, thieving-whore ho. I know exactly what she's going to be doing. She's going to be banging your daddy. It's time to take that bitch down."
Edward barked out a laugh.
"Sorry. That slut really gets me worked up."
I grabbed Edward's hand and started slowly walking backwards. I dragged my eyes up and down his suit-clad gorgeous self. "I need to go upstairs and get all of my gear together for our undercover operation."
He smirked at me with that panty-soaking smirk. "That's all?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"Hmm…no…" I said, my eyes fucking the hell out of him. "I'm going to strip you down and find out what's underneath that suit."
"You can't handle what's under this suit, beautiful."
I took Diablo from him and locked him in my office. I grabbed Edward's hand again and continued walking backwards towards the stairs as I slowly began to unloosen his tie. His lusty eyes were on mine as his fingers fumbled with the buttons and zipper on my shorts. I took two steps backwards up the stairs, trying to look like a hot, sexy vixen. My shorts dropped and I stepped out of them, leaving them on a step as I began unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt. He tugged my panties down and I got my foot caught in them and fell hard, my ass banging on the step with a loud thud.
"You stupid fucking rat bastard stairs," I mumbled as I stood and rubbed my sore ass. I grabbed my underwear that was still hooked on my foot and threw them past Edward's head. He immediately started laughing his brains out.
"Sure, just laugh at my pain," I said in an irritated voice. Ticked, I turned and started marching up the stairs. I only made it about three or four steps before he grabbed me and threw me over his shoulders. I screamed and beat on his back as he continued to laugh and ignore me. When we got to the bedroom, he tossed me on the bed like I weighed nothing. There was a predatory look in his eyes when he grabbed my ankle and pulled me towards him.
"Now finish what you started," he growled, gesturing to his clothes.
I couldn't help but smile at how bossy he was. I stood up on my knees at the end of the bed and continued unbuttoning his shirt. I kissed any and all of his skin as it became exposed. He groaned and tugged off my shirt.
My heart raced when my hands reached for his buckle. With my eyes on his, I undid it and slowly lowered his zipper. His mouth gaped open a little and his breathing increased, his eyes never leaving my face. His pants dropped to the floor and I frowned as I tried to read the small print on them. I bent down and saw a picture of a dachshund on the front. Confused, I squinted and read the words out loud, "Please don't trip over my wiener." I immediately straightened, my eyes darting to his grinning face, and I busted out laughing hysterically.
"Oh my god, those are hilarious," I said through a ton of giggles. "I love them so much."
"I knew you would. Now turn over and let me kiss that sweet, sore little ass of yours."
Triple N fucked me slow and lazy with my arms above my head and our fingers laced together.
We spent the rest of the evening in bed so I didn't get a chance to get my spy gear together. So when I got up the next morning, I dug around in my closet and pulled out my camera with the giant telephoto lens and grabbed my binoculars. Edward was lying on the bed with Diablo beside him watching me.
"Okay, I need to go buy an infrared camera with night vision on it, and we also need to go shopping for some disguises," I said.
"Bella, all I need is a baseball cap and some sunglasses."
"Oh no, we're going full incognito. A baseball cap and sunglasses would not hide your hotness, it would only enhance it."
He just shook his head and chuckled before tugging me towards him for a hot little make-out session. But Fugly the Perv, Edward's affectionate name for Diablo, suddenly appeared. He sat on a pillow watching us intently which freaked us both out so we cut the make-out session short.
We headed to the store and when I saw how expensive infrared cameras were, I nixed that idea fast because Tanya's sorry ass wasn't worth that much money. Edward offered to buy it for me, but I refused so we left and went to the costume store.
"Okay, this one is perfect for you," Edward said holding up a barely-there French Maid costume. "Go try it on."
"No chance in hell."
"Oh come on, beautiful."
"No. Now why won't you give this a try?" I asked, holding up a curly long-haired red wig. "You'd be perfect as a woman and this color would look great with your skin tone."
"I'm going to pretend that you did not say that to me."
"You chicken. Well, I guess we'll just have to go with the 70's porn star. You most certainly have the cock for it."
He grinned. "You would know."
"Wait!" I said excitedly. "Oh my god, you have to try this on." I giggled as I held up a hideous mullet wig.
"Please, pretty please? I'll make a deal with you."
He took a step closer pinning me against the racks. "What kind of deal?"
My eyes quickly dashed around the store to see if anyone was looking. I pulled his head down so I could whisper in his ear. "I'll suck your brat."
He let out a low groan. "Where? In the changing room?"
"No, of course not," I hissed. "I mean later, at home."
He pressed his lips against my ear. "If you suck my cock in the changing room, beautiful, I'll try on anything and everything in this store."
"No! We can't do that here. What if we get caught?"
"That's part of the thrill."
I stared hard at that stupid mullet wig. I really wanted to see Edward in a mullet.
My eyes met his and I knew he could see the defeat in mine. "Oh my god," I moaned, wishing I'd just kept my stupid mouth shut. Edward grinned and grabbed my hand along with the French Maid costume and dragged me behind him towards the changing rooms. He smiled and cocked an eyebrow at me when he picked up a Darth Vader costume for himself.
"We'd like to try on some things," Edward said to the pimply teenaged kid who was manning the store.
My face felt like it had just spent the last 24 hours under a sun lamp as we stood there waiting for the kid to unlock the dressing rooms. I couldn't look him in the eye because of the guilt I felt. He opened two rooms and when he turned around to walk away, Edward quickly tugged me inside his.
"Put this on," he said in a low voice, handing me the French Maid costume. "No panties."
My eyes widened and I shook my head vigorously.
"Mullet, Bella. Don't forget the mullet," he whispered with a smirk and a wicked look in his eyes.
"Damn it," I mumbled before I turned around and quickly disrobed, slipping on the sexy little get up. The black and white outfit had a plunging neckline and the frilly skirt barely covered my ass. All that was missing was the fish net stockings and hooker heels. I turned back around and had to smother a giggle when I saw Edward standing before me with his jeans unzipped and his already hard cock hanging out.
"My dirty little maid," he whispered, his eyes roaming provocatively over my body. "You're so fucking sexy."
His smoldering look made my heart try to launch itself out of my chest, but I swear my heart pounded even harder when my eyes honed in on that door. I just knew that at any minute that pimply teenager was going to bust in and catch us in the act.
"You can't wait to put me in your mouth, can you, beautiful?" Edward asked in a low voice.
I dragged my eyes away from the door and looked up into Edward's. I tossed him a smirk before I took in a deep breath and sat down on the bench.
"Give it a little kiss," he said tapping his cock against my cheek.
My eyes darted to that damn door again as I grabbed his cock in my hand and kissed the glistening tip. I gave it three or four more kisses along the length of it before I gave it a little lick.
"Oh yeah," Edward whispered with a groan. "Wrap those beautiful lips around me."
With my eyes glued to that stupid door, I took him all the way in, gagging myself a little. Well, it was more than a little because I actually made my eyes water. Triple N had an enormous brat.
"Yes, just like that. Gag on my cock. You love sucking on my cock, don't you?"
I looked up into Edward's eyes and nodded, making sure to suck extra hard. He groaned a low, deep growl in his chest. The dirty little grunts and groans he kept making got me all hot and bothered between my legs. Plus the fact that we were doing something forbidden and could get caught doing the forbidden heightened the experience by tenfold.
"How far can you take me in your mouth?"
I braced myself and took him in as far as I could before I gagged again.
"Fuck that was so hot," he said in a low voice, breathing heavily.
I stared up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to see if I could detect any cameras in the light fixture as I slowly ran my lips up and down his length, softly sucking on the tip and running my lips and tongue all over it.
Every one of my senses was on high alert. My eyes kept darting from the door to the ceiling to Edward's face while my ears strained for incoming footsteps.
"Bella, what's wrong?"
I paused with him still in my mouth and looked up. He was frowning down at me.
I pulled my mouth away from him but kept my hand still wrapped around his cock. "Someone's going to catch us."
"No one is going to catch us."
"But they might…" I said, my eyes flying to that fucking door again.
Edward backed away from me. "Let's just do this later," he said.
"No. I'm just not used to doing stuff like this. I've never done anything like this in my life," I whispered. "It's freaking me out."
"But you were getting hot, weren't you? It was turning you on. I bet your little pussy is dripping wet right now. Stand up."
"Spread your legs. I want to feel how wet you are."
I was so fucking wet.
I spread my legs and gasped when Edward ran his fingers along my slit. "Damn, Bella," he said, bringing his fingers to his mouth and sucking my arousal from them. "My dirty little maid loves sucking my cock, doesn't she?"
I told myself that I could do this. I could overcome my fear and try to enjoy the moment. I hummed in agreement and sat back down. I grabbed his cock and shoved him in my mouth. Edward groaned and his eyes rolled back in his head. Like an uncontrollable reflex, though, my eyes darted back to that damn door again. But I pulled my eyes away and looked up into Edward's face and tried to focus on Edward and not on that annoying doorknob that I knew was going to jiggle at any moment. My breath heaved in and out of my lungs as I panted heavily on Edward's cock. I softly cupped his balls in my hand, as he gently grasped the back of my head, thrusting in and out of my mouth.
"You like me fucking that pretty little mouth of yours, don't you?"
I hummed again. He grunted and groaned and let out a couple of mumbled 'fucks' before he came, shooting long, thick spurts down my throat. I quickly swallowed and stood up, smiling at him as he leaned heavily against the wall. But I was mainly smiling because I got through it unscathed. "That was fucking incredible," he said, grinning through his heavy breathing.
A wave of relief washed over me. I was so thankful that we hadn't gotten caught that I wanted to jump on a pole and start doing some dirty and probably very scary pole dancing. I started to strip off the French Maid outfit when Edward stopped me. "What are you doing? It's your turn."
My eyes widened. "Oh, no, the deal was for your pleasure only."
He frowned. "But I want to make you come. Lay down on the bench."
"No, I can't-" I managed to say before someone pounded on the door like they were trying to break it down. My body jerked all over as my mouth simultaneously opened and I screamed like a crazed banshee. There was so much volume to it that I was shocked Edward's hair didn't fly back. I screamed so loud that I actually hurt my throat. It sounded like I had Freddy Krueger himself in that changing room with me, claw and all.
"What are you guys doing in there?" the kid yelled through the door. "There's no messing around in the changing rooms."
I stood there with my eyes bulging and my hand covering my poor beating-out-of-control heart as Edward busted out laughing. I hauled off and smacked him. "I told you we'd get caught," I whispered before I smacked him again.
Edward just stood there howling with laughter.
"I think I'm having a heart attack, you jackass," I whispered through my heavy breathing and for some reason that made Edward laugh even harder.
With a loud huff, I turned around, took that French Maid costume off and put my clothes back on. When I turned back around, Edward was still snickering and wiping tears from his eyes. "If you could have seen your face," he said before busting out laughing like a hyena.
"It's not funny and I am so mad at you right now."
"Ah, come here, beautiful," he said, trying to pull me into his arms. I resisted but he still managed to get his arms around me. "You can't stay mad at me."
"I can and I will. I am so embarrassed and I knew we would get caught and my throat hurts because of that scream and-"
Edward busted out laughing again.
"And you keep laughing at me and it's totally not funny and-"
"Hey, look at me."
I didn't want to. I pouted and stared at his shirt for a long moment before I finally gave in and looked up at him. "I'm sorry I laughed, I really am, but I promise you that you'll be laughing about this later. I effing L you, beautiful, so much and I love that you can make me laugh."
I tried so hard to stay mad at him but I was a wimp and his words were melt-inducing. Therefore, I melted, again, as usual.
"And I think this constitutes as our first fight so we can have really hot make-up sex later like you've been longing for," he said with a grin.
I bit back a smile. "You'll knock over some lamps?"
He chuckled. "I promise."
I didn't want to but we finally exited the dressing room. I desperately wanted to put a bag over my head but I did survive thanks to Edward. He got me out of my bad mood instantly when he made a mad dash for the mullet and proudly put it on, grinning like a crazy fool at me. God, he looked so hilarious. I laughed until I cried. And because he was trying to 'make up' for making me mad he even let me take pictures. He put on that curly long-haired red wig and wrapped a pink scarf around his neck and I laughed so hard I choked myself. He also tried on a giant Afro, some dreadlocks and a goofy clown wig which all earned continued giggles from me.
I was busy looking at some moustaches when he came up behind me and grabbed me in his arms, dipping me and said, "Give me a kiss." He smiled at me with a set of crooked Billy Bob teeth in his mouth. I laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe and was afraid my brain was losing oxygen.
Edward told me I could go ahead and go out to the car and he would check out to save me the embarrassment of facing that kid again which I gladly accepted. He had a slew of stuff to buy which included the French Maid costume and the Billy Bob teeth.
He got in the car and handed me the bag. "Okay, this is yours," I said as I pulled out a short blond wig and matching moustache. Yep, he had to go as a porn star, no question about it especially with what went down in that changing room. I tossed him a hat and sunglasses to finish off his look.
I pulled out a long blond wig for myself and my 'Fly' glasses and a baseball cap. I stared at myself in the rearview mirror, adjusting my hat.
"This thing tickles," Edward said, wrinkling his nose at the thick moustache. I looked over at him and busted out laughing at him in that goofy 'stache and hat with the blonde wig poking out from the edges, paired with his Erik Estrada sunglasses. All he needed was some bow chicka wow wow music playing in the background and he'd be good to go.
I continued laughing as I pulled out of the parking lot.
I drove over to the hospital and parked near the garage that Jazz told me Tanya parked in. Her shift had just ended so I knew she would be coming out at any minute. I pulled out my binoculars, even though I didn't need them, and looked towards the garage's exit, watching for her car.
"I like this blond color on you," Edward said, fingering my wig. "You'll have to wear it with the French Maid costume."
I hummed half-listening and continued looking through my binoculars.
Edward leaned over and ran his hand up my thigh. "I'm disappointed that I didn't get to return the favor. I could do it now," he said, his fingers brushing against my clit and causing me to jerk.
"Stop," I said, pushing his hand away. "You're distracting me. This is serious business."
"But you're cute when you're in spy mode."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are. Turn around here and give your porn star a kiss."
"I'm not kissing you with that thing on your lip."
"Come on. I modeled the mullet for you."
I smiled. "Okay, but just a peck." I wrinkled my nose and puckered my lips up extra-big and gave him a quick little peck.
"Ew, that was creepy," I said, cringing and wiping my lip. "My dad used to have a thick moustache like that so it's kind of weirding me out."
"Okay, that is wrong and you should have told me that before you kissed me."
"Sorry," I said with a chuckle.
I picked up my binoculars and looked through them again and saw Tanya's car. "Oh, shit. There she is. I almost missed her."
I put the car in drive and followed her, staying three cars behind. "Keep your eyes on her," I said to Edward. "I don't want to lose her."
"She's turning," Edward said, pointing. "Get in the left lane."
"Shit! Get out of the way, you stupid moron," I yelled at the idiot driver beside me.
"Watch out!" Edward yelled as I slammed on the brakes.
Road rage ran rampant in my vehicle, but I somehow managed to follow her without mowing down any pedestrians or sideswiping any dumbass motorists. I followed her to a deserted parking lot. I pulled off to the side of the road and turned off the ignition. "What is she up to?" I asked, frowning as I watched her.
She turned her car off and just sat there. I pulled out my binoculars and could see the back of her blond hair through them. I picked up my camera and took a few pictures. Moments later, a silver sedan entered the parking lot. I sat up and leaned against the steering wheel as I watched it slowly pull up next to her car. The door to the sedan opened and out stepped a man. I quickly clicked off a bunch more pictures. Tanya got out of her car and I cringed when they embraced.
"That slimy slutty slutbag whoreangatang," I said with all the disgust I could muster. "I knew she was sleeping with your dad."
"Bella, that's not my dad."
"What?" I barked almost dropping the camera as my eyes darted to Edward.
"That's not my dad."
Frowning, I raised the camera and stared intently through the lens as I watched her lip lock the stranger. "Oh my fucking god," I said slowly as realization sunk in. "That triple-timing skank is cheating on Jazz and your dad."
A/N: Hehehe. There's one more chapter left and I already have a big chunk of it written. Drop me a line and let me know you're still reading. ;) My goal with this story is to make you smile, and I love when you tell me that you've had a shitty day and I made you laugh. That makes my writing so worthwhile. ;)) I love all of you and I'll see you soon!