A/N: So I know that there's more women working at the NCIS building than just Abby, EJ, Jenny, and Ziva, but let's pretend they are the only ones who use this bathroom. I also know that Jenny an EJ's lives at NCIS don't overlap, but let's just pretend ;) Jenny/Ziva, Abby/Ziva, and kind of Tony/McGee friendships
"Tony, McGee!" Gibbs called out to his two male agents.
"Yes Boss" they simultaneously replied.
"The woman you two brought in earlier, Kayla Ambrose, came here with a flash drive that had all the evidence we needed to find Lieutenant O'Malley's murderer. You two let her go to the bathroom alone, and all of a sudden she doesn't have it" Gibbs complained.
"Boss, we're really sor-"
"Weakness, DiNozzo!" Gibbs yelled. "I don't want sorry, I want that flash drive. Find it!"
"How do you suppose we do that, boss?" McGee asked. You can tell Gibbs is in an awful mood when he gives you that look that says 'you're and idiot'.
"Well since, it's too large to flush I was thinking,I don't know, a trash can?"
"On it, Boss" the two said, practically falling over each other in an effort to begin their assignment and get away from the very angry man.
"I graduated MIT so I could sift through a women's room trash can because you let her go to the bathroom alone" McGee complained.
"Well, I wouldn't have been watching her alone if you weren't off gallivanting in forensics" Tony shot back.
"Wait, Probie, is this what I think it is?" Tony asked. He held up a tick with a pink plus sign on it.
"A positive pregnancy test? What's that doing here?" McGee asked.
"Well, McDumbass, I'm going to guess that since we found a positive pregnancy test in the women's bathroom, that means that someone is, oh, I don't know, pregnant?"
"I know what it mean, it just doesn't make sense. The only women who use this bathroom are Abby, EJ, Jenny, and Ziva, and that would mean that one of them is…. Oh! Now I see what you mean" McGee said. "But how do we figure out who it belongs to?" McGee asked.
"There's only one way. Well, there's actually two ways. The first one is to wait nine months and see who ends up with a baby, but my way is a lot quicker. Are you ready to launch our own top-secret investigation?"
"Ok, so remember what I said, just act natural and draw out as much information as you can without having her figure out that we're drawing out information' Tony instructed McGee.
"Got it" McGee replied.
"Hey, EJ" Tony called out as he passed Agent Barrett's desk.
"Hey Tony, hey McGee" she said to them.
"EJ, might I say that you are looking great lately. You are just, glowing" Tony said with a DiNozzo smile.
"Ahh, thanks Tony" she said with a smile. It was kind of a weird comment, but it was still a complement from one of NCIS's handsomest.
Tony gave McGee a light elbow to the ribs, showing him that he should now say something.
"Oh, and ugh, your boobs are huge!" McGee said to her. Tony gave McGee a look, which was a friendly mile covering a what the hell are you doing? face. Agent Barett gave McGee a look that said explain.
"Oh, uh, what I meant was, they're larger than usual!" when that comment didn't make the conversation normal, he again revised his statement. "No they're not, they're the same size as always. Not that I pay attention to what size they usually are. Well, o, not that I don't, it's not like you don't have anything worth paying attention to, it's just-"
"Down probie" tony whispered into McGee's ear.
"Well, nice talking to you, EJ" Tony said, pulling his friend away from the conversation.
"What was that? What happened to subtlety?" Tony asked.
"Ok, so who do we ask now?" McGee asked.
"Well, there's Ziva and Jenny" Tony replied.
"What about Abby?" McGee asked
"Well, you have to think with her being the forensics specialist and all, she probably would rely on a home test… unless she didn't want the blood analysis to show up on the records for her lab! Nice work McGee!" Tony said as he headed off to the lab. McGee wasn't really sure what he did for that 'good job', but he sure was glad to have the EJ conversation over.
"Hey Tony, hey McGee!" Abby said as they entered the lab. "What brings you down here?" Abby asked.
"Nothing much, just a quick question" Tony began. He and McGee had both agreed that after that last performance, Tony would do the taking. "My friend Greg is having a kid, and I'm supposed to get something for the baby shower. What can I get for them for like $50-$100?" he asked.
Abby shrugged. "I don't know, just go to a baby store and buy a bunch of cute little baby clothes and little baby diapers. I'd assume that you could get enough for a hundred dollars to look pretty generous" Abby suggested.
"Thanks, Abbs" Tony said. They left the lab. Once they were in the elevator, Tim pulled the emergency switch to stop the elevator.
"So?" He asked
"How can you tell?"
"Because," Tony began, "It's Abby. If she was having a kid, she would have spent the majority of her time online shopping for all things baby. When I gave her a price range, she would've come up with a million and one things I could get for 50 bucks"
"Ok, good point" McGee agreed. "Who now?"
Tony and McGee entered the director's office to see Ziva and Jenny in the middle of what seemed to be a pretty important conversation.
"Tony, Timothy, how nice of you to knock" Jenny said as she noticed them enter.
"Sorry Director, I didn't realize there was a… meeting… going on" Tony said suspiciously eyeing Ziva.
"No meeting, Tony. I had a question for her" Ziva said in her usual emotionless voice.
"What brings you two here?" Jenny asked.
"Well, I heard someone throwing up their breakfast in the ladies room down the hall this morning, and I just wanted to make sure everyone was feeling alright today. You know, just out of curiosity" Tony explained.
"I appreciate your concern, but I'm feeling fine" Jenny said.
"How about you, Ziva?" Tony asked, "How are you feeling lately?"
"I am feeling fine Tony" Ziva answered flatly. "Director" She said, nodding a goodbye.
"So, who do you think it is?" McGee asked Tony from back in the bullpen.
"I don't know. There' no one obvious" Tony said, frustrated.
"Obvious for what?" Ziva asked, pulling a Gibbs by sneaking up behind them.
"Ghh, ahh, nothing!" McGee said.
"You know, you two have been acting suspicious all day" Ziva said to them.
"I'll say" Agent Barrett agreed.
"You'll say what?" Abby asked as she entered the bullpen.
"Don't you believe that McGee and Tony have been acting strange today?" Ziva asked Abby.
Abby shrugged. "I guess a little bit. I mean, they came to my lab and didn't even give me a hug!"
"And you don't even want to know about the conversation I had with McGee earlier" EJ said.
"So, what's got your pansies in a bunch?" Ziva asked.
Tony decided it would be easier to tell them why they had been acting strange than to explain t Ziva why it was panties in a bunch, even though men don't wear panties.
"Ok, so earlier today, me and Probie found a positive pregnancy test in the women's bathroom" Tony admitted.
"why were you going through the trash can in the women's room?" EJ asked
"Gibbs assignment" Tim explained.
"So, does it, you know, belong to any of you?" Tony asked. The group fell quiet for an awkward moment before someone spoke up.
"It's mine." All heads turned to look at Abby. "I ran my blood to be sure though, false positive. End of story" Abby said simply.
"What was a false positive?" Gibbs asked as he entered. Then came the long speech as to what Tony and Tim had been up to all day, and why they hadn't actually ever found the flash drive.
"Hey, Abby" Ziva said as she entered Abby's lab.
"Hey Ziva" Abby said with a smile.
"about today…" Ziva began
"Thank you" Ziva said. Abby engulfed her in a hug.
"You can tell them when you're ready" Abby said, comfortingly.
A/N: So? How was it? Were you surprised? One shot? Pleas review and let me know!