I actually do not know how this came about.

1. Santiago is not to be named "Speedy Gonzalez" no matter how similar their accents are.

2. Calling the twins "The Fourteen Year Old Hormone Bombs" will encourage bomb-like reactions.

3. Alec is not to be taken to a strip club for "education".

4. Felix cannot announce to the world that the female guard are his groupies.

5. Chelsea cannot make Marcus madly in love with Caius for kicks. Athenodora will rip off valuble parts from anyone who comes on to her husband.

6. It isn't okay for Afton to wear Chelsea's high heels out of "curiosity".

7. Felix cannot adopt a werewolf as a pet and hide it in his room. Felix must also send an apology note to the Cullens for kidnapping Seth.

8. After Seth is sent back to La Push, Felix cannot "rebound" by locking Alec in a cage and feeding him dog biscuits.

9. Jane is not allowed to kidnap Renesmee Cullen for ransom.

10. Corin and Heidi cannot race the Volturi's jet planes around Europe.

11. Santiago/Felix/Demetri/Afton cannot download porn and blame it on Alec.

12. Chelsea cannot "hang Afton up like a christmas decoration" for downloading porn and blaming it on Alec.

13. The twins cannot Fed Ex any member of the guard to Forks in exchange for Alice/Edward/Bella.

14. Demetri cannot make fun of anyone for crying at Marley and Me. He cried too. Admit it.

15. Alec cannot eat a hamburger to "see what happens".

16. Heidi cannot dye Renata's hair blue, though the colour may suit her.

17. Anyone who dares call Caius and Marcus "Aro's Bitches" had better be flame proof.

18. No one is to send Jane and/or Alec up to Chelsea and Afton's room during their "alone" time just to video their reactions for the internet.

19. Felix cannot paint "Pimpmobile" on the side of the Volturi's private stretch limo.

20. No matter how fun it may be, the guard cannot go to Romania to rave and vandalise.

21. Or Forks.

22. Jane cannot get Alec to knock out Aro so she can put makeup on him, then let him walk around like a drag queen all day. It isn't funny.

23. Santiago cannot give each guard member a nickname and sew it to their cloaks without telling them.

24. Re-enacting Sweeney Todd's bakery methods will never end well.

25. Afton cannot force Alec and Santiago to make a dance video with him. It won't end well.

26. Demetri cannot track the bugs in the castle. It doesn't do his mind any good.

27. Felix cannot run around with bug repellent to make Demetri scream.

28. Alec cannot go skateboarding around the Volterra roofs

29. Felix cannot give the Twins The Talk. Not only will it get him hurt, they already know everything (see points 4 and 18).

30. Santiago cannot "drop in" on the Cullens for a friendly visit whenever he's bored. He scares them to death.

31. Heidi can't put Alec up for adoption no matter what he did in her room.

32. Jane cannot be "traded" for Seth.

33. Nor can she be exchanged for Alice.

34. "Dress like prostitutes" is not a national holiday. Nor can it be made into a national holiday.

35. Renata cannot advertise Corin as a stripper, despite what Corin will do for a cookie.

"There!" Said Aro, a ring gleeful finalty in his voice.

"Do you really think this will curb their behavior?" Marcus droned.

Caius snorted. Aro scowled at their lack of enthusiasm. He was about to pin the list up in the great hall, when voices reached his ears.

"Guys, GUYS!" Alec yelled. "Today is Hug a Vegetarian day!"

"Everyone to the jet! We're off to Cullen Country!" Heidi squealed.

"Yay! Esme promised me some rock cakes the last time I was there," Santiago said happily.

The three leaders stood there, eyes wide.

Caius sighed. "Give me that list," he grumbled.

"What are you writing?"

Caius spoke aloud as he scribbled. "When Santiago gets sick from eating Esme's rock cakes he is not allowed inside the house."